“I’ve changed my mind.”
“Just like that,” he said.
“Yes.” She waited a beat and then said, “If you don’t want to have sex with me, just say so.”
“Obviously, I want to have sex with you,” he said.
“Great. Let’s have sex.” She smiled at him and kissed his chest before licking the hollow of his throat. “I’m sure there’s lots you can teach me, right?”
He pulled back. “Kira, don’t.”
She stared at him in confusion. “Don’t what? You just said you want to have sex. So, let’s have sex.”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“No, it isn’t.” She traced her fingers over his back. “Is it because of all that stuff I said about my virginity being special? Because I was wrong and just being silly. It isn’t special. It’s just a thing that I need to get rid of, that’s all. It doesn’t matter who I give it to, or -”
“It does matter!” His voice was too loud. “It matters and it is special, and I want to be your first, Kira. I want that a lot. But not if you’re only giving it to me because you’re trying to get it over with, okay? I want to be your first because…”
“Because why?” she whispered.
His heart thudding in his chest, feeling vulnerable and naked in a way he’d never felt before, he said, “Because I like you. You’re sweet and kind and even after being dealt some shitty cards in life, you’re still so damn positive and upbeat. I’ve never met anyone like you before and when I’m with you, I...
He blew his breath out in a harsh rush. “You can say whatever you want, but I know your virginity is special to you. That makes it special to me. I know what it means to you and I hate that you think it’s okay to just give it to me because you want more experience.”
He stared at the wall over her head. “We have a lot of chemistry and connection and I understand the desire to go further. But, if we do this now, if we have sex just so you can get it over with and gain some experience, you will regret giving it to me.”
He swallowed hard. “I want to be your first, very much. But I would rather have you give your virginity to Daniel, than give it to me and regret it later.”
When she didn’t reply, weariness and disappointment sunk deep into his bones. Kira was in love with Daniel. Her desire to have sex with him was a spur of the moment thing, she’d been hopped up on pheromones and an orgasm high, and he’d gone and told her exactly how he felt. Now, it was awkward as hell and why didn’t he just keep his damn mouth shut?
Without looking at her, he turned to his other side, flinching when his right knee banged against his left.
“Connor? Is your knee okay?”
“It’s a little sore.” Stung by her obvious rejection, he said, “I’m really tired, Kira. I didn’t sleep well last night with you in the bed. Would you mind sleeping in your own bed tonight?”
“Oh, of course. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean, that is…”
Now he could hear the rejection and the hurt in her voice. Guilt made him turn to face her. “Kira, wait, I’m being an ass.”
“A bit, but I appreciate your honesty.” She slid out of the bed and grabbed her clothes from the floor. “Good night, Connor. Just text me if you need help in the night.”
She was gone before he could say anything else. He groaned and fell onto his back, massaging just above his right knee as he stared at the ceiling. Fuck, what did he just do?
Chapter Seventeen
Kira stared blankly out the kitchen window. The water was running in the sink and after a moment, she reached out and turned it off before studying her hands. What had she been doing?
Her brain churned dully before she grasped it. Right. Making iced tea. She grabbed the jug from the counter and filled it with water before setting it down. A squirrel was chittering away on a branch of the tree outside the window and she watched it for a while before making the iced tea.
She put the jug in the fridge, sat down at the table and stared in the direction of the living room. Today had been awful. Connor had spent all morning in his bedroom and barely eaten any lunch. He avoided looking at her and gave one-word answers to her questions. When he’d gone to have a shower, she hadn’t offered to help. She knew what his answer would be.
About half an hour ago he had crutched his way into the living room. She’d stuck her head into the room, tentatively asking him if he wanted anything. He shook his head and her plan to talk to him about last night dissolved under a wave of her own cowardice and the weariness on his face.
Her stomach was churning, and she rubbed at it as she listened to the faint sound of the TV. She’d barely slept last night, her mind turning over and over what Connor had said to her. She grabbed her phone off the table. She needed to talk to Grace and Addison. She would text them and see if they could meet her after work.
The doorbell rang and she shoved her phone into her pocket before walking down the hallway. She opened the door and stared blankly at the man standing on the front porch.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“You must be Kira,” he said.
She studied him. He was tall with short light brown hair and hazel coloured eyes. He was lean like Connor and he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a blue hoodie over top.
“Do I know you?” she said.
“Not exactly,” he said with a grin. He stuck his hand out. “I’m Lucas Wright. I’m Connor’s best friend.”
“Connor’s best friend,” she repeated as she shook his hand. “You’re from Willington?”
His grin widened. “Yes, but don’t hold that against me. I live in New Cassel now.”
She continued to stare at him, and he cleared his throat. “Uh, is Connor here? He said he was staying with you while he recuperated.”
“Yes, of course.” She gave him an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, come in, please.”
“Thanks.” He followed her into the house and shut the door.
“Connor’s just in the living room. It’s this way.” Feeling extraordinarily stupid, she led him to the living room. “Connor, you have a visitor.”
Connor glanced up from his phone. A huge smile broke out across his face and her breath caught in her throat. God, he was so handsome.
“Lucas! What are you doing here?”
Lucas dropped onto the couch beside him and stretched out his long legs. “Had the afternoon off, figured what better way to spend a Thursday afternoon than driving a couple hours to visit my wounded little bird.”
Connor laughed. “Shut up. I can’t believe you came.”
“Did you not wonder why I texted you for Kira’s address?” Lucas said.
“I figured you were sending me flowers,” Connor said with a grin.
Lucas snorted laughter. “If I was gonna send anything it would have been a stripper-gram.”
“Shocking,” Connor replied.
Lucas studied his knee. “That looks like shit.”
“It was a lot worse,” Kira said. “It’s actually looking much better than it was.”
Both Lucas and Connor glanced at her and she blushed. Obviously, they had forgotten she was in the room and feeling like an intruder, she backed toward the doorway. “Sorry, I’ll leave and give you some privacy.”
Connor frowned. “You don’t have to leave your own house.”
“It’s fine. I have some errands to run this afternoon anyway. Lucas, it was really nice to meet you. Connor, just, um, text me if you need anything.”
She hurried out of the living room, grabbed her phone and her purse from the kitchen and left the house. She climbed into the car and sat for a minute, rubbing her forehead. Shit, she probably should have kissed Connor goodbye or something. It’s what a girlfriend was supposed to do.
If you think Lucas doesn’t know this is fake, you’re fooling yourself. He’s Connor’s best friend. He knows.
Yeah, probably. Connor would have told him the truth so not kissing him was fine. Perfectly fine.
Except you want to kiss Connor. Hell, you want to be his real girlfriend. Admit it, Kira.
No, she loved Daniel. She’d always love Daniel. He was perfect for her and they were meant to be together.
Bullshit.
She groaned with frustration and turned the car on. She backed out of the driveway and drove down the street. She would go for a walk at the Falls while she waited for Gracie and Addie to finish work. It would help clear her mind.
* * *
“Say something, you guys,” Kira said.
Addison glanced at Grace before saying, “I don’t think we know what to say. You want to give Connor your virginity after saving it for years for my brother. You were in love with Daniel and now suddenly you’re not.”
“I am still in love with Daniel,” Kira said.
“Are you though?” Grace said.
“Shit. I don’t know anymore,” Kira said.
They were sitting in the small living room of Grace’s townhouse. Addison leaned forward and grabbed another pizza slice from the box sitting on the coffee table. She took a bite and chewed slowly. “It’s okay if your feelings change, Kira.”
“I don’t know what my feelings are,” Kira said. “I thought I loved Daniel, but now…”
“It sounds like Connor really likes you,” Grace said. “Why not give that a chance?”
“Just because he wants to be my first and thinks it’s special doesn’t mean he likes me,” Kira replied.
Grace arched one eyebrow at her. “Uh, that’s exactly what it means. Besides, you just told us that he told you he liked you. Remember?”
“Oh my God,” Kira leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling, “this is so messed up.”
“What you need to decide,” Addison said, “is whether you want to have sex with Connor because you want some experience or because you want him to be your first rather than my brother.”
“My unsolicited opinion?” Grace said. “You should sleep with Connor. You might not want to admit this, but you like him, Kira-bear. You like him a lot. Besides, I’m pretty sure Daniel is gonna be a terrible lover. He’s a good guy but he is on the selfish side and it’s been my experience that selfish guys don’t make good sex partners. Do you want that for your first time?”
“Ugh,” Addison set down her piece of pizza, “all of this sex talk about my brother makes me lose my appetite.”
“Sorry, Addie,” Kira said.
“It’s okay,” she replied. “I know you’re struggling, and I want to be a supportive best friend. But if I run out of the room and you hear vomiting, just ignore it.”
Kira gave her a small smile before running her fingers restlessly through her hair. “I like Connor, but I’ve spent how many years in love with Daniel? Is it normal for a person’s feelings to just turn off and on like a faucet? Because that doesn’t feel normal to me.”
“Honey,” Grace leaned over and gave her knee a squeeze, “you’re completely normal. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back isn’t the same as being in a committed relationship with someone.”
Kira winced, and Grace squeezed her knee again. “I’m sorry, I know that sucks to hear, but it’s time for some painful truths. You’ve been doing this fake relationship with Connor for almost three weeks now and Daniel hasn’t made a move on you. There have been no signs of jealousy, has there?”
“No,” Kira said.
“Which doesn’t bother you,” Grace said.
“It does,” Kira protested.
Grace just stared at her and Kira looked down at her hands. “At first, I wanted it to bother me, but now…”
“Connor is a good guy,” Grace said. “I think you should give him a chance.”
“It’s too late,” Kira said. “I was so surprised and confused by what he said, that I didn’t say anything, and it upset him. He’s completely closed down and would barely talk to me today.”
“Well, the good news is that he’s kind of trapped in your house and with that knee the way it is, can’t run from you,” Addison said with a small smile. “Just take away his crutches and start talking.”
Kira huffed out a laugh. “If only it was that easy.”
“It is that easy,” Grace said.
Kira picked at her nail. “This feels weird. I’ve been in love with Daniel for so long that to think I’m not in love with him… it’s freaking me out. I’m not sure who I am if I’m not in love with him.”
“Your crush on Daniel does not define who you are,” Grace said. “There’s so much more to you than just that, Kira-bear.”
“Is there?” Kira said. “It doesn’t feel like there is.”
“Let’s see,” Addison said. “You’re a great sister, an amazing friend, a kick-ass real estate agent and a really excellent fake girlfriend.”
Kira stared at her and Grace. “What if being a fake girlfriend is all Connor wants now?”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Grace said. “Talk to him, honey.”
“I will,” Kira said. “But not right now. He gets the results of his MRI tomorrow and I know he’s worried about it. I don’t want to add to his stress by pushing him for a relationship. Especially when I’m still not certain that’s what I want.”
She leaned over and rested her head on Grace’s shoulder. “Thank you so much, you guys. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Grace kissed her forehead as Addison smiled at her. “We’ll always be here for you, honey. Always.”
* * *
Kira slammed the car door shut and stared apprehensively at the house. She was nervous about going in, which was stupid. The house was dark, and she knew Connor was already in bed. He’d texted her over an hour ago to say that he was going to bed and ask if she was still available to drive him to his doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
Addison had gone home earlier but Kira deliberately stayed a little longer at Grace’s, too chicken to go home before Connor might fall asleep. She needed to talk to him, but she was tired and confused and needed more time.
“Hey, Kira.”
She whirled around, her pulse thumping and coppery fear in her mouth. “Daniel? You scared the hell out of me.”
“Sorry, doll – I mean, Kira. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He leaned against her car, his hands in the pockets of his jeans and a sheepish smile on his face.
“What are you doing here? It’s late.”
“It’s not that late,” he said. “I’ve been waiting for you to get home.”
She glanced around him at his truck parked on the street. “Seriously?”
“You won’t answer my calls or text with me anymore.”
She sighed. “That’s not true. I texted you this morning.”
“Not the way you used to,” he said. “Listen, I didn’t mean to hurt the doc, okay? It was an accident.”
“Was it?” she said.
“I’m not a bad guy, Kira.”
“I know you’re not.” She glanced at the house. She had promised Connor that she wouldn’t be alone with Daniel, and she felt uneasy about breaking that promise. “I should go. It’s chilly and I’m not wearing a jacket.”
“Can I come in for a while?”
She chewed at her bottom lip. “That’s not a good idea. Connor’s staying with me while he recuperates.”
“What? Your boyfriend won’t let you have other guys in the house now? Is that why you’ve been ignoring me? Why you wouldn’t let me stop by and watch the game with you earlier this week?”
“That isn’t it,” she said.
Daniel frowned at her. “If he’s stopping you from seeing your friends, that’s a real shitty thing for him to do. Do you really want him to control your life like this, Kira? I know everyone thinks the doc is a good guy, but I’m not sure that he is. He’s got a coldness to him that -”
“He isn’t cold,” Kira said. “You don’t know him at all so stop making assumptions. He isn’t keeping me from my friends. I was just out with Gracie and Ad
dison for most of the day.”
“So, it’s just me he’s keeping you away from,” Daniel said. “Look, I get that he’s jealous of our relationship, but again, do you want someone that insecure? It’s pretty immature of him to not allow you to have any guy friends.”
“Stop it,” she said. Her confusion was ebbing way to be replaced with anger. “Stop talking about Connor like you know him. You don’t, Daniel. You don’t know him at all.”
“I’m just worried about you, doll. You’re sweet and trusting and a guy like that? He doesn’t understand our relationship.”
“Our relationship?” Kira said. “What exactly is our relationship, Daniel?”
“Special,” he said.
She rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding me right now?”
Daniel reached for her and she pulled away. He gave her a hurt look. “Now I can’t touch you? You used to let me hug you.”
“It’s different now,” she said.
“Only because Connor’s made it different,” Daniel said. “I miss you, Kira. I miss us. I get that Connor is important to you, but you’ve only been dating him less than a month. Don’t let him make you do something you’ll regret like giving up on us.”
“Us,” she said.
“Yes,” he replied. “Like I said, I miss us.”
“What exactly do you miss about us, Daniel? Be specific,” Kira said.
“You know, I miss how we were together. You coming to watch me play ball and cheering me on, bringing me special little treats at the station, helping me with shit, me coming by to watch the game with you. I care about you a lot, and I hate that we don’t spend time together anymore.”
She stared silently at him and shook her head when he tried to put his arm around her. “Don’t.”
She was an idiot. Daniel would never be jealous of her relationship with Connor. The only thing that bothered him about her dating Connor, was that she wasn’t around anymore to cater to his every whim, to worship him, and make him feel good that she pined after him like a fool.
“Are you seriously going to tell me that you don’t miss me?” he said.
Sweet Harmony (Harmony Falls, Book One) Page 21
