Sticks and Stones

by Alexie Aaron

  “Where did these all come from?” Mia asked, picking up a few books and looking at the titles.

  “Your grandfather Neyer gave me all his doubles.”

  “Impressive.”

  “I’m going to teach you, Mia. That’s what I’ve decided to do with my life.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you. If you’re going to be moping around me and crying on Sariel’s shoulder for hundreds of years, you’re going to do it intelligently.”

  “Do I get a say in the matter?”

  “No.”

  “K,” Mia said and hid her smile. “I do regret not going to college.” She took a pull of her beer.

  “I know. Consider this place just the start. I’m going to take you on a journey of art, history, music, and a small amount of math. I figure you’re getting it by osmosis anyway.”

  “That’s the best way to learn it. What’s this costing me?” Mia asked.

  “Your ignorance.”

  “Clever. How are you getting Michael to agree to this?”

  “I’m starting with our history and customs.”

  Mia yawned.

  Altair put his beer bottle down and lifted Mia’s chin. “You know way more about demons than angels.”

  “I do?”

  “Yes. And more about Greek gods than your Creator.”

  “I get where you’re going with this.”

  “I see this as a fully satisfying endeavor.”

  “I give Baxter migraines,” Mia warned.

  “I’m not going to give you advice, I’m going to teach you. We’ll start off slow because I know you have your hands full with your family and PEEPs. Also, I’ll be able to free up Sariel.”

  “I thought I didn’t have a guardian angel anymore.”

  “Michael is a real pain in the butt, but he does know your worth. I’m going to bring in guest lecturers from time to time. Orion, your father…”

  “My father?”

  “Dr. Cooper.”

  “So, you think that all this education is going to keep my heart from breaking?”

  “Yes. Because Ted isn’t happy with the thought of you not continuing.”

  “Can we talk about something else?”

  “I believe that you can make a real difference in the world.”

  “K.”

  “That’s the first thing we’re going to work on.”

  “What?”

  “Your grunt responses. No K, huh, um, nah, gee, yup, etcetera.”

  “Cid tried. Cid failed.”

  “My balls dropped centuries ago.”

  “Poor kid. I think we tease him because he’s so damn gorgeous and doesn’t know it.”

  “You’re not cussing very much.”

  “I have children to think of, and Murph has a bar of spectral soap.”

  “I’m going to borrow it.”

  “Yes, please, and consider using deodorant.”

  Altair sniffed his pits. Mia had used that moment to slide out of the chair and head for the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “It’s long nap time.”

  “Don’t kill him yourself!” Altair shouted, following Mia to the door. He watched her dance down the hill.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Murphy moved through the buildings and down into the hollow. Cid would soon turn on the force field, and he had to decide to be in or out of the Martin home. Lazar had moved his hours around to be on the premises when Mia and Ted were gone. Nanny felt better having another hand in the house. Five Martin kids to watch wasn’t for the meek. Mia promised to fly back if anyone sensed any trouble. Murphy decided he would stay at the farm. Mia told him this made her feel better, knowing that her family was safe under his watch.

  He moved back to the office and watched Cid work for a while. He was running the tapes of the day.

  “You’re not missing much at the Carter investigation. The roller derby sounds more up our alley.”

  “Tell me again, what’s a roller derby?”

  “It’s a game where, in this case, women skate around an oval track, and the other team tries to block your scorer and you try to block theirs. There is clever skating and a lot of shoving. It can be a little barbaric.”

  “It sounds fascinating.”

  “That’s what you said when you thought you’d like mud wrestlers.”

  “I didn’t know the women would be so scary.”

  “How do you get along with Mia? She’s pretty scary.”

  “She’s all bluster and acting. Unless you try to kiss her, and then out comes the claws.”

  “Well, that’s a given. What do you think of Burt and Paula together?”

  “I think Burt will be good for Noah. Paula is also a good cook I understand.”

  “You are old-fashioned, aren’t you?”

  “What do you want in a wife?” Murphy asked.

  “Someone who reads, loves to eat, isn’t concerned about her weight, loves movies, and loves me of course.”

  “You didn’t mention looks.”

  “All women are beautiful, Stephen. If they are beautiful on the inside, they are beautiful on the outside.”

  Jake appeared, walking across the three monitors as his Martian persona. He was carrying suitcases and had a long cigar hanging out of his Martian mouth.

  “Welcome back.”

  “I’m tired of the commute,” Jake said. “Burt seems to be enjoying it.”

  “Really, I think this investigation is pretty much a dud,” Cid said.

  “Aside from when Ms. Carter is around.”

  “Did Ted send you home?”

  “Yes. There is a thunderstorm coming. He’s going to pull the main computer inside, lock down the trailer, and he and Mia are going to weather it out in the house. He was going to set up in the foyer. That way he’d have eyes on the living room and the stairway if they lost the cameras.”

  Mia walked the large house from top to bottom taking readings. She planned on doing it again during the storm and after when it had passed. She downloaded her information and then took off Ted’s hat and played with his hair.

  “Cut it out, Cooper, we’re on the clock.”

  “Are we getting paid?”

  “No.”

  She turned the camera away and sat on Ted’s lap. “No kids, no Jake…”

  “No kidding,” Ted said and kissed Mia.

  Thunder crashed, and Mia pushed closer to Ted. He could feel her heart beating. “Are you still scared of storms?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m here to protect you.”

  Thunder crashed, the house lost its lights, and it was filled with a mournful cry. Ted reached into his pockets and pulled out a penlight, light disc, and a micro recorder.

  Mia turned around and eased off Ted’s lap. The cry started up again. “It’s coming from upstairs.”

  “You’re not going alone,” Ted said, getting up.

  “I wasn’t going at all,” Mia said. “I’m not prepared for ghosts.”

  “I brought your go bag.” Ted slid it out from under the folding banquet table.

  Thunder crashed again. The house lit up momentarily with a barrage of lightning.

  “The figurines aren’t moving. The toilet paper holder is still,” Mia reported.

  Ted grabbed her and hissed, “The stairs.”

  Mia backed into Ted as she saw the creature floating down the stairs. “Is that CG?” Mia asked. “It looks pretty filmy to be a ghost.”

  The ghost looked down at Mia. It opened its mouth, and thick red blood dripped out.

  “I’m not cleaning that up,” Mia said. “Hey, didn’t I meet you on the front lawn? Gertrude Ann Philips, shame on you.”

  The ghost seemed to lose cohesiveness.

  “What’s wrong?” Mia asked her.

  “Walter died.”

  “Would you like me to send you both on?” Mia asked.


  “No. He left without me. He left with that floozy Emma Taylor!”

  “Oh.”

  “Emma had been after him for years. She would show up at all the potlucks flaunting her blueberry trifle.”

  “I take it Walter loved trifle,” Ted said.

  “He never ate mine,” Gertrude said. “What do I do now?”

  “You can’t haunt here; the poltergeist has done enough damage. Why don’t you move on?”

  “I can’t alone.”

  “Gertrude, isn’t there anyone else waiting for you?”

  “My sister. But she’s going to tell me she saw it coming. I should have never let that floozy sleep over when her house was being fumigated. Who sleeps over in a satin two piece? I had to insist she wear my cotton wrapper.”

  “I sympathize with you, Gertrude. Let’s wait out the storm, and then I’ll see if I can get the light to show up.”

  “I’m not going,” the ghost said.

  “You’re going,” Mia insisted. “Bad things happen to unaccompanied ghosts in the suburbs.”

  Ted choked back a laugh.

  “You could be enslaved by Botoxed trophy wives in a séance. They are so scary; their faces are frozen.”

  Gertrude shuddered.

  “You’ll have to listen to their banal conversations about shoes. Or worse yet, have to watch them in hot yoga classes.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “On a farm, but there is a gentleman ghost who chops wood all day and night.”

  “Eh.”

  Ted rubbed Mia’s back. He could tell she was stressed.

  “Gerrrrtruuudde.”

  Mia spun around. Standing just inside the front door was an elderly man in cotton pajamas.

  “Where did you go?” the man asked Gertrude.

  “I saw you with that hussy.”

  “That must be Walter,” Ted said.

  “Emma Taylor was under a big misunderstanding,” Walter explained. “I had to set her straight. I turned around, and you were gone.”

  Gertrude rushed to Walter. They touched, and the years fell away until a young couple stood in front of Ted and Mia.

  “Are you ready?” Mia asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Open the door. The light is on the other side.”

  The couple opened the door and walked out into the night. Mia shut it squinting. “Did you see that?”

  “Nope, no light, just my rain-soaked wife,” Ted said. “Come to Teddy Bear.”

  Mia walked to him, and he took off her wet clothing and wrapped her in his shirt. He carried Mia up the stairs to the guestroom that Ms. Carter had offered for the team to use. He set Mia down. “Now where were we when we were rudely interrupted?”

  “I believe you were kissing me,” Mia said.

  Ted started kissing her. “No kids, no Jake…”

  ~

  Nicholai went through the motions of settling in for the evening. He pulled in his cushions from his deck chairs, storing them before moving room to room, shutting the windows. A weather system was working its way up from the south, bringing a large amount of rain with it. The autumn had a dry start, and the weather was still warm enough to enjoy being outside. The rain would dampen things but was consistent with his mood.

  He settled in his chair and listened to the silence of the room. Normally, he would have old battles to think over, mentally taking notes on what he could have done better. But tonight, his mind kept returning to how he had lost two valuable assets.

  Mia moved into his mind. “What a waste,” he said. “Sterilize yourself because of crazy thoughts?” He didn’t see the problem with Mia moving on to a more settled life under the protection of a full-blooded birdman. Having children was an honorable pursuit. Many of the woman had several generations of children before they passed. He’d seen her with her brood. She was a nurturing soul.

  The mighty flapping of wings and two sets of feet landing on the deck had Nicholai reaching for his weapon. A tap on the patio door preceded Victor opening it. He walked in first, followed by Seth.

  “I’m sorry for dropping in so late, but we have a problem on our hands. They are calling for Warrior flock to be at a tribunal tomorrow, where they are going to try to prove Mia is an unfit mother and take away her children. I was tasked to tell you in person.”

  “Why the whole flock?” Nicholai asked.

  “To humiliate her publicly,” Victor said. “She has many supporters in the ranks. The council is trying to send a message that no one is to come to her defense.”

  “What was Mia thinking when she sterilized herself?” Nicholai asked.

  “Mia wasn’t born into the flock. She doesn’t understand our ways,” Victor said.

  “May I speak?” Seth asked.

  “Go on,” Victor said.

  “I’ve heard rumors. When you’re a guard, no one pays attention to you. The political birdmen speak without thinking of who is around them. Mia’s fears have a basis of truth. Quazar has been seen in the presence of a high-level birdman. It could be just a rumor, but Quazar has been wanting to collect Brian Martin since his birth. If he killed Ted, then fertile Mia and her children would be available for trade. Her move to take herself out of play by sterilizing herself may have saved Ted’s life.”

  “Angelo has already taken Brian into the Excelsior Flock. Varden has been promised to me,” Victor said. “That leaves the girls. Girls with wings according to Angelo. Girls who most likely have a long lifespan. Long enough to secure Soren’s goal of a super warrior stock.”

  “Soren is moving quickly to take advantage of the rumors that Mia has seduced Enos,” Nicholai acknowledged. “The rule of primacy says that people will continue to believe the shocking information they first hear. They will not as easily be convinced that it is false after the rumor has made its impact. She’s married, and they could jail her for it. Without Mia, the children are vulnerable. Ted is a smart man, but he is human.”

  “It’s so transparent, even a fool can see what they are doing,” Seth spat.

  “I guess I’m a fool. Explain it to me,” Nicholai requested.

  “One: Quazar wants Brian. Soren or someone close to him offers Brian in exchange for Mia via Ted’s demise. Mia counters with making herself sterile. Two: Angelo takes Brian into Excelsior flock. His only witness aside from Mia is Enos. Quazar can still obtain Brian if Angelo and the witnesses are discredited. Three: they are going to do their best to destroy Mia at the tribunal while snatching the children right from under Ted’s nose,” Seth finished.

  “They are going to take her tomorrow so there will be no way for her to mount a defense,” Victor said.

  “Without Warrior Flock, there is no one to protect the farm but Murphy,” Nicholai worried. “If we don’t show up to the tribunal, we will be held in contempt.”

  “I’ll go to Michael and ask for his help,” Victor said.

  Nicholai and Seth reared back in shock.

  “Can you live with yourself after that?” Nicholai asked.

  “Had I seen this sooner, I wouldn’t be going to Michael on bended knee. What is pride when I can stop a tragedy?”

  “We need to alert the Martins and Angelo, but be careful, Angelo isn’t the only one with spies,” Nicholai said.

  ~

  Mia and Ted were on their way home. Mike and Burt had arrived for the midnight shift. The partners pretty much knew they were going to sleep through their shift. The Martins surprised them by putting together the Gertrude and Walter ghost encounter. Ted wisely edited out his and Mia’s comments. They put in more professional jargon and left it on a thumb drive for Burt with a bow on it.

  They had just turned onto their lane when the headlights of the truck picked up Seth Ahlberg standing in the road. Ted stopped the truck. “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”

  Seth took out his sword and set it on the ground. Mia patted Ted’s arm. “He’s showing us he isn’t a threat.”


  Ted and Mia got out of the truck. Ted showed Seth his trust by picking up Seth’s sword and handing it back to him. “What’s going on?”

  “Mia, you’re going to be receiving an escort in the morning to bring you to testify at a tribunal about your participation at the preschool, but it’s going to be more of a witch hunt. During this time, they will try to take your children. Warrior Flock has been ordered to be there to witness the tribunal. Angelo’s people are also requested to be there. This leaves you open to attack, Ted. Victor is going to Michael for help. If he doesn’t succeed, please have an alternate plan to get your children to safety. I’m going to alert Orion to prepare to be your advocate, Mia.”

  “Thank you, Seth,” Mia said.

  The Martins got back in the truck. “Why didn’t he tell us at home?” Ted asked.

  “Because Soren has spies. We have pine trees on the property very close to the house. Little birds in trees would go unnoticed even by Murphy.”

  “I do think Michael will help,” Ted said, pulling into the drive.

  “He better, but I’ll have Murphy talk to the di inferi just in case. I hate to see the senseless slaughter of the extraction team, but if it protects my family, then so be it,” Mia said stubbornly.

  ~

  Victor waited in the crystal throne room. The angels weren’t expecting him, so he realized that they were putting precautions into place before letting Victor speak with Michael.

  Michael walked in.

  Victor took a knee.

  Michael was flabbergasted but managed not to let it show. “Rise, Victor. What can I do for you?”

  Victor explained and then answered all of Michael’s questions.

  “This could all just be a conspiracy theory of a young birdman, but it makes sense the more I think about it,” Victor discussed. “They made their move when you and your kind were compromised with injuries. Your eyes aren’t on the humans you should be protecting.”

  “I wouldn’t put it past Quazar to have supplied the volcanic demons with the weapons. Fortunately, Ted has already found a way to disarm them. Ted is a strong asset. Mia was right to protect him anyway she can,” Michael said.