Moonshine Wizard

by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  Bert looked away while Hunter studied his face. Finally he said, “So, what do we do now?”

  “We hold,” Bert replied. “That’s about the only thing we can do. If Jim can’t shield, then it’s down to me. And I can’t hold one for long. We’ve got to kill as many of them as we can before it drops. Surely we’ve killed enough of their people to make them wonder if continuing is worth it.”

  “Why do you think they’re here?” Jim asked. “What’s to gain from this?”

  “I don’t know,” Bert replied, but for the first time wondered about the business with the object. Could it be down here? This was the last place he’d thought to look, but it made sense. If someone was on the run, the Underbelly wasn’t the worst place to hide.

  Hunter cut through his thoughts, pointing his rifle into the square. “It looks like they’re going to attack.”

  “We need shooters up front!” Bert yelled at the group, then glanced toward Jim. “Get your lazy ass up and help me shield. You can nap when they’ve killed us all.”

  Jim groaned and pushed himself up from the wall. Together, they stepped up to the mouth of the alley, and even beat down, Jim’s shield still outmatched his own. In the square, the Brotherhood seemed wary, but they still inched closer, using whatever cover they could find to protect their approach. They stopped firing their weapons as well, perhaps knowing it was a waste to fire against the shields. Instead, an eerie silence fell over the cavern as the Brotherhood stared at them.

  “Well, that’s unnerving,” Jim said. “What the hell are they doing?”

  Hunter appeared beside Bert along with several of their allies, all armed and ready to shoot. Still the Brotherhood held their attack. Jim was right. It was unnerving. What were they waiting on?

  His answer came from the far side of the plaza, as more Brotherhood ass-hats poured into the square.

  “Seriously? How many of these dicks are there?” Jim asked, rubbing his tired eyes. “Are they breeding or something? Like little ninja-rabbits, just hump-a-pumping away until more pop out?”

  Bert’s chuckle fell away as he saw the man standing in the center of the newcomers. He was dressed like the other members, but on his head sat a black beret.

  “Is that their leader?” Hunter asked.

  “Looks like it,” Bert said, watching the man. He didn’t look pleased. He waved his arms wildly through the air, occasionally sticking a finger in someone’s chest like an angry drill sergeant. No, he didn’t look happy, which, in turn, made Bert pretty damn happy. The Brotherhood troops were taking an epic ass chewing, and that was something. Take the small victories.

  When the angry fella finished, the Brotherhood members around him spread out and started relaying orders. The whole army moved into position, preparing their attack. Too many for Bert to count, he’d only thought they were outnumbered before. Maybe Jim was right, he thought, perhaps the bastards are breeding.

  Then one of the newcomers produced a rocket launcher from some-damn-where and Bert decided the day couldn’t get much worse. Smacking Hunter on the arm, he said, “Can you hit the one with the rocket launcher?”

  Beside him, Hunter was already looking through the iron sights of his gun. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  A gunshot sounded from somewhere above them, and the man wielding the rocket launcher tumbled over in the street. Everyone, Brotherhood and defenders alike, looked up, trying to figure out where the shot came from.

  Bert felt a smile spread across his lips. “The snipers! Our snipers!”

  When the explosions had gone off, they’d all probably hidden, unsure what to do. They’d probably thought their allies were dead, but the last skirmish had shown them otherwise, and now, they were back in the fight.

  “Attack!” Bert screamed as more of the snipers picked off Brotherhood goons.

  The gunners beside him opened fire. They weren’t marksman, but in the past few minutes, they’d all figured out how to shoot straight. Beside him, Hunter kept his rifle in semi-automatic mode, carefully picking his shots. Bert took the opportunity to reload his revolver and started firing as well.

  The Brotherhood returned fire, but they didn’t seem inclined to make another charge. They kept their distance and stayed in cover, making themselves hard targets. The snipers, having taken the guns with scopes, seemed to be having some luck, but they weren’t taking them down as fast as Bert would’ve liked. They weren’t really winning, but they weren’t losing people, so that was something. The biggest concern was that his group had to be getting low on ammo, and he had a sneaking suspicion the Brotherhood had plenty. They were just buying time.

  “Oh, shit,” Jim said, his eyes straying to a nearby alley.

  Bert followed his gaze and realized he’d been a complete jackass for surmising the day couldn’t get any worse. Not far from where they stood, in another alleyway leading into the square, stood a small girl. She was dirty, crying, and hugging a worn teddy bear.

  “Oh, shit, indeed,” Bert said, sharing a glance with Jim.

  “We can’t leave her there,” Jim said. “They’ll see her. You know what they’ll do. Just like the boy…”

  It was suicide. He knew it. Jim knew it. And he nodded anyway.

  There was only one option. He’d have to be the one. The group needed Jim’s shield, and no one else would make it ten steps without being gunned down.

  “I’m going,” Jim said, starting forward.

  “Wait,” Bert said grabbing him by the shoulder. Before Jim could respond, Bert shoved him back into Hunter. “You know it’s got to be me. Hunter, make sure nothing sneaks up behind me.”

  Without waiting for a reply, he bolted into the square and toward the little girl. The trick, he told himself, was not to look and just go for it. He sprinted as fast as his legs would move, thinking again that maybe Sharp was onto something with that whole cardio thing. Bullets whizzed around him, several bouncing off his shield.

  “Sharp, this would be a great time to shield me.”

  “I’m not the dumbass who just ran out in the open,” the sword replied, raising his shield again.

  The girl was still crying and didn’t notice his approach until he scooped her off the ground. She screamed like a banshee, but he didn’t have time to stop and explain that he was one of the good guys. He turned and ran back the way he’d come, pumping his legs with everything he had.

  Across the way, Hunter and Jim motioned for him to stop. They were screaming but he couldn’t hear over the constant barrage of gunfire. Then Jim started motioning like he wanted him to turn back. What the hell? Hunter met his gaze and jammed a finger toward the Brotherhood. Bert turned and came to a screeching halt as he realized why there were trying to stop him. He was fucked.

  One of the Brotherhood-sphincter-biscuits had picked up the fallen rocket launcher and had it pointed right at him. Bert cursed and threw the little girl into the air, then, drawing his staff, he used magical energy to hurl her toward his friends, not unlike the debris from earlier.

  The he turned and ran again, this time knowing Sharp was right about the cardio. His best chance was in the alley where the girl had been standing. He’d just crossed the threshold when he felt the wind displace by his head, and saw a blur as the rocket soared past him.

  It hit the building beside him, erupting in a blinding glare. Bert stumbled from the impact but kept pushing forward. Beside him, the building started to crumble. It was coming down right on top of him.

  Debris fell all around him and in a few moments he was blinded by dust once again. Still he pressed on, clambering forward as the world around him seemed to disintegrate. His final thought before the darkness took him was a question. Had someone caught the little girl?

  ***

  Someone had caught the little girl. Much to Jim’s surprise, Hunter dropped his gun, dove forward, and caught the kid like a touchdown catch in the Superbowl. He hit the ground hard, taking all of the impact into himself, and rolled up with girl safely in his arms. />
  But he’d landed outside of Jim’s shield range. Jim bent down, scooped up Hunter’s rifle, and began firing as he ran closer to Hunter, bringing the shield forward with him. He had no experience shooting assault rifles, but when Hunter had dropped the gun it was still operational. All he had to do was point at the Brotherhood-douche-nuggets and squeeze the trigger. Easy enough.

  Having shot his fair share of deer rifles and shotguns, he was surprised by the minimal kick of the rifle and found the sights easy to use. He lined up a shot and drilled a Brotherhood member straight through the chest. He fired and hit another in the shoulder. He corrected his aim and sent the next shot into the man’s head.

  Hunter darted past him, the girl safely held in his arms.

  Jim fired a few more rounds, but the rifle made a strange pop and stopped working. Sometimes being a wizard was a real crock of shit. He pitched the ruined gun to the ground and stepped back to his original position and retrieved his staff. Keeping up the shield without it was a bitch anyway.

  He called out to Bert, and once again, there was no answer.

  Hunter appeared beside him, having commandeered another assault rifle. He had a small cut above one eye and a stream of blood ran down the side of his face, but he didn’t seem to care. He just looked pissed. He started shooting again, a grim look of determination on his face.

  Jim wondered if he could emulate the expression. It was doubtful. He had a feeling he looked as tired as he felt. And if that rocket had been pointed at them, he didn’t know if he could’ve bolstered his shield enough to stop it.

  As though the enemy were reading his mind, the jackass with the rocket launcher raised the weapon again, and this time, it was pointed in his direction.

  “Fuck bubbles,” he muttered, trying to strengthen his shield, but before the rocket man could launch, a twirling blur flew across the square and cut the bastard right in half. Jim blinked and looked again. Yup, the asshole was still in two pieces. Before he could question his sanity further, another of the objects took off a man’s arm.

  “What the hell?!” Hunter asked from beside him. “Are those swords?”

  “Looked like ceiling fans to me,” Jim said. “What kind of moron would think to throw swords at them?”

  Before their conversation could continue, a hail of gunfire tore into the Brotherhood’s flank. Caught completely off-guard, they couldn’t get into cover fast enough. Any who weren’t dead, ran, and between the newcomers, whoever they were, and Jim’s group, it was a massacre. The main body of their force split and panicked. Most retreated, seeking cover in the allies themselves.

  Another group poured into the square, guns blazing.

  A cheer went up from Jim’s group, and before he knew what was happening, they were joining the charge. He surged forward, trying to keep them shielded as the chased after the retreating members of the Brotherhood.

  Across the way, he saw Kevin and Neil were at the head of the other group, and felt a sense of elation at seeing his friends. Brock was in the mix too, shooting her gun and barking orders. Apparently the group from the saloon had decided it was time to fight back as well.

  In a matter of moments, the only Brotherhood members in sight lay dead in the square. A roar of cheers went up from the school house they’d come to protect. Honestly, Jim had kind of forgotten about the school in all the excitement, but he couldn’t bring himself to join in the cheering. They’d done it. They’d taken the Underbelly back from the Brotherhood, but where was Bert?

  Neil moved toward him, grinning. “Happy to see us?”

  “If I say yes, are you going to let it go to your head?” Jim asked.

  “Probably,” Neil admitted, shrugging. “But we did just come save your ass, so I’ll have something to gloat about for a while anyway.”

  Kevin spit and said, “Don’t listen to him. His ass has needed some saving today, too.”

  “Drunk rules apply,” Neil said. “I was out cold so I don’t remember. If I don’t remember, it didn’t happen.”

  Kevin rolled his eyes and changed the subject. “Hey, where’s Bert?”

  Jim knew the look on his face said it all. Unable to say the words, he pointed toward the rubble pile at the other end of the square. The whole building had collapsed on him. All that remained was a smoldering pile of debris.

  Kevin spoke for all of them. “Oh, shit.”

  Chapter 31

  Waking up like this was getting old quick. His head throbbed and he wondered how long he’d been out. Slowly, the memories came back to him. Oh yeah, he thought, I got blowed up again. He coughed, struggling to breathe through the thick dust. Still not totally convinced he was alive, he attempted to move his hand. It appeared to work. He tried the other with similar results. Forcing his eyes open, he struggled into a sitting position.

  Behind him, the alley was completely blocked off from the debris. A twisted assortment of shattered construction materials piled up like a small mountain. Damn. He’d been lucky. Somehow, he’d managed to get far enough through to avoid the bulk of the collapse.

  “Welcome back to the land of the living,” Sharp said. “Now you might want to turn around.”

  Bert complied and found several members of the Brotherhood standing before him with their weapons at the ready. The angry fella with the black beret stood in the middle of them with his arms crossed, glaring at him.

  He was too tired to act tough. So instead, he offered them a little wave and said, “Hi, guys.”

  His friendly greeting was met with hard glares, and he got the impression they didn’t like him very much.

  “Do you see what you’ve done, demon?” the leader asked, spittle flying from his lips. “Do you see the chaos you’ve caused this day?”

  “Uh, what?” Bert asked, his face twisted in confusion.

  “Look around you, wizard,” the man said, spreading his arms. “You caused this.”

  “Uh, what?” he repeated, then fixed the man with his own glare. “I’m not the one who showed up and started killing innocent people, you lint-licking sociopath.”

  “Innocent.” He chuckled. “I doubt there is a soul here who isn’t tainted by your evil. This place needed to be cleansed. Did you not think we’d respond to the vile murder of our brother?”

  “The dude in the van?” Bert’s eyes widened. “You did this because I killed him?”

  “Yes,” the man replied. “The murder of one of our brothers cannot go unpunished.”

  “Well, the jokes on you, because I technically didn’t kill him,” Bert said in all seriousness. “A tree did. And Newton’s third law. I think. I don’t remember my physics lessons that well.”

  “You killed him,” the man said, taking a step forward. “And this is the prize for your sins.”

  Bert cocked an eyebrow at him. “In all fairness, he was choking me.”

  “As he should have. You are possessed. The beast must be purged from your flesh. It is that wickedness which led you to murder our brethren. It is that evil which taints the world with your plague.”

  “Holy self-righteousness,” Bert replied. “You should start a line of evil wizard demon greeting cards.”

  “Make your jokes, wizard, but the deaths of our brothers this day are on your head.”

  “And I’m really saddened by that. Honestly. I feel terrible for your loss.”

  “I don’t need your sympathy, demon.”

  “But clearly you do need a lesson in sarcasm,” Bert replied. “Did you come here to scold me or are you planning to kill me? Because I don’t think I can take much more of this. No offense, but you’re bat shit crazy.”

  “Today’s purpose wasn’t just retribution. Nor was it just to cleanse the vileness from this cavern. We came here to send you a message.”

  “You could’ve just knocked on my door like a Jehovah’s Witness. Or sent an email. Or called.”

  “Shut up and listen,” the man said, his face reddening.

  “Um, no,” Bert replied shrugging. �
��You left children lying dead in the street, you sick fuck. I don’t care what you believe. I don’t care what your occult teaches. You’re the monsters. Not us. You’re the ones who should be cleansed. So, kill me if you want, but if there’s a hell, and I’m kind of hoping there is, it was made for you.”

  The man stared at him for a few moments, his lips pulled back in a snarl. “Yes, wizard, it breaks my heart that the children must suffer because of your sins.”

  “I can’t even…” Bert stared at him in disbelief. “You can’t truly believe that.”

  “I don’t expect you to understand, demon. Perhaps one day, one of our blessed Inquisitors can purge the wickedness from your body, and then you, too, can be free.”

  “Well, we can only hope,” Bert replied. Then added, “That was sarcasm too, by the way.”

  “As I was saying, we came here to send you a message.”

  “Oh, I got it,” Bert said, nodding. “You people are fucking nuts. Should I write it down?”

  “The message,” the man said, “is that you are expected to find something for us.”

  “I know that already. Your pal told me that just before he turned into tree jelly.”

  “Well, my role was to ensure the message was delivered and that you understood your task.”

  “Again, it probably would’ve been easier to just call.”

  “We know how it is with your kind, demon. We needed to send a clear message.”

  “That’s fair,” Bert replied. “When I want to tell one of my friends something, instead of just texting, I usually try to massacre a town full of innocent people, too. Kind of backfired though, didn’t it? Was it worth all of the men you lost to bring me this message?”

  “Do you believe you bested the Brotherhood today, wizard?” He paused to laugh. The guy was just full of chuckles. “Perhaps I should explain. These men, who you’ve faced today, are but new recruits. Virgins. Those who must be tested in fire before they earn the right to become full members of the Brotherhood of the Magic Bane. This was their first expedition into the field. Those who survived may earn rank. Those who died are unworthy.”