Mine First

by A. J. Marchant

  ‘That boy needs a bell or something.’

  ‘You both do.’ Lori took the interruption as a sign and hopped down off the bench. The photocopier had finished. The paper was still warm as she gathered and straightened the pile. Addy followed her out, turning off the light and shutting the door behind them.

  It didn’t occur to Lori that she should worry about being seen walking out of the back rooms with Addy. Her mind was off on a tangent, expecting to find the missing boy’s mother waiting for her. Instead, she walked right into Em, who gave them both a disapproving look that could wither the toughest heart. Lori felt hers drop. Addy swore, brushing her hand across Lori’s back as she ducked away into the safety of numbers.

  Em stood at Lori’s side, both watching Addy leave through the side door. ‘What was she doing here? She was supposed to be at training this morning, we’ve got a meet in a few days.’

  ‘I didn't know she'd turn up here, or that she'd stay and help—’

  Em snorted. ‘Addy? Help someone other than herself? Please.’

  Not in the mood to play referee, Lori steered Em over to the tables and put her to work matching socks and gloves and then bundling them into the beanies, ready to hand out.

  9

  STOPPING BY EM’S office, Lori stripped her jacket and beanie, dumping them with her bag before she walked through the maze of lockers and out into the main pool area. It was almost too warm; windows fogged, every surface sweating. The sting of chlorine in her nostrils always brought back memories of dragging through lap after lap, crazy coaches, and crazier competitions. But back then they were lucky if they got to swim in an inside pool, let alone a heated one.

  A cheer went up as Lori squeezed in next to Olly on the stands. ‘No Lena?’

  Olly shook her head.

  ‘Emmie must be disappointed.’

  They both knew how hard Em and the team had worked to get ready for the first meet of the season on home turf. It wasn’t like Lena to miss cheering on the team. Things must be worse than Em had led Lori to believe the other night.

  Lori scanned the crowd, surprised to see Jeremy two seats below and across. All the people surrounding him were half out of their seats, cheering and yelling and stamping. But he just sat there, calm and still, head down, eyes glued to the book in his lap.

  Em stood at the head of the pool, eyes intent on seamlessly skipping between her stopwatch and the splashing bodies moving through the water.

  They were slogging up the lanes, the final few strokes, hands stretching out. The crimson cap came in half a foot ahead of the rest. The hometown crowd clamoured and Olly pulled Lori up out of her seat, clapping and wolf-whistling.

  Em looked up into the stands, dropping the stopwatch on its lanyard when she spotted them, pumping her fist. Addy stood behind her, gearing herself up, muscled legs jiggling, lean arms swinging. She had her cap and goggles on, ready and focused. Lori could almost feel the butterflies that were undoubtedly doing backflips in Addy’s stomach.

  An announcement came over the speakers, relaying names and schools.

  Olly nudged Lori in the ribs. ‘So that’s Addy? She looks nervous.’

  ‘It’s mostly adrenaline.’

  ‘Do you miss it? The race? The competition?’

  ‘Not even a little.’

  The swimmers stepped up onto the blocks and the crowd stilled. The gun crack made Lori jump, holding her breath as they dove. She glanced down at Jeremy. He’d closed his book, his eyes now glued to the swimmers.

  Lori looked back at the pool as Addy made her first tumble, cheering along as she surfaced and inched out in front.

  The order of the swimmers stayed much the same throughout the race until they made the last turn and surfaced for the final lap. Addy had been holding back, only now kicking into high gear, putting distance between her and the swimmer coming in second, the rival team in the next lane. She was pushing, but still graceful, smooth, flying through the water.

  The rival swimmer gained a little, turning their head to take a breath, glancing across the lane barrier to gauge their placement. But Lori could tell Addy was focused on a strong finish, not on where the other swimmers were. Everyone held their breath for the last ten metres and then erupted as the swimmers slapped the tiles, the difference of half an arm’s length between first and second.

  Addy’s time had been a new meet record and her teammates pulled her up out of the water, slapping her on the back and shaking her. But Addy seemed indifferent as she pulled off her cap and goggles, only a mere glance at the time board like it was no big deal.

  It was only after she scanned the crowd and spotted Lori clapping that she broke into a grin, celebrating and letting the others lead her back to the chairs.

  Caught up in the excitement, they cheered on through another heat of races until Olly cursed and gathered up her stuff, late to pick up her kids. Lori looked at the clock on the board. It was later than she thought, time had gone quickly.

  They made their way down the stands. A kid in red face paint and goggles now filled Jeremy’s spot. Leaning over the railing, Lori caught Em’s attention, waving her over.

  Olly crouched down, speaking through the rails. ‘I gotta go get the kids.’

  Lori crouched too. ‘And I need to get some work in. Ginnie’s afterwards?’

  Up on tiptoes, Em hung on to the bottom rung. ‘You’re that sure we’re gonna win?’

  ‘You doubt that we will?’

  Em grinned. ‘I’ll meet you there. I gotta talk to you about something.’

  Olly blew Em a kiss and tapped Lori on the shoulder when she didn’t move, her eye caught by Addy who stared back from behind the row of chairs.

  10

  IT WAS A tradition to go to Ginnie’s after winning any kind of sporting meet. Rightfully optimistic, the bar was already filling with parents and friends, waiting for the team to arrive.

  Lori sat at a table in the corner, out of the way, with her student papers laid out and half a beer sweating in the centre. A cheer went up as the team walked in. Lori shifted in her seat and saw Addy pushing through the crowd towards her.

  Gulping down a mouthful and hurrying to pack the papers back into her bag, Lori looked up again. Em stood just a few feet from her, listening to a parent who had her clamped by the shoulder. Addy had seen her too and stopped in her tracks, melting back into the crowd with a wary look and an apologetic shrug.

  After receiving a handshake and a clap on the elbow, Em walked away from the parent with an eye roll and dumped a training bag under the table with a thud. ‘Can I stay with you for a bit?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Why do you think?’

  ‘Lena kicked you out?’ Lori pulled Em down into the chair beside her. ‘What happened?’

  Turning in her seat, Em signalled towards the bar. ‘Drink first. Then talk.’

  A waiter carried a tray over with two tumblers and a bottle relabelled with masking tape. Em read the tape label as she angled out the cork lid with a dull pop. ‘Winning Whiskey.’ Uncharacteristically caustic, she poured a double shot in each glass.

  They drank to the usual toast, Em downing her whole glass while Lori only sipped hers. The burn in the back of her throat made her cough. ‘Why whiskey, do you think?’

  ‘Mmm, the whole alliteration thing. Wouldn’t work with anything else.’

  Lori tilted and turned her glass slowly, mesmerised at how the liquid coated the sides with an amber tint. ‘What about wine?’

  ‘Good point,’ Em conceded, refilling her glass. ‘Doesn’t have that ring to it, though. Not as dignified. Speaking of…’ She sat forward, dug around in her pocket and pulled out a grubby piece of damp paper. Screwing her nose up at it, she shoved it into Lori’s hand. ‘Paper never lasts long around a pool.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Marina’s number. You should call her.’

  Lori smoothed the paper out. Stared at the damp-blurred numbers. Out of either habit or reflex came the automat
ic thought; she wouldn’t call.

  Reading her face, Em urged her again. ‘Call her.’

  Lori put the piece of paper in her bag and promised to think about it. She was about to ask what had happened with Lena, but another wave of crimson-wrapped crowd filed through the door, filling what little floor space was left in the bar.

  There were jackets on the backs of chairs, and scarves, beanies and gloves piled on tables next to empty glasses. The noise levels rose to just below deafening, and people crowded around them, patting backs and reliving exciting moments of each race.

  There’d be time to ask later, Lori thought, let her enjoy the win.

  11

  LORI STARED AT the scrap of crumpled paper with Marina’s blurry phone number for days. After a bunch of failed and interrupted attempts to even dial the number, she wasn’t sure what was stopping her; a too-busy schedule, or a lack of guts.

  But then, neither mattered. Because they ran into each other at a bar; Lori there for a farewell party and Marina there with friends. And then they ran into each other again. In the supermarket, of all places, when Em sent Lori on a mission with a list longer than she’d ever had. How Em could eat so much and still be in shape was no mystery; she did enough exercise to burn through twice as much, but how she fit it all in Lori couldn’t fathom.

  Lori panicked when she turned into an aisle and saw the familiar face studying the shelves a few feet away. She almost backed away, mind defaulting into hide-mode, but Marina spotted her before she could get her feet to move.

  Her blank stare of not knowing what to do broke when Marina smiled and called it a stroke of luck, Lori appearing right at the moment she needed help. She held out two jars, unable to decide which pasta sauce would get her through a mood funk brought on by the cold weather—chilli and basil, or olive and garlic.

  They settled on the chilli one, for obvious reasons, and then walked the aisles together, glancing at their lists and putting things in each other’s basket and trolley.

  Marina helped pack the grocery bags into the boot of Em’s car, borrowed for the day so Lori could collect and drop off bags of donated clothes for the clinic. She would have offered Marina a ride, but the passenger seats were a mess of bursting plastic bags, spilling out corners of fabric. Instead, she made a joke about having to carry them all across campus without leaving a trail, then had to reel it in and play it down when Marina offered a hand, remembering that Addy was meeting her to help. Marina suggested dinner instead, and without a second thought, Lori agreed.

  Since then, Lori purposefully hadn’t thought about the dinner again. And now, she was running late. She’d lost track of time, despite Em’s constant reminders to stop working and get moving. With only half an hour to get ready, she ran up the stairs, yelling down at Em to call her a cab and adding a please before slamming the bathroom door.

  From the backseat of the cab, she searched through the restaurant windows and spotted Marina already seated at a table, waiting. She almost jumped out of her skin, and the cab, when the driver mucked about, insistent on giving her a receipt. Arriving ten minutes late and flustered, Lori rushed past the maitre’d with an assurance that she knew where to go.

  Now, after the shortest date she’d ever been on, Lori found herself at home on the couch, curled into a ball beside Em, replaying it all over again in her head. ‘I completely freaked out. She probably thinks I’m the biggest weirdo.’

  ‘I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think.’

  ‘Nope. Probably worse. Terrible. Horrible. Never again.’ Lori buried her face in a cushion, but Em pulled it away.

  ‘Tell me what happened. And use your words, in real, full sentences please.’ Em waited while Lori rewound the tape in her mind, back to the beginning.

  ‘Well, she pretended she didn’t mind that I was late. We ordered. The restaurant was noisy, but the table was small so we were close. We ate, we drank, laughed, talked. It was nice and normal. Everything was going fine.’

  ‘So what made you freak?’

  ‘We were doing the usual thing, you know? Getting to know each other, asking questions and stuff. She started talking about family…’

  With that last word, it dawned on Em. ‘And she asked about your parents.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And what did you say?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Nothing?’

  ‘I told you, I freaked. My brain just shut down, I had to leave. You know me, how hard it is to talk about… that stuff.’

  ‘I’m sure she’d understand if you explain. You don’t have to actually tell her anything, just give her something to go on. You never know. Give it another chance.’

  Not wanting to talk or even think about it anymore, Lori nodded at the blonde cheerleader paused mid-scream on the tv screen. ‘What the hell are you watching?’

  ‘You wouldn’t like it.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Some B-Movie horror film… Didn’t think you’d be home so early.’

  Em was right; Lori wasn’t a fan of the blood-and-gore or freak-you-out kind of movies that Em loved. But it would be a welcome distraction, so she squished down in the cushions and stole a corner of the blanket.

  ‘Want me to start it from the beginning?’

  12

  THE DESK LAMP buzzed along with the dull ache behind Lori’s eyes, her vision blurring every time she switched between the list of marks scribbled on a piece of paper and the spreadsheet on the screen of her laptop, the empty blinking boxes glaring at her.

  She’d successfully taught her classes, but now that the day was nearly over, her lack of sleep had caught up. The movie had gotten in her head, just like she knew it would. Every noise. Every dark corner of her bedroom. Every shadow that seemed half-human. Even though she knew it wasn’t real, her mind ran wild every time she closed her eyes.

  Even now, on campus, in her office with the door locked, she could have sworn someone was lurking out in the hallway, sworn that the door handle had twitched. She listened hard at each set of footsteps walking by, looking up at each dark shape passing in the frosted glass. Found herself frozen when the strip of light under the door went dark, a distorted outline standing still behind the glass. The shadow of an arm reached for the handle and then paused, the whole figure bending and shrinking. The door rattled and then the figure straightened, not moving.

  Her lungs burned as she held her breath, every muscle in her body tense and ready to react. Lori felt ridiculous and a surge of anger bolstered her as she pushed out of her chair, swerved around her desk, unlocked and yanked the door open.

  The figure took a step back, startled.

  ‘Jeremy.’

  Stumbling back into the middle of the hallway, Jeremy looked down at a big yellow envelope in his hands. ‘It’s late, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you were in. I was just going to slide it under your door, but it didn’t fit.’

  Lori pressed a thumb into the ridge of bone above her eye and waved him into the office. ‘What’s in it?’

  ‘Photos. For the project.’ Three big steps, a nervous pause and Jeremy pushed the envelope into her hand. Before she could thank him, he’d shuffled back out and disappeared down the hallway.

  She smoothed the creased corner as she walked back around the desk and tossed the envelope on the growing pile of things to get done. ‘Strange boy.’

  ‘Be nice. He’s shy.’ Addy stood in the doorway, smiling. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.’

  Lori slumped into her chair. ‘You don’t ever just say hi like a normal person, do you?’ She stared across the room at Addy, craved for the gap to shrink, not used to there being so much space between them. Spheres of water clung to the tips of Addy’s hair. The bag on her shoulder had a towel draped through the handles, and a faint whiff of chlorine floated in on the breeze made by students who ran past in a bundle of energy and excitement.

  Addy craned her neck around the doorframe, trying to see who the students were and where th
ey were going. Used to it, Lori talked over the racket. ‘How was training?’

  ‘Same as ever. Coach was in a foul mood.’

  Things with Lena must be worse if it was affecting Em during training. So far Em had avoided the topic, but in that moment Lori made her mind up to get her to talk.

  The noise faded, and the hallway settled. Addy stepped inside and pulled the spare chair over to the front of the desk. Her bag dropped to the ground with a damp thud as she fell into the chair. ‘You look like you could do with a drink.’

  ‘That, and a good night’s sleep.’

  ‘Well, I can’t help with the sleep, but I can buy you a drink.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Won’t?’

  ‘Shouldn’t.’

  ‘Okay.’ Addy nodded slowly, her jaw clenched. ‘What’re you doing?’

  ‘Entering essay marks into the system.’

  ‘Sounds torturous.’

  ‘It is.’

  ‘I’ll let you get back to it then.’ Addy stood and picked up her bag, talking over her shoulder as she walked out. ‘But if you change your mind about that drink…’

  Lori tried to find where she was up to in her list, but there was a knock on the glass of her door and then Em slid into the chair Addy had just vacated.

  ‘I should get a revolving door installed.’ Lori threw down the pen she’d been using as a place marker and rubbed at her eyes.

  Em scrunched her forehead, speaking around the crimson-painted fingernail she was biting. ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing, never mind. How was training?’

  ‘It was great. I think we’re starting to get into a really good rhythm between meets.’

  Confused, Lori couldn’t contradict her. If she told her what Addy had said then Em really would be in a mood, and Lori was too tired to handle that right now.

  ‘You still have stuff to do?’

  Lori looked down at the papers spread out on her desk, the spreadsheet on her screen. ‘Nope.’ She closed the laptop and switched off the desk lamp. ‘Let’s go home.’