Fade

by Lisa McMann

  Janie’s numb. Her body shakes. She’s had enough, but it’s too horrible. She can’t escape. She tries to pull herself away, but the nightmare is too strong.

  Janie tries to scream, but she knows she can’t.

  Look at me! she cries mentally to Lauren. Ask me to help you!

  But this nightmare is out of control. Janie can’t get Lauren’s attention. She can’t pull out of it. She watches in horror as Lauren fights, tearing uselessly at the people on top of her, shouting, “No! Stop! No!”

  Janie summons all her strength and tries to pause it. Tries to scan the room again. It’s not working.

  Until.

  With a final, heroic effort, Janie manages to pry her eyes off of Lauren. Looks around the room.

  There.

  In the kitchen.

  Laughing and drinking, watching the craziness, like it’s a football game or something.

  Someone has a cell phone out.

  A strange expression on her blurry, laughing face.

  When Lauren screams, everything goes black. Janie is paralyzed, blind. She hears Stacey mumble, “What the heck?” and feels Lupita groan and shove her head under her pillow. And Janie waits for three things:

  Lauren to stop breathing so hard.

  Her own sight to return.

  And to feel something.

  Anything.

  It takes a very long time for all three things to happen.

  Morning comes too quickly.

  February 20, 2006, 8:30 a.m.

  The chem team finalizes their display. It’s a DNA helix, with posters theorizing how cloning could safely be done with humans.

  Janie doesn’t care much about it. She lets the real chem geeks do all the work.

  Which they probably preferred anyway.

  Mrs. Pancake arrives with doughnuts, and they sit and wait for the observers and judges to come by. Everyone looks exhausted, including Mr. Durbin.

  Janie excuses herself and goes into the restroom.

  Calls Cabel.

  Tells him everything about Lauren’s dream.

  They hover together in grim silence over the phone.

  “Be careful,” Cabel says for the hundredth time.

  “I just can’t understand how no one seriously reported it or followed up on it, unless they were all too wasted to remember,” Janie murmurs. “There must have been something in that punch. Captain told me to study up on date-rape drugs. I think she nailed it.”

  “Sounds like it, J.”

  The door to the restroom opens and Lupita walks in, waving cheerily at Janie.

  “I’ve got to go,” Janie says quietly as she returns Lupita’s wave, and hangs up.

  4:59 p.m.

  The team packs up the display. They walk away with white third-place ribbons. Not bad for a stupid theory and a hundred brazillion Popsicle sticks.

  By nine p.m. everyone is dozing in the van. Everyone but Janie and Mr. Durbin, that is. Janie struggles and pulls herself out of a variety of ridiculous dreams. Thankfully the silly ones are the easiest to pull out of.

  She snacks and tries to sleep between dreams.

  Finally Mr. Durbin pulls over along the highway. The sleeping troupe rouses to see what’s going on.

  “My dear Rebekkah,” Mr. Durbin says to Mrs. Pancake, “can you drive for a bit? I’m falling asleep.”

  Mrs. Pancake glances nervously at Mr. Durbin.

  “Just for an hour or so,” he says. Pleads.

  “Fine,” she says.

  Mr. Durbin climbs out of the van and enters the rear sliding door. “Somebody, go sit up there with Pancake, will you, please? I need to stretch out.”

  He drops into the backseat with Janie. “Hey,” he says. His eyes travel up and down her cloaked body.

  “Hey,” Janie says, trying to appear interested, but then gives it up and looks out the window into the night. Watches the snow beginning to fall lightly around them. Wonders if something terrible is about to happen. That she’ll be discovered shaking and blind because of Mr. Durbin’s dreams, or that he’ll try something creepy in the dark nether regions of the van.

  Neither one sounds especially good right now.

  Mr. Durbin stretches and yawns. By the time they’ve gone ten miles, he’s snoring lightly next to Janie, his legs splayed out into the aisle, his upper body tilting and sliding an inch at a time toward Janie.

  She’s trapped.

  She wills herself to stay awake and keep her wits about her. Manages to last an hour, maybe.

  11:48 p.m.

  Janie startles awake.

  The van is humming. Everyone else is asleep except Mrs. Pancake up front. Everyone too exhausted to dream.

  Janie looks at Mr. Durbin.

  His shoulder is against hers. His hand on her thigh.

  Janie blanches. Shoves his hand away. Shrinks farther into her little corner and turns her back to him.

  He doesn’t wake up.

  He doesn’t dream.

  Useless piece of shit, thinks Janie.

  3:09 a.m.

  The van pulls into Fieldridge High’s parking lot. All the students’ cars are blanketed in nearly two feet of snow.

  Janie shoves Mr. Durbin awake.

  “We’re here,” she says gruffly. She just wants to go home to bed.

  The group stumbles out of the van.

  “See you in the morning, bright and early for school,” Mrs. Pancake calls out into the crisp night as the students wearily shove the snow from their windshields.

  Janie calls Cabel.

  “Hey. I’ve been waiting up for you,” he says, sounding worried. “Are you safe to drive?”

  “I can’t imagine any people will have their windows open on a night like tonight,” she says.

  “Come to me.”

  “I’m five minutes away.”

  Janie falls into Cabel’s arms, exhausted. Tells him about Mr. Durbin in the backseat of the van.

  He leads her to the bedroom, helps her into one of his T-shirts, and whispers in her ear as she falls asleep, “You did great work.”

  Closes his bedroom door.

  Makes his bed on the couch.

  Lies awake, pounding his pillow in silence.

  February 21, 2006, 3:35 p.m.

  Janie, dark circles under her eyes, and Cabel, concerned look on his face, sit in Captain’s office. Janie snacks on almonds and milk as she relays the events of the chemistry fair adventure.

  “It looked sort of like Durbin’s house,” she says. “His living room.”

  “But you couldn’t see anyone’s face?” Captain presses her.

  “No,” Janie says. “Just Lauren’s. She’s the one who was dreaming.” She wrings her hands.

  “It’s okay, Janie. Really. You’ve given us a lot of information.”

  “I just wish I had more.”

  Cabel reaches over and squeezes her hand. A little too tightly.

  Afterward, Janie heads home, checks on her mother, grabs dinner, and hits the sack. Sleeps twelve hours straight.

  February 27, 2006

  Cabel calls Janie on the way to school.

  “I’m right behind you,” he says.

  “I see you,” she says, and smiles into the rearview mirror.

  “Hey Janie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ve got a huge, terrible problem.”

  “Oh no! Not that horrible toenail fungus that takes six months to cure?”

  “No, no, no. Much worse. This is shocking news. Are you sure I should tell you while you’re driving?”

  “I’ve got my headset on. Both hands on the wheel. Windows rolled up. Go for it.”

  “Okay, here goes . . . Principal Abernethy called me this morning to let me know I’m in the running for valedictorian.”

  There is silence.

  A rather loudish snort.

  And guffaws.

  “Congratulations,” she finally says, laughing. “What ever are you going to do?”

  “Fail every ass
ignment from today onward.”

  “You won’t be able to.”

  “Watch me.”

  “I am so looking forward to this. Oh, and also? You suck.”

  “I know.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you too. Bye.”

  Janie hangs up and laughs all over again.

  Second-hour psych is a sleeper. Janie stumps Mr. Wang with a question on dreams, just for the hell of it. Leaves him stuttering, so she isn’t late to Mr. Durbin’s.

  For the week leading up to the party, Janie continues to play the woman scorned in front of Mr. Durbin, and he appears to eat it up. In fact, the more she avoids him, the more he comes up with excuses to call her to his desk after class or requests she stop by after school.

  She remains aloof, and he goes out of his way to compliment her—on the test, her experiments, her sweater. . . .

  March 1, 2006, 10:50 a.m.

  “You still coming an hour early on Saturday?” Mr. Durbin asks Janie after class.

  “Of course. I promised I would. Stacey and I will be there at six.”

  “Excellent. Hey, I couldn’t do this big party without you, you know.”

  Janie smiles frostily and walks to the door. “Of course you could. You’re Dave Durbin.” She slips out and heads to English Lit, with boring old Mr. Purcell. He is the epitome of moral character.

  Study hall outright sucks. By the time it’s over, Janie has too much information about nothing important. And when she lifts her head, she sees the shadows of feet and legs next to the table.

  “Are you okay, Janie?” It’s Stacey’s voice.

  Janie clears her throat, and a crashing noise comes from the section of the library to the left. Stacey whirls around and gawks. Janie can’t see what’s happening, but once she can feel her lips, she smiles. Cabel’s up to something, she thinks.

  She sits up as if she can see, and, indeed, her vision is returning somewhat now. She coughs and clears her throat again, and Stacey turns back to her.

  “Sheesh. What a klutz. Anyway, I came over to make sure Saturday at six was right.”

  “Yep,” Janie says. “That’s just you and me heading over to Durbin’s house to set up. Are you comfortable with that?”

  Stacey gives her a quizzical look. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I have no idea, but you can’t be too careful these days, can you?”

  Stacey laughs. “I guess. Well, we’ve got the appetizers all figured out. I hope he has enough electrical outlets, ’cause there’s going to be a shitload of Crock-Pots. Of course, we could always use Bunsen burners.”

  “Good one! Hey, I’ve got a list of desserts and snacks. Phil Klegg is bringing something called ‘dump cake,’ and I just don’t even want to know what’s in there.”

  They chitchat a little about the party and about the chem. fair, and when the bell rings, Stacey hustles off. Janie peers between the bookshelves and, after the library empties out, sneaks over to where Cabel’s sitting.

  “Are you okay?” she whispers, giggling.

  “Me? Oh sure. You might have to carry me out of here, though.”

  “What happened?”

  “I created a distraction.”

  “I gathered that.”

  “Step stool, encyclopedias, floor.”

  “I see. Well, I can’t thank you enough.”

  “Sure you can. Help me flunk enough tests, so I drop out of the ’torian range.”

  “Can’t you just tell Abernethy that you have a reputation as a dumbshit to keep up, and you don’t want the attention?”

  “Flunking is more fun.”

  Janie shakes her head and laughs. “Maybe the first few times. But I bet you won’t be able to handle it after that.”

  “I’ll take that bet.”

  Janie puts her hands on her hips. “All right. After the fourth flunk of something quizlike or weightier, you will struggle and fail to flunk number five. That’s my prediction. Winner pays for our first real date.”

  “You’re on. Start saving your money.”

  SHOWTIME

  March 3, 2006, 10:04 a.m.

  Chem. 2 is buzzing with excitement, and the students goof around more than anything else. Mr. Durbin lets them. They all did relatively well on the most recent test, the chemistry fair garnered them higher-than-expected results, and everyone is jazzed for tomorrow’s party. Mr. Durbin is practically giddy himself, and when Coach Crater stops at the door, because of the ruckus, he pokes his head in.

  “Must be a Chem. 2 party coming up,” he remarks, eyeing the students one at a time.

  “Tomorrow night, Jim,” Mr. Durbin says. “Stop by, if the wife will let you out.” They chuckle.

  Janie’s eyes narrow at the comment, but she goes back to her text book. She’s looking for a formula—the formula for date-rape drugs. Not that she’d find it in a high-school textbook. There’s a recipe for disaster. Yet maybe a clue lies within.

  But when Mr. Durbin starts walking around to the various stations, she flips her book to the current lesson page and pretends to read. Mr. Durbin pauses for a moment behind her, but she ignores him. He moves on.

  In PE, they’re in the weight room for four weeks, learning the machines and proper free-weight stance. Dumbass calls Janie up to the front to help demonstrate.

  “How much weight do you want, Buffy?”

  Janie looks at him. “Well, sir, I guess that depends on the exercise you’d like me to demonstrate.”

  “Right!” he says, like it was a teaching question. Janie’s expression doesn’t change. “How about the bench press,” he says.

  “Free weights or machine?”

  “Oooh, aren’t you smart? Let’s start with free weights.”

  She gives him a long look. “Are you spotting me or not?”

  He chuckles for the audience, like he’s doing a magic trick. “Of course I’ll spot you.”

  Janie nods. “All right, then. One-twenty’s good.”

  He laughs. “How about we start at, say, fifty or something.”

  “One-twenty is fine for a single lift.” She bends down and starts adding the weights herself. The students are highly amused, at the encouragement of Coach Crater.

  Janie tightens the caps and lies down on the bench, the bar above her chest. “Ready?”

  She waits for him to get into spotter position, and grips the bar. Closes her eyes. Concentrates, breathes, until she no longer hears the distraction around her. She pushes up on the bar, holds it a moment, then lowers it evenly to just above her chest and presses upward with all her might. She holds it for a few seconds, and then lets it down slowly in the cradle. “Eighty-five for reps,” she says, making the proper adjustments. She presses eight reps, replaces the bar when she’s finished, and only then does she tune back in to the room. It’s pretty quiet.

  Coach Crater is standing, looking down at her, amazed, stupid grin on his face. Janie turns to her side and sits up on the bench, and then walks to the back of the room. Later in the class, she’s getting in half her workout for the day. Bonus.

  “Asshole,” she mutters to Coach Crater as she leaves at the end of class.

  “What?”

  She keeps walking.

  Five minutes into study hall, a paper wad from Cabel hits her in the ear. She rolls her eyes. Opens it up.

  Stacey, it says.

  Janie looks up. Stacey’s head is on her books. Her eyes are closed. Janie bites her lip and nods at Cabel. He gives her an encouraging smile.

  Her blood is still pumping from PE. She feels strong. She slept well, ate well . . . has everything going for her. Now all she needs is for Stacey to—

  She grips the table, and they are in Stacey’s car. Stacey’s driving furiously, as before. From the backseat, the growl, the man, his hands gripping Stacey’s neck.

  Janie wonders if this is the best shot she’ll have or if she should wait. She decides to take it, in case Stacey wakes up before they get to the woods.

 
Stacey’s driving erratically. Janie concentrates and squeezes her hands into fists, pumping them before they become numb, focusing on pausing the dream. It’s slowing, and Janie tries to turn to look at the man. But the dream speeds up again. She can’t do both things at once. Janie concentrates again on pausing the scene, and she knows her power is limited. One broad push of energy, and the scene slows and stops. She stays perfectly focused, turns slowly, evenly. Sees the look of horror on Stacey’s face, sees the man’s hands around her neck, his arms, and then slowly, slowly, turns to see the face of the man.

  He’s wearing a ski mask.

  Janie loses concentration, and the dream goes to regular speed again. Damn it. They hit the ditch, the bushes; the car rolls, comes to a stop. Bloody Stacey climbs out through the broken windshield and runs, the rapist follows, into the woods, and Janie tries again to pause the dream, when he grabs Stacey. Janie tries with all her might. But she can’t do it. The rapist has Stacey, she trips, he falls on top of her, and then it ends abruptly, just where it always does.

  She wishes now she’d tried to help Stacey change it. Next time, maybe.

  She actually hopes there isn’t a next time.

  Fifteen minutes later, when she can see and move again and the library has emptied out for the day, Cabel spends a moment squeezing her tightly, and she can’t explain how amazing that feels. He walks with her to the parking lot, takes her home, and goes back for her car, like last time. Janie eats and drinks, checks on her mom, and falls asleep on the couch.

  He’s there when she wakes up. Reading a book, his feet on the coffee table.

  “Hey,” she says. “Time?”

  “A little after eight p.m. How you doin’?”

  “Good,” she says.

  “Your mom here?”

  “In the bedroom, like always.”

  Cabel nods. “Captain wants to meet with us in the morning to go over tomorrow night.”

  “Yep, I figured.”

  “I’m worried about you, Janie.”

  “About the dream? It was only worse because I paused it.”

  “You did it? Cool!”

  “Yeah. But I didn’t see anything.”

  “Oh well. What I’m actually worried about is tomorrow night.”

  “Please don’t be. It’ll be fine. Eighteen students there, Cabe. I’m not going to get drunk. I’ll have a beer or something in my hand, so Durbin doesn’t get suspicious, but I’ll just fake like I’m drinking it. I’ll eat a lot before I go too.”