by Katee Robert
I can’t move. I should fight, should scream, should do something, but it’s all I can manage to draw in harsh inhale after harsh inhale. Malachi is dangerous, but even if I don’t understand him, he’s got some kind of reason for what he does. Wolf is a rabid dog, a chaotic gale force wind that whips back and forth unexpectedly. Just when I think I might have a read on him, he turns around and tosses me off a cliff.
“Out.” The quiet menace in Malachi’s voice has goosebumps rising over my skin.
Wolf finally nods. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.” He turns and strides out of the room, moving at a human pace. I don’t know why that’s scarier than if he blurred away, but it is.
Between one blink and the next, Malachi is out of the chair and pulls me into his arms. “Mina.”
“Get off me.” I mean it to come out like a command, but it’s a whispered plea. I can’t stop shaking. What the fuck just happened? I don’t understand what’s going on, don’t understand the players, don’t even understand the game.
Instead of obeying, he scoops me into his arms and sits on the couch, tucking me into his lap. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. Stop saying that when you don’t mean it.” Oh gods, my voice sounds watery and my throat is burning. I will not cry in front of this vampire, will not expose yet another weakness in his presence. He already has me outmatched in every way measurable; I won’t give him this, too.
But my body hasn’t gotten the memo. Something hot and wet escapes the corner of my eye. I lower my head, and Malachi allows me that much, but he uses the opportunity to tuck me more firmly against his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “No one is going to kill you.”
That draws a ragged laugh from me. I hardly sound like myself. “If not you, then Wolf. If not him, then my father will once I’ve played out my role.” I thought I’d have more time, more opportunity to find a way out. I lied to myself about how outmatched I really am. There’s no point in lying any longer. I am a pawn in other peoples’ power games, destined to be moved from one side of the board to the other without any agency of my own.
Malachi’s arms tighten around me. “I won’t let it happen.”
“What are you going to do? You’re trapped by a blood ward, and the only way to get out is to kill me.” There goes that laugh again. Gods, I sound deranged but I can’t help it. “Checkmate.”
“No.” He strokes my head with a surprisingly gentle touch. “There’s another way. I just haven’t found it yet.”
I want to believe him, but my life has taught me otherwise. There is no hero waiting in the wings to sweep in and save me. There is no convenient plot twist which will let the good guys win. The only thing that matters is power, and I have none. Even Malachi, a bloodline vampire, doesn’t have enough to get out of this mess.
That’s not the only thing weighing me down right now, though. I might be smarter if it was, if the only thing I cared about was getting out and being free. But there’s a hurt deep inside, a betrayal I hate myself for feeling. “You gave me to him.”
He tenses and then sighs. “It’s complicated.”
“It doesn’t seem complicated from where I’m sitting. I thought…” But no. I can’t put that foolishness into words. No matter how blurred the lines have begun to feel, the truth is Malachi is a predator and I am prey. He might insist on boundaries and bargains, but they’re illusions. Just like with my father, he holds all the power and I hold none.
I try to straighten, but he keeps me pressed against him. I glare at his chest. “How far do guest privileges go? If Wolf gets an itch, should I expect him to show up in my room and fuck me? Since I’m a resource to be shared and all.”
Malachi says something in a language I don’t recognize, but the tone sounds like a curse. “No.”
“If you say so.” I try to stop talking, but I can’t seem to put the brakes on my mouth. The hurt and frustration and rage well up and morph into poison dripping from my lips. “Maybe I’ll let him. Since you’re not interested in sex, I might as well do it with someone else. Wolf’s scary, but he’s hot, and I’d hate to die a virgin.”
The only warning I get is Malachi tensing beneath me. One second I’m cradled in his arms, and the next I’m straddling him and he’s gripping my hips nearly hard enough to hurt. His eyes are edging toward black and I know enough now to recognize the flames they contain aren’t the same ones reflected by the fire. It doesn’t matter I’m technically on top. I have no more control in this position than if he pinned me down onto the couch the way Wolf did earlier.
He glares up at me. “What the fuck part of me giving you space to find your feet translates into that thick head of yours I don’t want to have sex with you?”
“My thick head? You’re the one who laid down that ridiculous bargain!” I’m yelling and I don’t give a fuck. “And, yeah, I thought maybe you weren’t a total monster but then Wolf shows up here like some kind of horny punk phantom and you’re just like ‘help yourself, my dhampir captive tastes really good.’ It’s bullshit. What am I supposed to think, Malachi? You don’t fucking talk to me. We spar and we bite each other and that’s all it’s been for a week.”
“A week,” he grinds out through clenched teeth. “Seven fucking days. You spent your entire life under the thumb of Cornelius and then he shipped you off here where you’re just as trapped. Forgive the fuck out of me if I wanted you to choose me instead of just going along with it because you had no other option.”
I laugh in his face. “Choose you? What the hell are you even talking about? Choosing you means I get my heart broken in the bargain. The best case scenario is that you never manage to knock me up and I die of old age in a hundred years or so while you keep living forever in this house my father has trapped you in. I get wrinkled and gray and you stay exactly as you are now? Tell me how that’s not just another kind of hell.”
Something around his mouth softens. “You’ve thought about it.”
“No, I haven’t.” It’s not even a lie, not really. “But it’s just how things are. I’m not that lucky. It’s more likely to be a worst case scenario and you know it. Either I get pregnant and my father comes to collect me, keeps me locked up long enough to have the baby, and then kills me, or I don’t get pregnant and he decides he’s tired of waiting and comes here and kills me. Do you understand what I’m saying, Malachi? No matter which way you look at this situation, I end up dead.”
“I won’t let that happen.” The quiet confidence in his voice almost makes me believe him. Almost.
“Are you a god instead of a vampire?” I shake my head. “We’re both trapped here. You should have told me the circumstances of your side of it.”
He starts to speak and shakes his head. “You’re right.”
I blink. I didn’t expect him to actually agree with me. “What?”
“You’re right. I’ve played this all wrong.” His grip softens on my hips and he nudges me closer to him, pressing us more firmly together. Impossible to ignore that his cock is rock hard. Apparently the regular feedings means he doesn’t have to bite me to get it up. I shiver.
Malachi dips his thumbs beneath my shirt and strokes my skin. “I should have been honest with you.”
“Uh huh.” I lick my lips.
“Why don’t we try some honesty right now?” He holds my gaze. “The reason I stopped doing anything but biting you is because I don’t trust myself not to seduce you into having sex with me before you’re ready. I fucking ache for you, Mina, but I want you to choose me because you want me. I don’t want it to be coerced because you’re out of your mind with bloodlust.”
He said something to the same effect before, but part of me believed it was just another manipulation. It doesn’t feel like that right now. I carefully set my hands on his chest. “And what about Wolf?”
Something like guilt flickers over his expression before he locks it down. “We’re friends. Sometimes more.”
Friends. Sometimes more.
>
The truth reaches out and slaps me in the face. “You want to share me for more than just blood.”
He holds my gaze. “Wolf and I fuck, Mina. We have since we were teenagers.”
I don’t ask how long ago that was. The bloodlines have been dying out for a very long time. Malachi could be a hundred years old, or he could be five hundred. The gap between us already feels miles long without adding age to it.
I try to think, try to understand what he’s saying and not saying. “So you’re going to keep fucking Wolf, but you want to fuck me, too, and you’d be into me also fucking Wolf,” I say slowly.
“More or less.”
“I—”
“You don’t need to say anything now.” He releases me, and despite the fact he’s still pressed against me, I feel unmoored. “I just wanted to clarify where things stand.”
“Are you going to fuck him tonight?” The question pops out before I can think too closely about why I want to know.
Malachi carefully lifts me and sets me back to my place on the couch. “That’ll depend on what Wolf has to say when I talk to him later.”
That wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no, either. Something like jealousy flickers to life in my chest, even if it’s a foolish emotion I have no right to. Malachi isn’t mine. I didn’t choose him. Even if I did, Wolf has a claim which precedes my birth, let alone this week.
It’s too much. I don’t know what to think, what to feel. “Oh.”
He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “No matter what Wolf acts like, he won’t touch you without permission.”
“Permission from you,” I say bitterly.
Malachi snorts. “How quickly you forget you told him to bite you, little dhampir.” When I open my mouth to protest, he beats me there. “It doesn’t matter why you did it. The fact remains that you did, and so he bit you. If you hadn’t, he would have backed off.”
It seems to defy belief. “He had me pinned to the couch.”
“Mmm.” He looks at the fire. “It changes nothing. Wolf will manipulate if it suits his purposes, though, so if you don’t want him to fuck you, be careful what you say when his fangs are inside you.”
This conversation has taken too many strange turns for me to keep up. I study his profile. “And if I have sex with him?”
Malachi meets my gaze. “Someday, you’ll believe I’m not your father. I have no desire to own you, Mina.” His hand snakes out and he grasps my chin. “I simply want you.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough.”
I don’t know why I’m so determined to push him, to shove my way through his carefully cool exterior, but I can’t seem to stop. I lean into his grip on my chin. “And what happens if Wolf knocks me up, Malachi? If he gets there first because you’re too busy being noble to take what you want?”
His eyes flare and I hear the fire hiss behind me. “Do you want me to fuck you, little dhampir? All you have to do is ask. All you’ve ever had to do is ask.” He leans forward, easily holding me immobile. “But you do have to ask. We started things poorly, and I’m not interested in playing the part of marauding beast any longer. If we do this, it’s because you’re choosing it, not because I forced the issue. Until you’re ready to admit that, it’s not happening.”
Damn him. That’s exactly what I’m not quite ready to admit. No matter how much I hate it, it’s easier to pretend I don’t have a choice. How else am I supposed to hold onto my rage, the only thing that’s kept me alive this long?
To avoid answering, I say, “You really were starving when I got here, weren’t you?”
“Vampires can’t starve to death.”
No, they just turn into dried out corpses without blood. It’s one of my father’s favorite ways to punish the vampires that cross him. When I was ten, he freed one that had been locked up for nearly a hundred years. I had nightmares for weeks. “Not to death, no, but you can starve.”
Malachi looks away. “My condition makes no excuse for attacking you.”
Maybe not, but it creates a bridge of understanding I’m not sure I wanted. If Malachi is trapped here with a blood ward, he’s entirely reliant on my father for blood. The last sacrifice was sent before I was born. Even if she lasted a few years, when I showed up Malachi had gone without blood for at least twenty years. The fact he had the restraint not to drink me dry, to try to prepare me for what was coming, is a little astounding when taken with that perspective.
He strokes my bottom lip with his thumb and drops his hand almost reluctantly. “Go to bed, Mina.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him to fuck me. I want it. I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t. I might even like this vampire, though it seems impossible to wrap my mind around. But in the end, I can’t speak the words that will unlock us from this stalemate.
I climb to my feet on shaky legs. “Goodnight, Malachi.”
“Goodnight, Mina.”
9
I can’t sleep. I should have known it was a lost cause before even trying, but hope springs eternal. Even now. I can’t stop thinking about all the new information this night brought, trying to puzzle through it to figure out what’s true and what’s manipulation. The possibility it might all be true is…
I don’t know what to think.
Even though I know I should stay in the relative safety of my room, eventually my rushing thoughts demand movement. If I can just work off some of this frantically circling energy, then maybe something will make sense.
Or that’s what I tell myself as I pad barefoot down the hallway. Dawn already lightens the horizon, another night having passed with us at a standstill. I press my forehead to the thick glass of the window and breathe slowly. The coolness does nothing to douse my thoughts, my feelings.
I want Malachi.
It takes so much to admit that truth to myself. I don’t like it. It’s inconvenient and messy, but it is the truth. I meant what I said before—there is no way for this thing between us to play out that doesn’t end in heartbreak. It’s an impossible situation.
But then, my entire life is an impossible situation. I’ve had no choice, no recourse, nothing that was mine and mine alone. Every single thing I’ve done is a reaction with the intent to survive.
What if I simply… said yes? Took what Malachi is offering? Took my chances with this small slice of pleasure?
I lift my head and sigh. I’m looking for an excuse to fuck him. Maybe I just need to stop trying to reason my way through it and simply do it.
I don’t make the decision to head for the stairs. My body simply moves on its own, each step taking me closer to Malachi’s bedroom on the third floor. Am I really going to do this? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
A sound cuts through my inner turmoil. A soft grunt. I stop short. It almost sounds like someone’s in pain, but even without much personal experience with it, I know what fucking sounds like. I should turn around. Should take the humiliation heating my cheeks and let it increase the distance between me and Malachi’s room.
I don’t. I walk down the hallway. The door is cracked, which feels almost like an invitation to press two fingers to the thick wood and push it open a few inches more. Just enough to see his bed. Just enough to see what he’s doing to Wolf in it.
My breath stalls in my chest and my feet sprout roots to hold me in place. Both men are naked. Wolf is on his hands and knees, each muscle in his lean body looking carved from stone as he shoves himself back against Malachi. No. That’s not what he’s doing. He’s shoving himself back onto Malachi’s cock.
And Malachi?
Gods, he’s a masterpiece. His thick hair is flung over one shoulder and his big body is one hard line, his ass flexing with each thrust as he takes Wolf’s ass. It’s brutal and they both look angry, as if they started a fight and ended up fucking despite themselves.
I should leave. Should walk away. Should do anything but stand here and watch like the worst kind of voyeur.
I wait for hurt or betrayal to rise, but there’s nothing. He told me, after all. He and Wolf are friends who are sometimes more. No matter what Malachi wants from me, he obviously wants Wolf, too. I don’t understand their history, don’t really get how they can be so antagonistic and still seem to care about each other.
Wolf turns his head and meets my gaze. His eyes are the same crimson they were in the library and he grins, flashing fang. He opens his mouth, but I don’t wait around to hear whatever he’s about to say.
I turn and flee.
Each step brings a recrimination with it. Coward. Fool. Weakling. I say I want Malachi, but then the second I get the hint of an invitation to join in and I’m fleeing like a scared little girl.
I stop short at the top of the stairs. What am I doing? I make a decision and then instantly backtrack? Is that really what I’m made of? I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. I’ll just talk to Malachi about it tomorrow like a reasonable person. That’s a logical way to proceed. A nice easy pace.
“What a little coward you are.”
I startle and start to tip down the stairs. My stomach goes weightless and I start to curl in on myself to minimize the damage I’m about to receive.
Rough hands grab my upper arms and yank me back to the relative safety of the third floor landing. Back against a naked chest. I don’t have to look to know it’s Wolf. He’s shorter and leaner than Malachi. And even after only one encounter with him, I recognize the casual cruelty in the amused tone of his voice.
“Let me go.”
“Is that any way to say thank you? You might be hardier than a human, but a broken neck is still a broken neck.” Wolf doesn’t release me. He buries his nose in my neck and inhales deeply. “Gods, you smell good. Or rather, your blood smells good. How you managed to survive this long while walking around like the best kind of candy is beyond me.” His lips brush my throat. “Someone should have sucked you dry by now.”
