Trust A Broken Heart

by Ivy Symone

  “Nope,” she said stubbornly.

  Marshawn sighed heavily. He proceeded to tell her about Bebe’s tragic loss of his pregnant wife-to-be and her daughter.

  It made sense to her now. Not just with the name situation, but his behavior since day one. She knew he was sad, but she never imagined it was something that devastating.

  “Mikael was the name he and his fiancée were naming their son; except I believe they were gonna spell it different. He just didn’t want that name as a reminder. He’s still grieving, Nola.”

  She looked over at her son’s bassinet where he slept peacefully. The blue printout attached to the front of the bassinet displayed his measurements and the name that he was referenced: Baby Boy Michaels. And on the birth certificate application she completed earlier said his name was Mikael Antonio Michaels. Even if she could stop the lady from filing the paperwork, she wouldn’t. It seemed selfish of her, but it was done. Her heart had been set on that name ever since she embraced having a baby.

  “Well it’s too late anyway. I already did the paperwork,” she mumbled in a solemn tone.

  “So, I guess now y’all gonna get a DNA test to confirm he’s the father.”

  “He’s the father,” she murmured. “He knows he the damn daddy. I can tell by the way he was staring at Kaels.”

  “He said he hope the baby isn’t his,” Marshawn said carefully.

  Nola felt wounded. “That’s real fucked up.”

  “But he only said it out of anger and hurt.”

  In a dismal tone, she said, “For what it’s worth, I am sorry for what he’s been through. And I’m sorry that blew up between us like it did. Tell him I ain’t fucked up with getting a test done. I’m willing to give him confirmation on that if he need it.”

  “Okay,” Marshawn said.

  Dorian pushed through the room’s door with Taco Bell in hand. “What’s up Marshawn.”

  “What up,” Marshawn said.

  Dorian noticed the change in Nola’s mood. Placing the food on her bedside tray, he asked, “What’s wrong with you?”

  She shook his question off. “Nothing.”

  Marshawn asked, “What else they got down there to eat?”

  “Subway, McDonald’s, a little deli, gyros…shit like that,” Dorian answered as he took a seat on the other side of Nola in the sleeper chair.

  “Well, I’ll be back,” Marshawn said standing to his feet. Before exiting, he went up to the bassinet to study his nephew for a minute. He looked back at Nola and gave her one of his playful grins. “You did good sis.”

  “Boy bye,” she smiled.

  When it was just the two of them, Dorian asked, “So are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing Dorian,” she said. She looked at her Taco Bell and no longer felt the strong craving she had for it earlier.

  “He must have talked to you ‘bout ol’ boy,” Dorian said with an attitude.

  “Naw, we were just talking,” she said.

  “Uh huh,” he uttered knowingly.

  She decided to pick around with her food to evade conversation with him.

  But he wouldn’t stop trying. “So, what’s up with you and dude?”

  “Nothing. Things are still what they were,” she answered.

  “I don’t want you hurt ma. You’ve been through enough,” Dorian said with sincerity.

  “I’m fine,” she said with assuredness. Her posture straightened and she actually smiled.

  Dorian added, “You know I don’t mind being lil man’s daddy. I already told you that.”

  “Yeah I know Dorian, but I got it covered,” she said. Her statement was true. Financially, she didn’t need the help of a man. Physically being there and needing a man to demonstrate what men were supposed to be, she had her father for that. Jeremy Michaels exemplified fatherhood. She saw a lot of her father’s qualities in Bebe which she admired and respected about him.

  “Why you always acting like you don’t need nobody, Nola?”

  “Because I don’t,” she said with confidence. “But when I do, I’ll let you know. Okay?”

  Dorian couldn’t do anything but shake his head.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Bebe knew he needed to apologize to Nola for the way he behaved in the hospital. After talking things out with Marshawn, he calmed down. He realized he wasn’t being fair, nor did he have a right to tell her what to do. After all, he avoided communicating with her for almost ten months.

  Now he only hoped she would accept his apology. He already went on a shopping spree with his mother for Mikael. As a matter of fact, Joyce was supposed to meet him at the nursery so she could see Mikael for herself.

  As he waited for his mother, his phone rang. He looked down at it. It flashed across the screen: Cyn. He released an annoyed breath before answering.

  “What?”

  “And hi to you too baby,” Cyn sang. “What you got up for today?”

  “Nothing,” he said dryly.

  “What about later tonight? You wanna go to this thing at BB King’s?”

  “I’m not really in the mood,” he told her.

  “What’s wrong? You’ve been in a sour mood for a few days now. What’s going on with you?”

  Without much thought, he said, “Nola just had my baby.”

  There was silence.

  Cyn asked, “Nola next door?”

  “Yep.”

  “So, all this time she was pregnant by you? When this happen?” Cyn asked. Her voice carried a lot of hurt and disbelief.

  “It really doesn’t matter. She had my baby yesterday. He’s here and that’s all that matter right now.”

  As if she hadn’t heard a word he said, she continued. “So, you was fucking her all this time too Bebe?”

  “Cyn, stop acting like I’m your man or something. You carrying on like I done cheated on your ass. And you know that ain’t the fuckin’ case.”

  “But a baby? You’ve been telling me you wasn’t doing all that no more. You said you didn’t want any more kids or a relationship after Miki. You won’t even fuck without a condom. But you running up in that bitch raw? What makes her so fucking special?”

  “Are you done?” he asked while sighing.

  “No, I’m not. I wanna know what makes her so special? You’ll damn near fight me if I try to sit on the dick skin to skin. What was it? The ass mesmerized you? Ain’t that how you got caught up in Miki?”

  “Why the fuck would you say some shit like that?” he barked into the phone. “I keep telling your childish ass about the dumb shit you let slip outta your goddamn mouth. Don’t call me no fuckin’ more. You done fucked up for the last time.”

  He ended the call. Cyn fucked up his whole damn vibe.

  “Boy, who you cussing out like that? I could hear you around the corner,” Joyce said as she approached him.

  “Cyn’s dumb ass,” he murmured. They started walking towards the nursery.

  “What she say?” Joyce asked.

  “She let Miki’s name come out her mouth,” he said.

  Joyce chuckled. “What made her do that?”

  “She’s just dumb,” he mumbled.

  Joyce could see the anxiety written on her son’s face. She asked, “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine…” he answered, but gave it more thought, “…not really.”

  “Let me ask you this. Is it the baby thing that got you all tensed or is it this girl?”

  “Cyn?”

  “No. The mother of this baby. When we were talking about this last night, you spoke a lot about Nola. I was just wondering if…” she let her voice trail.

  Bebe laughed. “There you go, Mama. You always tryna read into shit.”

  “Well it’s something about the way your face frowned up when you say her name. It’s different from when you’re calling Cyn dumb,” she said with amusement.

  “Whatever,” Bebe waved off.

  They arrived at the nursery. Standing outside the glass, Bebe searche
d the many bassinets for Baby Boy Michaels but he didn’t see him.

  “C’mon,” Joyce said. “If he ain’t here then he might be in the room with his mama. What room is she in?”

  Bebe gave her the room number Marshawn had given him. He let his mother lead the way. As she did, she spoke to several nurses along the way. This was her department where she reigned as the nurse manager.

  Joyce lightly tapped on the door to Nola’s room before they entered.

  Nola looked up a bit surprised. Her eyes went from Joyce to Bebe who came in right behind. Bebe could see the confusion in her eyes.

  “Hey, how you doing?” Joyce greeted with a friendly smile. She pointed over her shoulder and said, “I’m Bebe’s mama. I came to see the baby. I hope you don’t mind.”

  Nola smiled warmly and shook Joyce’s outstretched hand. “My grandmama’s name is Joyce too. I’m Nola by the way. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Girl, I already feel like I know you. I hear your name all the time. My grandbaby talks about you non-stop. But the times I’ve come by, I never got a chance to meet you.”

  “Kennedi can talk her ass off,” Nola joked.

  “You got that right.” Joyce turned to the baby in his bassinet. She looked back at Nola. “Can I see him?”

  Nola nodded. “Sure, go right ahead.”

  Bebe avoided eye contact with Nola. Instead he joined his mother’s side as she gazed down at the baby.

  Quietly Joyce cooed, “Ooh! Look at lil man. He’s so handsome.”

  Joyce stepped away to pump some hand sanitizer in her hands. She returned to lift Mikael out of the bassinet. She was giddy over this new addition to the family.

  Nola climbed out of her bed. She had traded the hospital gown for a pair of pink pajamas with the words “I don’t do mornings” in black font across the top. She wore a gray headwrap twisted with a knot at the front. Her face still had that pregnancy fullness but it didn’t detract from her natural beauty. Her stomach was still pudgy but the rest of her looked the same, just a little bit wider.

  She motioned for Bebe to follow her to the bathroom. As he did, he noticed her flawed gait. Bebe had always noticed her off rhythm stride. He hadn’t noticed it on the Fourth of July because he was too dazed off of her other physical attributes. However, after secretly watching her from afar, he picked up on how her left leg, the one with the long scar, lagged slightly behind. Most people probably assumed she walked that way to put that extra swing in her hips. It didn’t take much for Bebe to figure out that the scar he noticed that night when he was digging in her, had something to do with why her walk was slightly off.

  In a lowered voice, she began speaking. “I know you don’t know me well enough to take my word for anything, but I’m ninety-nine point ninety-nine and ten-tenths percent sure he’s yours. I have no problems with getting tested though. If you want to give him your last name, we probably should do it anyway.”

  Bebe shook his head. “Naw, we ain’t got to. We can just get his birth certificate amended.”

  “Are you sure? Cause you made a statement that you hoped he wasn’t even yours.”

  “I was just mad about the name. Marshawn told me you named him Mikael anyway.”

  “Yeah I did. I had no idea that name meant anything to you. So, don’t take it as if I did it on purpose to get under your skin. But my brother filled me in on what happened. And he only told me because he felt like I should know cause he didn’t want me harboring these ill feeling towards you. I don’t know what it is, but that lil nigga really respects you and care about how I view you.”

  “Yeah, he’s the same about you.”

  There was a quiet pause as they both admired the genuineness in their expressions.

  Nola continued, “He also told me about all the stuff you got yesterday. You didn’t have to do all that.”

  “Yes, I did. I ain’t one of them niggas that’s gon’ let you do this by yourself even if you can,” Bebe argued. “I wanna do my part. I’m his father so let me be his father.”

  “I can dig that.” She gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry about what happened to you. And I know that you’re hurting. I get it now. And if I can be of any help, I’m here. I will try my best not to cause you any stress when it comes to the co-parenting of our son, and I will respect you as his father. So, from here on out, can we work on being friends?”

  “We can do that.”

  She smiled. “Can I get a hug or something?”

  “No. Why do we need to touch?” he asked. There was a glint of nervousness in his voice though he tried masking it with playfulness.

  She gave him a cocked smile. Her eyes seemed as though she could read his thoughts. Bebe suddenly felt that same uneasiness he felt whenever he was around her. She was too close. And now she was trying to read him. He knew she knew the effect she had on him.

  “Are you sure you’re ready to deal with me for eighteen years?” she asked.

  He nodded. What he wasn’t sure about was being able to get rid of the lustful thoughts he would have about her for eighteen years. He shook that thought. He would have to learn to suppress those type of desires if he wanted to give the idea of them being just friends a chance. He would have to be disciplined and know that he can’t cross those boundaries either.

  She joked, “I can be a little extra.”

  “Yeah, I know that too. I’ll just ignore you.”

  “You’re good at that,” she laughed. She looked at him wearing a warm smile. “Well, go in there and officially meet your son.”

  Nola watched as Bebe and his mother fussed about the baby. Joyce didn’t want to hand him over, but she gave in.

  Nola eased down on the side of the bed and watched him as he carefully picked Mikael up and handled him delicately. He cradled Mikael close against his chest. His hand gently rubbed the fine straight hair atop Mikael’s head. He closed his eyes as if he cherished this moment forever. Overcome with emotions, in closing his eyes he also forced some tears out.

  A lump formed in the back of Nola’s throat as she looked away from Bebe. She couldn’t look at him without feeling her own pain. But she was a lot further in her healing process, so she set her hurt aside. She made this about Bebe and what she could be for him. And though she at one point desired to be with him, she knew now that it would be a while before he would be ready for another relationship. She may not even be what he needed anyway.

  When she looked back, Bebe was smiling. Her heart swelled with pride. She was glad that she could bring some joy to him, even if it was in the form of a baby.

  Chapter 3

  Present 2018

  K eyma was so focused on her grocery list and which aisle she needed to migrate to next, that she didn’t realize her phone was ringing. Instead of answering right away she fished through her purse for her phone to take a look at its display. She looked at the caller ID display and sighed. She answered through her wireless earpods, “Hello?”

  “You have a collect call from “Cedric” at the Charles Bass Correctional Complex. To accept, dial “0”. To reject, dial “5” or hang—"

  She was tempted to reject the call. If she did, she knew she would never hear the last of it. Why would he call this time of the day anyway? She already informed him that she had some errands to tend to first thing in the morning. Several times before she explained that trying to be attentive to him distracted her from focusing on whatever task before her. He always wanted to keep up with her whereabouts even though he couldn’t do anything about it. But that was just his way of trying to control her, even from prison.

  She interrupted the automatic recording and pressed zero. “Hello?”

  “What’s up baby,” Cedric greeted.

  “Hey,” she said dryly.

  “Where you at?”

  “I told you I had some things to take care of this morning,” she said trying to keep her attitude in check.

  “You ain’t told me no shit like that.” Quickly the patience in his v
oice left.

  “I did Cedric,” she insisted. “I told you I had to go to the grocery store, go get my hair done, and I was coming to see you Saturday.”

  “I don’t remember you saying that,” he mumbled.

  “You don’t be listening.”

  “Whatever man,” he said. She could sense the disappointment in his voice. He asked, “Who doing it?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Yo hair! Damn, you ain’t the one paying mothafuckin’ attention,” he snapped.

  She let out a frustrated breath.

  “What the fuck you huffing and puffing for?” he asked.

  “Look, I don’t understand why you’re talking crazy to me right now. I ain’t done shit to you.”

  “Who the fuck you talking to?”

  Keyma tried her best to compose herself and keep it together. She didn’t want him sensing her exasperation. Things between them were always so much better if she just cooperated and gave him little opposition.

  “Who doin’ yo’ hair?” he asked again.

  “This girl named Trixie,” she answered.

  “Who the fuck is that?”

  “This girl Shawna told me about,” she said.

  “You ain’t going to ol’ girl no more. The one out East?”

  “No, she left. And I needed somebody that was just as good or better than her. Shawna, the girl I work with in the office told me about this new girl.”

  “Where the shop at?”

  Damn, she thought. Why did he have to know every detail of her day? “It’s close to TSU.”

  “What’s the address?”

  “I don’t know!” Before she could control it, her voice was raised in volume and full of attitude. An older lady a few feet away from her glanced her way. Keyma tried to offer an apologetic simper.

  “See, you gon’ make me fuck yo’ ass up,” he said. She could imagine him saying it through clenched teeth.

  Keyma noted the time on her phone. Her appointment was in the next hour and half. She needed to hurry out of the grocery store, and she didn’t feel like being on the phone with Cedric the entire time; he would slow her down.

  To appease him, she said, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little tired and then I know I’m about to be up in the salon all day. That’s why I’m handling other stuff right now ‘cause I know I won’t feel like doing it after I’m done. And then I gotta take the kids to a Chuck E. Cheese party after I come from seeing you Saturday. Can you understand that I’m worn out already, baby? This will be a long weekend, and it’s just Thursday.”