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by Nickie Nalley Seidler


  “Paisley! Let’s go!” She shouted shoving my arm to wake me from this nightmare.

  “Oh my god!” I screamed. “Let me put on clothes!” I ran as fast as I could to the bedroom fidgeting with a pair of shorts as I pried them on with shaky hands. I raced back to the kitchen and Tammy’s eyes kept making me fear the absolute worst.

  I grabbed my keys and left my purse as I hurried out of the door and ran with Tammy down the street where I saw a crowd of people and sirens wailing in the distance. My heart lurched into my stomach not knowing what was happening. Why or what happened was the questions I needed answered but foremost was my baby ok? I picked up the pace and ran faster until the sirens approached scattering the people back to give it room. That’s when I saw Jared’s body lying there.

  “Jared!” I screeched.

  My feet slid and I landed on my knees in front of my baby evaluating his condition.

  “Jared! It’s mommy I’m here. Talk to me buddy.”

  His head slightly moved to the side and I saw the cuts across his cheek from the pavement. The paramedics moved in quickly and started assessing the scene. I gave them room to work while they lifted his small body onto a stretcher.

  “Is he ok?” I screamed in terror of the fragile answer I awaited.

  The patient lady looked at me, “Are you the mother?”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s breathing, let’s get him to the hospital to be sure nothing is broken. Ride with us.”

  I followed and I looked back to Tammy. “Find Livy!”

  She nodded and I knew I could count on her. Hopping into the ambulance I sat next to him. I bent over my knees and prayed to the Lord above to help my baby. I had no clue what was happening but they injected an IV and stripped his clothes off, getting a better look at his child-like figure. He was small, only seventy pounds soaking wet, and he looked even smaller laying there in front of me. Finally, a miracle happened and he opened his eyes.

  “Mommy?” He cried.

  “I’m here buddy. It’s ok, I’m here.”

  The ambulance hurried to the hospital, dodging through intersections and blaring its sirens as idiots ignored and some obeyed pulling to the side to let us through. Upon arrival, a team was eagerly outside waiting for us and they took Jared back quicker than I could hop out. Running into the hospital trying to keep up with them I could hear Jared cry out. I yelled as loud as I could that I was there.

  If the day wasn’t my worst nightmare, I wasn’t sure what the night held, but I hoped the night got better than it was now.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “P aisley, I’m so sorry. The doctors did all they could but the internal bleeding was too bad.”

  The arm on my shoulder shook me to life and I gasped loudly, holding my hand to my heart as it beat roughly, pounding into my rib cage.

  “Paisley, you alright?” Clint asked me.

  My eyes scanned the room until they landed on a sleeping Jared with the monitors beeping in unison, normally. I let out the breath I thought I was holding.

  “Where the hell were you, Clint?” I punched his arm as anger took over. If Clint was there like he said he would be, none of this would have happened.

  “Chasity needed a ride and we got stuck in traffic on the other side of town. I’m sorry. He’s ok.”

  My blood boiled and I stood tall, pressing into his space. “Chasity needed a mother fucking ride? That’s why our son is in a hospital bed right now! Where in the hell are your priorities, Clint?” My voice bounced into the hallway and I didn’t care. He was supposed to pick our children up and he chose his damn bimbo girlfriend before them. As a result, our son was hit by a car and being kept for observation over night because of fucking Chasity!

  “Watch it.” He warned through a clenched jaw.

  “No, I’m tired of skirting around the damn subject. Your irresponsibility did this! You put him here,” I seethed.

  “You know what, Paisley, I’m leaving. I’m not dealing with you. And yeah, we’re going back to court for the custody agreement.”

  My crazy came out of my wild laugh narrowing my eyes at him. “You think changing your custody agreement again for some bimbo is going to keep her to stay this time? You think you’re going to give me less money because of your girlfriend? Go to hell, Clint. See you in court and I sure as hell hope you have some beefy ass proof that you deserve it because I’ll guarantee I have ten pages for every one page telling the judge you don’t.”

  Without saying another word, he turned on his heel and stormed out. My heart hammered full force and I could feel my temples pounding with my pulse. To hell with him. I was done fucking tip toeing around and giving him the benefit of the doubt. I was angry and mama bear surfaced with no regard to a single care in the world who it hurt. Especially, to Clint. Third girlfriend, third time to threaten me with changing the agreement. What he meant was, still barely seeing the kids and taking little to no responsibility and paying me less for it. Because I didn’t deserve it. Ok, so he saw the kids mostly on his scheduled weekends, but not always. There have been months he disappears from them.

  Tammy appeared in the doorway with Livy on her hip.

  “Mommy.” She cried out.

  Tears welled up in my eyes and Tammy handed her over to me. “Are you ok?” Tammy asked.

  I shook my head and planted a kiss on Livy’s small forehead. Tammy rubbed my back up and down and half hugged me while we looked at Jared in the bed before us.

  “I overheard some things in the hallway.”

  “I’m done, Tammy. I’m done trying to be nice.”

  “You get him mama bear. Nobody deserves it more than you.”

  “I lost my job today.”

  Her eyes widened but pleaded with mine.

  “I’m so sorry, honey. This is all a shit show. I’m so glad Jared is ok though.”

  “Jared is my strong guy. I wouldn’t know what would happen if it were my mini.”

  “Don’t think like that. She was playing in the sand at the park. I’m not sure why Jared left.”

  “Because his irresponsible father chose his damn girlfriend over them.” Angry at myself to talk ill of their father in front of them, but I'm losing my damn shit while my son lay up in a hospital bed after being hit by a damn car. I trusted their father with one thing. One thing was all I asked of him to do. Pick up his fucking kids while I recovered from the damn news that sent my world barreling down around me. The loss of my job. My ability to provide for my children. Fuck Clint.

  Sitting in the chair with Livy on my lap, Mrs. Watson rushed through the doorway tears in her eyes.

  “Oh my God.” She covered her mouth.

  “Belinda, he’s ok. Just some bumps and bruises.” I added to calm her fear.

  “How did this happen?” Her head whipped toward me like it was me she needed to fault.

  “Ask your son.”

  Belinda and I always got along to an extent, she was never fond of the fact I raised my babies divorced from Clint. She didn’t believe in divorce and her views changed toward me when it happened. Wishing at the moment she would worried from home, then here making me feel like an inch tall.

  “Clint told me you lost your job and could not pick up your children. Were you drunk?”

  Knowing I couldn’t pick up Livy and run away from the mess that was Belinda, I shifted in my seat and ignored her nasty comment. I owed her nothing. And my mama taught me if I had nothing nice to say not to say anything at all. That worked sometimes but in the case of my mother in law, I chose respect.

  “Mom.” Jared’s eyes opened and a pained look crossed his face.

  I rushed to his side thankful for the distraction of Belinda.

  “I’m here, buddy. How are you feeling?”

  His eyes roamed from mine to Belinda and back to me. “I’m sore.”

  “You’re going to be sore for a little while but you’re going to be good as new in no time.”

  “Where’s daddy?” He looked aro
und hopeful to see him.

  I glared at Belinda before softening my focus at Jared. “Your daddy’s not here.” What I wanted to should was that he had stormed off with his slut of a girlfriend because he could care less about being the responsible fucking parent and concerned for his child’s wellbeing. “I’m sure he’ll be by sometime.” Not promising a time or place as you never knew with Clint.

  “Honey, Maw maw's here. When you’re all healed up you can have a sleepover at my house.”

  Jared smiled his toothy grin at her.

  “I can’t wait Maw maw.”

  “I have to go pick up your pawpaw from work but I love you and I’m glad you’re ok.”

  “Goodbye Belinda, maybe you can inform your son of his son’s wellbeing.”

  She scoffed out of the room and Tammy stepped up to the bed. “The nerve.” She whispered at me. I bounced my head up and down and sat back in the chair with Livy on my lap.

  “You left me all alone, Jared.” Livy whined.

  “Not now, Livy.” I kissed her forehead.

  “But Mommy, you always tell Jer bear not to leave me alone and he did.” Her sweet soft voice made me smile.

  “I know, sweetie, and that is right, I do tell him that, but accidents happen. I’m just so happy you’re both ok.”

  “Let me take Livy home and I’ll bring her to school in the morning. You stay with Jared.”

  “Are you sure, Tammy?”

  “Positive.”

  “I can never thank you enough for being the greatest friend.”

  “Come on, Livy, let’s get your homework done and fed and ready for bed.”

  “I love you, sweet girl.” I hugged her tight.

  “Get better, Jared.” She blew him a kiss. Tammy took her hand and they were out the door. Thank goodness.

  I could breathe knowing I could stay with Jared and not have to leave him to tend to Livy at home. Not like their father stepped in to help or anything. He made me so angry. Then my heart remembered Tate and how I still hadn’t heard from him. Tammy brought my purse and phone and I set the phone on the charger to inhale the spaghetti she left me. I eased out on the pull out bed and stretched out. Jared was asleep again, probably from the meds making sure he wasn’t feeling any pain.

  Glancing at the clock, it read nine thirty. This was the longest day of my life and my eyes could barely hold themselves open. A knock at the door startled me.

  “Brooks, what are you doing here?”

  “I snuck in, visiting hours are over." He grinned. "I may have bribed them.”

  Brooks was the youngest of the Watson brothers and been a great Uncle to the kids. I was blessed with at least one of the Watson family with their head on their shoulders the right way.

  “Thank you for coming.” I patted the bed beside me.

  “Just got off work. Don’t worry, I gave my idiot brother a mouthful.”

  Tilting my head to him, “Which one?”

  “You’re not serious?” His eyes widened.

  “Afraid so,” I mumbled.

  “I was referring to Clint.”

  “Ah. It’s useless, honestly.”

  “It shouldn’t be. I don’t get him.” He ran his hand through his thick brown hair. “Tate’s home? Nobody told me that news.”

  “Yeah, I wasn’t warned either.”

  “He found out?” He moved uncomfortably on the sofa bed next to me. The thing was, Brooks was amazing. I had a huge heart for Brooks because he was always there to pick up those pieces for me. He always knew how to show his brothers that he meant business, youngest brother or not. He was strong as fuck, and the best, truly the best.

  “Yeah, he won’t speak to me.”

  “Oh, Paisley. I’m sorry, he’ll come around. Tate loves you too much not to.”

  My head whipped in his direction. “What?”

  “He never stopped, that’s no secret.”

  “He’ll never forgive me. Maybe not even Clint.”

  “Give him time. He’ll come around. I’m going to sneak back out though. I brought you some goodies. Glad my buddy is good.” He kissed my forehead.

  “He’s going to be fine. And thank you.” Once he left, I opened the bag Brooks left for me. A shit ton of candy, and some popcorn because he knew that was my favorite. So thoughtful.

  CHAPTER NINE

  T hey made Jared stay the night, and thankfully was released less than twenty four hours later. Major bumps and bruises but my boy proved to be healthy otherwise. I rushed him home stopping for some food and ice cream to cheer him up. Jared complained he was sore. It made me nervous to consider giving him medicine for pain. He was so little, pain meds could potentially be so dangerous. Tammy dropped Livy off shortly after we arrived home. The chaos was just that, chaos, but it was my chaos, and at the comfort of our own home.

  Between caring for Jared, who was told a few days of resting in bed would be best, to catering after Livy’s every need, the time moved rather quickly. I messaged Bre a few times back and forth but honestly, I didn’t want to even think about the place that fired me. It was furthest from my worries. My new worries were maintaining a sane mind and money I knew that didn’t grow on trees, hopefully held us over until unemployment could kick in. I made sure to spend time filling all of those papers today in hopes it started ASAP. Not another word from Clint, angered me more. Did he care? Then as much as I knew how hurt Tate was, I wished he would get the hell over it and message me already. My nerves were shot.

  “Mommy, can we watch a movie tonight?” Livy begged.

  “Go pick one out.”

  “It should be what I want to watch. I’m the one who’s not well!” Jared added.

  “Hey, buddy, you’re special, that’s for sure. But let your sissy pick something out.”

  He rolled his eyes and I wanted to toss the damn pillow on the couch next to me straight at his head. He had much of his father’s personality, I hoped it would fade as time went on.

  Livy picked The Little Mermaid and mentally I snickered knowing it was Jared’s least favorite thing to watch. Karma for rolling those eyes at your mama. I popped some popcorn and grabbed sodas for everyone and we cuddled on the couch. Just my two angels and me. That was the only thing that mattered. The three of us.

  The TV blared through the house of Ariel and her breathtaking voice, or maybe that was Livy. Jared pulled his headphones over his ears and I didn’t have the heart to fight him on it. Not even a little. This was the image that always replayed over and over in my head as a child and young adult. Kids singing and annoyed by one another, but still cuddled on the couch with their cool mama. Or so I’d like to think.

  The night went on, the dark settled in, and the mom movies came on. My phone vibrated off to the side on the side table. I stretched my arm over a now sleeping Livy and reached for it. Sliding my finger over the screen it illuminated and I had two messages.

  Clint: How is Jared?

  Tammy: Are you surviving?

  Mentally laughing, I ignored both of them at the moment. I wanted to flip Clint the bird right through the damn phone even if he couldn’t see it. Therapy session right there for me. And Tammy, well there was no hiding my emotion from Tammy and I didn’t need her storming over to my house to win the best friend award for the tenth year. Peace was what I willed out of the night and it happened. Livy was out completely, spread out over the couch and Jared dragged himself to his bed when the movie ended and he didn’t want to hang out with cool mom anymore. Everything worked out for the better, I got to eat cold pizza from the fridge and a bottle of wine watching an action movie from the one and only Die Hard. I wasn’t a chick flick kind of gal, I was a hardcore action type. It suited most dates. Not that I landed any recently. My mind jolted to Tate and I quickly closed my eyes willing myself not to go there and screw my brain up again, or my heart.

  Closing my eyes, it wasn’t long before I was out cold. Moving Livy wasn’t happening.

  ●・○・●・○・●・○・●

>   The next morning was shit before the kids even woke up. The Charlie horse in my leg flung me from the couch in sheer pain. Doubling over and trying to walk it out, only landed me on the hard floor in the cradled position. These fucking horses were nothing to be messed with. Massaging my calf out, my phone blared with the devil calling so damn early in the morning.

  When Clint’s name flashed across the screen, it shocked me.

  “Hello?” I answered, groggily. Mainly in pain.

  “You didn’t respond to my text. How’s Jared?”

  My eyes must have left my head I was popping them out so hard. The nerve this man had.

  “Clint, it’s fucking five in the morning. I didn’t answer you because it was late last night and now all the sudden you care?” Lord I wasn’t getting into this fight this early in the morning. Not today, Satan. Not today.

  “Just answer the damn question, Paisley. It’s not difficult.”

  “Our son is sore. He was hit by a God damn car! How the hell do you think he is?”

  “Why do you gotta do this with me?”

  “Goodbye, Clint.”

  I ended the call. The nerve he had calling me so early. Maybe if he had been a father who didn’t storm out of the hospital, or offer to fucking help, or check in while we were still in the hospital! The list goes on. What about Chasity! The reason he was hit by a car! Over it. The day was already shit. My nerve in my leg bulged and protruded with earth shattering pain. I might as well have been the one hit. Shit.

  “Mommy?”

  “Livy, what’s the matter, baby?”

  My body still limp on the cold hardwood floor.

  “I wet my bed.”

  “You weren’t in your bed, sweetie…”

  “I’m wet,” She whined. She had no clue that she pissed the couch and not her bed. Add that to the shit list today.

  Slowly, I crawled to all fours and then pressed up my knee to stand and grabbed her petite little self and got her into the bathroom, and undressed her. It was only my fault she wet the couch. My dumbass was too comfortable to move her to her bed. After I got her naked, and reached for the pull ups, I tugged one on her all in the dark hours of the still morning.

 

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