She's Not Here

by Mandi Lynn

  The more he spoke, the more he could believe his own lie. It’s what he should have done. Willow should have never been left to face the disease on her own, yet somehow she had been left abandoned and there was nothing he could do to take that back. But even his lies made him realize Willow had suffered from exactly what she had been running from, except this time she had done it to herself.

  “So you began conducting experiments on Samantha Ellison?” David looked at Randy with curiosity. He spun the pencil around between his fingers.

  “There was a serum that had been produced by a team in New Zealand that mimicked the effects of Alzheimer’s. They needed to first create the venom before they could create the antivenom. They did it first on animals, but they haven’t gotten far enough in the clinical trials to test it on humans.”

  “So that’s what you did,” David said. “Why?”

  Randy remembered the long nights of researching, finding article after article of lost hopes and failed experiments when it came to finding a cure to Alzheimer’s. Randy read the New Zealand article when Dr. Gadel referenced it during Tom’s treatment. He hadn’t made a note of it the same way Willow had. To Willow, that experiment was her lifeline, and maybe it could have been if she hadn’t let her desperation grow in the way.

  “I needed to save my wife,” Randy said, his voice sandpaper against his throat.

  “Then why Sam? Why push things so far, that you needed to experiment on a human without her consent?”

  “I didn’t know what else to do.” As he spoke the words, he felt like he finally understood his wife. She was trapped, and the only way out was to trap someone with her.

  “Was your wife involved?”

  Randy’s head shot up, and he looked at David. His eyes had softened the more Randy spoke, but he still looked at Randy with questions wavering.

  “No.”

  The pencil David had been twirling between stopped, and he dropped it the table. His eyes bore into Randy’s. His head cocked to the side, so much so that Randy thought he might have imagined it.

  “So, you’ll be pleading guilty?” He crossed his arms in front of him.

  “Yes.”

  Chapter 42

  The court hearing came months later. It was long enough for the serum to work its way through Sam’s bloodstream and fade away. The effects of the venom and anti-venom were just about gone. Sam found herself, re-learned life, and attempted to forget the death of her mother and father, but the length of time would never be long enough. There were still moments, blinks of moments that surrounded Sam with darkness, and she feared that there were memories gone and out of her reach forever.

  Sam sat in the court room, her blonde hair braided and tucked away from her face; Avery sat close by. Most days, Sam was okay. Her short-term memory was getting better, and bits and pieces of what had happened before her accident were coming together. She couldn’t remember that fire, but for that she was thankful.

  “How are you feeling?” Avery said. She had a folder in her hands. It was a copy of all the documents that had Sam’s name written all over them. The documents that went into detail about what had been injected into her system. Avery had read the copies just as many times as their lawyer had.

  “Fine. Ready to move forward,” Sam said, wrapping herarms around her stomach.

  “He’s pleading guilty, you know.”

  She wasn’t afraid to see Dr. Ash again. There was nothing about him that scared her; it was learning what he had done to her that terrified her. So much of those weeks spent in the hospital were a blur. She hadn’t read the files like Avery had. If it were up to her, she would live her life, never knowing what had been done to her, but she was required to be at the trial where they would go into every detail of what had been done to her. They called her a witness, but in reality she was just the victim.

  The case took hours to dissect as each attorney took turns at the stand. The serum, how it was created, how and when it had been injected. The prosecution stood up, placing his hands behind his back before he stood.

  “Samantha Ellison,” he said.

  Randy sat in the defendant’s chair. His body was hunched forward, his once groomed and sleek hair now frayed at the edges, waiting to be tamed. Any sense of the man he used to be was gone the day Willow died.

  He turned as Sam stood and made her way to the front. She was a different person from when he last saw her. She cowered as she walked, but her eyes had the light that had been missing for so long. Her skin was healed and possessed the healthy glow that hadn’t been there since the fire. When Sam looked around the room, she found Dr. Ash and they both looked away.

  She swore her oaths and sat in front of the court room.

  “Samantha, we’ve all heard what’s happened to you, and I can only assume the thoughts running through your mind, but can you all let us know how you’re doing? How long has it been since you were last injected with the serum?”

  She looked to the side where the judge sat. He smiled and urged her to speak.

  “Over 5 months ago.”

  “And how was your memory recovered after the injections stopped?”

  “It was slow at first,” she said. “To come back, I mean. I couldn’t remember a lot, but I think the effects of it are fading. All my new memories are fine, but anything that happened before or during the injections is still a little hazy.”

  “Do you remember getting any of these injections?”

  Sam’s arms curled in and her fingers traced the blue vein in the crook of her elbow. The stinging was still there.

  “Some,” she said.

  The prosecution stepped back and paced the front of the room. “And do you remember who it was that administered the injections?”

  Sam stared wide-eyed at her lawyer, and he stepped closer. “Was it Dr. Ash?” He pointed to where Randy was sitting. Randy kept his gaze down, only looking up the moment Sam caught his eye. The two froze, their eyes locked. Sam bit her bottom lip and stared back at Randy. Moments in the hospital flashed in front of her. None of them involved Dr. Ash.

  “No,” she whispered so quietly the microphone in front of her almost didn’t pick it up.

  Behind him, Randy could feel people shifting in the room. His heart rate spiked, and camera flashes went off. The courtroom had a silent buzz of excitement.

  “Do you know who it was?” the prosecution asked.

  Sam shifted in her seat, placing her hands on her lap. The room was silent as everyone held their breath for an answer. “It was a woman,” she said. Sam looked up and at the crowd. Avery stared back at her. Sam hadn’t told anyone. She barely knew the truth herself. “It was a nurse. The same nurse that took care of me when I was brought to the hospital after the fire.”

  As she spoke, Avery wavered in her seat. She lost Sam’s gaze and searched the room, hoping the nurse was somewhere in the courtroom.

  The prosecution paused for a moment. His brows furrowed until something clicked. He lifted his head, and the corner of his lip went up into a narrow smile. “Thank you,” he said and ushered her to sit.

  The whispering that was already filling the courtroom grew louder as Sam left the stand and went back to her seat.

  “As you can see, while Dr. Ash was in fact Samantha’s doctor, he wasn’t the one to administer the injections. Her nurse was Willow Ash, Dr. Ash’s wife. She was the nurse that was assigned to her case when she came into the ER. While she was not Samantha’s neurology nurse when she was under Dr. Ash’s care, all of the medical notes pertaining to the serum are written in Willow’s handwriting.”

  Air left the courtroom. Surprise and maybe some confusion filled the room. More whispers, but not a word came from Randy. He shouldn’t have been shocked, really. Everything was in her hand. She had documented everything so clearly, for the sake of the cure.

  The prosecution stepped towards his table and gripped a folder, taking it to the judge who flipped through the pages.

  “What are you suggesti
ng?” the judge asked, still looking through the pages.

  “I think Randy Ash was not alone, that his wife was also a part of the experiments. All the notes are in her handwriting. Dr. Ash was just there to help cover everything up.”

  “You’re aware Mrs. Ash is dead?” the judge said, his eyes wary.

  “Yes, sir, but my client prefers to have to truth exposed, whether or not punishment can be served.”

  Defending his wife was the only thing he had left and even now he couldn’t do that. All her career of saving lives, pouring herself into every patient she treated, all thrown aside and forgotten. She had poisoned a girl and that’s all she would be remembered for now.

  Randy turned to the table next to him. Paul, Shelly, Avery and Sam were all sitting together. Sam was looking down at her hands, similar to the way she had when she was infected with the serum. The only difference now was when she looked at her hands, her eyes weren’t vacant. They were occupied with tears she couldn’t seem to hold back.

  “Randy Ash to the stand,” the prosecution said.

  Randy stood, and it was then he realized how shaken he was. There was nothing he could do. He could place the blame on himself all he could, but there was no denying Willow’s involvement. The judge didn’t give Randy a chance to breathe once he sat.

  “Is this your handwriting?”

  A bailiff passed the papers to Randy. He glanced it over like he had so many times before, but now it was different. It had been months since he had seen a picture of Willow or even her hand writing. Seeing the soft curves of script, the way she so meticulously recorded made his heart speed up, like he was on a runaway train and needed to jump off. Her face came to mind. Her tanned skin, clear, full of life, happiness, and ultimately desperation. He couldn’t stop seeing her cold, lifeless face when she was in the hospital bed, already gone.

  “Dr. Ash?” the judge repeated himself.

  He thought about lying and saying the writing was his, but he knew that somewhere in the crowd there was someone ready to analyze his handwriting.

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Are you familiar with the handwriting?” the prosecution asked.

  Randy looked at the man, a stranger really, who was standing in front of him, ready to expose a secret he had fought so hard to keep secret.

  Randy only looked back down at the papers.

  “Whose is it?” the prosecution asked.

  The charts Willow drew in the notes were perfect. Each diagram was in place, not one number was missing or out of place. He never got to attend her funeral.

  “My wife’s,” he said. His voice softened. He didn’t want to do this to her.

  “So, your wife had a part in Sam’s care?”

  Randy looked down at his hands. His wedding band on his left hand was loose on his finger. It occurred to him he was a widow. His wife was dead, but if he took his wedding band off, it felt too final.

  “Yes,” he said. His voice was strained, and he begged the questions to stop or to move away from Willow.

  “Was she the one that administered the shots?”

  Randy could hear his heartbeat from behind his ear. It pulsed until his vision blurred. He looked around the room, but couldn’t make up any of the faces. He adjusted his wedding band before spoke.

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  The courtroom stirred. There was a flash of a camera, but Randy refused to look up. Every eye in the room was on him.

  “Dr. Ash,” the prosecution said. The way the man spoke was final. He was toying with Randy; he knew what Randy would say before he could speak. “Whose idea was it to inject the serum into Samantha Ellison’s body?”

  He took a deep breath, his heartbeat wavered. “Willow’s,” he said. He wanted to scream, to tell everyone that his wife wasn’t there. He wasn’t sure when, but he had lost her. The women he loved, that wasn’t the women that injected Sam with the serum, but none of that matter. It didn’t matter that she was once a good person or that she had tried too hard to save others from a fate her father had endured. All that mattered was the one mistake. The one vial of serum she had injected into Sam. But it was too late. His words had been said.

  The world moved in a blur. Words bounced around the room, none of which registered in his mind. At some point, he was released from the stand and the trial continued without him.

  Each attorney, the prosecutors and his own, had a chance with their closing statements, but he never heard their words.

  As both lawyers spoke, he heard Willow’s name being said over and over. Each time it was like a blade being dragged across his skin. He blocked out the words, but her name struck him like a dagger.

  The judge sat stone-faced at the front of the room, and when everyone was done speaking, he left. Only a few minutes passed before he came back into the room.

  “Under the law of our federal government and the state of Massachusetts, Dr. Randy Ash has been found guilty of charges of medical malpractice and reckless conduct. As a result, he will be serving a state prison sentence, minimum of 10 years.”

  Murmurs filled the room and cameras flashed around him. The photos were all for him. He was their star. Tomorrow morning, newspapers would have his face plastered across the front, Doctor found guilty of child experiment.

  For all that, he didn’t care. He didn’t care if his name was whispered across the papers. He didn’t care that his license to practice was gone forever, or that he had no idea how he would support himself after he served his time in jail. He only cared about Willow, and while she was gone, her secret was not. Her name would be littered in those papers as well. He had wanted her secret to die with her, but now it would take a life of its own.

  He couldn’t save her. Not from herself and not from what she had done.

  Acknowledgments

  I thought by the third book, this whole writing thing would get easier. Turns out I was wrong.

  First and foremost, I have to thank my amazing boyfriend, Phill. I’m not a pleasant person to be around when I’m stressed, so thank you for finding enough patience to put up with me on a daily basis, especially when deadlines for this book were coming up. Thank you for being a thesaurus, a place to bounce ideas, and someone who supports me through all my crazy dreams and ideas. I love you!!!

  My parents, who I also put through the ringer, but less these days because I’ve moved out. Do you miss me yet? Thank you both for supporting me every step of this journey.

  Elizabeth Bidinger, my creative writing pro-fessor, who read one of the original drafts of this book when Dr. Ash was the evil one. Thank you for always offering feedback.

  Kim Chance, my editor and amazing person in general. I can’t thank you enough for the phone calls, text messages and genuine support.

  All the authors and writers I’ve meet this year through the AuthorTube Retreat and Wander Writer’s Retreat. There are moments in your career that you think about giving up. Spending the weekend with these girls reminded me that wasn’t an option. I’m so glad to have met you all in person and I can’t wait to see each of you again!

  My beta readers, Pam Deveny, Debora Spano and Mae LaBelle. Thank you so much for meeting my crazy deadlines!

  My street team, who were my first handful of readers and helped me get this book out into the world.

  Alaina Waagner, my marketing expert who taught me more things about keywords and ads than I thought my brain could handle.

  Alisha from Damonza, who made my book come to life with this gorgeous cover. I still can’t stop staring at it!

  And most importantly, all my followers and readers, especially those who have been around since Essence came out in 2013, thank you for believing in me.

  Support the Author

  If you’ve enjoyed this book, be sure to head over to Amazon and Goodreads and write a review!

  About the Author

  Mandi Lynn published her first novel when she was seventeen. The author of Essence, I am Mercy and She’s Not Here, Mandi spe
nds her days continuing to write and creating YouTube videos to help other writers achieve their dream of seeing their book published. Mandi is the creator of AuthorTube Academy, a course that teaches authors how to grow their presence on YouTube. When she’s not creating, you can find Mandi exploring her backyard or getting lost in the woods.

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