I quickly got into the “cannonball” position as that thought crossed my mind and made an amazing splash.
“That was awesome,” Harper said when I was back on shore. “Kind of scary just watching you though.”
He didn’t try it and neither did anyone else. I didn’t do it again either, afraid it would look like I was showing off if I did.
I wanted to though. That had been a thrill!
If I had been with John, we would have been doing that all day.
Chapter 25
Once Harper and I had enough of swimming, we headed back to camp. I didn’t see the need for a shower since the water seemed clean and there wasn’t any chlorine or salt to wash off, but Harper had different ideas and insisted I take one. On the way to the shower he gave me an education in fecal coliform that I could have done without, but I guess it’s a good thing to know.
The showers were all together, three shower heads, no separate stalls. Guys were coming and going, but there were usually eight or nine other guys waiting to shower. It was one of the most awkward things I had ever seen. There was nothing to look at except for the people showering, and of course no one wanted to do that. So the people waiting were all in an awkward situation. What is one supposed to do, turn around and stare at the wall? To make matters worse, everyone getting in the shower was leaving his swimming trunks on and just soaping up the rest of his body. After rinsing off, each guy tied a towel around his waist, removing his trunks from under the towel and replacing them with dry underwear. It was silly. Guys showered in front of each other in school gymnasium locker rooms all the time. How was this any different?
When it was my turn, I acted like a normal person, removed my swimming trunks and stepped into the shower, soaped myself all over quite nicely, rinsed thoroughly, then dried off and put on my clothes.
“You’re braver than I am,” Harper said as we walked back to our campsite.
“That’s an odd thing to hear from a future astronaut.”
“It’s true. You’ve proven it twice today.”
“But that was stupid, everybody acting so modest.”
“Yes, it was.”
Back at our tent, Harper began preparing dinner. This time I had enough sense to ask what I could do to help, and he put me to chopping potatoes. It was nice to be working alongside him again, just like when we put up the fence.
The man who had started up a conversation with Harper before, or tried to, tried again. I didn’t pay much attention, thinking instead about the night ahead of us, but was glad when the man went back to his own family and left us to ourselves.
Dinner was steak and potatoes, and it was excellent, just like lunch. Harper had even brought along some pancake batter he had whipped up before leaving home and put in a plastic container. He made us one big pancake, which we divided in two and ate for desert, using honey bear honey for syrup.
“Was this supposed to be our breakfast?” I asked.
“No. Breakfast will be omelets and toast. It’s all in the ice chest.”
“You’re treating me like royalty.”
“Maybe that’s how I think of you.”
“Get serious! How did you learn to cook so well?”
“My mom showed me a few things because sometimes when she worked a double-shift, I would have to cook dinner for me and the girls. And the rest I just picked up myself.”
“What does she do with the girls now that you’re away?”
“Neighbors watch them, or relatives.”
“I bet she really depended on you. No wonder you’re so responsible.”
Harper looked a little sad.
“I feel bad sometimes, leaving.”
“You had to. We’ve all got to pursue our dreams.”
“Seems selfish sometimes.”
“You’re doing the right thing.”
We talked around the campfire for a long time, not discussing anything of much importance, yet it seemed every topic that crossed our lips was made beautiful by the fire. I didn’t think I had ever enjoyed a conversation so much.
I also knew there was something special to look forward to, the night in the tent with Harper. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew whatever it was would be good. Just spending a night beside him would be good. So even though I was looking forward to it more than I’d ever looked forward to anything, I was also taking some delight in putting it off, knowing it was there to enjoy when we got to it. That, too, had made the conversation special. It was almost like foreplay.
The perfection of the moment was momentarily ruined, however, when the man who had struck up conversation with Harper twice before once again showed up at our tent. I could tell he had been drinking. Not good.
He started talking to Harper, who began putting out the fire. I took my cue and also did whatever I could see that needed to be done.
The man didn’t take the hint, and after talking about next to nothing for a while, finally said, “My wife and kids are all in bed. Why don’t you put your little bro’ to bed too and come have a drink with me. I know a spot with a river view where we won’t disturb nobody.”
So that was it.
“Actually, I’m about to hit the sleeping bag myself,” Harper said, not too quickly, making sure he was understood. “Pretty tired.”
The man walked off. He had given it his best shot, and he had been shot down. I understood, but I didn’t feel sorry for him, especially with his wife and kids right there in the tent.
We quickly finished putting the campsite to bed, brushed our teeth, and went inside our own tent.
“That happen to you often?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“People hitting on you.”
Harper was silent a few seconds.
“Sometimes.”
“Must get old.”
“Sometimes.”
“I did it to you too, didn’t I?”
“There’s a difference in getting attention you don’t want and getting attention you don’t mind.”
Harper had spread out our sleeping bags, side by side. He was staring at them.
“I assume the reason you want to spend the night with me is to be close together all through the night?”
“Something like that.”
He unzipped the two sleeping bags then zipped them together, forming one big bag. Then he took off his shoes and climbed in, still wearing his muscle shirt, jeans, and socks.
I took off my shoes and began removing my jeans.
“You should leave those on,” Harper said. “In case you have to get up at night and pee or something.”
“I never do,” I said.
I took my shirt off too, leaving my underwear and socks on, and climbed into the sleeping bag beside him. I could feel his body heat immediately, and soon I was lost in his masculine smell. Mixed with the smells of the sleeping bag and the outdoors, it was particularly musky but just as pleasing as ever.
“You really aren’t going to get undressed?” I asked.
“I always sleep in my clothes when I camp out,” he said. “You never know what might happen.”
“Like what?”
“Like whatever. We’re not in some house with the doors locked. Or like I said, sometimes I just need to get up and find a place to pee. I don’t like struggling with clothes when I’m sleepy, especially in a tent.”
“All right.”
He sensed the disappointment in my voice, lifted himself, and removed the muscle shirt.
We were quiet and still, inches apart. Then I moved; of course it was me. I figured if he had let me lean against his chest once before, that Christmas in his truck, he wouldn’t mind it again. So that’s what I did. We just lay there in that position for a while, perfectly still.
Then I kissed his chest. And again. And again. His chest was rock hard, but his skin was soft and pleasing to my lips and hands.
Harper had small nipples like mine. I found the one closest to my face and licked it. Harper stretched o
ut his arms behind his back then folded them behind his head. He was all stretched out in front of me now.
I explored his armpit, the one closest, first with my finger, playing with some of the hairs, then with my face. I loved this man so much that I buried my face in his armpit and loved it.
Harper started to laugh.
I wondered if he thought I was being stupid.
“That kind of tickles,” he said, then he put his hands on either side of my body, bringing me close to him and hugging me.
“Can we just sleep together?” he asked. “I mean, just sleep? I’ll put my arm around you and hold you close. You’ll like that, won’t you?”
“That sounds nice,” I said, “if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t want to go too far with you, Nathan. You’re too young.”
“I’m not thirteen anymore.”
“Fifteen is still young.”
“I love you so much. I want more of you.”
There. I’d said it.
“I figured you did. But all I agreed to was spending the night together. I was hoping that would be enough for you.”
I was quiet for a while.
“So, just sleep then? Nothing else at all?”
“What else did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know. I like touching you.”
“You do what you want. I’ll let you know if you’re going too far.”
With permission to explore Harper’s upper body, I began to touch it with my hands and lips and tongue. Sometimes I stopped to hug him tight, and he would hug me back, but mostly he just lay there, letting me touch him.
I knew from our hugs that he had an erection, like me. But he wouldn’t let me touch it even through his jeans. He would grab my hands, letting me know I was going too far. Kissing was also off limits. I tried once, but he stopped me, so I didn’t try again.
Even with the limitations, I was loving this. It was still far better, far more meaningful to me, than anything I had done with Matt even though we had gone a lot farther. I couldn’t get enough of Harper. I wanted him so badly.
“Are you sure?” I whispered, running my fingers down his stomach as far as the top of his jeans, wiggling one finger underneath, thinking his erection couldn’t be too far away. Again, he stopped me before I got there.
“I’m sure,” he said.
“But someday?”
“Maybe when you’re older.”
“How much older?”
“Eighteen.”
“Eighteen!” That’s three more years!”
“I won’t be around much for the next two or three years anyway. It’s better this way.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“That’s the way it’s got to be.”
“Sometimes you’re way too good for me,” I told him. “I’m not as good as you.”
“You’re good,” he said. “That’s why I love you.”
I let his words settle on me. I knew those were the three words I would remember later. That was the important moment of the night. For now though, I was still worked up.
“So until then, only this? This is almost sex, isn’t it?”
“You mean this fooling around in the tent? A lot of guys do it.”
I knew he was joking around with me.
“That sounds like something a straight guy would say,” I said.
“Did I ever say I wasn’t straight?”
“No.”
“There you have it then.”
“So you’re just a straight guy fooling around? That’s all I’ve got here?”
“Does it feel like that’s all you’ve got here?”
“No.”
“What does it feel like?”
“It feels like more.”
“There you have it then.”
I could feel his breath every time he spoke. Our heads were close together.
“This fooling around we’re doing, I guess it’s kind of like having sex.”
“When we have sex, you’ll know it.”
“So you do plan to have sex with me someday? That’s the first time you’ve said that.”
“Is that what I said?”
“It’s what it sounded like.”
“I don’t guess I would have said it if it’s not true.”
Harper flexed his muscles, knowing it would make me swoon, even in the dark.
“Maybe it can be my eighteenth birthday present,” I suggested.
“Maybe. If I’m in town.”
“Promise?”
In the silence I could hear his heart beating. Steady. Steady.
“Promise.”
“You really promise?”
“If it will make you feel better, I promise.”
“That’s something.”
It was a lot, actually. A hell of a lot. It was a dream deferred, but one day it would be a dream fulfilled. I had never been sure that it would ever happen, and now I was sure. Harper would never lie to me. If he made a promise, he would keep it.
I thought about it. When I turned eighteen, Harper would be twenty-three. Nice. I guess if I had to wait, I had to wait. Anyway, what he had let me do tonight was almost enough for me. As much as I longed to feel what it was like for him to really make love to me all the way, being enveloped in his body as I was at the moment was still ecstasy. His smell still made me dizzy with love and desire. His eyes still gave me a religious experience looking into them. Everything was still good.
I kept rubbing my hands over his body. The military regimen had made him even leaner, even harder than before. There was no doubt that overall he was in the best condition of his life, a living, breathing fighting machine, with all the love of the world inside him, and all for me. He had told me he loved me. That had to be enough.
“I took this World Civ course this semester,” Harper said, breaking the silence. “They teach everything they can from an aerospace or military angle, so I learned a lot about fighting forces from way back. Did you know there was an army in ancient Greece made up of pairs of lovers?”
“No.”
“The Sacred Band of Thebes. Those guys were the best military unit of their time until Alexander the Great’s father came along. They don’t teach you that in high school. Or about the Japanese samurai. They had the same system, but no one ever mentions that.”
“I’m surprised they teach you that at the Air Force Academy. You said it’s a conservative place.”
“Oh, it is. Trust me. Hard-core. But I think my World Civ professor might be gay. He barely mentioned the Sacred Band in class, but he mentioned them. I went to his office and asked him to tell me more about them.”
“That was brave.”
“Not really. I can tell he is attracted to me. So for me to show up and ask about that topic probably scored me some points with him. I’m sure he didn’t mind.”
I thought about what he said. It almost sounded as if he had flirted with his professor.
“Did you get an ‘A’ in his class?”
“I made all ‘A’s’.”
“So did I.”
“Good boy.”
“Same to you.”
“I think if we had lived back then, you and I would have been in the Sacred Band.”
“I wouldn’t mind.”
“Something else he told me in his office: that there were many places in ancient Greece where boys your age were mentored by guys about my age or maybe a little older. The older guy would teach the younger guy all about fighting and citizenship. Usually they were lovers as well.”
“He told you that?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s cool.”
“Yeah.”
“See? There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. I just said not yet. We’re not living in ancient Greece and we’re not samurai.”
“If we were?”
“We’re not.”
We lapsed into silence.
“You�
��re strong,” I said finally. “I don’t know anyone as mentally strong as you.”
“Well, you’re a good exercise in self-control for me.”
“And what if I’ve already done something? Would that matter?”
“Your friend John?”
“No. I was just saying, what if.”
“It wouldn’t matter. If you have done something, it was probably with a boy your own age. That’s different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. It just is. The age difference won’t matter to me so much when we’re older, but now it does.”
I thought for a moment.
“What would you do to me right now if you didn’t hold back?”
“Not saying. I didn’t say I wanted to do anything to you.”
“You do. You said I’m a good exercise in self-control.”
“I’m sorry I said that. You didn’t need to know.”
“Yes I did.”
I gathered my courage, then whispered, “Make love to me.”
“Shut up. Go to sleep.”
I completely worshipped him and had for five years now, especially the last two when I actually got to see him from time to time. I couldn’t wait for the day when I could see him every day for the rest of my life. But he was military, still wanted to be an astronaut.
Even though I trusted him to keep his promise about my eighteenth birthday, he had never promised me anything for the years beyond. When it came to seeing him every day for the rest of my life, I wondered if that day would ever come.
Chapter 26
I saw Harper again the day before he went back to Colorado.
“It’s been a good summer,” he said. “I hate to leave. How about you? Did you have a good summer?”
“You were here,” I said. “Any summer with you around will always be a good summer for me.”
He adjusted his baseball cap and smiled.
“What was your favorite part?” he asked.
“Camping with you, of course,” I said.
“Thought so,” he said, studying me. “I was hoping you might say the game.”
“That was awesome too! Is that what you would pick?”
He thought about it. “If you just asked me the question, that’s what I would answer. But if you pressed me on it, I might have to say it’s a tie.”
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