A Holland Kiss

by Dawn Michelle

  “Hi Jay. It’s Lily.” Now that I had him on the phone, I wanted to tell him everything. About how awful my week had been, fear of losing my job, being afraid someone would break into my house again, how I hated being the talk of the town, my desire to see Dutch and Tulip restored.

  But most of all, my desire for him.

  “Lily?” Jay sounded odd and I wasn’t sure about the questioning tone in his voice. He sounded relieved to hear my voice, but what if he wasn’t alone? Hadn’t I caused him enough trouble?

  On the bright side, maybe Britni was so mad that they’d broken up? Maybe Jay was upset with her and how she’d treated me, coming to his senses, had seen the light of day and ended their relationship.

  “Hey Jay.” Crap! Didn’t I already say that?

  “Hey Lily.” Jay mimicked. After an awkward pause, “Did you empty the dehumidifier?”

  “Umm yeah, I watered my plants too.” What am I even talking about here? How old am I, 14?

  “I just wanted to thank you for the flowers. I love them, but you shouldn’t have.” I hadn’t mentioned them at the meeting, where Glen would only use it as more ammunition against me. He wasn’t happy that I stayed for the meeting, but he acted more Christian-like after Rev. Koeln showed up. Hallelujah.

  “It’s the least I could do. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

  “No. You really shouldn’t have. Things only look worse now. What about Britni? How’s she gonna feel if she finds out?” Not that I really cared about Britni’s feelings, but maybe she’d be mad enough to break up with Jay.

  “I’m sorry about Britni. She’s usually not so…” Jay paused, like he was thinking of the right word to describe her. Well, I know just the word and it rhymes with ditch.

  “It’s okay, Jay. Things looked bad, then people started talking, assuming the worst. I guess I can’t blame her.”

  Did I just let her off the hook? It sort of sounds like I did. If Jay were mine, I’d have done the same thing. I’d fight anyone for him.

  But I don’t want a guy I have to fight for. I want a man who will love me enough that I wouldn’t have to. No. If Jay were truly mine, I wouldn’t have to worry about such things.

  And that’s when it hit me.

  Jay wasn’t mine and was never going to be.

  My foolish childhood crush that had morphed into an obsession had gotten me nowhere. People were supposed to grow up and move beyond puppy love. Maybe the last few months had taught me that. I needed and deserved a man that wanted and loved me like Dutch loved Tulip.

  Jay was not that man.

  “I do,” Jay sounded angry now.

  “Do what?” I asked, still lost in the realization that my first love wouldn’t be my last.

  “Blame Britni. There’s no reason for her to be mad. Nothing happened, end of story, and even if something did happen between us, well…”

  I interrupted before he could finish his sentence. “Listen, Jay, I’ve got to go. Thanks for standing up for me tonight, but I can take care of myself. Goodbye.” I said, ending the call.

  At the same time, my heart said goodbye to girlish fantasies.

  Chapter 17

  “Do you think Santa will find us this year?” Tulip didn’t understand this Santa fellow. She and Dutch were always good, yet they’d never received a visit from the jolly man himself.

  “How could he miss us?” Santa must be blind if he didn’t see them this year. The spotlight shining directly in Dutch’s eyes was sure to attract Santa’s reindeer. And as tall as they were, Santa wouldn’t even have to land his sleigh. “Maybe Santa will bring us mistletoe? Then you’ll have to kiss me.” Mistletoe was as good as law.

  “I suppose so, but only if Santa makes you give me my flowers. Maybe that’s why he never comes. You’ve been bad.”

  Dutch couldn’t argue with that, especially since he was now worried that the light, which was hurting his eyes, might make him miss Tulip’s precious lips. He’d end up kissing her nose instead.

  Better to miss out on Santa than to miss out on his kiss.

  ~~~~~

  Somehow I managed to get through Thanksgiving, even though it felt like the entire town hated me.

  Kelly tried to cheer me up by shopping. This time we went to Louisville. Kelly wanted to check out the Whole Foods and I wanted to check out the two malls directly across the street. Kelly had a blast, buying all the necessities she needed for her organic Christmas and I bought myself some holistic night cream, whatever that is.

  Dad couldn’t make it down for Thanksgiving, for which I was thankful. I spent the long weekend at Mom’s where we ate an elaborate meal that could have fed a large family, instead it fed Mom and I. I’ll be eating leftovers for a week.

  I decorated her house for Christmas, nearly giving Penny an anxiety attack. Mom wouldn’t bother decorating if it wasn’t for me doing it for her. She complains every year, because I never come back to help undecorate. We also cut out and sewed a quilt together.

  She was still under the impression that I’d enjoyed myself quilting with the group. I didn’t have the heart to spoil her holidays, so I didn’t tell her any different. Let her have her delusions. Sometimes that’s all we have in life.

  For my own home, I go all out for Christmas. Even though I don’t have anyone special to share it with, filling every corner of my tiny house with Christmas makes me happy. And I needed happy right now.

  This year I was using my brand new tree. I’d gotten it last year, during the day after Christmas sales, for 50% off. It was the pre-lit kind, so I wouldn’t have that headache. Even if I do say so myself, the tree is magazine-cover worthy. It gets any and every kind of ornament. Parents must think that teachers need ornaments, because that’s usually what I get tons of every year, so the tree has a very personal touch. Hundreds of mismatched ornaments in varying shapes and sizes.

  The rest of the house was decorated with other secondhand finds, but overall it was a neat theme. Very retro and shabby chic. Not to brag, but like I said, it’s the best. All my presents were wrapped and ready for giving. Presents are decorations too, so they were wrapped in coordinating paper. Most years I don’t have enough gifts to fill under my tree. I usually wrap cereal or shoe boxes to make up for the deficit. Even gift cards and small items get big boxes, just to add to the affect.

  Jonas’s new Colts baseball cap was in an outrageously big box. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees it. He’ll think I got him a TV. I’ll wink and smile innocently when he opens it.

  Mom was getting a new pair of scissors and a subscription to a quilting magazine. I know what you must be thinking, but nice scissors are expensive. Dad would receive a new pair of leather gloves and a book on Art Deco architecture. Bill and Tootsie a gift certificate to the Schnitzelbank, the nicest restaurant in the county, and Ruth house slippers. She’ll be disappointed that I didn’t get her that motorcycle jacket she’s been wanting, but I’m trying to persuade her motorcycles are bad.

  Kelly already knew what her present was because she’d picked it out. A new yoga mat and workout pants. We’d found them while shopping, but they were wrapped and Kelly was now mad at me for making her wait.

  Every house in town was decorated. Some with icicles lights and greenery, and families with kids had those blow-up things in their yards. When the wind blows hard, all the Frosty’s and Santas topple over.

  The street light poles were circled in lights and each had a Christmas banner. The trees in the park got lights and the blades of the windmill were outlined with red lights. Which would have looked nice if the blades actually turned and Dutch and Tulip were showcased by spotlights.

  My own Dutch and Tulip had received decorations as well. Dutch a Santa hat and Tulip a wreath of greenery for her perfect head. Spotlights shined on them at night. Jonas had complained, but in the end he put up my outside lights. All I had to do in return was cook him supper and endure an evening of relentless teasing.

  I’d requested no g
ifts this year. Instead I only wanted the cold hard cash everyone would have spent on me, for Dutch and Tulip. Just like a man, Dad would take this idea and run with it and I’d get no actual gift from him, but Mom wouldn’t let me down. I’d likely get a new purse and perfume.

  In my stocking would be a couple of ornaments and new underwear. It’s the only time of year I get new ones. Then and when school starts, just like I was a kid. Penny’s stocking would be overflowing with treats, toys and a new sweater Mom had knitted for her.

  I’d spend several days in Indy with Dad, where he would try and woo me with all the frills of a big city, but it would be cold and snow. So my visit would consist of me sitting around watching TV all day feeling like I was wasting my time and worrying about the road conditions.

  Donations had slowed in November, but now with Christmas we likely wouldn’t receive any. I tried not to worry about that. It was perfectly normal for this time of year, I told myself. Hopefully, January will be better, but I doubt it. Then everyone will have credit card debt.

  Not me though. I’d taken Dad’s advice and opened a Christmas Club. The money I didn’t use toward gifts, I’d given to Dutch and Tulip. I was the one and only donation this month.

  The committee wasn’t meeting until after the New Year and I took it upon myself to make out Christmas cards for all the people and businesses that had donated. Each card was signed by Dutch and Tulip. I didn’t bother asking the committee for their approval. I just did it.

  Already tired of carols, I was listening to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. I’d finally gotten around to reading the book, after seeing the movie and was instantly in love with it and the music. The book was tough though. It usually takes me a few days, a week, tops to finish a book, but Jane Austen’s classic stumped me.

  The language slowed me down. I was glad I’d watched the movie first or I never would have understood what was happening. The time period was fascinating, yet frightening. The social constraints on women and their behavior made me crazy. I would have never made it in Regency England. Doomed to a life on the shelf.

  Elizabeth Bennett was an admirable heroine and I imagined myself like her, except I can’t play the piano, but I could sew Mr. Darcy a lovely cravat.

  A soft piano melody was playing in the background when I finished the cards and then finally opened my own mail. Usual stack of Christmas cards, although not as many as last year. Probably because the town thought I should be reading another book I wouldn’t understand. The Scarlet Letter.

  A pretty green envelope caught my attention. Heavy card stock paper, with gold lining, told me this person took pride in their cards. Sadly, I was right. They were proud of themselves. Only it wasn’t a card at all, but an obituary.

  Dutch and Tulip’s.

  Shaking, my heart raced as I read the words— REST IN PIECES: DUTCH AND TULIP

  The envelope gave me no clues, but the postmark was from Santa Claus, IN. Haha. Very funny. The note was computer printed, cut out and glued to what would have been a nice card if it hadn’t scared me to death.

  Checking the locks on the doors, I was terrified. Frantically I searched through my remaining mail, but the rest were cards from people I knew and bills.

  Rest In Pieces. What did that mean? Was it like swimming with the fishes?

  Why were Dutch and Tulip being targeted? And why was I? Maybe I wasn’t alone in this though.

  “Faye. It’s Lily. Call me back when you get this.” Leaving a message on Faye’s machine, I tried Gloria next.

  “I haven’t opened the mail yet. Hold on and I’ll look.” Gloria was shocked when I told her about my card, asking if she’d received one as well. She sounded doubtful, as if she couldn’t imagine being threatened.

  “Okay. Let’s see. Oh here’s one from your Mom. Cute dog.”

  Mom had taken a picture of Penny and was using it as her Christmas card. I hate when people who have kids do that. I’m her actual child, but I guess using her adult daughter’s photo might be weird. You didn’t see me using a photo of Raider as my Christmas card.

  Did I mention Penny will be getting nothing from me this Christmas?

  Gloria continued to open her cards, describing each one as she went. I realized then that I truly hadn’t gotten as many cards this year. That hurt. Wasn’t Christmas about love and new beginnings? The birth of the Christ child and all that? I must be a bad person if not even Jesus’ birth could earn me forgiveness in the eyes of the town.

  Well, bah humbug to them.

  “Lily! We did get one!” Outrage and fear laced Gloria’s voice. “It’s addressed to Walt and me and says the same thing as yours.” Gloria sounded worried now. “It’s a pretty envelope though.” I think she was trying to make herself feel better.

  “Do you think everyone got one?” Possibly I’m a really bad person, but I was relieved to know I wasn’t alone in this. Safety in numbers.

  “I’m sure they did. I’ll call the others and see. Then get back with you when I know something.” Gloria sounded hopeful now.

  First my window, now this. You don’t think the two are related, do you?

  My phone rang then, but I was too scared to answer it. What if I started to get prank calls now, too? I listened and watched the phone ringing as if it were the enemy. Too afraid to touch it when it was ringing, I picked the phone up and saw it had been Jay. When Jay had given me his number, I’d programmed it into my phone, but now that I’ve moved on I should probably delete it.

  Shocked, when my phone rang again, I dropped it. When I finally answered, I was breathless from fear and crawling under the table to retrieve it.

  “Did you get a card in the mail? A threatening one?” Jay didn’t even bother with hello.

  “Yes. You?” I could be just as rude to the man I didn’t love.

  “I’ll be right there.”

  Ten minutes later, Jay was at my door.

  ~~~~~

  Jay’s card and mine were identical.

  Identically scary.

  “I don’t like this.” Sitting at my old kitchen table, which had belonged to my great-grandmother, with a glass of water, Jay had a scowl on his handsome face. I may not be in love with him anymore, but I can still appreciate beauty when I see it.

  “Well, I don’t like either.” I pointed out. “What are we supposed to do though?”

  “I called Junior and Glen got one too. Rev. Koeln’s pretty upset.”

  Someone was using the most Christian of holidays to threaten Dutch and Tulip. I’m sure the Rev. was upset. That was blasphemy.

  Sitting across the table from Jay, toying with a card that was in the true spirit of the holidays, Jay took my hands in his. “Lily. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you should step down from the committee. At least until we can get this figured out.”

  Jay was using his thumbs, rubbing back and forth on my palms. The sensation I was experiencing was making it hard to remember that I didn’t love him anymore.

  He’s not yours. He’ll never be yours. He doesn’t want you. You deserve better. Chanting the words over and over in my head, I was trying to convince myself that it was true.

  “What! I’m not quitting because of this!” nodding toward the cards. I would have used my hands to gesture, but currently they were having the best sex of their lives. “That’s exactly what whoever sent these wants. I am not giving up on Dutch and Tulip,” I said with force, at the same time my voice came out sounding throaty, like a purr.

  “I’m not saying you should give up, just that maybe you shouldn’t be so visible in all this.” Jay’s hands were still dancing with mine.

  “Forget it, besides it’s not just me. It’s the whole committee. It’ll be fine. The money will be raised soon and whoever sent this can just take a flying leap.” My heart leapt at that moment, because Jay released my hands, scooted his chair over and sat next to me.

  “I don’t want to see anything happen to you.” When he nudged me with his shoulder, I almo
st fell out of my chair. My body so on edge, humming from the physical contact.

  What did he care if something happened to me? My head and body were at war currently. I know Jay only cares about me as a friend, but my body wasn’t so sure. And my hands were definitely convinced otherwise.

  Needing to think more clearly, I got up and went to the sink, staring out the window. Jay’s truck looked so at home in my driveway. Likely someone would see it here and rumors would start flying again. Britni would really come after me this time and Glen would have me kicked out of Holland.

  I felt Jay behind me, before he placed his warm hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him. Or his chest rather, since he’s so much taller.

  Jay tilted up my chin, so that I was looking at him. I thought Jay was going to kiss me again. “I care about you Lily. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  “It’s Holland, Jay. No one’s going to hurt anyone.” Rolling my eyes, I leaned in closer, my head almost resting on his chest.

  Hurt? No matter what, I was being hurt by all this and it had to stop. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. Why can’t I get it through my head that Jay’s not interested? Possibly because he sometimes acts interested? And isn’t that really his fault? Always looking so good and being nice. Smiling all the time and showing his concern.

  Someone knocked on the door and Jay answered it as if this was his home.

  Gloria, Walt, Glen and Rev. Koeln were outside waiting to be let in.

  “Faye will be here in a minute.” Glen informed me, stepping into my kitchen.

  My house isn’t really big enough to hold a committee meeting and I hadn’t replaced my couch yet, so our impromptu meeting took place in the tiny kitchen. Faye arrived minutes later and we spent the next 45 minutes discussing the cards, what they could mean and what we were going to do about it.

  Rev. Koeln suggested we pray for the soul of such a sinner and we decided not to mention the notes to anyone, for fear of spreading panic and negative publicity around Dutch and Tulip.

  Junior informed us, yes he showed up too, that he’d look into it, but really we had nothing to go on. Just like my window, only this was no prank. This was a deliberate threat to Dutch and Tulip.