Where the Heart Takes You

by Virginia Wise

  Eliza pulled back and looked Greta in the eye. “Like you?”

  Greta beamed. “Ja. Like me. I love you very much.”

  “And Jacob? He loves you, ja?”

  Greta’s face fell. “Oh. Well. I don’t—” She cleared her throat. “My goodness, the time is getting away from us. We had better get started with the lesson.”

  “But Greta, why is there no wedding planned? Everyone used to say that you and Jacob would marry.”

  Greta hesitated. She cleared her throat again. “I guess Catrina is the better match.” The words felt sticky and raw in her mouth.

  Anna stared at Greta with solemn eyes. “Are they a perfect match? Mama says that we all should wait until we find der Herr’s perfect match for us.”

  “Jacob and Catrina, a perfect match?”

  “Ja.”

  “I think . . . I think we should open the Martyrs Mirror and see if you can read the first paragraph.”

  Greta tried to put all of her focus on the children’s lesson as they took turns sounding out passages from the Bible. The young schoolteacher managed to keep a polite smile on her face and nod at Peter’s progress. But she could not stop herself from repeating Eliza’s words over and over again in her head. “He loves you, ja?”

  Someone knocked on the door and Greta’s eyes flew to the threshold. She felt her stomach tighten with the hope that it might be Jacob. Do not be foolish. Greta swallowed and smoothed her heavy skirts. “Please, come in.”

  The door swung open with a slow creak. Greta told herself not to hope as she looked up. But there he stood. His tall frame and magnetic gaze filled the threshold.

  “Jacob! What a surprise.” Greta grinned and started to get up from her place by the hearth. Jacob nodded but looked uncomfortable. And then Catrina Witmer swept into the cabin. Greta felt her entire body deflate.

  “Greta, darling!” Catrina flounced over to Greta. Her raven-black hair was carefully combed and tucked beneath her prayer kappe, her apron and bodice were perfectly ironed, and her complexion looked completely unblemished.

  Everything about her is perfect. “Catrina. What a . . . pleasant surprise.”

  “Ja.” She hurried to Greta, kissed her on both cheeks, and then glanced around the room. “Oh! This must be the school that I have heard so much about. I do hope that we are not disturbing you.”

  “No.” Greta managed a stiff smile. “No.”

  Catrina clapped. “Wunderbar!”

  Greta flinched at the outburst. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”

  “Why, I have not seen you in ages! I said to Jacob that we simply must call on you. It is as though you want to stay hidden away in this little cabin! Jacob has been to dinner so many times and the Grubers hosted a singing, but you have been nowhere to be found. Do tell me that you are well.”

  “Ja. Very well, thank you.”

  “You look a bit pale and thin, dear.” Catrina frowned and studied Greta. “But I have just the thing to cheer you.” She flashed her signature smile. “I was going through some of the things that I brought out here. You see, I just have too much. Having so many shifts and bodices and stays and woolen hosen, it just feels so . . . worldly.” She lowered her lashes. “You must understand, I have not always been Amish and I have many lovely things from my life before. Remember, my grandparents converted after my mother was grown, so I was not raised in the faith. But, when I heard that they were moving here, to a wild, new land, I knew that I had to come. I knew that I was meant for something more.”

  “It must be a challenge to grow accustomed to our Plain ways.”

  “Ja. But, as I was saying . . .” Her eyes slid over to Jacob. “Jacob was at our farm today—he has been such a dear, you know, so helpful—and I thought, what perfect timing.”

  “Perfect timing?”

  “Ja. For Jacob to help me carry these things to you.”

  “To me?”

  “Why, who else? The thought of you and Widow Yoder here all alone! It must be simply dreadful. You must barely get by, surviving on charity. My parents have done very well in Philadelphia, you see. It only seems right to share when everything that you have is so very . . . shabby.” She ran her eyes down Greta’s figure and shook her head. “All of that linsey-woolsey. Such cheap, coarse fabric.”

  “Oh. Well, I do have my school. I earn—”

  “That’s right, dear.” She motioned to the large basket that Jacob held in his hands. “I brought you some of my old bodices and shifts. The plainest ones, of course. I know that is what you want.” Catrina’s face looked pleasant and expectant. “And white linen for new neck cloths and prayer kappes. I could not help but notice how very worn and stained yours are. You poor dear.”

  Jacob frowned. He started to speak, but Greta nodded curtly and muttered a polite “thank you” before he could intervene.

  “Wunderbar.” Catrina flashed a gorgeous smile and looked up at Jacob. “We really must be on our way. Grandmother will be expecting us both for dinner.” Jacob glanced at Greta, but she did not notice. She did not want to see the happy couple discuss their dinner plans so she kept her eyes on the bolt of cloth. Jacob’s gaze stayed on the soft curve of her cheek and the splash of freckles across her nose.

  Greta pushed the fabric aside and stood up. She straightened her skirts and raised her chin. “Good day. I must get back to my students.” She picked up the Ausbund and pointed to a word. “Christian, can you tell me what this says?”

  * * *

  Jacob’s eyes lingered on Greta for another long moment. He watched the children’s eyes light up as she spoke and felt a gentle warmth fill his chest as he observed the simple interaction. Just look up at me, Greta. Just give me a sign that you want me here, in your cabin. In your life.

  Greta could feel Jacob’s eyes on her. Humiliated by Catrina’s show of charity, she pushed down her desire to return his steady gaze and threw herself into the lesson.

  Jacob frowned. She is not going to look at me. She is making a point to ignore me.

  “Come along, Jacob. We really must be going.”

  “Wait!” Anna jumped up. “Did you bring another cake?” She grabbed Catrina’s skirt and tugged the fabric. “Please say that you did!” Catrina stiffened and pried the girl’s finger from the fabric. “Sticky fingers, dear.” She wrinkled her nose. “You mustn’t touch.” Then she forced a strained smile. “I will bake another cake soon.”

  “Good.” Anna tilted her head and frowned. “Because we thought that we would have cake at the wedding. And now we will not.”

  “The wedding?” Catrina smoothed the front of her blouse and dusted off her skirt.

  “Ja. Jacob and Greta.”

  “Oh?” Catrina’s eyes widened. Greta nearly gasped. She wanted to sink into the dirt floor.

  “Oh, ja. Everyone knew that they would be married.”

  “Anna—” Jacob stepped forward and motioned at the girl to hush. Anna shrugged. “But then Greta said that Catrina is a perfect match for Jacob and that they will be the ones to marry.”

  Catrina broke into a relieved grin. She flashed Greta a grateful look.

  “Oh. No. I did not say that exactly. I mean . . . Oh . . .”

  Jacob frowned. She believes that Catrina is the better match? His stomach tightened. Sure, Catrina is beautiful, but she does not have Greta’s spirit. She does not linger in my mind or stir my heart as Greta does. And yet, Greta hopes that I marry another! He stared at her for a long, painful moment, then gave a curt nod and turned on his heels.

  Catrina waved to the children, then blew Greta a kiss. “Good-bye, Greta dear. I am so very glad that we found you well. Do pay us a visit soon.” She brimmed with joy and natural poise as she followed Jacob out the door.

  * * *

  Greta felt so flustered that she dismissed the children early. She shut the door behind them, leaned against it, closed her eyes, and let out a long, deep breath.

  “Well, that was an interesting visit.” Ruth walked over
to the bundle of fabric and raised an eyebrow.

  Greta opened her eyes and shook her head. “My goodness! I have never been so hurt by an act of kindness before!” She pressed her hands to her face. “And why did Anna say that! I thought I would die.”

  Ruth shrugged. “Children say the funniest things. Everyone knows not to take their words too seriously. Not when they are talking about their teacher’s marriage plans, anyway.”

  “I hope that you are right.”

  Ruth frowned and ran her fingers along a bolt of white fabric from Catrina’s basket. “Catrina meant well. She has no idea that you care for Jacob.” She pushed the fabric away. “She could not know how embarrassed you would feel in front of him.”

  “No, I suppose not.” Greta picked through the basket. “These are very fine. I wonder why she forsook the comforts of a well-to-do home in Philadelphia for the hardships of the wilderness and a Plain life.”

  “Clearly, she is searching for something more meaningful than a fancy life in the city could bring.”

  “Ja. I just hope that something is not Jacob Miller!”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Greta leaned into the fireplace and collected ashes to make lye soap. Ruth poured a bucket of water into the kettle so that they could boil the ashes after Greta gathered them. “Have you heard the Grubers’ good news?”

  “No.”

  “They will have a new child come spring.”

  “What a blessing. My, what a full house they will have!” Greta smiled for the growing family, but she felt a sadness settle inside of her. Will I ever know the joy of having my own family? She tried to push the emptiness away. Thou shalt not covet! “I am happy for them.”

  “I know it is hard, Greta.”

  “Hard? Whatever do you mean?”

  “Ach! Do not pretend, child. Just when you admitted your feelings for Jacob, Catrina pulled him away. I know that you long for a family of your own. Your own children, your own hearth and husband.” Ruth shook her head and set the water bucket aside. “You cannot live alone with an old woman forever.”

  Greta frowned. “You should not say such things. I do not want to leave you.”

  Ruth patted Greta’s shoulder. “Do not worry about me. You cannot stay here forever, wasting your youth and hopes.”

  Greta laughed. “Who do you have in mind? The Widower Hertzberger? He is eligible—and only sixty-five years old!”

  “Do not give up hope so easily.”

  “Well, I certainly do not see how this is going to work out.”

  Ruth smiled and wiped a ring of water off the hearthstone. “We can never see der Herr’s plan before it unfolds. But He has a way of making things work out in ways that we cannot predict.”

  Greta backed out of the fireplace and brushed the soot off her hands. “I just cannot imagine how I will ever find love.” She shook her head. “I know that many women marry out of practicality. I realize that I could not survive in the backcountry alone. But with the support of our settlement . . . well, we are doing all right. So I refuse to marry a man that I do not love. I would rather wait forever than compromise.”

  Ruth chuckled. “At the moment there is no one for you to marry even if you were willing to compromise.” She raised an eyebrow. “That is, unless you are interested in the Widower Hertzberger.”

  Greta put a hand over her face and groaned. “Oh, Ruth.”

  “You just put soot all over your forehead, dear.”

  Greta sighed and wiped her face with the corner of her apron. “Well, there is no use crying over spilt milk. Jacob is no longer interested and that is that.”

  Ruth stopped and looked Greta in the eye. “How can you be so sure of that?”

  “Because I have been told!”

  “By Jacob?”

  “No. Of course not. We have not spoken of such things.”

  Ruth raised an eyebrow.

  Greta pushed the bucket of ashes against the wall. “Why would you doubt what the Grubers said? It was as good as from Jacob’s own mouth.”

  “But it was not.”

  “The Grubers are honest folk.”

  “Of course they are. But misunderstandings can develop when information is passed from one to another.”

  “Jacob has given me no reason to believe otherwise.”

  “The two of you were growing close until Jonah told you that Jacob held no affection for you. And, Jacob has never seemed the type to choose beauty over character.” Ruth picked up an armful of kindling and arranged it inside the newly swept fireplace. “But he strikes me as having too much pride.” She glanced at Greta with a stern look. “Like you.” Greta squirmed under Ruth’s gaze. “Both of you are unwilling to just admit the truth to each other. I do wonder what would happen if you just marched up to him and told him how you really feel.”

  “Well, that would be a bold move! I should think that would be quite unseemly for a Plain woman.”

  Ruth shrugged. “Perhaps. But letting the man you love slip through your fingers would be worse.”

  Greta pursed her lips and added a log to the stack of kindling.

  “I never said that I loved him.”

  “You did not have to.”

  Greta stopped. Do I love him? I know that he makes me laugh. I know that he ignites something inside of me. I know that I think of him day and night. And I know that I cannot bear to spend the rest of my life with anyone but him. Greta sat back onto the dirt floor. The revelation struck her like a barrage of rain from a sudden storm.

  “You did not realize that it is more than just affection.”

  Greta closed her eyes. “I did not want it to be. Not when I have no hope for a marriage.”

  Ruth put a warm hand on Greta’s shoulder. “He was a shell of a man after losing his family. He has changed these past weeks. You changed him.” She shook her head. “And now he is alone. He might close his heart forever now.”

  “But he is not alone! He is with Catrina every time I see him.”

  “But he is still alone in here.” Ruth tapped her heart. “She does not fill that void in him.”

  Greta swallowed and looked Ruth in the eye. “And you think that I do?”

  Ruth nodded, her face serious. “Ja. Ja, I do.”

  “But what if you are wrong? What if I pour my feelings out to him and he rejects me? What if he really does prefer Catrina?” Greta looked away. “She is beautiful. And perfect in every way.”

  “Only on the outside.”

  “That is what people see.”

  “Not people of character.”

  “Is Jacob a person of character?”

  “Would you love him if he were not?”

  Greta sucked in her breath. Maybe there was a chance. Maybe Jacob was not as taken by Catrina as she thought.

  “There is only one way to find out.” Ruth gave her a serious look. “Let him know how you feel.”

  Greta shook her head. “I cannot. It is too embarrassing. Just look at me and look at her. I will make a fool of myself.”

  Ruth clucked her tongue. “There you go with your pride again.”

  “I prefer to call it self-respect.”

  “Do not mince words, Greta Scholtz. You just might let true love slip right through your fingers!”

  “If he loves me he will come to me instead of running off with Catrina.”

  “Not if he thinks that you have no affection for him.”

  “Humph.”

  “Humph.”

  Each woman crossed her arms and stared at the other.

  “Just think about it. That is all I ask.”

  Greta threw up her hands. “Fine! You have worn me down! I will think about it. But I am not making any promises!”

  Ruth shrugged. “You better think fast because you will see Jacob on the morrow.”

  “Why?”

  “The settlement is going to build an addition onto the Grubers’ cabin. With the baby on the way, they need the space.”

  Greta scowled. “I will
think about that tomorrow. For now, let’s get this ash on to boil.” She wiped the sweat from her forehead. “It will take the rest of the day to make the soap, so we better get started.”

  Ruth clucked her tongue. “You can avoid thinking about Jacob today. But you cannot avoid seeing him tomorrow.”

  * * *

  Ruth and Greta ate a cold breakfast so that they could get an early start to the Gruber farm. But Greta brooded and took her time even though they were in a hurry. She broke the crust of ice over the water bucket and washed her face in silence. Her fingers moved slowly as she patted her cheeks dry and tied on a crisp, white prayer kappe.

  “Do not dawdle, Greta. You cannot put off seeing the two of them together forever.”

  Greta sighed and fastened her shoes. “I am not dawdling.”

  “Then let’s go. The sun is nearly up.”

  Greta followed Ruth out the door and braced herself for what lay ahead. I cannot bear to see the two of them together. She clenched her jaw. If only I had said something earlier. Before it was too late.

  “It is not too late to let Jacob know how you feel, you know.”

  “We have already been over this.”

  “Ja. And you agreed to tell him how you feel.”

  “Ruth! I never agreed to that.”

  Ruth laughed. “It was worth a try.”

  “You cannot trick me into making a fool of myself.”

  “Ach. Young people today make everything so complicated.”

  “Oh, Ruth. I will read the situation when I see him. And if he gives me any sign of encouragement . . .”

  “And if he does not?”

  “I cannot compete with Catrina. I will not humiliate myself trying.”

  “I have already told you that character beats beauty every time.”

  Greta sighed. “Let’s just hope that Jacob Miller agrees.”

  * * *

  Christian and the Fisher twins ran to meet Greta as soon as she and Ruth walked into the clearing in front of the Gruber cabin.

  “Greta! Have you come to help make our house bigger?”

  “Ja.”

  “I am going to have a new baby brother, you know.”