In Too Deep (Heart Lines)

by Larissa de Silva

  “I know,” I gestured so she would get out before I did. I followed her outside of the elevator, down the hallway. As I caught up to her, I looked her up and down. “Maybe it’s okay, if he’s breaking the rules, maybe we can break the rules to.”

  She laughed. “I don’t know if that is true. To be honest with you, Noah, I would rather not do anything before we speak to the lawyers and know what we are actually supposed to be doing.”

  She was, of course, being sensible. That was one of the things about her. She was always sensible.

  “I know. I know,” I said. “I just… I would just really like to speak to him myself. It seems like they’re not being fair.”

  “I think you’re right. I don’t think you’re being fair.”

  This time, we went right towards the conference room, where the lawyers were waiting for us.

  They greeted us, and we sat around a round wooden table with a large glass chairs flanking it.

  The room was very outdated, except for the furniture. It was clearly there in order to make the room feel more modern than it was, without actually doing an update.

  We got right to it after we had talked about the weather and all the other pleasantries.

  “So,” Smith said as he looked at both of us. “You called this meeting. You said it was urge will you nt. What is it about?”

  Terry repeated what had happened to them and they only asked a couple of questions. I noticed that the lawyers kept glancing at each other, but they never really said anything to us until Terry was completely done.

  “We were thinking about getting in touch,” I said. “I know it might not be the wisest idea, but I really want to know what the kid actually wants to do.”

  “The kid doesn’t want this,” Terry said matter-of-factly. “He wouldn’t have called me if he did want this.”

  “We know that,” Nyback said. “But it’s very likely not his choice. The child isn’t over eighteen and his parents are in child of his well-being. They get to decide.”

  “That’s not fair,” Terry said. “The kid doesn’t want it. He should get a say.”

  “That’s not how the law works,” Smith said. “The kid is under the custody of his parents and his parents get to decide. The only way this wouldn’t be the case is if he was emancipated or if his parents had lost custody of him in a different way.”

  “Right,” I said.

  “But they haven’t,” Nyback said. “They haven’t, which means they are still in charge, and he doesn’t get a say. Just like neither one of you gets a say.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  2019

  TERRY

  We walked across the street to a small bar that I had never heard of. I didn’t want to drink much because I had to go home and sleep, I was busy the next day, but I was annoyed and worried, and our meeting with the lawyers had left a bad taste in my mouth.

  Everything about it had felt strange and… I didn’t know how to put my finger on it. It was off.

  Something was wrong about it.

  But it wasn’t as if I could tell the lawyers how to do their job. They couldn’t tell me how to do my job, they didn’t have the expertise, and I understood that it went both ways.

  Even then, I couldn’t help but feel like something was off about it. As we discussed cocktail choices, sitting in a comfy booth near the bar, I thought about what this lawsuit meant for the kid. It was such a huge inconvenience for me, but I couldn’t even think about how difficult it must be for the boy who was involved in all this.

  The boy we had saved.

  I ordered a fruity drink with a fun name as I watched Noah order a Jack and coke. “Just one,” he said, flashing me a sweet but momentary smile. “If my coach knew I was here, he would probably ream me a new one.”

  “Are you not supposed to drink?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “No,” he said. “Not really. I should really only be drinking water, but this thing as been weighing heavily on my shoulders.”

  “So you haven’t been able to abstain?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, yes, I have been able to,” he replied. “I just haven’t wanted to.”

  “Because of the law suit.”

  “Yes,” he replied, tapping his fingers on the bar. “I mean, normally, I’m under a lot of pressure anyway. But it’s been particularly difficult lately, because with the lawsuit, everything feels a lot harder.”

  “I know what you mean,” I replied. “Residency is intense at the best of times, and now with this… I feel like I have no time to do anything. No time to myself, no time for anything at all.”

  “Right,” he said. “And I assume you weren’t getting much time to yourself before the lawsuit.”

  “You’re right. I wasn’t. Now it just feels like it’s even harder.”

  He tapped his fingers on the bar again. The bartender brought us our drinks, and I smiled at him as he took a sip of his. “This is really strange to me. But the lawyers are right and I don’t think we can’t solve it.”

  “I think you might be right. Still, this is very frustrating.”

  He nodded. I took a sip of my drink, looking right at him. His face was magnetic. If it was up to me, I could’ve just looked at him all day. But it wasn’t just up to me. And he wasn’t anything but a pretty face. Something pleasant to see, but too complicated to actually get into.

  I thought about it. I thought about what having a relationship with him would be like and it didn’t seem worth the time and the effort. Regardless of how much I liked him, I knew that nothing could ever happen between us.

  He looked me up and down, inching toward me as if he had read my mind. “Terry?”

  “Yes?”

  “Will you go out on a date with me?”

  I blinked, unsure of what to say.

  “It doesn’t have to be something super formal. I just, I don’t know. I really like you. I like being around you. Normally, I wouldn’t even ask. But I don’t know,” he said. “It feels like not asking you out would be a wasted opportunity.”

  “What makes you so sure I’m going to say yes?”

  “I’m not sure you’re going to say yes. I don’t know what you’re going to say. I hope you say yes, but I don’t know if you will.”

  “I like you, Noah” I said, looking him up and down. I meant it sincerely. I really did like him, I liked him a lot. Probably more than I should have. “We already agreed that this is too complicated.”

  “I know. That’s why it was such a stab in the dark. Still, I wanted you to know. I wanted you to understand that my interest is completely real, and I wanted to put it out there and let you know about it.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  He raised his eyebrows.

  I shook my head, laughing. “Not on the date. I mean, I would love to go on a date with you, but like I said, it’s just too difficult right now. Let’s wait until this whole thing is over, and then we can decide.”

  “You think you can wait that long to give me a shot?” He asked, his eyes wide. He sounded like he was being sincere.

  “If, by the time this lawsuit is over, we are still friends, and you’re still single, and so am I, then I’ll consider a date,” I said after taking a second to think about it. “How does that sound?”

  He laughed, shaking his head, holding his drink up. “I can stay single for you,” he said. “The real question, Terry, is whether you’re going to stay single for me.”

  I laughed, my cheeks red. “Well, there are tons of other interested men, so…”

  “I know you’re joking,” he said, his expression sobering. “But I truly believe that to be the case. So, I’ll ask you again in a month or so.”

  “Do you think that’s when the lawsuit thing will be over?”

  He waved me off. “I hope so,” he said. “We can only hope that the kid can talk some sense into his parents.”

  I sighed, turning to look at the bar, and the basketball playing on the giant screens behind the
bartender’s head. “Yeah,” I said. “But they don’t seem like the sensible type.”

  “You’re right,” he said. “They don’t.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  2019

  NOAH

  I dropped Terry off in front of her apartment.

  I looked at her as she put her long brown hair up in a ponytail and looked at her reflection on the rearview mirror. I brought the visor down for her and she sighed before she looked at me.

  “I don’t know why I care so much about my ponytail being perfect,” she said. “I think it’s a habit from work. I mean, I’m going to get up to my apartment and then immediately go to bed.”

  “Do you have food?”

  Her expression softened a little. “Yes,” she said. “I do have food. I have some leftovers from lunch and I normally meal plan for the week.”

  “So do I,” I said. “My coach makes me.”

  She laughed. “What do you normally eat?”

  “So much chicken,” I said, sticking my tongue out. “And broccoli. It’s mostly just chicken and broccoli. And like a million eggs for breakfast.”

  “A million eggs?”

  “I’m exaggerating, but barely,” I replied. “I eat a lot of eggs.”

  “Do you like eggs?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t really think of food as something I like. Just as fuel, you know?”

  “Right,” she said. “So you don’t actually eat food because you want it?”

  “No,” I replied, shaking my head and smiling. “I mean, I do like food, I guess I just rarely get to eat food that I like.”

  “What food do you like?” she asked, leaning back on the chair as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

  “I don’t know. All iterations of junk. The saltier and greasier the better,” I said. “But then, I rarely get to have junk food, honestly. It’s usually more like, I want a burger and fries, but I feel so guilty.”

  “I feel guilty too,” she said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still do it, but I feel guilty.”

  “Well, I don’t get to do it,” I said. “Maybe after the season is over. We usually go all out with a meal then, not just a bunch of super clean calories all the time.”

  “Make sense,” she said, looking me up and down. “Do you cook for yourself?”

  “Yes,” I said. “On Sundays. It’s a whole thing, usually the whole team and I do it together.”

  “Oh, I’d like to see that,” she said quietly.

  I laughed. “Oh, no, you have no idea what you just got yourself into,” I said. “When is your next Sunday off?”

  “You’re not inviting me,” she replied, eyeing me. “Are you?”

  “Of course I’m inviting you, what else would I be doing? You are going to leave my apartment with so much chicken and broccoli. You’ll end up hating it.”

  “Sounds great. I love it right now,” she said. “Can’t wait to hate it.”

  We stayed in silence in my car for a bit before she sighed, turning to look at me. “Do you think this lawsuit will go away?”

  I raised my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

  “Like… before it’s resolved,” she said. “Like the kid will come forward and it will just go away.”

  “He can’t do that,” I replied, then sighed.

  She dropped her shoulders. “If that’s the case, maybe we should just settle,” she said. “This can’t be good for him. In fact, it must be terrible.”

  “It must be,” I said. “But I thought you said you didn’t have the money.”

  She looked at me, her eyes wide. “I don’t,” she said. “But maybe I can ask my parents. I just want to do what’s best for the kid.”

  “You did that once already.”

  She nodded, then smiled. “Kind of,” she said. “I know this is remarkably unfair, but I don’t really care, as long as the kid is okay.”

  I looked her up and down, my heart flipping in my chest. I knew that was what she was like, but seeing her like this, wearing her convictions on her sleeve… It was both incredible and super sexy.

  I licked my lips, trying to tell myself that this wasn’t the time, nor the place, to be lusting over her. She was a friend, nothing but a friend, and she had made it clear that was what she wanted to continue being.

  But when she looked at me, I felt like my heart was melting. It wasn’t about lust. It was about being able to touch her, hold her, feel her lips on mine.

  I didn’t know if she kissed me or if I kissed her first. All I knew was that soon, her lips were on mine, and I could smell the scent of her perfume, the scent of her hair. She was kissing me, softly at first, her hand on my cheek.

  She kissed me harder, pressing her body against mine, pushing my head away until it was pressed against the headrest.

  She moved away from me, her eyes wide. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  I shook my head. “I’m glad you did.”

  She swallowed. “I told you I don’t do casual,” she said, her voice trembling.

  “That’s okay,” I said. “I don’t know if I want casual.”

  She smiled at me again, and this time, she wasn’t shy when she kissed me. There was nothing unmistakable about the fact that she was pressing her body against mine, and when I wrapped my arm around her waist, noticing how contorted she was because she had to practically be on top of me in my car, which had to be uncomfortable.

  I only had one second to think about it, because she moved so that she was on top of me, and she was practically straddling me as she continued kissing me.

  I took a breath, moving my face slightly away from her. “Terry.”

  She looked at me, her eyes wide, her hands in my shoulders. “Yes?”

  “I only want you to do this if you’re sure.”

  “What makes you think I’m not sure?”

  I scoffed, shaking my head. I stroked her cheek before I kissed her softly on the lips again. “I want this. I want you. But you said you don’t do casual and you won’t even say yes to a date. I don’t want you to do something you regret.”

  “Why do you to be such a gentleman?” She asked, slowly getting off of me.

  She was flexible enough to get back in the passenger seat without much ceremony, and then she looked at me and flashed me a small smile.

  “I’m only a gentleman because I like you,” I said. “I mean, you’re super hot, so if that was all that I wanted—”

  She laughed, shaking her head. “Okay,” she said. She licked her lips before she looked up at me. “Can I go back on what I said?”

  I furrowed my brow, my gaze darting between her lips and her eyes. I really wanted to kiss her again. I wasn’t going to, but I really wanted to. “What you said when?”

  “When I said I wouldn’t go on a date with you.”

  “So you will?”

  “I’ll think about it,” she said. “And I’ll let you know. How does that sound?”

  I laughed, my heart fluttering when she spoke, her voice the most beautiful sound I had ever heard in my entire life.

  “Sounds wonderful,” I replied. “Like the best news I’ve heard in a while.”

  She leaned over, kissing me softly on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

  I put my hand on my cheek. “Yes,” I said. I touched my cheek, where she had kissed me, and I could see how warm my own skin was. “That sounds good.”

  She giggled, and I wanted to tell her to wait, I wanted to tell her that I was going to walk with her upstairs, but I didn’t. I watched her as she got out of the car, and then disappeared into her building, causing my heart to flip in my chest as I thought about our date.

  Which would probably never take place.

  But I really, really hoped that it would.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  2019

  TERRY

  I was feeling smitten with him.

  I was trying to tell myself that I wasn’t, but I
didn’t want to be naïve. I really liked him. I had almost been unable to control myself around him, kissing him, as if I didn’t know it was a bad idea.

  But he had respected my wishes.

  Even though I could feel how much I wanted him, and more than that, I could feel how much he wanted me.

  And he wanted me so much. I could tell how much he wanted me, from the way he looked at me, from the way he kissed me, from the way his body felt under my own. I had wanted to keep kissing him.

  But I didn’t, because he pulled me away, and because he was right. He knew my terms and I had, in effect, rejected him.

  I couldn’t help myself. I probably shouldn’t have. I should have welcomed him with open arms. In fact, I should have probably been okay with casual relationships. All of my friends were, so it made no sense for me not to be.

  I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. I had more important things to worry about, including my residency. And definitely the fucking lawsuit because it was the only thing that should have been pulling my attention away from it.

  I had purposefully stopped getting in touch with Noah, though Noah had texted me several times just to touch base, to ask me how I was doing, to say good morning or good night. I hadn’t exactly ghosted him, but I hadn’t engaged in any long conversations with him. I was trying to keep myself away from him.

  But it was time to meet with the lawyers again and I was going to have to see him whether I wanted to or not.

  I arrived at the lawyer’s office earlier than I had to. When I got out of the car, my eyes widened as my gaze settled on something I could hardly believe.

  There was Noah, across the street from where I was, and I could see the female lawyer talking to him, flirting with him. I told myself not to be jealous, but I couldn’t help it. She was looking up at him, her eyes wide, and she was giggling. She took a step toward him and I noticed that she picked one foot up off the ground as she did so. She touched him lightly on the chest before she giggled and moved away from him.

  I felt white hot rage building up in my stomach, all the way to the top of my head, when I saw her. I didn’t want to be angry, but I couldn’t help myself.