Little Pills

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Little Pills Page 5

by Melody Dodds

I can’t be the reason

  Isabella loses

  her best friend.

  This has to end.

  MY (WRONG) ANSWER

  I grab Mia

  around the waist.

  Just like Alexis did Isabella.

  When Mia turns I see

  she’s more angry

  than scared.

  Still, her face lights up

  with relief.

  I know being kind

  or listening to her

  will only

  make her

  like me more.

  So I let myself get mad

  about her hitting my sister,

  make fun of her,

  call her a name or two.

  And when her lip

  finally goes out

  and her eyes get glassy

  with unspilled tears…

  I screw up.

  I tell her:

  Having a friend

  means

  being a friend.

  Maybe you should be happy

  with the friends you’ve got.

  Instead of trying to get more

  by changing who you are.

  She’s looking at me

  like how

  you’d look at an angel.

  She says, Wow!

  Your sister HATES you

  and you’re still

  sticking up

  for her.

  A DIFFERENT PARTY

  This time without Alexis,

  only with Johnnie C.

  He’s who invited me,

  then picked me up

  in his older brother’s car.

  And here we are.

  Holy cow,

  I can tell you

  right now,

  everyone here is high.

  Not just on Oxy.

  That’s, like,

  a start.

  Like the foundation

  of a house

  of beer and wine and pot.

  Plus someone’s got

  some Adderall.

  I think

  this is going

  to be

  too much.

  Like last time.

  But Johnnie

  puts his arm

  around

  my shoulders

  and tells me

  not to worry.

  Everyone’s cool, he says.

  And the Oxy

  should be kicking in

  soon.

  And he’s right.

  AT SCHOOL

  Alexis comes

  bouncing up to me

  like a puppy,

  cute and springy.

  Have you been

  practicing?

  she asks.

  I squint at her,

  unsure.

  For our gig!

  Oh, that.

  Not for that

  specifically, I admit.

  But I’ve been,

  you know,

  mixing, I lie.

  Alexis shakes her head.

  Just what I was afraid of,

  she says.

  We need to plan on

  practicing together

  as soon as

  we can.

  How about tonight?

  But I can’t tonight.

  Because I’ve got…

  ANOTHER DIFFERENT PARTY

  Johnnie and I

  sit in a giant beanbag chair

  in the back

  of a living room.

  I still don’t know

  exactly whose

  living room.

  But we’re not too far,

  maybe an hour from home.

  Still, Hancock Point?

  May take only an hour

  to get to,

  but it is a million

  miles

  away.

  Like,

  may as well be

  Beverly Hills.

  These houses

  are mostly owned

  by people

  from Away—

  Boston, New York, Connecticut.

  Four-bedroom,

  five-bath

  mansions

  where they live

  for a few weeks

  in the summer.

  Sometimes the whole family

  comes for the holidays,

  all the siblings

  and in-laws.

  (Sin-laws, Rupert

  used to call them.

  Hahaha!)

  Probably

  the kid

  who threw the party

  doesn’t live here.

  Probably

  his parents

  take care

  of this place.

  So he has a key.

  Johnnie

  pulls me closer.

  Grins at me,

  golden and crooked.

  Thanks for the hookup, he says.

  He means

  about the Oxy.

  He was down

  to one

  pill

  so I gave him

  some of mine.

  I’m running low,

  need to go see Gramma

  sometime soon.

  But I don’t feel

  like there’s a rush,

  because I don’t plan

  to take it that much

  anymore.

  Just special events.

  Like tonight.

  ALEXIS, AGAIN

  At school.

  She comes

  up to me

  less bouncy,

  more cool.

  I heard

  where you were

  last night,

  she says.

  I know

  you have

  this boyfriend

  and all but…

  But what?

  I never thought

  a boy

  would get

  between us.

  Get between us how?

  Listen:

  Are you

  DJing

  this party

  with me

  or not?

  Because if you are,

  We need to practice.

  To-geth-er!

  I want to.

  I do!

  It’s just…

  JOHNNIE C.

  is easy

  to be

  around,

  quiet and soft and glowing.

  I never thought

  I’d want

  to do Oxy

  *with*

  someone.

  It’s one of

  my ways

  to escape.

  But Johnnie

  makes it

  even nicer.

  I like how he

  kisses me

  before the pills kick in.

  He comes home

  with me

  after school

  most days now.

  We used to

  put a chair

  against the door

  to keep

  Mia and Isabella out.

  But now we just

  sneak into

  Leo’s room.

  Johnnie isn’t

  planning on

  college.

  He’s not even

  counting on his

  CTE

  to land him

  a job.

  He figures

  he’s

  army bound.

  I tell him

  about Leo.

  My brother who is gone.

  He tells me about Anthony.

  His brother who

  used to do

  Oxy like we do.

  Then he switched to heroin

  because

  it’s cheaper

  and easier to get.

  Heroin?

  That’s for addicts!

  Johnnie C.

  just looks at me.

  No, I tell him.

  If it c
omes to that,

  I’ll just quit.

  That’s what he said,

  Johnnie says

  very slowly.

  Then he tells me

  Anthony

  is dead.

  THE PARTIES BLUR TOGETHER

  Johnny grins

  at me,

  glowing.

  His eyes

  are

  pinpoints.

  I wonder how many angels

  are dancing in them?

  All of them,

  I’ll bet.

  All the angels

  dancing

  on the pinpoints

  in my boyfriend’s

  eyes.

  And I think

  how much I prefer

  that

  to the look of

  meth

  or Adderall.

  Where the pupils get

  huge

  and you look like

  an alien

  or

  like you’re

  having a heart attack

  but you

  haven’t figured

  that out yet.

  Johnnie is talking.

  I think

  he has been

  but I’m just

  suddenly aware of it.

  It’s HARD

  to focus.

  I’m TIRED.

  Soooo sleepy.

  Soooo—

  Charlotte?

  Wha?

  He laughs.

  You maybe

  took too much.

  You’re nodding off

  on me, girl.

  I think this

  should scare me,

  but it doesn’t.

  It’s like

  the howl of a wolf

  but only

  on a television.

  Anyway, he says.

  I asked

  how much of this

  you have.

  And would you

  be interested

  in selling?

  Selling what?

  He laughs again.

  All this

  Oxy

  you say

  you have

  lying around.

  Oh.

  Yeah,

  whatever.

  Sure.

  If you know

  someone

  who wants

  to buy it.

  MISTAKE №1

  Mistakes

  don’t always

  *look*

  like mistakes.

  Sometimes

  they look

  like

  winning.

  Sometimes

  they look

  like

  money.

  Johnnie C.

  comes back

  days after

  the

  party.

  He hands me

  enough money

  to buy

  my

  music software!

  If

  I gave him

  some more

  pills,

  I

  could buy

  some decent

  headphones!

  and maybe even

  my own

  laptop!

  But I gotta stop.

  I’m nearly out

  and won’t see

  Gramma

  till Saturday.

  SURF’S UP

  Johnnie says

  he hopes

  I’ve got more,

  because

  he’s got

  a lot

  of buyers.

  I ask him

  how he knows.

  I keep getting texts.

  I don’t like it

  that people

  are texting you

  about drugs!

  How stupid

  do you think

  I am?

  I don’t text:

  Hey,

  wanna

  buy

  some

  Oxy?

  Okay. What do you text?

  Surf’s up!

  What?

  That’s the text I send.

  If people

  are interested,

  they text back:

  Hang ten.

  Sometimes

  they text

  “Hang ten ”

  to me first.

  That still seems

  fishy.

  Being

  that we live

  in a place with

  little surfing.

  He laughs at this.

  Johnnie says,

  You know,

  if you

  crush it up

  and

  snort it

  you won’t need

  as much

  as when you just

  swallow the pills.

  How do you know?

  That’s what

  someone

  told me,

  anyway.

  Might

  be worth trying

  if

  you

  want to make

  some

  more money.

  I don’t like

  the idea

  and

  I tell him.

  To his credit,

  he drops it.

  HANG TEN

  But

  I get to thinking

  about the money.

  The fewer pills

  I need,

  the more money

  I can get,

  and the faster

  I can get

  my DJ stuff.

  You have people

  who want this

  right now?

  Johnnie C.

  waves his phone

  at me.

  Right this very minute.

  MISTAKE №2

  Popping pills

  wraps you in

  a cloud.

  Snorting crushed

  pills

  takes you

  straight to

  heaven.

  COMING DOWN

  Crashing.

  Itching.

  Scratching.

  Glass shards.

  Needle pricks.

  Every muscle aching.

  Head feels like it’s breaking.

  Splitting right in two.

  Nothing to do

  except another line.

  WAKING UP SICK

  Slept 12 hours,

  feels like 4.

  Woke up with,

  like,

  the flu.

  Again.

  Only worse.

  Yeah,

  I know

  what this is.

  I KNOW.

  I need

  to see Gramma

  and get

  more pills.

  I’ll keep

  just a couple

  to take

  the edge off.

  Sell

  the

  rest.

  Then

  work on

  getting off

  this stuff.

  GRAMMA

  But it turns out

  Gramma

  is sick, too.

  She calls

  and says

  not to come.

  We’ll have to

  bake tomorrow,

  if

  she’s up to it.

  If.

  If?

  IF SHE’S NOT UP TO IT I’M GOING TO DIE!

  WHOA

  Okay, calm down.

  This is bad, though.

  What’s in the house?

  Go to the bathroom,

  shut the door.

  It doesn’t

  feel like

  a safe place

  anymore.

  WHAT CAN MAKE THIS STOP HURTING!?!?

  Calm down. Breathe.

  THROW UP. HEAVE.

  Okay, that’s over with…r />
  Feels like

  flu.

  Take

  flu medicine.

  WHICH IS IN THE LINEN CLOSET.

  It’s okay.

  I can make it

  to the linen closet.

  House is cold…empty?

  Mom’s gone.

  Isabella, too.

  Rupert? Rupert!

  RUPERT

  Oxys!

  On his

  bedside table.

  Rupert and Mom’s room

  is still.

  Creep in.

  See a mound—he’s here, dang!

  BUT

  on his bedside table

  sure enough

  is a round,

  brown

  bottle.

  Another step…

  What do you need, Charlotte?

  Geez!

  I jump

  about

  10 feet!

  Uhhhh…

  Where’s NyQuil?

  Really.

  Uhm, yeah?

 

  I have the flu.

  <
  very

  long

  pause>>

  You seem

  to get the flu

  a lot lately.

  DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE NYQUIL IS OR NOT?!

  Uh-oh.

  But Rupert is

  very calm.

  It’s in the linen closet.

  So calm.

  Where it always is.

  It scares me.

  And Charlotte?

  That bottle

  by my

  bedside

  isn’t Oxy.

  It’s Humira

  for my arthritis.

  So don’t

  take it

  or

  sell it.

  KNOCKED OUT

  by the NyQuil.

  But wake up

  in a cold sweat.

  Still tired,

  more tired.

  Stomach hurts.

  ACHES! CRAMPS!

  Like it’s

  tied

  in a knot

  and

  all the food

  started to rot

  and it’s

  POISONING ME!

  THIS IS CRAZY.

  GO SEE GRAMMA

  NOW!

  TAKE HER SOME SOUP

  OR SOMETHING.

  And then my phone rings AGAIN.

  ALEXIS

  Like, the 50th time.

  WHAT DOES SHE WANT?!?

  But hey!

  I pick up.

  Can-you-take-me-over-to-my-Gramma’s?

  I blurt.

  Your Gramma’s?

  She’s like,

  three blocks away.

  And we have to practice.

  And what’s

  wrong

  with you?

  You sound

  awful!

  Practice what?

  And I have the flu.

  And I know

  it’s only

  three blocks.

  But I don’t

  feel good

  and it’s cold

  and

  you know

  what?

  Forget it.

  I’ll call

  someone

 

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