Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress

by Candy Paull

  In his earlier work, Alexander talks about the “quality that has no name” yet has a feeling of rightness and wholeness to it. In his later works he calls it the “I,” the ground of being that can be felt and seen in nature and brought forth by human hearts and imaginations. It comes from an egoless, unself-conscious state of being, as opposed to our more self-conscious and egotistical attitudes. He shows how the buildings of the twentieth century were designed to fit a faulty worldview that created monuments to an architect’s ego and fed a system that served maximum profit and control, not aliveness and beauty. Modern buildings became the reflection of a set of assumptions about the very nature of life that were based on a mechanistic worldview that devalued the things that made life whole and healing and welcoming for human beings. The mechanistic utilitarian approach was just as willing to “pave paradise and put up a parking lot” as it was to create imperious glass and stone towers that dwarf the more down-to-earth values of daily life on the planet.

  The places we live and work in have created stress. Human beings become replaceable parts that serve a mechanistic worldview. We see that our buildings and our cities and our living spaces reflect stress-generating values that are at odds with our own sacred humanity. We absorb these values into the way we live our lives. Our schedules leave no room for play or contemplation; such activities are considered to be wasted time. Our careers demand impossible work hours. We trade our birthright of beauty and human emotion for the mess of pottage we call modern living. It is up to us to reclaim the value and meaning of our lives, and to build lives and create homes where we are free to express the loving and creative side of our human nature; to value beauty and serenity and loving relationships.

  We have the power to transform not only our homes, but also the way we approach all aspects of our lives so that we can create a more comforting, authentic, and human-friendly world. We can create homes and lives that speak to the soul, nourish the spirit, and encourage a vibrant experience of community. Creating homes that reflect our spiritual values can make life less stressful, more beautiful and meaningful. The matrix of our days would be set in a world that encourages (and believes in) deeper spiritual values as it ministers to physical needs and practical functions. Though we may not be able to change the modern world, we can create homes as sanctuaries that satisfy the soul. Making choices that give genuine pleasure is not a luxury but essential to our own inner harmony. When it comes to creating a serene home, listen to your heart, pay attention to what is most instinctive, and make choices that please you and make you feel more alive.

  The Architecture of Serenity

  Many of the structures and assumptions of modern life cause unconscious stress. Freeways and traffic noise, badly designed spaces, strip malls, billboards, and soulless uniformity are all something we take for granted, but they still take a toll on the spirit. By becoming aware that a better way of living might exist, we can make new choices, at least in small ways that help us feel more at home and relaxed. Simple adjustments can create a sense of place and home, even if it is simply by adding a fresh flower in a vase to the corner of a cubicle at work.

  Sarah Susanka, architect and author of The Not So Big House, addresses the question of how to create a life that brings joy and comfort and a more human scale to our days. She starts by looking at how we express that life through our homes, but moves into philosophical and spiritual territory that brings insight into the choices we make and what we value most. Both Alexander and Susanka offer ideas that show us that another world is possible. Susanka shows that form and function should serve life goals. She shows that small changes can yield enormous results. In her inspiring book The Not So Big Life, she says, “We need to remodel the way we are living, but not in a way that gives us more of the same kinds of space we already have; that would simply create an even bigger life. What we need is a remodeling that allows us to experience what’s already here but to experience it differently, so that it delights us rather than drives us crazy.”

  Even a small detail in a home can illustrate something that applies to the way we live our lives. For example, Susanka uses the principle of “a light to walk toward” as a key element in home design. She says that it also describes a conditioned response that’s hardwired into our physiology. “We are in fact biologically programmed to move toward light, so it’s an extremely useful tool in making any room or hallway feel more inviting. Simply place a window or a lighted painting at the far end of any walkway or vista, and its brightness attracts you like a magnet. It animates the space and makes it seem significantly more vital.” She also compares this physical image of light and vitality to the experience of presence, of being in the moment and becoming unself-consciously engaged in whatever it is you are doing. She uses it as a metaphor to inspire readers to “move toward the light” by incorporating time for silence and spiritual practice every day. Such time offers a “window” into the eternal and invisible.

  Alexander describes the design element of a “window place,” in pattern 180 in his book A Pattern Language. He writes, “Everybody loves window seats, bay windows, and big windows with low sills and comfortable chairs drawn up to them.… A room which does not have a place like this seldom allows you to feel fully comfortable or perfectly at ease. Indeed, a room without a window place may keep you in a state of perpetual unresolved conflict and tension—slight, perhaps, but definite.” He explains that the conflict between being drawn toward the light and wanting to sit down and be comfortable must be resolved by an organic design.

  One solution is a natural alcove that feels protected, yet allows a view to the outside world. I have such a corner in the den of my little 1960s ranch home. It is a picture window with a view to the west, and my little love seat fits beneath it perfectly. It has a low sill that is easy to look out over. My love seat is ancient and overstuffed but just the right size for me to curl up in. I have been happily content watching sunsets wash over the hills from that window. It gives me a soul-satisfying expansive view of sky and color and horizon, yet feels cozy, comfortable, and safe.

  Good design in the home also integrates the outdoor spaces. Garden designer Julie Moir Messervy, author of The Inward Garden, tells us that a garden can feel like an earthly paradise if you design with archetypal places in mind. Like a good interior designer, she creates garden spaces that combine our need for earthly comfort with a sense of transcendence. Archetypal places include sea, cave, harbor, promontory, island, and mountain. The harbor, like the alcove or window space, is a perfect blend of enclosure and view. She compares it to a child’s view from a parent’s lap, safely enclosed in a mother’s arms, yet enjoying a higher view of the world. “By feeling securely enclosed, we feel as though we are the center of the world. One important way that we find our place in the world is by discovering harbors in which we can relax and feel safe.”

  When the shell you live in has taken on the savor of your love, when your dwelling has become a taproot, then your house is a home.

  —Scott Russell Sanders

  A Safe Harbor

  Think about ways that you can make your home more welcoming and nurturing, and how you can set priorities that encourage a less stressful, more satisfying life. Just as the right design for a house or garden can offer a sense of feeling more alive and at home in the world, so can the decisions you make about how you want to approach daily living.

  For instance, echo the idea of going toward the light in your daily schedule. Set aside some time for meditation, contemplation, and prayer. Set aside a sacred place where you can watch a sunset, light a candle, or sit by the fireside from the comfort of a cozy alcove or an enveloping easy chair. Make time to go within, into the inner light that shines no matter how dark or gloomy the outer conditions of your life might be. Imagine you can create an alcove of safety in the choices you make. The harbor protects on three sides and opens a widening view on the fourth. So make changes slowly—one-quarter new and exciting, three-quarters familiar and grou
nding. Take a new class, learn a new skill, have an adventure. But also make sure you balance newness with favorite rituals, routines, and comforting places that provide a sense of safety.

  If you clog your life with nonessentials and crowd your days with false urgencies, you miss out on the nourishing vitality that is the Intelligence from which you come. There is something within you that is profoundly wise, whole, and complete.

  Yet most of us live fragmented, overburdened lives that distract from and disintegrate that internal integrity, creating the conditions for our own sickness and breakdown. We must make choices for our own aliveness and wholeness, or become exiles from the core of our being, the inner homeland that draws from the deeper springs of life. In a materialistic society with the push and pull of demands and distractions, we become locked in abstract concepts of reality instead of experiencing reality itself. We pander to our egos when we need to make more room for our human hearts. We make it worse by stuffing too many activities and obligations into our schedules, too much clutter into our homes. Our outer reality tends to reflect our inner reality.

  Set Aside a Sacred Alcove in Your Home

  It might be a quiet nook, a room, or a favorite chair. Let it be your safe harbor, the place you return to when you need to recover your peace of mind. Settle in and allow yourself to relax into its comfort and safety. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Sit and meditate, or offer a prayer of gratitude. When you are ready, return to the busy world again, refreshed and renewed.

  Yet you have the choice to create a safe harbor, a protected yet open way of life. It is a good thing to combine the old with the new. There is great value in traditions and the tried-and-true ways that are comfortable and familiar. There is also great value in trying something new, stretching your boundaries, being open to a different viewpoint. This does not have to be an either/or proposition. It can be a both/and situation. You don’t have to choose one to the exclusion of the other. Play with the balance and ratio of adventure and familiarity, earthly practicality and spiritual transcendence. Just expand your comfort zone a bit. Experiment with new ideas. Make modest changes in your priorities such as cutting back on activities that no longer serve you, and making room for priorities that nourish your soul.

  Though authentic change must come from within, it can also be cultivated and encouraged by making changes in our outer conditions. Through simple, practical choices, we can create a beneficial feedback loop that inspires a more serene approach to our daily lives. We can make changes in our homes, and in our personal priorities, that make us more serene, more vital, more fully alive.

  A More Serene Home

  Home is the heart of the serene life. It is here where you nurture your soul and rest your body. Make your home a cozy refuge from the busy world, a place where you can relax and be yourself.

  You don’t need a mansion or expensive furnishings. Simple details like a comfortable chair and a good reading lamp, a few fine pictures on the wall, or a colorful bedspread and curtains make a home cozy and welcoming. All it takes is some imagination and ingenuity—and a little love—to create a living space that you want to come home to.

  Outward actions like cleaning the house, making do with less, and creating beauty in your surroundings are balanced with inner choices that help you remember what is most important and meaningful to you. As you create a more serene home, you create a space that nourishes personal transformation and spiritual growth.

  Simplify Your Surroundings

  One particularly effective way to make your life simpler is to clear your living space of clutter, creating an atmosphere of peaceful calm instead of chaos and disorder. As you clean and clear, decide what you want to keep and where you want to keep it. Take advantage of clean lines and natural beauty. Instead of a welter of small knickknacks, consider an elegant bonsai plant or a single treasured antique artistically displayed. Timeless simplicity soothes the spirit, creating an oasis of calm in a busy life. An ordered living space seems to give you more room for creative thinking. You will breathe a sigh of relief in the pristine order and harmony you have created.

  Cleaning house is like cleansing and ordering your life. You can ignore clutter, but it is still a distraction, like a squeaky wheel or dripping faucet. Conquer clutter with a mop, broom, and duster, and create an oasis of restful cleanliness and order in your home. Things run more smoothly when the house is freshly cleaned and the atmosphere is lightened by your elbow grease.

  Use your housecleaning time to put your thoughts in order, too. There is something about repetitive work that allows the mind to think more clearly, and cleaning house can be symbolic of other cleansing and ordering in your life.

  Live with What You Love

  That ugly lamp was a mistake when you bought it, and it hasn’t improved with time. The uncomfortable chair is a family heirloom, but you can never bring yourself to sit in it. Decide to clear your home of things you don’t like. Start with one room in your home. Weed out the clutter and leave only those things that feel useful or beautiful to you. Then fill the rooms with things you love and are meaningful to you. You will be happier and more peaceful when you do.

  Invest in good furniture. Cherish family heirlooms that you love, or enjoy the complete makeover of modern furniture. Whatever suits your taste and budget, make comfort and beauty essential to your style. Have fun exploring furniture stores and flea markets. Bring some special item home from your travels that will remind you of faraway places you enjoyed. Look for beautiful and unique things. Collect them for your home. Take pleasure in design and color. A finely crafted piece of furniture, a carefully stitched handmade quilt, an earthy woven blanket, or a set of antique dishes can bring vibrant touches to your home. Don’t forget the intellectual and aesthetic pleasures of books. They give a house a soul and are there to remind you of the things you most value in life.

  Cultivate an appreciation of art. It will enrich your life, expand your understanding, and feed your soul. Build your own art collection and hang original art on the walls. A fine painting can give a sense of aliveness to a room. A truly wonderful piece of art can provide a focus for meditation, for it will reveal many layers of meaning over time. Go to local galleries and support local artists. Start collecting art. While art can be an investment, the most important reason to buy a piece of art is because you love it. You will live with it and enjoy it for years. Make art an essential part of your life and your home.

  A lit candle brings warmth and soft light to a room. Candles give a room “soul” and help create a special and welcoming atmosphere. Whether you want to encourage intimate talk over a candlelit table or create a welcoming place for worship and meditation, candles offer an easy-to-use instant transformation for any living space.

  Just as comfortable and flattering clothing make you feel your best, so beauty and order in your home will lift your spirits. Before you bring anything into your home, ask yourself: Is this beautiful? Is it useful? Do I love it?

  Connect Indoors and Outdoors

  You don’t need fancy or expensive things to beautify your home and give you pleasure. Stones found in a riverbed, an elegantly curved conch shell, or a colorful bouquet of spring flowers can bring nature indoors, offering a seasonal selection of color and variety for little or no cost. Reconnecting to the rhythms of nature helps you slow down and connect to the elemental rhythms inside yourself. Paperwhite narcissi blooming on a winter windowsill offer a reminder of spring. The restful green of a houseplant makes a corner of your home more welcoming. Add a water fountain that sounds like a rippling stream for an aural atmosphere of tranquility and the sense of retreat from the urban jungle.

  Arrange your furnishings so you can enjoy the views from your windows. Is there a beautiful tree in your yard that inspires you through the seasons? Do you enjoy watching the life that passes by on the street where you live? If you are blessed with a sunset view, take full advantage of it. Create a harbor of comfort to enjoy the view from inside. Make time in
your busy schedule for just sitting and thinking, observing the beauty of nature and the round of the seasons.

  You can also connect indoors and outdoors with planters full of herbs on deck, patio, or windowsill. They add a touch of growing green and can make a meal more delicious.

  Gardens can create a lovely landscape around your home and be a revitalizing retreat from the stresses of the day. Create a garden that satisfies your soul. Whether you have extensive gardens with fruit trees and a host of flowers, fruits, and vegetables, or just a pot or two of herbs and flowers on an apartment deck, growing green things fills the soul with a simple, earthy satisfaction. As you get your hands in the good earth, pulling weeds, pruning, and ordering your garden, you can weed and sort through your problems, too. Try a little inexpensive garden therapy to bring a clearer perspective on life.

  The simple pleasure of feeding the birds creates a moment of wonder in the day. Whether you have elaborate birdhouses and feeders or just sprinkle some birdseed on the lawn, you can spread a feast for birds in your backyard. Go outside and listen to the birdsong chorus. Watch the winged life that goes on despite the stock market, the bad news, and the daily cares of life. It will lift your spirit, putting earthly cares into a more heavenly perspective.

  Cultivate Serenity

  Open a window and get some fresh air. Put some calming music on the stereo. Enjoy a nourishing meal. When you create more harmony and order in your life, you’ll find that you have more energy to focus on the things that are important to you. You’ll live harmoniously in body, mind, and spirit.