Sticks and Stones

by Alexie Aaron

  She had lived down the embarrassment of the EMTs extracting her from the junipers. The men were kind and refrained from laughing. Debra herself would have been laughing had it not been her.

  Dr. Klinkhammer walked into the room. She was wearing a lightweight, autumn, tan pantsuit with a pumpkin-colored blouse. She closed the door and drew up a chair. “Now tell me what has brought you here,” the psychiatrist requested, straightening the bow on her blouse.

  Debra glared at the woman who was grooming on her 300 dollars an hour. “I was tossed through the window by something I couldn’t see.”

  “Maybe you jumped through the window and…”

  “Listen and listen good,” Debra started. “I acknowledge that I’ve been stressed and haven’t been handling my retirement well. But I’m not a loon or some attention-seeking, midlife crisis, former executive of a fortune 500 company. I didn’t jump through the window to end up displayed to my new neighbors in my lounging clothes! You’re here to make sure the morphine they are giving me for pain isn’t messing with my antianxiety meds. That’s all!”

  “You really have to calm down, Debra.”

  “Ms. Carter. I don’t know where you get off calling me by my first name. You’ve not earned the right!”

  “Ms. Carter, I think we’ll up the…” Dr. Klinkhammer stopped mid-sentence. She pointed.

  Debra painfully turned her head to see the lotions the nurse had left, floating just above the side table. “Oh that. It will stop eventually,” she said, bored. “This is the stuff you said was my imagination.”

  Dr. Klinkhammer got to her feet, walked over, and reached out to grab the floating hand lotion.

  “I wouldn’t do that,” Debra warned.

  “How are you doing this?” Dr. Klinkhammer asked, withdrawing her hand.

  “I’m not.”

  The lotions dropped on the bed. Dr. Klinkhammer returned to her chair. “I’ve read about things like this, but they happen to adolescents. You’re controlling them with your mind.”

  “I assure you, I’m controlling nothing. My precious porcelain collection can attest to that.”

  “I’m not sure what we’re going to do about this problem. I went to school with a gentleman who specializes in hysteria…”

  “That’s it! OUT!”

  The vertical blinds started swaying. There was a steady tapping at the window.

  “Stop this,” Dr. Klinkhammer demanded. “You’re doing this, Ms. Carter. You can stop it.”

  Debra raised her hands and pressed the button for more morphine and watched through hazy eyes as Dr. Klinkhammer tried in vain to stop the blinds which were now snapping open and closed.

  The floor nurse opened the door to see, from her perspective, a visitor playing with the blinds. She tsk-tsked as she led the doctor out of the room. “Visiting hours are over.”

  ~

  Mia walked down the hall to check in on the boys. She overheard Brian giving Varden some advice as she approached.

  “Just listen to the teachers, and keep your head down. The kids are afraid of you because you’re so smart. It will take them time to see you as a mini adult.”

  “No one will play with me.”

  “School is about learning. Is Mrs. Messing still there?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ask her for some extra work. This will keep your hands busy while the others struggle with things. Don’t worry, Varden, everyone loves you. Soon you’ll find a friend who will appreciate your gifts.”

  “Do you love me?” Varden asked.

  “Of course. I’m proud of you for not running to Mom with your problems. It will only make her sad. Give it a few more days, and if you’re still unhappy, tell her.”

  Mia felt a hand on her shoulder. Ted drew her away from the door. Mia turned into his chest and hid her tears. He walked her back to their suite and shut the door before speaking. “It takes us smart-asses a little time to find other smart-asses to be with,” Ted said.

  “Why him? He is so loving, and his heart is so big.”

  “It’s early days. As Brian said, give it a little more time.”

  “I don’t want him to become hard because of this experience.”

  “He won’t, not with us as his parents,” Ted promised her. “Now dry your eyes, and we’ll go and tuck the boys in properly.”

  Dieter was on the phone as they passed his room. He got up and closed the door.

  “I think it’s a girl,” Ted said. “Guys only close doors when they are talking to girls.”

  Mia squeezed Ted’s hand.

  Brian was reading to Varden when Mia and Ted entered. They waited until Brian finished the chapter, and Ted took the book and put a marker in it before closing it.

  “You have a great voice. Maybe you should quit school and get a job with Audible,” Ted said.

  “Ah, Dad, I like school.”

  “Okay, I’m just looking for an easy retirement,” Ted teased.

  Varden shifted under the covers. Mia extracted the slingshot. “Can I put this on your desk, or are we expecting invaders?”

  “You can put it away. I was just fine-tuning it.”

  Ted’s eyebrows raised. Fine-tuning told him two things: Varden was a possible inventor and Brian had been teaching Varden words. He squeezed Brian’s hand before he left, whispering, “You’re an amazing big brother.”

  Mia insisted on kisses. “You’ll give me a kiss until you can pay your own rent.”

  “Does Uncle Cid give you kisses?” Brian challenged.

  “No, that’s why I kicked him out,” Mia said. She left quickly before Brian could bring up Burt, Enos, and Nanny.

  Dieter was standing in his doorway. He leaned out, kissed Mia on the cheek, and closed the door and went back to his phone call.

  Ted was waiting for Mia on the porch. They had taken to sitting outside in the evenings to enjoy the peace and quiet. As it got colder, Ted had a fire in the pit and a blanket handy to stave off the chill. Mia sat down in the large lounge chair with Ted.

  “What do you think of the poltergeist investigations?” Ted asked as he wrapped the blanket around his wife.

  “I think that Burt is going about it the right way. I’ve never dealt with any before. Have you?”

  “In the early days, Burt would take anything that was offered. Poltergeists were dropped when we couldn’t offer the homeowners any help aside from telling them about the temporal aspect of them, and you couldn’t rely on them to come out and play when we had cameras handy.”

  “From what I’ve read, they seem more like animals, but they do speak, which is confusing.”

  “Parrots and parakeets speak, but they have no idea what they are saying. I think Cid was trying to speak to me tonight.”

  “Trying?”

  “I knew he was hemming and hawing, and I ignored him because I was pretty sure I knew what it was about, but I didn’t want to get into it today.”

  “He must have heard Mike. Mike was particularly rude outside when I went to get him.”

  “Care to share?”

  “He mentioned Cid as being part of a threesome. I countered by telling him we existed in a foursome.”

  “Ah, Murphy.”

  “Yup,” Mia said and cuddled closer to Ted. “Mike then said he was tired that everything was about me. He called it the Mia show.”

  “I’d watch the Mia show. I imagine it has puppets.”

  “Puppets? Should I read anything deeper into that because I assure you, no one will do what I want. I can’t even get Lazar to fold the dishtowels like I like, and we pay him.”

  “Sorry, I was just thinking of real puppets,” Ted said.

  “Anyway, I discussed this with Nanny and Audrey, and they seemed to think Mike was jealous. That’s why he was trying to hurt my feelings.”

  “He is and was,” Ted said. “What did you do?”

  “I pretended he didn’t. Nanny says I should cry next ti
me and make him feel bad.”

  “Female trickery,” Ted said. “I need to make notes. Where is my flip book?”

  “I think that would backfire. Baxter says, to manipulate a male by use of tears is asking for another misunderstanding.”

  “I see you’ve thought this through.”

  “Yes. You see, if someone is crying, my immediate response is to comfort the individual. Mike’s idea of comfort, if he were so inclined, would be out of line. I’m not going to put him in that position. I would have to knee him. You’d punch him in the nose, and I would have to foot the bill for more plastic surgery. So crying is out.”

  “I sound like quite a hothead.”

  “No, you are you, and I love you. Don’t change.”

  “Can you continue to work with Mike?”

  “As long as I don’t have to spend long periods of time alone with him, yes. Let him go on hating me. It worked for Burt.”

  “But Burt doesn’t hate you anymore,” Ted pointed out.

  “He doesn’t need to. He has a girlfriend. I knew the moment he spent time with Paula that he would see what a wonderful person she is and she him.”

  “Were you matchmaking?”

  “No, but I didn’t insist in the beginning that she and Noah stay here.”

  “I think I’ll add to my notes that you’re a tricky one, whom I must study more closely.”

  “Let’s go upstairs and get really close,” Mia suggested.

  ~

  Burt was waiting on Scott to get back to him when Mike called.

  “Gates said she’d be happy to devote some of her downtime to your research,” Mike said. “Mia was correct in thinking Gates could handle herself well on skates. Gates is running a few videos to refresh her on the rules.”

  “How do you feel about involving Gates in a PEEPs matter?” Burt asked.

  “I think it’s an excellent idea. Gates has so much to offer. It’s a shame to see her tied to that Wheels Up contract.”

  “Good. I see you’re singing another tune regarding Wheels Up.”

  “I’m what?”

  “Last I heard, you were looking to get yourself a contract with Arlo Wilson’s company.”

  “Oh that. They waved it in front of me, but I couldn’t secure one of their stipulations.”

  “Which was?”

  “Mia. They wanted Mia.”

  “Naturally, Mia is trending high right now. That’s why I’m putting her in front of the camera more. She hates it, but I reminded her that she was part of a team. Did Mia turn them down?”

  “They never got beyond me. I knew she would decline.”

  “So, you spoke for her.”

  “Well, yes.”

  “And you’re mad because you didn’t get the job because she didn’t agree to something she was never asked about?” Burt grilled.

  “You and I know she would turn it down, just like she stopped us from going to Comic-Con and…”

  “Hold your horses, Mia had no say in Comic-Con. I made that decision. We didn’t have enough time to be ready for San Diego, and anywhere else is just wasting our time.”

  Mike was silent.

  “What else do you blame Mia for?” Burt asked.

  “The loss of your movie.”

  “That was my doing. She had already provisionally okayed it under the guise of securing a local place to film. She came to me later worried that she knew she wasn’t an actress and was wanted just for her tits and ass. I had already turned the company down. I wasn’t getting enough say in the script. Besides, I was no longer writing Mia. I was writing someone else who looked like her without the morals she’s always had.”

  “Shit.”

  “Care to explain?”

  “I called her out on how everything has to be the Mia show.”

  “I bet she’s thinking about the frost giant battle and other situations she didn’t have a choice in,” Burt guessed. “You know that the kid went to Hell and was abused horribly by Lucifer and still had to wear his colors in battle.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “I thought you were fine with Mia when you went riding off into the sunset with Gates. I can see why you would be a little pissed with Mia after being nabbed in the power struggle between her and Beverly. She did acknowledge that was her fault and risked her life going back to retrieve you.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “What do you know, Mike?”

  “That I’ve been a colossal ass. Has she already come crying to you?”

  “No. Cid was a bit pissed when you returned. I was wondering why you were using her as an example of someone faking poltergeist activity. She took that on the chin.”

  “I guess I should apologize.”

  “That sounds like a great idea, but do it during normal business hours. Remember, she’s the mother of five children, three of whom have to get up early to go to school.”

  “I keep forgetting that. Burt, she barely looks old enough to keep Ted out of jail.”

  “She really doesn’t have that much control over what she looks like. I think she’s reached the stage where there will be no more genetic surprises. Orion did tell me something that is worrying. Evidently, if she has enough birdman blood in her, she will go through what they call ‘the great turnover’ when she turns forty.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Whatever she looks like at forty, she will stay that way. She will go through some kind of hell while her cells renew for a week, but she won’t age. After a few hundred years, she will fade. To give you an indication, Nanny Berta is 800 years old.”

  “But she’s full birdwoman.”

  “Yes. But Orion isn’t full-blooded and he’s 500 and change.”

  “I’ll mark it in my advance calendar to start hating Mia again when she turns forty.”

  Burt laughed. “Imagine how hard it’s going to be to explain to her great-grandchildren why she looks not much different than the BBB poster that made her infamous.”

  “I’ll try to garner some sympathy for her while I put on my night cream,” Mike said and hung up.

  Chapter Four

  Mia followed Enos to the dip in the between. She’d seen something similar in Alsace, France where the Neyers had their sanctuary die Zuflucht. She wondered who owned the land here. It may be an investment worth looking into. From all sides, the glen looked like the swampy woods that surrounded the dip. In reality, it was a vibrant pasture that had a small spring-fed lake.

  “How did you find this?” Mia asked Murphy when she touched down.

  “Mother Nature said it began developing because of the ozone change over Chicago. Much like the jet stream had taken on different qualities, the between had changed too.”

  Mia wondered if Murphy knew what the ozone or jet stream was but refrained from asking him. She didn’t want to embarrass her friend for simply being born in another time.

  Enos set down the practice swords and began to stretch.

  Murphy eyed Mia to see if she was watching the muscular youth, but she was more concerned with warming up her muscles. She started off by running a few sprints like Ed taught her. She removed clothing as she warmed up. Mia looked over at Murphy and mimed how hard she was breathing. He hunched his shoulders.

  Mia approached Enos. “Do you want me to morph to your height?”

  “Do you plan on morphing every time you fight a foe?” he asked.

  “No. But I was thinking of you. I can’t be much of a target. I’m way faster than you are.”

  Enos grinned. “No, you’re not.”

  Mia jumped past him and flipped his hair into his eyes. “Imagine if that were a sword.”

  Enos spun around, extended a leg, and swept Mia off her feet. To give her credit, she did jump the first time. He got her on the second try. Mia ended up face down in some bluebells.

  “I think I should make some rules,” Murph said, trying not to laugh as Mia extracted a
blue flower from her nostril. “I think that you both need to build endurance, not just play around with stunts.”

  “Yes,” Mia said.

  Enos nodded.

  “Pick up a sword. Because of both of your healing abilities, I’m not going to stop you unless I fear you’re going to break a bone or wing.”

  “Sounds fair,” Enos said.

  Mia grimaced.

  “I know you’re both competitive, but there will be no winner or loser today.”

  “Yes, sir,” Mia said. “He’s just a baby. I’ll have to refrain from going all out as it is.”

  Enos picked up a sword. “Bring it on, Little Bird.”

  Mia picked up a sword and lunged at him, swinging hard, backing him to the edge of the lake. “Don’t call me Little Bird!”

  Enos began a full-out assault, and Mia countered. Murphy watched the two trading blows, using the terrain to each of their advantages. When they were winded from sparring, Mia walked into the lake and dunked her head in the water. When she returned, she waved Enos over. “You’re amazing, but you know that. But like me, you have a fatal flaw. You’re not taking in the space above you. Murph, I want you to battle Enos. Try to make your axe solid enough so it feels like a real battle. I’m going to come from above and show you what I’m talking about.”

  The three started, and Mia was able to best Enos the first two times. The third time he caught on, and the rest of the attempts by Mia to get to him from various directions ended up with her under his talon.

  Mia’s alarm went off on her watch, which she had wisely taken off and set with her outer clothes. “Time to get back. Same time tomorrow?” she asked.

  “Yes, if Murphy is available.”

  Mia turned to Murphy and asked, “Well?”