Where the Heart Takes You

by Virginia Wise

  Ruth picked up a slice of squash and grinned. “I agree.” She reached for a slab of venison. “Our settlement has come a long way since you arrived.”

  “And even further since you did!”

  “Ja. Those were long, lean months.” Ruth nodded at her trencher. “But look how der Herr blesses those who persevere.”

  “Amen.”

  The women made their way to the edge of the room as they searched for enough elbowroom to eat comfortably. Greta’s eyes skimmed the gathering, looking for Jacob. She saw him at the back of the line, letting the others go ahead of him. Just like Jacob. Greta nibbled on a carrot but barely noticed the sweet, earthy flavor. Her attention stayed on the tall, chivalrous man on the other side of the crowd. Will he bring his plate over here once he gets his food? He does want to eat with me, doesn’t he?

  * * *

  Jacob waited with his pewter plate in hand as he listened to the happy murmurs of his neighbors. He felt the deep loneliness that he had carried for so long dissolve amidst the soft laughter and warm familiarity. So many people had reached out to him over these long, difficult months. But one person had made the difference. He looked up and searched for Greta’s green eyes and freckled nose.

  I cannot wait another minute to tell her how I feel. I had planned to wait until the right moment. But I will not put it off any longer. He worked his way across the room. But so many families stopped to say hello that it was slowgoing. He nodded at Barbara Gruber and Maria Stoltzfus as they discussed cures for a winter cough. He tipped his hat at Abraham and Amos as they chewed on fat chunks of venison. Peter Fisher ran through the crowd and bumped into Jacob’s knee. The little boy looked up with big round eyes and Jacob patted him on the head and sent him on his way.

  * * *

  Greta kept track of Jacob’s slow progression across the room. He looked tall and self-assured in his dark dress jacket and waistcoat. He keeps heading this way . . . is he coming to eat with me? She picked at a slice of venison as she studied his movements. Jacob took another few steps her way. Ja, he is coming over here. He is coming to eat with me! She looked down at her trencher and tried to concentrate on her food. Do not let him see you watching him! You must act surprised and nonchalant when he gets here! She smoothed her neck cloth and took a deep breath. Calm. Maintain calm. But her heart beat so fast that it felt as if it would fly from her chest.

  Jacob made his way across the rest of the room, until he was almost to Greta’s side. She beamed and opened her mouth to say hello—but Catrina slid between them before Greta could form the words. She had not noticed that the beautiful newcomer was hovering behind her and the appearance caught her by surprise. Catrina flashed a sweet smile and Greta felt her heart drop into her stomach. Wait. Was Jacob on his way to see Catrina instead of me? Greta’s appetite disappeared and she lowered her trencher. She swallowed and looked up at Jacob, uncertain.

  He opened his mouth to speak, but Barbara Gruber slipped in between them. “Greta, dear. Just who we have been looking for. Come here for a moment. We really must talk.” Barbara took Greta’s elbow and steered her away from Jacob and Catrina. Jonah Gruber followed close behind his wife. He looked uncomfortable. Greta glanced back at Jacob as Barbara led her away. Jacob’s and Greta’s eyes connected and she realized that he was watching her. She felt a renewed surge of hope. He isn’t paying attention to Catrina.

  “Greta, are you all right?” Barbara frowned and stared at Greta’s face. “I heard about your incident with the wasps, but my goodness, you really do look a fright! I did not expect quite so much—”

  “Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?” Greta interrupted, her eyes still on Jacob. She did not want to be reminded that Catrina looked even more beautiful than her than usual.

  “No.” Barbara cleared her throat. Her fingers fidgeted with her kappe with nervous energy. “Jonah and I have been discussing something.”

  “What?” Greta ripped her attention from Jacob and turned her head to Barbara.

  “I should say that Jonah has been talking to Jacob, actually, and . . .” Barbara’s voice trailed away. She looked at Jonah and poked him in the ribs with her elbow. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. Barbara prodded him with her elbow again. “You should be the one to tell her, Jonah. You heard it firsthand.”

  “Ja. You are right. I heard it firsthand.” He shuffled his feet and rubbed the back of his neck again. Greta’s gaze moved past Jonah’s shoulder and followed Jacob as he left Catrina’s side. Catrina did not hold his attention very long. Jacob’s eyes met Greta’s again and she smiled.

  “The thing is . . .”

  “Greta?” Barbara leaned in closer. “Are you listening?”

  Greta pulled her eyes away from Jacob’s. “Ja. Of course.”

  “Greta, I have to apologize,” Jonah said in a low voice. He wore a miserable expression on his face.

  “Apologize? Whatever for?”

  “I am afraid that Barbara and I have misled you. We were misled ourselves, you see. And we thought that we were doing the right thing, but we were wrong. And now we are afraid that we have given you false hope and made a mess of things.”

  “What? I am sorry, but I simply do not understand what you are talking about.” Greta’s eyes flicked across the room again as she searched for Jacob.

  “Greta. Remember the conversation we had last week when you told us about your school?” Barbara placed her hand on Greta’s elbow. “We thought that Jacob planned to marry you.”

  Greta felt her stomach drop. “Ja.”

  “We misled you. I am so sorry.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Jonah cleared his throat. “I spoke to Jacob about that.”

  “He had to return a hammer,” Barbara cut in. “It isn’t as if he went just to”—she waved her hand—“to speak about your personal affairs.”

  Jonah frowned. “Right. As I was saying, Jacob made it clear that Barbara and I—well, the whole settlement, I suppose—have it wrong. He is not . . .” Jonah swallowed hard and glanced at his wife. She nodded, her face somber. “He has no interest in courting you.”

  “Oh.” Greta blinked. She cleared her throat. Her stomach twisted as she processed Jonah’s words. But, I was so sure.... Her eyes shot across the room again, searching frantically for Jacob. She saw him leaning against the wall of his cabin, his face turned down, a shadow over his dark eyes. He looked alone and unreachable. Greta turned back to Jonah. “Are you certain that he still feels this way? Over the past few days we . . .” Greta struggled to find the right words. “. . . We drew closer.”

  “Ach. Greta. I am sorry. But I am certain his feelings would not change day to day. He is not fickle. When he sets his mind on something it is done. And he was very clear that he holds no affection for you.” Jonah’s face looked pained. “None whatsoever.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked away.

  “Oh. Oh, I see.” Greta’s mind sifted through the events of the past few days. She had been so sure that they had made a connection. “But he seemed to connect with me in such a way that . . .” Greta shook her head. She would not humiliate herself by insisting that the connection had been there for him too.

  Jonah shifted his feet again. “Ja. Jacob is a good man. He is a good friend. I understand how you could have felt that it was more, but . . . it is only friendship. I am sorry.” Jonah looked at his wife. “I did not want to break her heart.”

  Greta felt the room crash down around her. It does not matter what you felt, or thought he felt. Here is the truth of it, plain and simple. You must listen to the truth, not entertain false hope for a man who clearly wants to be left alone. You are a friend to him. Nothing more. The only connection he feels is platonic. Greta cleared her throat again. She wished that she could be anywhere but in that room, hearing the laughter and chatter of the close-knit families around her.

  Greta forced a smile. She even managed a small, shaky laugh. “Break my heart? Goodness
no.” She would not let anyone see how much the truth hurt. She could not save her heart, but she could save her dignity. “I feel the same way that he does, so that works out just fine.” She told herself that even if the words did not feel true now, she would make them true. She would push all affection for Jacob Miller from her heart. Forever. It was the only way. It was what he wanted.

  Jonah’s eyes snapped to Greta. “Oh? I thought . . .”

  “Greta, are you quite sure?” Barbara stared at Greta thoughtfully.

  “Yes. Quite sure.”

  Barbara exhaled. “I am so glad to hear you say that, Greta. I feared that we had given you false expectations. We thought that you had fallen for him.”

  Greta shook her head. “No. Of course not. I just thought . . . well, there for a few days I thought that he had fallen for me.”

  Jonah grinned and shrugged. “Ah, well. I am glad we did not let this misunderstanding go too far. The situation could have become quite complicated.”

  Barbara laughed. “Could you imagine if you had both gone on thinking that the other one was interested when neither one of you is? What a mess we might have made!”

  “Ja. What a mess.” Greta’s voice sounded flat. She heard herself mumble an excuse and hurry for the cabin door. She needed to get away from the stuffy room and the laughing couples that surrounded her. Her long, heavy skirts swished against her calves as she wove through the crowded room.

  Greta glanced behind her as she yanked the door open. Cold, crisp air whisked past her as though it had been waiting for a chance to invade the warm, cozy cabin. Jacob caught her gaze from across the room and moved toward her. Greta could not hold back her emotions any longer and the tears welled in her eyes. She rushed through the door before the handsome widower could reach her. I will not let him see me cry. I will never let him know how I really feel. Hot tears blurred Greta’s vision as she hurried across the muddy yard and vanished into the dark, towering forest.

  Catrina waited until the door shut behind Greta, then slipped in to take her place beside Barbara and Jonah.

  “How are you settling in?” Barbara asked. “You have met Greta?” She glanced across the room, but Greta was already gone. “You must be about the same age.”

  “Ja. She has been very welcoming. I am sure we will be friends.” A look of concentration marred Catrina’s perfect features. “I thought that Jacob Miller might have spoken for her. After all there are so few eligible men.” She cleared her throat. “What I mean to say is . . .” She gave a sheepish grin and hid her face in her hands. “Oh! I do hope that I do not sound too bold. I just could not help overhearing your conversation. Is it true that Jacob has no intention of courting her? And that she holds no affection for him?”

  “Ja.” Jonah nodded. “’Tis true.”

  “I understand your boldness, dear.” Barbara smiled knowingly. “A woman must know if a man is eligible. And I can assure you that he is. What’s more, he is in need of a good woman!”

  “Oh. Oh my.” Catrina flushed. “Is that so?” An expectant smile spread across her rose-colored lips.

  * * *

  Jacob frowned when he saw Greta rush to the door. The expression on her face troubled him. He wove through the crowd and hurried after her. His feelings for her flooded him and he knew that he could not push them down any longer. She feels the same way about me that I do about her. I can see it in the way she looks at me. Her eyes are full of expectation and innocence. She looks ready for life to begin, and I can see in her face that she wants me to be a part of that life. He remembered how, during their picnic, the words spilled from her mouth before she could stop them. “I care about you,” she had said. And I care about you, Greta Scholtz. This is the right moment to tell her how I truly feel. I only wish that it had not taken me so long to let her into my heart. He let the door bang shut behind him, pushed his beaver-felt hat onto his head, and set his face like a flint. I am going after her right now. I cannot wait another moment.

  A friendly shout stopped him.

  “Jacob!” The door whined open on its leather hinges. There you are.” Jonah balanced a wooden trencher full of corn cakes and squash on his palm. He slapped his friend on the back with his free hand. “Going somewhere?” Jonah bit into a soft, greasy corn cake and chewed.

  “Ja, I cannot stay. I have to speak with Greta.” He started toward the woods that separated his property from the Yoder farm.

  Jonah put a hand on his shoulder. “Wait.” His mouth was full of corn cake and the word sounded thick and muffled. He held up a finger, chewed another few times, then swallowed. “I have to tell you something about her.”

  “Oh?” Jacob raised his eyebrows. He felt a surge of expectation.

  “Ja, I just spoke with her.” Jonah wiped his mouth. “Such a silly misunderstanding.”

  Jacob’s feeling of expectation shifted to concern. “What misunderstanding?”

  “You and Greta. I felt so bad about leading her on. Barbara and I figured we ought to set the record straight.” Jonah took another bite of his corn cake. Jacob frowned.

  “Set the record straight?”

  Jonah motioned vaguely, then swallowed. “The fact that you are not interested in her. I—well, everyone, to be honest—have been telling her otherwise. It seemed cruel not to clear the record.”

  Jacob’s chest tightened. “And how did Greta react?”

  “Oh, that’s the good part. She was not upset at all. Relieved is more like it. She even smiled. Barbara was ready to console her, but there was no need. She is not interested either.”

  “Not at all?”

  Jonah shook his head. “Not at all. Quite a relief, I know. Now you can both move on without any misunderstandings.”

  “Oh. I see.” Jacob felt as though the ground had dropped out from under him. He forced a guarded expression onto his face and hardened his eyes.

  “I knew you would be glad to hear.”

  “Ja. What a relief.” The words came out in a distant monotone, but Jonah did not notice. He slapped Jacob’s back again. “See you around, Jacob.”

  Jacob managed to maintain his neutral expression as he watched Jonah slip into the crowd of smiling brethren. Jacob shivered. He had not noticed the cold before. A heavy, familiar emptiness settled into his chest. All of this time, she was never interested? His jaw tightened. And why should she be? How could a woman like Greta Scholtz want anything to do with me? She is so trusting, so innocent. His molars ground together as he stared at the empty path that Greta had taken into the woods. I could never be what she needs. Not after I already failed one woman. And she knows that. I must let her go.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Greta felt restless and alone. Her mind drifted to Jacob no matter how hard she tried to focus on her chores.

  “You are much too distracted, Greta,” Ruth said as she turned her drop spindle. “How many times have you had to rip out your stitches this morning?”

  Greta frowned as she bent over her sewing. Her neck ached and her eyes blurred. “Too many times. I cannot seem to stitch a straight line.”

  Ruth smiled. “Put it away, then. Go fetch us some redroot. We need to collect a basketful before the snow flies.”

  Greta tossed the quilt square aside and stretched her back. “A wonderful good idea.”

  “Check the edge of the path down by the oak grove, before you reach the Gruber cabin. I wager you will find some there.”

  Greta grabbed a basket, pulled on her cloak, and dashed outside before Ruth could finish her sentence. She breathed in a deep breath of cool, clear air. The seasons hung between fall and winter as the settlement waited for snow to cover the brilliant orange and gold leaves with a dispassionate white blanket. Greta felt her life suspended between seasons as well, as the cold, hard truth about Jacob smothered the brightness and expectations she once had.

  Greta found the redroot growing between the oak grove and the roadside, where the conditions were ideal for the shrub. The cold bit at her cheek
s as she gathered her skirts and stooped to pick the small leaves. The thwack of an ax and the low shouts of men interrupted her. She smelled the acrid, woodsy scent of smoke and realized that the men were clearing land and burning the brush.

  She imagined the humble settlement growing and growing until they had cobblestone streets and real houses—with two stories and glass windows—just like her home in Germany. And sugar! She grinned at the thought and hurried to check on the progress.

  Beyond the next hill she found a clearing full of flashing axes, bonfires, and stacked logs. Greta hurried to the bustling work area, but her excitement evaporated when she rounded a crackling bonfire and saw beyond the hazy billow of smoke. Catrina stood close beside Jacob. A sliver of shining locks peered out from the edges of her prayer kappe, hinting at the dazzling mane beneath. She wore the same style of somber bodice and long, unadorned skirt that the rest of the women wore, but her beautiful features stood out despite her Plain attire.

  Catrina held a bucket of water in her hands as she stared up at Jacob with her striking blue eyes. He sipped from a ladle and gazed down at her with an amused expression on his chiseled face.

  It is nothing. She is going around and giving all of the men a drink of water. There is nothing between them. But Catrina didn’t leave after Jacob finished his drink. The empty ladle hung from his hand, and yet she still lingered. She batted her thick black lashes and giggled. He returned her smile. Greta studied the casual slouch of his body as he leaned against the tree. She noticed the way he grinned at the woman; the expression seemed so natural, so relaxed. He has never been so at ease around me.

  A hot, flustered feeling crept up Greta’s body. Her mouth went dry. She swallowed hard. Is this what happened to the affection that I thought we shared? He has given it over to Catrina? Greta wanted to run all the way back to the Yoder cabin. But she stood riveted in place, her eyes glued to the smiling couple. The raven-haired woman giggled again. Then she reached for the ladle and her fingers brushed against Jacob’s as she took it from him. She let her fingertips linger against his for a long moment before she dropped her hand.