by Keeland, Vi
I shook my head. “I become a workaholic spinster?”
Maggie smirked. “Good safety net.”
I reached for the door handle. “Thank you for driving today. My mind needed the time to wander.”
“No worries. Mine wanders while I’m driving. I don’t even remember getting on the bridge.”
I laughed. “I’ll probably be a little late tomorrow so I can call Gabriel from home. It’s not going to be an easy conversation.”
“Alright. I’ll hold down the fort. Stop by my office when you get in to let me know how it goes.”
• • •
“What if we keep things the way they have been? Just leave our relationship open and see where we are when I get back? I won’t see other people if you don’t want me to.” Gabriel paused. “Please, Georgia. Give me another chance. I know I fucked up.”
The emotion in his voice made my insides twist. But I had to remain steadfast to be fair to both of us. It would be so easy to say sure, let’s continue with an open relationship and then keep Gabriel on ice while I see how things pan out with Max. But I needed to give things with Max my all, and that meant having all of me to give.
“I’m sorry, Gabriel. I really am. But it’s best that we make a clean break at this point.”
“Do you…not love me anymore?” His voice cracked.
“You’ll always have a piece of my heart, because I gave that to you. But love can change.”
“God, I really fucked up. If I hadn’t left…”
“I’m not sure that’s true. I think any love that has the word if involved with it may not be the kind of love that lasts. True love should always be even though or in spite of, never if I hadn’t.”
“Did that hockey player make you choose?”
“Max doesn’t even know I’m making a choice.”
Gabriel went quiet. “I don’t know what’s left to say, but I don’t want to say goodbye because I feel like I might never get to speak to you again.”
He wasn’t wrong. We were breaking up. People always say they’ll keep in touch, but it rarely happens. “I’m sorry, Gabriel. I really am.”
“Promise me something?”
“What?”
“If you’re single when I get back, for whatever reason, you’ll let me take you to dinner, even if just as friends.”
I sighed. “Sure.”
“I love you, Georgia.”
“Goodbye, Gabriel.”
• • •
I waited until the early afternoon to call Max.
My heart had felt heavy after I’d hung up with Gabriel, and I’d needed some time to shake that gloomy feeling. But as the hours passed, I went from feeling sad to really damn nervous. I’d ended things with a man I cared about to take a chance with one I wasn’t even sure felt as strongly as I did.
Eventually, I also began to feel excited at the prospect of what might come of things with Max, but it was the kind of excitement I imagined a trapeze artist might feel as he stepped out to walk the tightrope with no safety net.
Still, I felt more alive than I had in years as I picked up the phone to call Max.
“Hey, beautiful.” His deep, gravelly voice wrapped around me like a warm blanket.
I sighed. “Would it be weird to ask you to record that so I can play it whenever I’m feeling down?”
“How about you just call and hear it live when you need to? It’s been a few days…”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I needed some time to sort things out.”
“Did it work? Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Good. Glad to hear it. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I do. But I was hoping we could talk in person. Are you busy tonight?”
“Actually, I am.”
“Oh…alright. Tomorrow maybe?”
“Won’t be back by then. I’m going to California for a few days. I leave tonight.”
“I didn’t realize you had another trip planned so soon.”
“It was sort of a last-minute thing.”
“When are you back?”
“Saturday.”
Normally, Max was an open book. But he wasn’t offering any information about this trip. “Is everything okay with your new team?”
“Yeah. Just have a few things to take care of out there.”
His vagueness caused an unsettled feeling in my stomach. But I tried to chalk it up to nerves getting the best of me. Plus, I hadn’t yet given Max any indication of where things stood between me and Gabriel, so it would make sense if he was a bit pensive himself. That could be it, too.
So I forged ahead. “Do you think you’ll be up for dinner when you get back Saturday night?”
“Sure. I have a morning flight, but with the time change, I think I land around four.”
“Okay. How about you come over, and I cook? That way we don’t have to worry about the time if your flight is late or something.”
“Sounds good.”
“Perfect. I got to work a little late today, so I have to run. Have a safe trip. I’ll see you this weekend.”
CHAPTER 24
* * *
Georgia
These had been the longest few days I could remember.
By the time Saturday arrived, my nerves were shot. Max and I had either seen each other or texted almost every day since we’d met, but he’d been radio silent while he was in California. Of course, I’d been the one to say I needed a little time after Gabriel showed up, and Max had been respectful about giving me that. But even then, he’d still sent me a simple text each day to check in. The last few days: crickets.
So eventually, I’d taken the initiative, and yesterday I’d sent him a message asking how his trip was going, hoping to open up things between us. His answer had been polite, but short, leaving me feeling like I shouldn’t push to continue the conversation. Now the uneasy feeling I’d had when we spoke on the phone last had blossomed into full-blown anxiety.
At seven, when he knocked at my door, my palms were sweaty.
“Hey.”
Max kissed my lips as he entered, which went a long way toward settling my nerves.
“How was your flight?”
“Uneventful.”
“Do you want a glass of wine?”
“If you’re having some.”
Oh, I was definitely having some. At the moment, I didn’t much want to share. I felt like chugging straight from the bottle.
Max followed me into the kitchen. He took a seat on a stool at the island while I got glasses down and took the wine out of the fridge.
“Did you get everything accomplished you needed to on your trip?”
“I did.”
It bugged the crap out of me that he hadn’t volunteered why he’d gone back so soon. For some reason, I really needed to know. But I wasn’t usually one to pry, so it felt awkward to push. I filled one of the glasses and moved it across the counter, looking Max in the eyes.
“What did the team need you to do that you had to go back so soon?”
He looked down into the wine. “Nothing. I just had some things to take care of. I found a place to live.”
My wine glass froze halfway to my mouth. “You bought a place?”
He shook his head. “No, I decided to rent for a while so I can get to know the area and figure out where I want to live.”
When we were in California together, Max had asked if I’d come back with him to help him look next month. Had he changed his mind about wanting my opinion? Maybe looking at places had been unplanned. So yet again, I tried to shake off my unease.
“Tell me about it. Is it an apartment or house?”
“It’s a house. It’s in the hills. It’s nice. It has three bedrooms and a pool with a nice view. It’s owned by some actress who’s going to work on two films in Europe, so she’s renting it fully furnished, and it’s only a one-year lease, so I can get something more permanent after that.”
More perm
anent. My neck felt like someone had reached in and tied it in knots. I forced a smile. “That sounds great. When does the lease start?”
“July first.”
My stomach dropped. “Oh, wow. That’s so soon.”
He looked down and nodded. “Yeah.”
The stove buzzed, letting me know the preheating was done. I was glad for the momentary distraction and a chance to hide the emotions probably flashing like a neon sign on my face. Turning around, I took the tray of food from the top and popped it into the oven, then fiddled with the knobs on the stove to buy more time before I had to look at Max again. “I made chicken Milanese and risotto,” I told him. “The chicken just needs to go in the oven to warm.”
When I was all stalled out, I finished my wine and poured a second glass. “Why don’t we go sit in the living room while we wait?” I started to walk without waiting for a response, but Max caught my hand.
“Hey.” He looked at me carefully. “You okay?”
I nodded.
“The first night we met, you told me you weren’t good at lying because your face gives you away. I guess you haven’t lied until now, because you really are a shit liar.” He pulled me close and brushed a stray piece of hair from my face. “Come here. What’s going on?”
“It’s just been…” I shook my head. “An emotional week, I guess. And the thought of you leaving so soon… Well, it sucks.”
Max smiled warmly. “What happened this week?”
I wasn’t sure why it felt awkward to tell him I’d cut ties with Gabriel, but it did. Maybe it was because without that barrier in the way, things between us were different. I hoped it would be a change for the better, but I took a deep breath before answering.
“Gabriel said he made a mistake. He wanted to go back to having an exclusive relationship.”
“Okay…”
“I told him I didn’t want that. Then he offered to keep things the way they have been, but I told him things have changed for me, and I wanted a clean break.”
Max’s grip around my waist loosened. He looked like I’d caught him off guard. Which maybe I had, but I’d hoped for a happier reaction. There wasn’t even the hint of a smile on his face. As I watched, he seemed to grow almost somber.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” he finally asked.
I nodded. “I care about him. But I deserve more than he could offer me. I finally realized something had been missing—even before he did what he did and left for London.”
Max was still so damn quiet. He just kept staring at me, which made me freak out inside. I couldn’t take tiptoeing around anymore, so I decided to lay all my cards on the table. “You made me realize something was missing. This time we’ve spent together and how much you’ve grown to mean to me was so unexpected. But sometimes that’s how it happens, I guess.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t want things between us to end when you leave, Max.”
His arms, which had been wrapped loosely around me, fell away completely.
Oh my God. He doesn’t want the same thing.
I told him I’d fallen for him, and his reaction was to let go? My inner self-protection mechanism jumped in before my heart or brain could catch up. I backed up. “Oh God. You don’t feel the same way.”
“Georgia…” Max reached for me, but I put my hands up.
“It’s fine. I understand. Really, it’s fine.” I scurried to the stove, grabbed an oven mitt, and took out the chicken. Of course, it had only been in there for two minutes, and the timer still had fifteen more to go, but I needed to do something.
Max walked up behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders, but I wiggled out of his grip, went to the refrigerator, and started pulling out random crap—a bottle of wine, even though more than half was left in the one on the counter, grated cheese, salad dressing, a head of lettuce, butter—none of which I needed.
Max watched, staying put near the stove where I’d left him standing.
“I didn’t make a salad. I should make a salad.”
“Georgia, talk to me, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart. For some reason, that word pissed me off. I stopped in place. “Don’t call me that.”
Max ran a hand through his hair. “Can we just talk for a minute?”
“What is there to say? I think your face already said it all.”
“No, it didn’t. So how about you give me a chance to actually say something?”
“Fine.”
He gripped my hips, and the next thing I knew I was in the air and then deposited in a chair at the counter. Max cupped my cheeks, and my emotions took a hard bounce left. Tears threatened.
“I didn’t expect you either, Georgia. I like you. A lot. In fact, I can’t think of a single thing I don’t like about you. The one thing that kept you from being perfect was that dumbass who had you. But now…” He shook his head. “There’s nothing I can find to dislike. You’re smart, beautiful, aware of exactly who you are and what you want, and you have the balls to go for it all. That might be what I find the sexiest about you—you’re fearless. Even tonight. You’re sexy as shit naked, but you don’t have to be naked to be sexy.”
While that all sounded great, I knew the other shoe was about to drop.
Max swallowed and looked down. “But this was supposed to be just the summer.”
“And I was supposed to be getting married in the spring. Things happen. Things change. What might’ve been the right answer a few months ago might not be right today. I’m just realizing how important it is to not lock yourself into a decision forever.”
“I’m sorry if I led you to believe this was more than it was.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand, Max. Why can’t it be? If everything you just said is really true, if you have as strong of feelings as you say you do, then why can’t it be more than we planned?”
Again, he wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I just can’t, Georgia.”
“Can you look at me, please?”
Max raised his head and met my gaze. I wasn’t sure what I’d wanted to find in his eyes, maybe something I’d missed—that he didn’t have feelings for me like I did him. But what I saw was just the opposite. His eyes were filled with love, but also sadness, pain, and anger.
Which only confused me more.
“Are you upset with me because I asked you to leave the night Gabriel showed up?”
“No.”
“Because nothing happened between us. We had lunch the next day at a restaurant and talked. That’s all.”
“I’m not upset. I know nothing happened.”
“How? How did you know nothing happened?”
He looked into my eyes. “Because how could it?”
That seemed like a non-answer, but it was also exactly the truth. How could something happen between either one of us and someone else when we had what we had? It seemed like a physical impossibility.
“Do you have feelings for me?” I whispered.
“Of course I do.”
“So why, Max? I need a reason. I feel like I’m missing a piece of a puzzle, and you know how I am. I’ll spend forever trying to figure it out.”
Max was quiet a long time. Eventually he took a deep breath and shook his head, looking down. “I don’t want more than what we have.”
“Look at me, Max. Say that again.” I reached out and touched his face, making his eyes meet mine.
He held my gaze before finally speaking. “I don’t want more, Georgia. I’m sorry.”
It felt like I’d been smacked across the face. I jumped out of the chair and stumbled back from the momentum. Max reached out, like he wanted to steady me.
I put my hands up. “Don’t.”
“Georgia…”
I felt tears brewing like a storm about to hit. But I refused to allow them. Instead, I swallowed and straightened my spine. “It’s fine. Just…just go sit down. Let me have a minute, and I’ll finish making us dinner.”
“Would you rather I go?” Max asked softly.
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I just need a little space right now.”
• • •
Dinner was awkward, to say the least. I responded when Max spoke, but I didn’t have the energy to carry on any real conversation. After, we cleaned up in more silence. I stood at the kitchen counter and refilled my glass, while Max declined more wine.
“Thank you for making dinner.”
“You’re welcome.” I stared down into my wine. “Do you still want to see each other until you leave in a few weeks?”
Max frowned. “The selfish asshole in me wants to say yes, but I don’t want to make it harder for you. I’ll do whatever you want.”
I wasn’t sure it made a difference if we said goodbye today or in a month. The damage was done. I’d fallen for him. “I think I’d like to enjoy the time we have left.”
Max let out a big breath. He looked physically relieved. “Can I hold you?”
I nodded.
He walked over hesitantly, almost as if he was waiting for me to change my mind, and then looked into my eyes, asking silent permission before wrapping me in his arms. My head pressed against his chest, right over his heart. As crazy as it was, being in his arms made everything feel like it would be okay, even when he’d caused the hurt in the first place. For now, I could let him make me feel better, putting off the day that nothing could help because he was no longer here.
Later that evening might’ve been the first time we climbed into bed like normal people. Typically, we’d fall in, stumbling to rip off each other’s clothes as we went. But tonight, Max took off his own clothes, and I changed in the bathroom like I’d do if I were alone. Slipping into bed without that passion actually reminded me a lot of my years with Gabriel.
I turned to my side, giving Max my back, and he curled up behind me. Even though my mind just wanted to drift off to sleep, having Max’s hard chest pressed so close made my body betray me. My skin prickled, and my nipples hardened as his warm breath tickled my neck. I stayed still with my eyes shut, trying to ignore the urge to turn and dig my nails into his back. But when I felt Max harden against my ass, it became all but impossible. I took a deep breath in and let out a frustrated rush of air.
