All About Me

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  Things got out of control last night.

  I drop the envelope, shaking, feeling like this can’t be happening to me again. Oliver couldn’t have been playing with me all this time. A human being cannot be capable of this kind of cruelty. The pain, so much pain, but all of a sudden everything makes sense. He tricked me again. He never, ever loved me. It was all fake.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Motions.

  Present

  “India baby, what’s going on?” I ask, stretching, aware that I lost it last night. Fuck, I must have fallen asleep. Now I remember that I was supposed to pick up India this morning. My head feels like shit. I drank way over my limit. India’s face is ashen and there are tears in her eyes. Something is wrong. I glance at the computer screen with my Facebook picture, realising that someone has changed it. I jump off the bed feeling a little dizzy. My muscles are stiff, my head banging. My pulse increases rapidly when I realize that it’s me, half-naked with some girl in my fucking bed. I glance back and India is not moving, but keeps staring at me blankly, trembling. Tears are streaming down her face and I feel like someone is punching me right in my gut. I wet my lips.

  “India, I don’t know why that picture is on there,” I say, taking a step forward.

  Her face contracts with anger and then she hits me. Yeah, I don’t even see that one coming. At one point she is standing in front of me, shaking like a leaf, and a second later she punches me straight in the face with such strength I am surprised. I never knew she had it in her.

  “Liar, fucking liar, and I thought you changed!” she screams and then she runs away from the room, bursting into tears. I try to shout, but the blood is spilling through my nose. It’s probably broken again, but I don’t care. I need to get to the bottom of what is going on here. I scream after her, but blood is everywhere, so I run to the bathroom. Then I come back to my room and lean to pick up the old T-shirt and I spot the money on the floor, a lot of fucking money.

  It’s a white envelope and inside there is a note, presumably for me. I read it and touch the cash. My head still hurts from the amount of alcohol that I consumed last night, but all of a sudden, everything starts to come together.

  I don’t wait around. I storm out of my room and run downstairs. My clothes and face are covered with blood, my nose is probably broken again, but I need to find India, explain to her that I have no idea what is going on, before she disappears. I get to the street and run, but she has vanished, thinking that I hurt her again. My stomach feels like someone dropped a ton of weight inside, contracting with a new dose of fear. She is never going to trust me again. She’ll never believe that I didn’t make a bet over her again. I swear a few times, trying to stop the bleeding.

  I get back to the house, ready to tear someone apart. She is convinced that I’m capable of doing something so sick again. When I get back to my room, I recognise the picture of MacKenzie next to me in bed. She is naked and she is taking a selfie while I’m passed out.

  I smash my fists into the laptop, breaking it, breathing hard. Fucking bitch. MacKenzie was always obsessed with me. I run my hand through my hair, wondering what to do. I pick up the envelope but when I start counting the money, I notice that the notes have a different feel to them. Fake, the money is fake. Maybe a hundred pounds looks legit, but the rest is fake. Anger starts building inside me, rising fast, creeping into my bones, and it’s that sort of anger that pushes steamy rage out of my ears. I’m ready to rip someone’s head off. I put some cotton in my nose to stop the bleeding. This distracts me from smashing my fists into a wall over and over just to get some release. India is much stronger than I thought. She has fucking punched me, but that doesn’t even matter now. I need to find her as soon as possible and then deal with the person that set me up.

  I throw some clothes on and ignore the broken nose. I grab the fake cash and my phone. My pulse is racing. That fucking bitch might have destroyed the trust that had been re-building between India and me for months, but she couldn’t have done this on her own; someone else was helping her. Now she despises me more than my dead fucking brother.

  Without realising what I’m doing, I jump into my car and drive until I have to stop; otherwise, I’m going to kill someone. My stomach churns as I continue to take long pulls of air. A few minutes later I park the car in a familiar street. I know if I go into her house, I’m going to kill her with my bare hands. There is nothing stopping me. I don’t even care about the consequences. I just want MacKenzie to suffer.

  India means everything to me, and now I feel like I’ve lost her again. First we took a few steps forward, and now we are going backwards. What the fuck is going on?

  There is no way that she is ever going to let me explain to her that I didn’t do anything wrong. Finally I leave the car, breathing like there is no oxygen left inside me. I lose my balance because the anger crawls under my skin, penetrates me, and wrecks my fucked-up soul. I start banging on MacKenzie’s door for a good five minutes. She answers the door, not looking surprised at all. I’m not a lady-beater, but when she is standing in front of me with that smirk on her face, I want to clench my hands over her precious neck and suffocate her.

  “Hello, Oliver, nice to finally see you.”

  I don’t let her say anything, instead I charge inside and push her against the wall without a warning. My face comes close to her face, only inches apart. I need to know who else was in on this. She is too stupid to come up with prank like that by herself. I move my elbow over her neck as fury radiates out of me like a steam.

  “You fucking cunt!” I snarl. “I swear to God I’m going to use my own hands to hurt you. You deserve to rot in hell!”

  Her face goes blank, her eyes pop up and she swallows, not taking her eyes off me. I must look like some psycho right now, but she disgusts me so much that I can’t even stand looking at her.

  “What did you do last night and who was helping you?” I shout, spraying her with my spit. My face is so close to hers that I can smell her fear. Her body trembles, but nothing I do to her will bring any kind of satisfaction.

  “I’ve done what I had to do. You used me once, then you got bored of me. You gave me the impression that I was going to be your girlfriend.”

  “So you decided to ruin my relationship with India?”

  “Sam came up with the idea of spiking your drink. He bet with a few other guys that Gretel won’t take you back. He was pissed off that he lost the money.”

  I laugh, shaking my head. Fuck, I should have known that it was Sam. He was probably fucking MacKenzie last night.

  “So he put me to sleep, playing a cool mate. After that you sneaked into my house and fiddled with my Facebook profile?” I ask. She doesn’t need to say anything; her face says it all. MacKenzie couldn’t get past the fact that I rejected her again. “You were my fuck buddy, so don’t delude yourself thinking that I would have ever gotten serious with you.”

  “I don’t care what you do to me. I’m glad that I tore you and that loser apart. She is never going to try—”

  I punch the wall inches from her head. I won’t miss the next time if she opens her mouth. She whimpers, shaking. I clench my teeth, trying to breathe, but then something else pops into my head. MacKenzie and Sam, they will both win if I lay my hand on her. She and that prick deserve to suffer, but I have another idea.

  “India is going to be mine again, then you and that arsehole are going to regret coming to my home and doing shit like that. Mark my words, bitch!”

  I pull away and storm out of her house, shaking. MacKenzie fucked everything up, but there is a simple solution. She and fantastic fucking Sam are going to regret what they’ve done to India and me for the rest of their lives. Karma always comes back.

  A new hollow feeling tears my stomach apart. I call India’s phone, but it just keeps ringing and ringing. I drive to her apartment on campus, but the door is locked. Her neighbour tells me that she left two hours ago. I call Dora straight away.

  �
�Have you heard from India?” I ask her.

  “No, why what happened?”

  Fuck, there is no time to explain, but Dora needs to know what is going on. I’m lucky enough that I deleted that Facebook picture. I tell Dora how I passed out last night. I run over the story and MacKenzie’s prank. This sounds worse than it is and I have no idea where to look for India. She should get in contact with Dora sooner or later.

  “That bitch, I knew that I should have punched her when I had a chance. I bet Sam was fucking her and she used him,” says Dora.

  “Either way, I’m going to finish them, but I have to find India first. Do you have any idea where she might be?”

  “No, she’s probably walking around town. heartbroken. Fuck, you have to find her fast. I can’t believe that I didn’t come back with her. I’ll just keep trying her mobile.”

  I hang up and try to think straight for a second. She wouldn’t go back to Gargle, she must be still in Braxton. She is fragile and lost in pain.

  I drive around to the centre of town and start walking, checking bars and restaurants. I’ve known India all my life and I have no idea where she could be right now. It’s sunny weather and people are out. I walk around in the main square for a bit, wandering, searching in the streets. There is no sign of her. After half an hour I jump back in the car and drive to campus. The exams are over; it’s early afternoon. The hallways are empty. I ask about India in the canteen, but there are only a few people around, and no one has seen her. The security guard is useless, telling me to get lost.

  Haunting memories and feelings are roaring through me. I want to scream, but India won’t listen. I know her too well; she’s made up her mind. We were supposed to be happy right now. Instead she is running away from me, broken for the second time. Hours pass and I hear nothing from Dora. India’s phone no longer rings, but goes to voicemail. If I don’t hear from her by the evening, I will have to call her mother. This is the last thing I want to do. Mrs. Gretel doesn’t know about our shaky past. She doesn’t know what kind of arsehole I became because I couldn’t deal with all the shit that had fallen on my shoulders.

  I drive around town until six, to the places that we have been together and meant something to us.

  Fuck, why did I not see this coming?

  MacKenzie always made India’s life difficult.

  I get back home and hide the cash. This isn’t over yet. MacKenzie and Sam, they’re going to pay a high price, but I can’t worry about this when India is gone. Close to seven, I walk around campus, desperate to find her. I have no choice. I have to call her mother by ten o’clock if India doesn’t show up. I go back to the gym and look there, but the building is locked. Once I look around the empty building in Braxton University, my whole self-control goes out the window. When I’m just about to get back to the car and give up my search, I walk into the last person that I want to see right now.

  Evans, with a miserable look on his face.

  “Morgan, how unlucky,” he mutters, trying to pass me. I’m just about to snap some unfriendly remark when an idea pops into my mind.

  “Listen, Russ, I need to ask you a question and please, man, try to be honest.”

  He stops and turns around. Surprise builds up on his face. “You want to ask me a question?”

  I approach him, pushing away the ego. Right now I have to find India. That’s all that matters to me.

  “India is missing, someone fucked me up and she doesn’t want to see me. Have you seen her?” I ask.

  Evans narrows his eyes even further. He exhales and moves in front of my face. “What the fuck did you do to her, Morgan? Another prank? Another pathetic bet?”

  “I haven’t done anything wrong. Someone set me up and she believes that I’ve been faking it this entire time in order to win another bet. Fuck, I wouldn’t ask you, but I’m worried sick about her. I need to speak to her and explain.”

  “I don’t want to listen to your excuses. You should have treated her better right from the beginning,” he snaps. “I haven’t seen her, but I’ll make sure that she stays away from you once I do.”

  “You son of—”

  “What are you going to do, hit me?” he asks, breathing into my face. I clench my fists, staring at him. The challenge is there and I fucked up big time. It’s obvious why he doesn’t want to help me. From now on I’m on my own, so instead of plunging my fists into his face, I walk away.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Bridge.

  Present: in hell

  I was the one that took India away from Evans, so I can’t push him to help me. He is right. I don’t fucking deserve her. After all the pranks and humiliation, she is right to stay away from me. For the first half of the semester, I crossed all the lines, made her feel worthless just because I needed to feed my own ego.

  When I get home I pace around the room for a good half hour. Then I call Jacob, but his phone goes to voicemail. Two hours pass and it is close to ten o’clock in the evening. I’m on the edge of wrecking my whole room. I reach for my phone, shaking and searching for India’s number. It goes to voicemail.

  “India, oh God, please, baby, you need to believe me. I didn’t do any bet. It was MacKenzie, she sneaked into my apartment when I passed out. Please call me. I love you.”

  I have no idea if she is going to get that message. Every single muscle in my body is tense, my stomach heaves and I’m just inches from throwing up. My future with India has been ruined now. Everything that I ever wanted has turned to dust.

  Her mother will have to find out what I’ve done to her. Eventually she’ll get to the bottom of what that bastard Christian did to her. Then the lies. Mrs. Gretel is going to hate me for the rest of my life, and she will keep India away from me. The repulsive, dark shadows from the past are wrecking me slowly and I don’t even want to fight. Christian’s plan has finally worked out. He has come back from hell just to complete his mission.

  Fuck, I’m losing my mind.

  I run downstairs and start demolishing the kitchen, roaring as the pain keeps pulsing right through me. I’m losing the ground under my feet; everything is falling apart. Then I hear my phone vibrating. It’s a text message and I have to read it a few times to understand what words are written on the screen.

  Taunton Bridge, be there now.

  The message is from an unknown number. I stare at it for a few seconds and then I grab my jacket and car keys. I know that bridge well, but right now panic strikes me like a thunderstorm, because I don’t get this game. Someone is asking me to drive there. Is this about India?

  It’s already dark outside and it’s pouring rain. I wipe the rain off my face and push my foot down, accelerating through the streets like a maniac. Regret blinds me, but that message is in my head. Is India there? Lost and broken because of me? If anything happens to her, I’m going to regret how I treated her for the rest of my life.

  The bridge is only ten minutes away from the house, but I have to park in one of the back streets. That part of town seems deserted, the silence broken by the driving rain. It rings in my ears. I lock the car and run from there as water drenches me. My breathing is wheezy, heavy and troubled. As I reach the bridge, the river current is fast underneath and for a split second I can’t see anyone. On the other side, right at the end, I finally get a glimpse of a silhouette.

  Thunder and lightning crashes through the sky, lighting up the world as I spot her, standing there with someone else. I scream, but she can’t hear me. My legs pound against the ground, splashing the water. My clothes are soaked right through and my pulse races out of control.

  “India!” I shout as I run towards her. She is standing by the pillar and she isn’t alone. Evans is beside her with his hand on her shoulder. Fuck, this is like a real nightmare, because she isn’t even looking at me. I was right—Evans is in this. He couldn’t let go of the fact that India chose me.

  “Fuck! I knew you had something to do with this!” I bark, closing the distance between us. India turns t
o face him. She doesn’t even acknowledge me, but stares blankly at Evans.

  “Why did you bring him here, Russell? He is a monster. He bet money over me!” she screams into Evans’s face.

  I take a step forward.

  “No, don’t you dare come closer. You’re a liar.”

  “India, I didn’t sleep with MacKenzie. She sneaked in the house and set this all up. Sam spiked my beer. The money is fake. My love for you is real!” I roar, wanting to take her into my arms and make her forget that I ever inflicted any pain on her. Rain runs down her face, she is shivering and I have no idea how long she’s been standing here. I glance at Evans, but I can’t deduce anything from his face.

  “Lies, always lies. I saw the picture and the note. You’re worse than your rapist brother. You raped my soul!”

  I walk to her and touch her arms. “India, I love you. Please let me take you home. MacKenzie is trying to pull us apart from spite. I have done not—”

  “Let go of me, let—”

  “India, he’s right. Please listen to both of us for a second,” Evans says, cutting her off. Lightning breaks over the sky, spreading thundering noise. Her eyes are so empty, moving to Evans.

  “You son of a bitch,” I roar pushing towards him. I’m ready to kill that bastard.

  “Oliver, calm the fuck down! She came to me; MacKenzie saw me this morning. She said that I have a free hand with you, India. She said that she took care of everything.”

  I let go of him, taking long, deep breaths. “India, please, you have to believe me,” I say. “I know I’ve hurt you in the past, but I’m fucking in love with you.”