All About Me

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  I get back to the changing room and shower quickly. Five minutes later, I throw some clothes on and sneak into the girls’ changing room. There is a possibility that I could get caught and suspended from another rugby match, but there is only one staff member in the building and there is a slim chance that he is going to pop in upstairs to check on the empty gym. Dora is going to be pissed, really pissed, but at this point, I don’t think I give a fuck. My poor friend is crying his eyes out at home and she acts like she’s over him.

  My body is tense as I sneak inside. No one is around. Any other bloke would love to be in the same situation as me right now, walking into room full of naked girls. As far as I’m concerned, there is no one else in this room apart from Dora and some other girl whose face I couldn’t see. My hair is a mess and I glance around, trying to push thoughts about India away. Dora belongs to Jacob, so this whole changing room business has to stay between us. If that’s ever going to be possible with a girl like Dora. After thinking around in a circle, I realise that Dora has probably changed her mind or she is already in the gym, or maybe in the sauna. I scratch my head like a moron trying to figure out what to do.

  Instead of turning around and going back to where the fuck I came from, I clench my fists and walk towards the sauna. I just need to be sure that I didn’t miss the opportunity to talk to Dora about Jacob. She is going to be less confident alone. She has a sharp tongue, but I know that deep down she is insecure and wary about her appearance.

  Sweat gathers on my forehead and I blink a few times, looking straight at the door. Fuck, I’m chickening out. This is completely out of my comfort zone. Dora could be naked in there; she might freak out and start screaming. It’s a good thing that no one is around to hear her all the way downstairs.

  Don’t be a fucking moron. Just get on with it.

  For the first time in my life, I listen to my reasonable side and walk through that door. The gym sauna isn’t particularly small, but as soon as I walk in through that fucking glass door I know that I made a mistake, because half-naked Dora is not lying on the top step; instead, it’s half-naked India.

  My whole body freezes from head to toe and my brain stops functioning. If anyone else could see me here right now, I would be taken for some psychopath, a stalker who can’t get enough. Rosy cheeks, perfect pink breasts and those hips, my sweet India is lying on the first step spread out on her back, like she’s inviting me over to her.

  Oh, sweet Jesus.

  This is way too much for me to take right now. This whole thing is like a dream, the best I ever had. Her chest rises and falls with rhythmic movements and her breasts are extraordinary. Firm, not too large and not too small. My dick goes hard in an instant and I have no idea what to do. Sweat surges through my face and I wet my lips, imagining what I could do to her. Her hair is stuck to her face and even in the steam she is glowing. My head screams to get the fuck out of here, but my body fucks my reasonable side over.

  She sighs, blinking rapidly, and then opens her eyes without leaving me enough time to get the hell out of here. Her beautiful breasts are in front of me and I remember when I cherished them by licking her, while she was going wild.

  “What the fuck?” she asks, sitting up and covering herself with her hands. My face drops and my world starts to spin and I don’t know if this is from the steam or because I’ve just been caught.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Temptations.

  Present

  “Listen, I’m here for Dora, this isn’t what you think,” I say quickly.

  “Dora? You want Dora?”

  “No!” I reply quickly, mildly aware that my cock is hard like a rock and she can see it. “Not like that, I saw her with some girl and I thought that I could talk to her about Jacob. I didn’t know that she was with you.”

  She doesn’t respond, only continues staring at me as sweat drips over her half-naked body. The steam breaks us apart, but out of nowhere I take a step forward. She moves down so we are facing each other. Out of nowhere, just like that, we are so close that my skin prickles towards her.

  “Come on! What are you waiting for? Keep staring. That’s why you’re here, so you can spy on me.”

  Then she puts her hands on her hips, exposing her perfect chest. My mouth waters and the heat immediately rushes to my boxers. I want to show her that she is wrong, that I didn’t come here to spy on her. So I keep my eyes fixed on hers, even as the sight of her pumps my blood with fresh desire. Long and blissful moments pass and I’m focused on her eyes entirely, not daring to move them down to her naked body. Her expression is wary, but underneath the layers of anger and pain, I see lust creep over her face, shocking my dick with waves of heat.

  I want to touch her, feel her against my body. I don’t give a fuck that she sees me as her enemy, a man who only inflicts pain. She has no way of stopping me from being aware and it’s my last chance to make this right. Without warning, I grab her face with my hands and press my mouth over hers. I can’t control myself anymore… I intensify my kisses because I’m starved for her. I caress her tongue with mine, pressing her arse cheeks to my bulge. What happens next drives me absolutely insane. My lips bite hers gently and she makes that sexy moan while moving her fingers through my hair. Joy spreads through my body because I know that she is enjoying what I’m doing to her.

  She can’t deny that our bodies are made for each other. The tension is long forgotten, moving away as the air around us crackles with electricity. I touch her breasts, pressing my lips over them and wanting to take her purity right here and now. My dick throbs in my pants and the world around me starts spinning. I growl with pleasure, moving my mouth over to her neck.

  “Oh, India, I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper, kissing the edge of her shoulders and then licking her hardened nipple.

  Then, as if with the wave of a magic wand, she breaks away from me, breathing hard and cowering from me.

  “We are not doing this. You had your chance! It’s over between us. You can’t just barge in here like that with your chauvinist ego, when I’m trying to get a moment away from you,” she snaps, covering her breasts with her hands.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. You’re so beau—”

  “Just shut up.” She scowls, and then she disappears from the sauna. I stand there barely aware of what I’ve just done. Every inch of my skin craves more, but yet again I’ve lost control. My emotions shot ahead of me. I press my back against the hot wood, feeling dizzy, and my breathing is irregular. India hasn’t forgotten about me completely, but she was strong enough to break the spell. She was right: I had no right to claim her like that.

  When I finally get my breath back, I realise that I’m a mess. I run my hand through my damp hair, feeling the pressure in my chest. There is no relief. Being close to her seems like it never took place, like it never happened.

  I take a deep, noisy breath and get the hell out of the sauna. The changing room swirls all around me. Minutes pass and when I get back to my own locker I curse under my breath, punching the wall. I have no idea what got into me, but she kissed me back. She pretends that she doesn’t love me, but we just shared the most incredible moment since the clash in the restaurant. She can’t deny that she doesn’t feel anything anymore.

  Fuck, my head is screwed. I try to convince myself that India is going to forget that I’m being an asshole. Whatever I do, nothing seems right. I put my T-shirt back on and wonder if I can find her. On my way to the house, I realise that I have no right to chase after her. She is with Evans.

  When I get home, Jacob and I get into another fight. That evening he gets drunk, then brings home two good-looking birds. I throw them out, so he goes mental and we get into an argument. Eventually he falls asleep on the sofa in the living room. During the night, thoughts are mounting in my head. I haven’t done anything since I recorded that video. She doesn’t love Evans, but she won’t forgive me until I talk to my own mother. Fuck me, her terms are harsh, but maybe it’
s time to think about this. My last trip to Gargle wasn’t very successful and the conversation with my mother only complicated everything. It’s time to make a decision; it’s time to start fighting harder.

  ***

  “So what’s the deal with you and that chick Gretel? I thought that you had given up on her a while ago?” asks Malcolm, as I meet the whole team for lunch on Wednesday.

  On Monday, I realised that I’m moving nowhere. Evans doesn’t give me any chance to talk to her again. I could be really fucking ignorant and ask her in front of him about what happened between us on Sunday, but I know that I’ll ruin everything if I do that. I just have to be patient and wait until fate brings us together again.

  “Do I look like someone who has given up?” I ask him, pinching my eyebrows together. I hate when my teammates assume that India and I are just history.

  “Well, she hasn’t forgiven you and she’s still going out with Russell,” he points out.

  “Whatever, man. I know that she’s going to be mine again, even if I have to move heaven and earth. Fuck, I’m not giving up.”

  “Mate, you have tried everything. She’s pissed and won’t change her mind. You should have taken the money.”

  Malcolm might be right. I should have just accepted the cash, then it would have been a done deal, but I would have never forgiven myself. India has been humiliated enough. Right now I have to turn this game around.

  I shove some food into my mouth, watching as she feeds Evans, laughing on the other side of the canteen. Clearly she likes to wind me up, because I don’t think I can keep watching this.

  “I’m off, see you guys at practice,” I say, getting up.

  They shout something after me, but I don’t pay any more attention to what’s going on around me. This whole situation with India pushes my patience to the edge.

  I go home and then jump into my brother’s car and take it to the nearest garage. After a long and painful negotiation, my mate that I’ve known for a while agrees to give me a good amount of cash for the car. The paperwork is straightforward, so later in the afternoon I get home with a new car, one that India has no knowledge of. The past has been cut off and I will not bring back memories of Christian.

  After that, I show up at practice and do my bit. There are a few important matches ahead of us, but my head isn’t in the right place. I decide to keep away from India for the time being, to stop the apologies and the games. She doesn’t want me because I blew what we had.

  The rest of the week moves at a snail’s pace. I get up in the morning, shower and get my arse to Uni, then practice and then straight home. This goes on for another week. Jacob is getting worse; on Sunday, I can’t stand him being drunk anymore. I take the car and park outside India’s apartment block.

  I’m not sitting outside Dora’s apartment just to talk to her. I’m here to hammer hard in her scull that she is an idiot and she needs to get together with Jacob. Her fucked-up reason isn’t good enough. It’s a long morning. India or Evans won’t recognise my car, so I’m not stressing. I need to get my mate’s life back on track.

  The first hour passes, then the second one, and finally when I’m ready to bail, Dora leaves the building alone. There is only one way to speak to Dora. She is a hard arse and she won’t take my shit, so I have to be quick. When she vanishes around the corner I get out of the car and run after her.

  “Hey, Dora, hey, wait!” I shout as I reach her. She stops and gives me her cold, superior look. This has to go as I planned.

  “Well, well, well, who do we have here? Oliver Morgan,” she says, laughing and staring at me like she is ready to stab me. This only makes me angrier, so instead of going soft and smooth I push her towards the wall, so both my hands are on either side of her head.

  “What the fuck do—”

  “Dora, shut the fuck up for a second and listen to me.” I cut her off, moving my face closer. Her pupils dilate and for a brief moment I see fear in her eyes. All right, maybe this is a good thing, because Dora is never scared of anyone or anything. At least she gives that impression. “I’m fucked off with your behaviour, Dora. India loves me and I love her, and there is nothing you can do about that. I’ll get her back even if I have to wait years. This doesn’t mean that you can give the man you love some fucked-up ultimatum.”

  I take a breath and expect her to bark back, but she just keeps staring without a word. I’m so pumped that I can’t stop talking right now.

  “Jacob is the one for you and you broke up with him because you want him to stop being friends with me?” I ask, but I won’t let her respond because I’m fuming right now. “Are you out of your mind? What is going on between India and me has nothing to do with you and Jacob. He is fucking in love with you, so stop playing your ice queen games and just accept that he is a decent guy!”

  Okay, maybe I sort of went a little ahead of myself, because now I spot tears in Dora’s eyes. Fuck, I pushed this conversation too far. I take a step back, watching her.

  “Does he still love me?” she asks, now crying. When I thought that I would go hard on her, I didn’t think I’d mess her up so much.

  I run my hand through my hair, pacing up and down. “Fuck, he does. He has been getting drunk every night, puking because you dumped him.”

  “India wants to forgive you. I know that—”

  “We aren’t talking about India right now, Dora,” I cut her off again. “Stay away from my life and take care of yours. I’m not going to repeat myself again and, remember, this conversation never took place.”

  Then I’m gone, leaving her by this tall building completely startled and shocked. My heart pounds like crazy when I get back to the car. Maybe I made another big mistake and this was just the part where I had to stay away from Jacob’s life. I get the hell out of India’s apartment block and get back home. At this point, I make another decision. It’s easy. This time around, I have to get my ruined life back on track and fix it. If India wants to forgive me, then I have to help her. Nothing I have done was physical, but emotionally I crushed her like a little fly and ripped her flesh inside out. Deep down, I made her feel worse than my brother did.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Like mother, like son.

  Present

  I have some breakfast and see Jacob on the stairs. He looks hideous, with dark circles under his eyes and drunken breath. He doesn’t acknowledge me at all. Last night I threw his girls out, so at the moment he isn’t very happy with me.

  Upstairs, I pack a few things and make an important decision to get everything sorted with my mother. This is not going to be easy, but I have a week before my first exam. It’s revision time and I might as well give India a break and study at home. Once I’m back, then I can start sorting things with her, but I have no clue how my mother is going to take this. It’s a fight I have to win.

  I think about my past as if it were someone else’s life. At home and at school I felt like a stranger. People didn’t respect me. Memories about the past pull me down to that hollowness. I worked hard to distance myself from those depressing years when I used to live in Gargle. It was clear right from the beginning that my mother couldn’t deal with her marriage. I took shit during high school from my brother’s mates. India was my redemption, but then she turned her back on me after my brother died.

  During my drive, I go over what I’m going to say to my mother. Once I get back to Gargle, it’s just after nine. The roads are empty at early hours in the morning, so I take advantage of my fast car. Mother hid the truth about India from me. What pisses me off the most is the fact that she never even considered telling me. She should have tried to tell me, because at the end of the day Christian never, ever deserved India. I hate my mother for that, but I have to try to forgive her if I want India back in my life.

  As I get close to Gargle, anxiety kicks in. I know that I’m going have to stay for about a week. Mother doesn’t even know that I’m coming home, so she will have a hell of a surprise. I stop by the petrol s
tation to grab some food a few miles from home. All of a sudden my life feels like it’s crumbling under my feet. When my brother was alive, we all played one big happy family. I detested those awkward moments at the dinner table. As I park the car in the driveway, I don’t know how this morning is going to turn out.

  There is a brand-new Mercedes parked in the driveway and I know that my mother doesn’t own it. She has a smart car. Inside, by the door, I spot a pair of men’s shoes. I scratch my hair and have a feeling in my gut that I might be showing up here at a really awkward moment. There isn’t any other explanation. I recognise my mother’s laugh in the kitchen, so I head there just to be nosy. There is a man sitting at our breakfast table. He is tall and much older than her. I try not to show that it bothers me that my mother never told me that she started seeing someone.

  “Oliver!” says my mother, getting up abruptly from the chair, going a little pale with my surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  “What does it look like?” I reply with a shrug.

  My mother looks at me for a long moment, probably asking herself what to do. Her date has dark hair and he needs a shave. I give him a cold nod of acknowledgement, but he looks confused; obviously, he has no idea who I am.

  “Robert, this is my son, Oliver.” She introduces us.

  “Nice to meet you,” Robert says, obviously sensing how fucking awkward this whole thing really is.

  “Not likely. I came to let you know that I’ll be here until next week, studying for exams,” I say and walk out of the kitchen, not expecting her to say anymore. It looks like she has been having a good time since I moved out. Fine, she can do what she wants, but it’s not like this guy is going to be in my life. I don’t need another useless father.