The Maybe Series

by Ella Miles

  And Killian…

  I can barely even let my heart go there. One day—actually, less than a day, more like one hour, was all I got with Killian. It’s all the time I got to think about a possible future with him. I thought I loved him. I thought he was the one for me. I was wrong. Killian isn’t Killian. Killian is a liar. I chose wrong again.

  I glance at the clock that is barely visible outside the holding cell. It’s past midnight They won’t question me tonight. I won’t be arraigned tonight. They won’t do anything with me tonight. I’m stuck here, in this cold room, with two strange women.

  I take a seat on the only remaining bench in the room and rest my head against the wall. I cross my arms over my chest and rub my hands over them, trying to warm up, but I’m still shivering, despite my efforts. I push the urge to pee along with thoughts of why I’m in here out of my head. I push Killian out of my head until the only thing that remains is last time.

  This feels just like last time when I had fallen for a man who wasn’t what he seemed. Then, I fell again for the wrong man. Even though my father and grandfather had handpicked him, they picked wrong. Maybe there isn’t a man out there for me.

  I should have learned my lesson the first time. Instead, I’m back in this cell again, and this time, I don’t know when I’ll be getting out.

  FIVE YEARS EARLIER

  The bell rings, and I walk from my English class to my locker. I feel the excitement expelling off of the students and teachers all around me, as everyone is happy to be ending another school year. Everyone is excited, except for me.

  I walk slowly through the hallway, hoping to get one last glance of the man I love. One last glance of the man whom I will probably never see again. That’s not true. I’ll occasionally see him at family functions that involve close family friends, just like I always have. But it won’t be the same as seeing him every day in the hallway, at lunch, or on the football field every fall.

  The man I’m in love with is graduating today and is going to UCLA in the fall while I’ll be stuck here, in Las Vegas, for another year. I could follow him to UCLA in two years, but there’s a high chance that, by then, he’ll already have a girlfriend and have forgotten all about me.

  I stop at my locker, pausing for far longer than it takes for me to get my backpack out so that I can look for him. His locker is just across the hallway from mine, but he never comes.

  In frustration, I slam my locker door closed and begin the long walk to my car. I continue to walk slowly, hoping to see him if I just stall long enough. I don’t though. I don’t seem him anywhere.

  I get to my white Lexus faster than I had hoped. I open the door and slam it in frustration because I didn’t see him. I didn’t get to say good-bye one final time. I don’t get to hear his voice one final time. He didn’t care enough to come find me.

  I shake my head as I start up the engine. Why should he care about coming to see me? I’m nobody to him. Just a lowly sophomore who has been friends with his family since forever. Just a stupid girl who has a stupid crush on him, just like every other girl in the school whom he doesn’t care about. And he sure as hell doesn’t love me.

  I’m tired of being that girl though. The girl who is a goody two-shoes, who gets good grades, and who follows the social hierarchy. I want to go after the bad boy whom everyone wants but is too afraid to go after.

  I’m going after the man I love. I’m going after the bad boy. I’m going after Tristan Slade.

  I grab the door handle to go find him, but a tap at my window startles me, and I stop short. I turn to see who it is, assuming it is Eli since he asked me out earlier this week, and I have yet to give him an answer. I couldn’t, not when there was still a chance that Tristan might want to date me.

  I should say yes though. Eli is a good person, attractive, and smart. My family has known his family for years as well. I should say yes to him.

  It’s not Eli at my window though. It’s Tristan. And he has a wicked grin on his face as he flips his long brown hair out of his eyes. I roll down my window as my breath quickens, like it always does every time he comes near me.

  I open my mouth to ask what he’s doing here, but no words come out. I feel my face burn in embarrassment.

  He just smiles bigger. “You didn’t think I’d leave without telling my favorite girl good-bye, did ya?”

  I smile and take a deep breath. “No.”

  Tristan leans into the car, giving me a quick hug and peck on the cheek. My body immediately relaxes. That was all I wanted. A chance to feel just for a moment that he cares about me even if he only thinks about me as an annoying little sister.

  He pulls his head back out of the window, and I think he’s going to go. I’m surprised his entourage hasn’t found him yet to drag him back to wherever the latest party is. He pauses for a second as he stands outside my car, looking at me.

  “You want to go to a party with me tonight?”

  I raise my eyebrows at him. He didn’t really say that. He didn’t just ask me out. It must be an illusion. So, I just smile innocently at him and pretend normal words just came out of his mouth instead of the ludicrous words I heard.

  He reaches his hand into the car until he’s touching my cheek. “Kinsley, are you okay?”

  I swallow down the lump that has made its way up my throat. “Yes.”

  “Your cheeks just look even redder than usual.”

  He removes his hand from my cheek, and my hand replaces it. My cheek does feel warmer than usual, probably because it liked the way his hand caressed it.

  “So, I’ll pick you up at seven then, Kins?”

  I nod although I’m not really sure what I’m nodding to. He smiles and winks at me before he walks away, leaving me alone in my car. Leaving me alone to realize that Tristan Slade just asked me out.

  I’ve changed a hundred times since I got home from school. I don’t know what to wear. Tristan never said what party we were going to although I can guess. Only a handful of people would be lucky enough to host a party that Tristan Slade would attend. Vanessa, Cade, or Samantha are at the top of my list.

  I hear the doorbell ring downstairs, and every nerve in my body ignites with anxiety. It’s just after seven. It’s him. I know it without glancing out the window to see if his black Mustang convertible is here. I know.

  I grab my red jacket and slip it on over my white crop top that I’ve paired with a short black skirt and heels. I zip up the jacket so that my father won’t be able to see my bare stomach before I go out.

  I haven’t gone out on a date before, and although I’ve modeled similar outfits in magazines, I have no idea how he would respond to me wearing something like this on a date. And I’m not going to press my luck and embarrass myself by having my father force me to change my clothes when he sees a boy is coming to pick me up. Especially a boy like Tristan. Even though my father has known him since we were both toddlers, it doesn’t mean my father likes or trusts him.

  I walk down the stairs and find Tristan standing in the entryway, smiling at me. I pause as my heart skips at his smile before I check out the rest of his body. He’s wearing jeans, a dark shirt, and a leather jacket, despite the warm weather outside.

  “You look beautiful. You ready to go?”

  I hold up a finger, indicating that I need one second. I skip past Tristan to let my father know that I’m going out. I check his office, but he isn’t in there. He never is. I try the kitchen next and find him making himself a peanut butter sandwich—the only thing he knows how to make for himself.

  He looks me up and down. “Going somewhere?”

  “Just out to some graduation parties.”

  He smiles and nods. “With a Mr. Tristan Slade.”

  My eyes widen. “How did you…”

  He shakes his head and puts the top piece of bread onto his sandwich. “I was at his father’s house the other week. The topic of you two together got brought up.”

  My mouth drops. They were talking about the two
of us? Is Tristan only going out with me because of my father and his father’s relationship?

  “You’re okay with me going out tonight?” I ask.

  My father walks over and softly kisses me on the forehead. “You look beautiful, princess. Of course I’m okay with you going out tonight, even if I’m not thrilled with the idea of you dating yet.”

  I smile brightly at him. “I’ll be back by curfew.” I turn to leave.

  “Stay out as long as you want.”

  I turn back to see my father casually walking back to his sandwich. “You deserve to have a bit of fun for once in your life. Just don’t tell your mother.” He winks at me.

  I take a deep breath, feeling better about tonight now that I know it can last as long as I want, which is forever if I get my way.

  I turn to walk back to Tristan, but I still hear my father’s words as I leave.

  “I’m sorry, princess.”

  I pause for just a second at his words. Why would he say he’s sorry when he just said I could go out? I turn back to ask him, but he’s gone, and Tristan is still waiting.

  I find Tristan still standing in the entryway.

  “Ready,” I say, unzipping my jacket a little as I approach him.

  He smiles at me and grabs ahold of my hand when I get close. I freeze at his sudden touch. We’ve touched before, but we’ve never held hands, not like this. This touch, I love.

  We walk to his car, hand in hand. He only lets go after he has opened the door, and I have to climb in. I unzip my jacket and take it off as he climbs into the driver’s side. He starts the car and backs it down the driveway.

  Grab my hand, I think.

  I rest my hand on my thigh for easy access, but he doesn’t grab it. And I’m not bold enough to grab his—at least not yet, but maybe by the end of the night.

  “Where are we going?” I ask in a shaky voice.

  “Vanessa Waters’s party. We just need to make a quick stop first to pick something up.”

  I nod, not surprised by his choice of party. I don’t ask where we are going first though because I assume it’s to pick up alcohol or something for the party. I just hope it’s not to pick up another girl.

  “How does it feel to be done with school?” I ask, trying to keep my mind off the fact that we could be on our way to pick up another girl.

  “It feels awesome as fuck.” He winks at me.

  I tuck my curly, long blonde hair behind my ear. I don’t know what else to say to Tristan. I don’t know what else to do. This is going to be a long night if I don’t think of more to say—and soon.

  So, I say the only other thing that’s on my mind, “My father said that he talked to your father this past week about us. Do you know what that was about?”

  Tristan keeps his eyes on the road. “No. I don’t talk to my father much.”

  I look down at my hands in my lap. “You didn’t ask me out because one of our father’s asked you to. Did you?”

  He glances my way now with a deep frown on his face. It is quickly replaced with a smile as he grabs my hand and pulls it to his lips, softly kissing the back of my hand. “You’re here because I like you.”

  My heart flutters at the thought. Tristan likes me.

  Tristan holds my hand as we walk down the strip toward the Felton Grand.

  When he parked just off the strip, I curiously looked at him, but I didn’t have the courage to ask him why we were here. I don’t know what we are doing here, and I’m more nervous than ever that Tristan is only going out with me because of my father or his.

  “What are we doing here?” I finally get the courage to ask as we enter the casino my father owns.

  He smiles as me just as confidently as before. “I have to pick up a package, and then we will head over to the party.”

  I take a deep breath as we walk onto the casino floor. I’m going to be noticed by someone here. I spend almost every day after school here with my father. Everyone knows who I am. I don’t want them to notice. I don’t want to feel embarrassed because I am here with a guy.

  “What kind of package?” I ask.

  His eyes scan the floor, looking for whomever we are meeting. And then his eyes see my worried face, and his smile turns to a frown. “What’s wrong, Kinsley?”

  “I-I don’t want anyone to know we are here.” I tug on my long curls, twirling them in my hand, to try to keep my nerves at bay. I let my eyes just barely meet his. “I don’t understand what we are doing here. I just want to go to the party.”

  Tristan’s frown relaxes. He tightens his grip on my hand and walks me back to the lobby. I follow, glad to leave the casino floor without being spotted and questioned, but I now feel like a scared little girl. That’s not how I want to seem to him.

  He lets go of my hand. “I’ll be right back,” he says, distracted by his mission, until he sees my face.

  Whatever he sees makes him pause before walking the foot distance back to me. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear before leaning toward me.

  I watch his lips lower, and smile, expecting to feel a kiss on my cheek. Instead, his lips land on my lips. I suck in a breath when I feel his moist lips touch mine. He quickly slips his tongue into my mouth, not settling on just a quick peck on the lips, as his hand tangles in my hair.

  I’ve had only one other kiss on the lips. I was twelve, and the boy kissed me on a dare. It was nothing like this. This is a real kiss. This is what being kissed by Tristan Slade feels like. It feels magical, feeling his lips on mine. I feel important. I feel special. And, for the first time, I feel wanted.

  When his lips leave mine, a smile curls on my lips. I don’t open my eyes, but I can feel him smiling at my smile.

  “I’ll be right back,” he says.

  I nod and keep my eyes closed. I let my whole body take in every feeling from that kiss and lock it away in my memory forever. I don’t want to forget it. Not even after I go on more dates and date more men. Not after I’m married with kids. Not when I’m ninety. I don’t want to ever forget how I feel right now because I can’t imagine anything feeling better.

  I open my eyes when I’m sure the memory is forever ingrained in my head. I don’t let my mind drift back to whatever silly reason we are here instead of already at Vanessa’s party right now. All I can think about is that Tristan likes me.

  I keep my eyes glued on the hallway that leads to the casino floor as it tempts me to go find him. My previous worries of being spotted by someone who knows me left the moment his lips touched mine. Now, all I care about is being close to him.

  I take a couple of steps forward, unable to wait any longer in the lobby where he left me, when I see him rounding the corner. It doesn’t keep me from moving closer to him though. I stop when I’m a foot away from him, realizing that I don’t know what to do. I want to kiss him again, but a second kiss now would be too soon after the first. I want to hold his hand again.

  I can do that, I think.

  Then, I see the small black bag in his hand. My eyelids blink rapidly as I try to understand what I’m seeing, but I don’t understand what is in the bag. It’s not alcohol. It almost looks like it could be…

  He tucks the bag into his jacket pocket when he notices my stare, and he quickly takes my hand back in his. My thoughts of what could be in the bag drift away. I longingly look up at him, but he just smiles at me. I guess I won’t be getting my second kiss after all.

  The music is loud and overwhelming as we enter Vanessa’s parents’ house. I lose Tristan’s hand as we enter the house, immediately making me feel cold and empty. He keeps walking toward a group of seniors in the living room while I stand, frozen, in the entryway that is crowded with people. Everyone has a red Solo cup in their hand and a smile on their face. Everyone is happy to be at the last party of the year and to have a break from school for the summer.

  I haven’t been to many parties like this—not that I haven’t been invited because I have. I have just always been the good girl, the rule-follow
er. I never felt the need to go to parties with underage drinking and who-knows-what going on upstairs, but all it took was Tristan asking me out, and now, here I am.

  I walk into the living room where Tristan is, but I feel a hand on my shoulder, immediately bringing me to a halt. The hand isn’t Tristan’s. I know that because I can see him across the room, laughing at something Vanessa said. She’s whom he should be with, not me. She’s beautiful, confident, and a bit of a rebel, just like him. She’s nothing like me.

  I turn to see whose hand is on my shoulder, and I find Eli standing there, smiling brightly at me.

  “I didn’t know you would be at this party.”

  I force my lips to return his smile. “I didn’t know I would be here either.”

  “Let me get you a drink,” he says.

  “No need,” Tristan says, thrusting a red cup of beer into my hand.

  I smile at him and take the cup. “I’ll see you later,” I say to Eli.

  Tristan guides me away from Eli. He stops and raises his eyebrow at me. “You and Eli?”

  “No,” I say quickly.

  “Good,” he says, wrapping his arm around my waist like he owns me.

  I take a sip of the beer. It’s warm and disgusting, but I force the liquid down my throat anyway. And then I take another sip and another.

  Tristan guides me outside to the back of the house where there is a DJ and a makeshift dance floor set up next to the pool. Several people are already in the pool in various stages of dress—fully clothed or just underwear. And I saw one guy who was either naked or wearing nude-colored underwear.

  “Want to dance?”

  “I’d love to.” I feel my face light up brightly.

  I watch as Tristan downs his beer, and I do the same. He takes my cup from me and tosses it on the floor along with his own cup. He then takes my hand and moves me onto the crowded dance floor.