Moonshine Wizard

by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  He withdrew his .357 Magnum as well. It was a Ruger Blackhawk; an old cowboy style six-gun Uncle Tony had given him for his seventeenth birthday. His mom had been super excited. The steel was blued and had an oily sheen. The walnut grips were custom fitted to his hand, thanks to Hunter’s craftmanship. Most wizards never thought to carry a gun, but most weren’t trained by Uncle Tony. Most mages were too reliant on their magical ability, and a newer firearm wouldn’t last anyway. But a gun could be just as deadly as a wizard staff. Under Tony’s guidance, he’d trained with it until he could drive nails.

  His dwarf pal had supplied him special rounds for the .357 as well, along with several other calibers. He never knew when they might come in handy. He loaded the revolver with police grade hollow points, which had been modified to be effective against a variety of supernatural foes. Then he strapped the holster to his belt so it hung against his hip and activated a ward to keep it hidden.

  He grabbed a few boxes of the other calibers for Hunter and headed out the door.

  ***

  Hunter was in a chipper mood, despite the events of the night before. In fact, Bert couldn’t remember the last time he’d seemed so hyper. Irritated by his own morning fatigue, Bert said, “What the hell’s gotten into you?”

  Hunter shrugged. “That was the best I’ve slept in my entire life.”

  Bert remembered Tony’s sleep spell and wished his uncle had passed one his way. They were in the Beast and headed down Hunter’s driveway. Bert said, “So, they let you off work today?”

  “Actually, my boss called this morning and told me to take the next few days off with pay. Weird, right?”

  Bert wondered if it’d been Tony’s doing. Just how far did his uncle’s influence go? Either way, it was for the best. Bert didn’t think a single day would be enough to break Hunter into the realm of the supernatural. His thought process reminded him of another important question. “Which guns did you bring with you today?”

  “What, you think I just run around with a firearm on me all the time?”

  “As a matter of fact, I know you do. You probably have several on you.”

  Hunter grinned. “I’ve got my 1911 hidden behind my shirt. My snub nose is in my boot, and my little Derringer is in my pocket.”

  “Good. I was hoping you’d have at least one on you.”

  Hunter looked down at the floor. “After last night, I’m not sure I’m carrying enough.”

  “I know the feeling.”

  Bert dropped the spell on his .357 and moved his jacket so Hunter could see the gun strapped to his hip.

  Hunter’s expression sobered. “Is that for me? If I...you know?”

  “What?” Bert asked, eyes widening. “No, hell no. This for the rest of the nasties I might run into.”

  Quietly, Hunter said, “I need to know what’s going on with me, Bert.”

  “I’ll explain it the best I can. As I do, reach behind your seat and see what I brought you.”

  Hunter reached behind him and said, “Bullets! Just what I wanted. How’d you know?”

  Bert chuckled. “Grab one of each box. There should be ammo for everything you’re carrying plus some 9mm for your duty weapon.”

  “All right, but I’ve got a ton of ammo. Plus, I have access to the law enforcement stuff.”

  “Yeah, well your buddies at the PD don’t have access to what I’m giving you. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that in a bit. Just reload your guns with the stuff I brought.”

  “All right.” Hunter began swapping out the ammo in his .45. “What are you going to talk to me about?”

  “Well Hunter, I’m going to tell you a fairy tale.” Bert paused. It wasn’t for dramatic effect so much as he hadn’t really planned on how to get into it from there.

  Hunter waited patiently, but eventually said, “Well?”

  Bert shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t really know where to start.”

  Sharp snickered from his place in the back seat. Bert ignored him.

  Hunter said, “Why don’t you start by explaining what happened to me? What am I? Because the only thing I’m sure about is that I don’t have a damn clue anymore.”

  “Fair enough. As it turns out, you’re a lycanthrope.”

  Hunter glanced up from loading his gun. “What? Like a were-wolf?”

  “No. Well, yes. But not quite. Not a wolf, anyway. It seems that you are a were-bear.”

  “A were...bear?”

  “Yeah. A were-bear. Doesn’t really roll off the tongue the same as were-wolf, does it?” There was an awkward silence for a moment and Bert couldn’t take it. “But if you ask me, that’s way more badass.”

  Hunter forced a smile. “Officer Winnie the Pooh reporting for duty. Drug dealers beware.”

  “Now, see, that’s the positive attitude more people need when dealing with this shit. And from what I can tell, you change into a grizzly bear. So that’s like...even better.”

  Hunter smirked. “You know, if you’d told me this yesterday I would’ve thought you’d lost your mind. I mean, it’s still hard to believe. Bert, you’re like my brother and I don’t know what the hell is going on. If you hadn’t been there last night—”

  “Don’t do that. You can’t hold yourself accountable for things you don’t have control over. Before this day is over, you’re going to find out this world is much darker and scarier than you ever imagined. Stay positive.”

  “All right, but just for the record, I can never repay you for what you did for my family last night.”

  “Don’t sweat it. You’d do the same for me.”

  “Okay, so what else can you tell me about the were-bear thing? Where did I get it from?”

  “Well, I don’t really know. Most were-creatures aren’t like you. There are tons out there who just turn into dogs or cats, but they’re different. They don’t have anything special about them, really. They turn into an animal and that’s about it. You shoot them with a gun and they go down. They transfer it by biting someone and infecting them with... For lack of a better word, let’s call it a virus.”

  “So how am I different? I don’t remember anyone biting me.”

  “Right. I’ve never met a lycan like you. I don’t think many have. It’s in your bloodline. It’s true lycan. The others I mentioned are like a diluted, or a watered-down version. Honestly, I doubt they’re even related. Probably just similar. At any rate, the lycanthrope magic is in your bloodline.”

  “So, how’d it get there? Why aren’t my parents grizzly bears?”

  “I don’t know about the origin, but I can tell you this. A long time ago there were these magic wars. No one seems to know for sure what happened, but, supposedly some powerful beings and magics were banished or locked down somehow. So, the prevailing theory is that the lycan in your bloodline has been lying dormant for a few thousand years. Or it could be something else. I don’t really know.”

  “So why would it come out now?”

  “Again, I don’t know for sure, but the leading theory is that it’s the result of some exceptionally powerful magical energy floating around our area right now causing a disturbance in the natural balance of things. Tony, the guy who was with me last night, he’s going to have some experts come help you with this.”

  “Who was that guy?”

  Bert pondered it for a few seconds and said, “Well, he’s my uncle, or, at least, I claim him as my uncle. He was... He is my dad’s best friend.”

  “Really? I don’t recall you or your dad ever mentioning him.”

  “Well Hunter, as you are going to learn today, there are just some people you don’t talk about.”

  “Okay, well can you tell him thanks for me?”

  Bert nodded. “Next time I see him.”

  Hunter fired his next question. “Okay, so how do you know about all of this?”

  “Well, Hunter,” Bert said, bracing himself. “I am a wizard.”

  “You’re a what?”

  “A wizard.”

  “A
wizard?”

  “Yep. I do magic and everything. I even have a wizard staff. And while we’re on the subject…Neil, Jim, and Kevin are wizards too.”

  “Okay, now I’m starting to wonder if I’ve gone mad. Or maybe you’ve gone mad. Or maybe both of us.”

  Bert grinned. “It’d certainly make life a lot easier. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. The world really is a much scarier place than you’ve ever known, my friend.”

  “So, you do magic. Can I see some?”

  “No. There’s this rule about not doing magic just to prove you can do magic. You’ll have to trust me.”

  Hunter obviously wasn’t sure but shrugged it off. “So, what kind of things can you do?”

  “A lot. But there are much stronger mages than me. I’m basically a baby in the wizard world.”

  “Is that what you did last night? When I attacked you? You used magic to stop me?”

  “Yes.”

  In Bert’s mind, Sharp chimed in. “Tell him how you used me as a lightning rod to fry his ass. Jerk face.”

  Bert ignored him and focused on Hunter’s next question. “So, what else is there? I mean, if were-bears and wizards are real, what else?”

  “Umm, most of it. Most of it’s real, Hunter. Vampires, zombies, killer garden gnomes. Every horror movie you’ve seen in your life is probably based on some reality.”

  “So, how do people not know this shit?”

  “And that brings us to the Hand of Magic: the governing body of the supernatural world. That which you should respect and fear.”

  “The Hand of Magic?”

  “They make the rules and govern everything supernatural. Their laws are strict and their punishments severe. They are made up of various factions and have their own government structure. I’d like to tell you how it all works, but that shit always bored me, so I didn’t pay attention. I know they have an army, their own police force, and their own judicial system. The wizards pretty much run the show, but other supernatural creatures are just as involved. They have decreed that the supernatural community must remain hidden from the human world. Openly defying that will get you killed, or worse. Breaking the rules and using supernatural abilities to hurt anyone is also not a good idea. They maintain order and are real dicks in the process. I’m not a huge fan.”

  “Interesting. Is that who your uncle was worried about taking me?”

  “Exactly. The Hand is so large and there are so many factions it’s like dealing with the government, or a ruthless corporation. Uncle Tony falls somewhere in the chain and he can apparently work the system a bit in our favor. It’s not that they’d hurt you. At least, I don’t think they would. But they also have a vast research department, and because a true lycan is apparently so rare, they’d probably like to contain and study you.”

  “Uh, no thanks.”

  “Exactly.”

  “So. Are you part of the Hand?”

  “No. I chose to be freelance. Most of those jobs I take for Falcon are supernatural related, and I occasionally take jobs for the Hand directly. Usually when vampires, were-creatures, or whatever, go rogue and cause problems. I help out, but I’m not a card-carrying member of the Hand.”

  “Wait, so you’re saying vampires are real too?”

  “Yup.”

  “Aliens?”

  “Yes, but not necessarily in the way you think. There are other planets. Countless planets with living creatures just like us. Well, some are human, or humanish. Others are completely different. Some are more advanced and some are less. I can’t tell you how many other civilized worlds are out there, but I can tell you that I couldn’t count that high. And as far as I know, or at least as far as the Hand of Magic wants us to know, they oversee the supernatural on every single one. And yes, in some they live out in the open, but every planet is different.”

  “Okay, now you’re just messing with me, right?”

  “No, I’m not. I promise I won’t lie to you about any of this stuff.”

  “Wow. The idea of other worlds. It makes me feel small. Have you ever been to any of them?”

  “Actually, yes. I’ve had the pleasure of visiting a few.”

  “What were they like? How’d you get there?”

  “I was teleported by wizards much more powerful than me. And I went to do wizardy stuff, so I didn’t get to do much sightseeing.”

  “Teleported?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How can any of this be true? I mean, it pretty much changes history as we, or I guess as I, know it. Have these things always existed?”

  “No one really knows, or, at least, they aren’t saying. I’m sure the Hand knows more, but we less important folk aren’t privy. There’re some people who say all of the worlds used to be in peace, and that dragons were the protectors of all life. Then some of the dragons decided that instead of protecting all the species they should dominate. Then there was a giant war, and when it was over, all the dragons were dead on both sides. Some people believe that, but I’ve heard a thousand variations. Really, I don’t know, but dragons aren’t around as far as I know. So, maybe.”

  The line of questioning continued and Bert did his best to explain as they headed for their first supernatural destination.

  Chapter 18

  The club was called Fangs. It sat off an old highway as far outside of Eureka Springs as it could get. Even in the daylight, the blazing neon served as an invitation.

  Hunter looked at the sign and said, “Fangs. Really?”

  Bert nodded. “Yup.”

  “Isn’t that a little obvious?”

  “You would think so, but people don’t know the truth. Most people don’t want to know.”

  “So, what? They lure guys in here like it’s a titty bar and then drink their blood?”

  Bert shook his head. “Absolutely not. Preying on people is strictly prohibited.”

  “So? What’s the point, then?”

  “As you put it, it’s a titty bar.”

  Hunter stared at him blankly. “But?”

  “No really, Hunter, it’s a strip club.”

  “A regular old strip club, except with vampires?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say regular. It’s a haven of sorts. Sometimes the rules get broken and people get turned into vampires against their will. So, there has to be someone to help them along. The Hand either doesn’t give a shit, or doesn’t have the means to help those people. I mean, they’ll explain the rules and everything, but as far as helping a person cope with being a blood sucking monster…not so much. The guy who runs this place, Mack, is a vampire. Has been for a long time. I couldn’t even tell you how old he is. Point is, he helps other vampires. He finds them places to live, gets them blood from legitimate blood banks, and makes sure they don’t break the rules.”

  “But a strip club?”

  Bert chuckled. “Look, there are different kinds of vampires. Some are rather adept at seduction. They crave it almost as much as blood. So, they get to practice being seductresses without actually hurting anyone. And, might I add, they’re really good. This place makes bank. It helps finance the operation. Come on, let’s go say hi.”

  “Wait, we’re going in?”

  “Well, yeah. I need to talk to Mack.”

  Hunter hesitated. “I don’t think Allie is going to like this.”

  “Tell her it was part of the educational process,” Bert said, shrugging. “And if you get horny, just remember, the only thing these ladies want to suck is your blood.”

  Hunter turned a little pale and took a deep breath. “All right then, let’s go meet some vampires.”

  Bert pulled his staff and sword from the back of the Beast. As he strapped them on his back, Hunter’s eyes widened. “That’s your staff? And you carry a sword?”

  “Every day of my life. Just like your duty weapon.”

  “But I’ve never seen them before.”

  “I told you, I know magic.”

  Before Hunter could respond Bert activated the w
ard that kept the sword and staff hidden. Hunter’s eyes widened further. “Woah… They just... You made them disappear.”

  “Sort of.”

  “I thought you couldn’t show me any magic?”

  “No, I can’t show you magic to prove I can do magic. However, if you happen to be standing around while I happen to be doing magic, well, that’s another story. Come on, let’s go look at some suck-face titties.”

  “Wait, before we go in, I have a question.”

  “Okay?”

  “It feels weird asking this, but how do you kill a vampire? Just in case.”

  “The chances of you needing to know that in here are slim, but I guess it’s useful information. There are different species of vampires, but I couldn’t even begin to break it down for you. This is what you basically need to know: sunlight will kill them. Some just keel over and die, while others turn to ash. Some can withstand it for a while with sunblock and shades. Garlic is like a severe poison to them. Some aren’t as sensitive on the outside, but I haven’t found any yet that didn’t squeal when it hit their innards. Those bullets I gave you contain garlic. The whole stake to the heart thing is a little exaggerated. Their hearts still function like ours. Well, maybe not exactly the same way, but it’s still necessary for their survival. Piercing it will usually get the job done. It doesn’t matter if it’s a stake, a knife, or a bullet.”

  “What about crosses? Isn’t that supposed to scare them away, or burn them, or some shit?”

  “Well, not exactly,” Bert said. “Faith in religion is another thing entirely. So, the classical idea, I guess, is that vampires are wicked devil creatures and therefore the cross hurts them. That isn’t the case. Vampires aren’t inherently evil. That said, there is a certain kind of power in faith. If a person truly has faith and lives by their beliefs, and I mean really lives by their beliefs and really has faith, there is a kind of power in that. And it could possibly do something. But, I’ve never seen a cross do shit. Let’s face it, most of us don’t live by our beliefs. I’ve literally seen a vampire shove a cross up a holy man’s ass.”