All About Me

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  Fuck, why does she need to keep asking me this? I want to roar that I’m not, that I don’t want that fucker even touching her, but this won’t get me anywhere. We tried being in a relationship and I failed. Now I want her to understand that it’s her decision. If she chose to leave Evans for me then, yeah, I would be in fucking heaven; otherwise I can go with the friendship.

  “India, I’m happy with whatever you want,” I sigh.

  “He didn’t want to talk to me earlier on.”

  “Yeah, I get it. He is probably still pissed off with what happened.”

  “He is a nice guy.”

  I don’t say anything to that. India switches off the light and goes to sleep. I sit on my bed, clenching my fists. I bloody know that Evans is decent, but that doesn’t make me feel any fucking better. Maybe she is surprised that I didn’t go ahead and kiss her earlier on. Either way, I have a boner. I know that I won’t sleep anymore tonight. We both keep tossing and turning and eventually get back to sleep just after six in the morning.

  The next day, after a very delicious breakfast, we are leaving Palermo behind and driving towards Tempio Di Sagesta. India is sitting next to me, but she has barely spoken to me all morning. Things are a little tense between us and I think it’s something to do with the phone call India took this morning. I heard her briefly arguing with Evans. He doesn’t like that India is with me in Italy, and I don’t blame him.

  I don’t start any conversation, knowing that I can’t get involved in her relationship. She falls asleep after an hour and I lay my head back, thinking about what happened between us last night. I think she was ready to push away whatever barriers we had between us and give herself to me, but I walked away, confusing her.

  I close my eyes and fall asleep. My T-shirt is stuck to my back when I wake up. The bus doesn’t have any air-conditioning and it’s bloody hot. India is staring at me this time and I stretch my arms above me, watching as we approach the steep road that probably takes us to the temple of Segesta. Her eyes are not giving anything away and I start to wonder if she wants to tell me that my apology doesn’t mean anything to her. As usual, I can’t read anything from her mysterious expression.

  “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask, feeling butterflies in my stomach. This is getting a little out of hand because when she stares at me like that, I get all turned on. This has been happening since we arrived in Italy.

  “Did you really mean what you said up on that mountain?” she asks, giving me that serious look of hers. People are starting to get out of the bus. We are both still sitting down, staring at each other and not paying the slightest attention to what is going on around us.

  “What? That I was an arsehole and that I couldn’t control my emotions?” I ask.

  She laughs. “No, that you would stand by me even if I chose someone else over you?”

  “Yes. Your happiness is important to me.”

  Her sullen face brightens up, turning my insides out. Then she kisses my cheek and gets up before I can do anything at all. My mind is slowly turning into mush, but I drag myself off the seat and step outside. India is standing by the girls and I wonder what kind of game she is playing with me. Is she ready to forgive me or do I have to keep apologising?

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Old school way.

  Present

  Outside, the temperature is soaring and it’s only after eleven o’clock. When I look around, it looks like we are in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hills and dry green bushes. There are a few buses parked by ours, and people are already climbing the hills that stretch in front of us. I read a few facts about this place.

  “Okay, guys, this is Pierro and he is going to be our guide for today,” Michael says, introducing the stocky young Italian who looks bored, but gives us a tight smile. Then he starts talking about our plans for today. I believe that tomorrow we don’t have anything to do. Some people are taking a bus to Corleone, where they filmed the famous Godfather. I’m not that interested. I want to spend some time with India before we have to get back to our own sad world.

  The guide starts telling us about the history of Segesta. He informs us that there is a long walk to the top of the ruins. There is a bus that can take us there. India and I choose to walk. This place feels magical and after being stuck in the bus for some time, I refuse to be driven anywhere because it’s more fun walking to the ruin.

  “Come on, let’s move. On the way we can take some good photos,” I say to India. Apart from the temple, this place is surrounded by a desert and I’m not used to the heat. The walk up the hill is steep and soon it fucking hits me that I’m not as fit as I should be. We stop a few times to admire the view and see that the temple is a distance away, overlooking a hidden green valley. After a very long and exhausting walk, we finally reach the beautiful old monument. From the information on the leaflet, the temple is from the fifth century and it’s unfinished, but it’s surrounded by stunning views of green hills and the deep blue sea in the distance. We walk around for a few minutes, taking lots of photos and admiring the large construction, filled with interesting facts from ancient times. This is a perfect setting to execute my very risky idea. I have plenty of time. The bus doesn’t leave until mid-afternoon.

  “Come on, let’s go! I want to show you something else,” I whisper to India and grab her hand. She takes one more picture and we start walking away from the ruins. There is one more place that I want to see, but it can wait. Right now I need to be away from other people. We sneak out towards the wild, moving through the dry hills towards the grass and bushes.

  “Where are we going, Oliver? Don’t you think we should keep close to the path?”

  “Chill, it’s all good. We just need a bit of privacy.”

  She complains, but I won’t listen as we carry on walking for another ten minutes. I have a small backpack with me and lots of food that I managed to sneak out from breakfast today. Soon the view changes and we’re surrounded by green grass with flowers and bees, as well as the staggering view with the temple in the background. I find level ground and when I drag India down, she relaxes a bit more.

  “We will have a picnic here,” I state, showing her all the food that I brought with me. Her eyes start to glow with excitement and her smile is precious. The grass is comfortable enough, but I take my T-shirt off and use it as a blanket. The sun is blazing and the setting could not be more special.

  “I’m glad that I agreed to this trip,” she says. “This is the most beautiful place that I have ever been to.”

  “I knew you would like it.”

  I take the food out of my backpack and pour India a small glass of wine. She needs to relax a little. We talk about everything and anything, enjoying each other’s company. The time passes and an awesome idea pops into my mind. It’s crazy and it might push the boat between friends and lovers, but I feel like she needs to relax a bit more.

  I take her half-full glass of wine and clear my throat. I move my head towards her ear. “I’m going to do something for you.”

  She looks back at me surprise. “Like?”

  “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need to experience a mind-blowing orgasm,” I whisper in her ear, and before she slaps me I add, “Don’t worry, we won’t have sex. I just want you to chill out and a mind-blowing orgasm will help to forget about Braxton.”

  “What?” she asks, staring at me in fury. “I think you’re pushing my patience too far.”

  “India, I’m going to go down on you as a friend, just to pleasure you. Evans doesn’t need to know about this.”

  I look at her, feeling horny as fuck, but today is all about her and only her. Her eyes are not giving anything away, but her body trembles with anticipation and maybe excitement.

  “No. No way, Oliver. It’s still oral sex.”

  “I’m going to make you come whether you like it or not and I don’t expect anything in return. It’s just a favour that one friend is giving to anot
her.”

  “I don’t think—”

  I push her down to the grass, asking myself what the hell am I doing? She doesn’t say no so I take a few deep breaths and remove part of her dress, revealing a white lace bra. Her eyes are wide with anticipation as her tongue moistens her lips. I can’t fucking believe that she is going let me do this. Perspiration surges through me, making me want to rip her clothes off and just make love to her here and now. My mind reminds me that this whole thing is about her; my own desires don’t count.

  I pull back and, grinning like a schoolboy, I push her dress over her head. She has matching white lace knickers. She bites her mouth, sending my senses out of this universe. I lie down and push her knees forward, so they are equally spread, and I start kissing the edge of her thigh as my fingers move over her core. She lets go another moan that turns me on. I kiss the centre of her lace knickers as she clenches the grass on each side.

  I’m in fucking heaven. Her smell is only driving me more insanely hungry for her.

  “Just relax, baby, and enjoy the ride,” I chuckle and take off her knickers. This is the best part of this holiday as she is spread half naked in front of me. I start kissing the edge of her thigh over and over while moving closer to her muff. I run my fingers over it and she pants. She is wet for me and this drives me fucking right to the edge. She is so perfect; wet and ready for me. I kiss her there and start running my tongue over her clit, causing an involuntary trembling through her whole body.

  She tastes amazing and I’m so turned on, my cock might burst. I continue to lick her, feeling the excitement that runs deep down to my bloodstream, a strong urge building in my gut. India starts rolling her hips against my mouth, moaning, and her pleasure is a song to my ears. She is so fucking beautiful like that. She closes her eyes and I slip my finger inside of her.

  I start thrusting it in and out and waiting for that moment when she comes on my face. Desire takes over my mind, her smell surrounds me, spinning me off to the orbits. My tongue moves over her swollen clitoris fast and she moans loudly. She is so close.

  “Give it to me, baby, give it to me all you can,” I say and slow down the pace as she explodes for me. She comes strong, arching her hips forward, and I continue moving my finger inside her until she begs me to stop, slamming back on the grass, flushed and stunning. I slide over her and push my cock towards her core. I’m rock hard, but at this moment, it’s all about her. She is my redemption, my light in the dark tunnel.

  “Oliver, that was… amazing,” she says.

  “Everything for my princess.”

  “What about you?” she asks.

  Fuck, I want to make love to her and it’s a perfect moment, but I don’t want her to think that I’ve done this in order to get laid.

  “Just cover yourself and let me lie down. I should be fine in a little while. This was all about you, not me, darling,” I say. My breathing is heavy and laboured and it’s going to take me some time to get rid of this hard-on, but fuck it. Seeing India’s pleasure was worth everything. I close my eyes, listening as she takes stuff out of the backpack and starts eating again, probably to make herself busy. Our lunch is in an hour and we have another ruin to see. I start thinking about some shit, trying to distract myself from the need for sex.

  The rest of our day passes like a dream. We visit another ruin and, sweating, we reach the bottom of the hill just in time for lunch. India is beaming like crazy and I can’t take my eyes off her. She has burned her arms a little, but I have a high SPF-factor cream in my bag. From the way it is sounds, everyone is looking forward to tomorrow. From here, we are going to travel to St. Vito Di Capo to hang around there for the next two days. For me, this holiday only just begun, because I finally have my India back.

  Chapter Thirty

  Friendship sucks.

  Present

  Throughout our journey back to St. Vito Di Capo, India cuddles on my chest, breathing steadily, and I keep asking myself—is this it now? Has she forgotten about the rancour and my cruelty? Then my conscience reminds me that she is not mine and the biggest test is ahead of me.

  Michael proposes another trip, but we are not up for it. I just want to lie on the beach with India and enjoy her company. This is our time before we will head back to Braxton. Then we have three long months in Gargle, the place where demons from the past are still so transparent and alive. Deep down I’m afraid of being there with her, but neither of us has any more secrets, so everything should be so much better this time around.

  After we are done with our luggage, our whole group heads to the beach, taking full advantage of this glorious weather. There is only one more day of our holiday left. One more day of my precious time with India.

  We find a perfect spot away from the crowds. We stay there for a few hours, soaking up the sun and relaxing. I’m so concerned about making sure she has enough lotion all over her body that I forget about myself, so later on I look like a fucking lobster. The hotel is a family-run business, and after a late lunch filled with a mouthwatering variety of pasta dishes, we chill on the terrace. A few people have taken Michael’s offer, and they go out to explore the town. The rest of us have a few too many and by the time everyone is back, I’m already pissed. This is the first night when I don’t stress about India. She is drinking cocktails with the girls and she looks happy. Things aren’t perfect yet, but I’m slowly getting there.

  I don’t really remember much from that night. My head is buzzing with the excitement and anticipation of what’s next. India is not drinking over her limit. She has a few, but in the end I’m the one that starts throwing up. In the early hours of the morning, the pressure of making her mine again is finally getting to me.

  The next day I sneak a breakfast to our room while India is still asleep. She enjoys being treated like a princess and I’m scoring more points in her eyes. After that we have a few spare hours we can spend on the beach. Our plane leaves at five. This time I don’t have to hide before getting to my gate.

  The exams are over and India has forgotten her grudge, but it looks like she hasn’t forgotten about Evans. Jacob and I were the last two students to move out of our house. A few months ago, we had seen another property that we both liked, so we put a deposit down. Our accommodation is sorted for next year. Dora has been cursing me off with her text messages, because I haven’t updated her at all on what has been going on with India and me. I like winding her up, but what happened in Italy between us will stay only between us.

  I call up my mum before we check out. It’s better to get this phone call over and done with now, than wait when till we get back to Gargle. I’ve been a real shit because I didn’t even let her know that we landed in Sicily five days ago without any problems.

  “Oliver Morgan, do you have any idea how much you made me worry?” she asks when I finally get through to her. I scratch my head, wondering how to defuse the full-on argument that’s about to happen.

  “Yeah, I get it, but you should have known that I wasn’t in any trouble. My phone wasn’t working,” I lie.

  Then she gives me a rant about responsibility and shit like that. She is right, after all. I should have called, but I was too busy with getting India back.

  “Mum, listen, I’m sorry. Things with India are back on track. We’re friends again and I’m spending the summer in Gargle,” I tell her.

  “I’m glad, but I expect better from you. Just one text message and that would have stopped me from worrying sick.”

  Mum doesn’t think this was the right way of getting India to trust me again. Yeah, I’ve tricked her, but at the end of the day everything has worked out just fine. Apparently, Mum had called the airport to check that my plane hadn’t crashed, so I can no longer accuse her of not caring.

  Once I get off the phone, it is time to board the plane, and for some reason my stomach makes a funny jolt. Braxton, the place where everything began, is on the radar, and I don’t want to face what is waiting for both of us once we get there. Appare
ntly Evans is going to wait for India in the airport. She spoke to him yesterday and today. I’ve done my bit; now it’s just a case of waiting to see what’s going to happen between us.

  “Everything all right with your mum?” she asks.

  “She told me off for not calling her.”

  “You should be sorry. She was probably worried sick.”

  “Wait and see what Dora is going to do,” I challenge her, laughing.

  “Dora is a traitor, but she believed in you when I didn’t, so I might as well forget that she set me up.”

  “Don’t be so harsh on her. She wanted to make you happy.”

  “And she did.”

  Shortly after that, we get our seats on the plane along with the rest of the group. We have a lot of snaps and great memories. India is wearing shorts and I think she purposely wants to keep me on the edge, revealing her stunning legs.

  As we land, new thoughts about our future begin to spin in my head. India looks a little tense and I keep wondering if maybe, once the holiday bliss is over, she will change her mind about us, for Evans’s sake. I toss these unpleasant thoughts away, trying to stay confident.

  The passport control takes fucking ages and I’m sweating. India is quiet and we don’t talk much.

  She looks a little tense when we finally leave the passport control and step into the arrivals zone. My heart starts to hammer in my chest. Maybe I should screw the plan and my promises and just take her into my arms and tell her that the friendship sucks. She must know that I’m fucking in love with her.

  My eyes scan the crowd and for a brief moment I’m relieved, because I can’t see Evans around. Maybe he changed his mind after all, knowing that India had five full days with me and I didn’t hold back and we slept together.

  “Listen guys, it’s going to be a while before the bus arrives. The driver had some problems,” Michael announces.