Neutral Grounds

by Jiffy Kate

  Gah, I’m all over the place today. One minute, I’m plotting to divorce him and the next, I’m wanting a baby with him.

  Fuck.

  Thankfully, I can play off my watery eyes by turning my attention back to the angel in my arms. “Uh, Avery, is something wrong with his eyes? He looks like he’s already had his first fistfight.”

  “Yeah, about that…see, he was coming fast and I was having major contractions,” she says, reaching over for her cup of ice chips. “Those things really do hurt like hell, by the way…don’t let anyone ever tell you they don’t…it’s bullshit.” Smoothing her hair away from her face, she continues. “Anyway, Shaw was about to lose his shit, so the doctor allowed me to get an epidural, but it didn’t stop the pain. So, I was given another dose and then, later, another and then I was so numb, I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down.”

  She pauses, slightly out of breath, and Carys and I share a look that says maybe we’ll opt for c-sections when it’s our turn to push a baby out of our vaginas.

  “Seriously, I couldn’t feel my legs. I still can’t! When it came time to push, Shae was already crowning so I didn’t have to work very hard. Poor thing, he went through the birth canal so fast, he gave himself black eyes!”

  I look back down at the baby, hoping my giggles aren’t bothering him, but he’s still sleeping soundly. “Already a bruiser, huh, Shae? Don’t worry, you’ll be a lover, not a fighter. I’ll make sure of it.”

  “Speaking of Shaw,” Carys starts, “where is he? I’m surprised he’s not here hogging the baby already.”

  “Right?” Avery laughs and it makes me so happy to see her like this. It was a tough road for her and Shaw, but it’s obvious it was worth it. “He went to get cigars for everyone but should be back soon.”

  “Well, we brought you something to help celebrate but it’s totally cool if you want to wait before having it,” Carys says, walking back to the door and grabbing the small cooler she brought with her.

  “What is it?” Avery eyes the cooler, looking equal parts excited and worried.

  “We brought you sushi and a small box of wine because you can now have them again!”

  “You guys are so great! Thank you!” Avery wipes her eyes and laughs. “Ugh, stupid hormones. My nurse said it’ll still be a while before they get back to normal, much to Shaw’s dismay.”

  “Don’t worry, we’ll be here to help in any way we can,” I assure her.

  After a few minutes, I pass Shae off to Carys so she can have a turn and then pull another chair up beside Avery. “That baby looks good on you,” I tell her, feeling her happiness radiate all over the room. It’s kind of rubbing off on me.

  “He’s the best thing I’ve ever done or will ever do,” she says, looking over at him with so much love it makes my chest ache.

  The second Shaw is back in the room, he immediately steals Shae and snuggles in on the edge of Avery’s bed. He kind of consumes the room and it’s obvious we’re no longer needed.

  “We’ll let y’all rest,” Carys says. “Don’t forget about your contraband sushi and wine.”

  Shaw’s eyebrows shoot up in question and I roll my eyes.

  “She’s no longer with child, let the woman have her reward.”

  “Besides,” Carys adds, “we don’t smoke cigars, so give us a break on the sushi and wine.”

  We kiss Avery goodbye, promising to return the next day and making them promise in return that they’ll call us if they need anything.

  “I’ll check with Sarah and make sure their meals are covered for the next week or so,” I tell Carys as we ride down the elevator.

  “Sounds good,” she says. “Let me know if I need to make something. I’m sure Mary wouldn’t mind either.”

  When we make it to the parking lot to wait on our cab, I check my phone to see if Shep ever called or texted me back. Sure enough, I have a text waiting.

  Shep: Call me.

  “Shep?” Carys asks, eyeing my phone.

  “Yeah.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” And that’s the truth. One second, I’m dead set on ending it and moving on with my life, and the next, I’m thinking about forever and wondering if I could possibly have that with Shep.

  Instead of calling him, I text him once we’re in the cab and let him know that Shae is here and he’s a boy and he’s healthy. He immediately replies back that he’ll meet me at the shop and I try to keep my heart from beating out of my chest with indecision.

  “You gonna be okay?” Carys asks as we stand outside of the Blue Bayou.

  “I’ll be fine,” I assure her.

  “Call me if you need me.”

  I give her a quick wave, turning and heading toward Neutral Grounds. I’m still a good hundred feet away when I spot Shep’s tall frame and blond hair standing outside the shop.

  Even dressed down, he’s stunning. When he turns toward me and smiles, my resolve crumbles a little.

  “So, you’re a new godmother,” he states with a proud smile.

  “I am,” I confirm. “Even if I have to fight Sarah over it. That baby is mine.”

  He laughs and it’s throaty and deep and everything good in the world.

  “I have some more good news for you,” he says, walking over to the bench that faces the shop.

  Sitting down, he pats the spot beside him and I hesitantly sit, feeling the nerves and uncertainty coming back in full force. “What’s the news?”

  “I had a talk with Theo today.”

  “What?” I ask. “Why?”

  Shep shrugs. “We talked…business.”

  My stomach drops, just like it always does when I think about Theo Duval and the threat he poses to me and my life as I know it. “Wh—what kind of business?”

  “Let’s just say I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse and you won’t be hearing from him again.”

  My stomach that was at my feet is now in my throat. “You what?”

  Confusion paints his expression as he takes in my obvious state of duress. “I offered him a million dollars to walk away. Being the greedy bastard he is, he took it.”

  Everything feels like it’s spinning…and in slow motion. I’m struggling to get a grip on exactly what he’s telling me. “You paid him off…” It’s not a question. It’s a statement. Shep’s news is starting to come in loud and clear. He fucking paid Theo off. “Why would you do that?”

  I’m now standing, pacing the pavement in front of the bench where Shep is still sitting, staring at me like I’m a ticking time bomb. I might be. My heart is racing in my chest and my mind is reeling.

  “I did it for you,” Shep says like it’s the simplest explanation in the world. “I wanted to make things easier on you and there was no fucking way I was letting someone swoop in and steal your business out from under you. Not on my watch.”

  Now he sounds mad, angry that I’m not understanding him.

  “Except now, you basically own my shop…you own my life!” My words sound crazy to my own ears, so I know they sound crazy to him. People are staring, I feel their eyes on me, but I don’t care. For today, I’ll be another sideshow on the square. “This is my shop…my life. I’ll either make it or break it, but I do it on my own.”

  “I don’t want anything from you,” Shep grounds out. “All I want is for you to be happy. Can’t you see there’s no ulterior motive here? I saw a problem and I fixed it, end of story.”

  “You should’ve asked me first!” I yell, feeling like my head is about to explode. “You can’t go behind my back like that.”

  He gets a guilty look on his face and I really start to see red.

  “You knew,” I seethe. “You knew I wouldn’t want you to do that, but you did it anyway. Is this some sick, twisted way to make sure I stay married to you for the rest of the year? An insurance policy for your inheritance?”

  “No!” He throws his hands up and then runs one through his hair.

  We’re qui
te the pair, both of us up in arms and yelling like a couple of lunatics.

  “What happens after this arrangement is over?” I ask, needing to get down to the root of the problem. It’s time to lay it all out in the open. “What then?”

  “I’m in this,” he says, but his back is turned to me and I need to see his face to really know what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling. “I’m all in.”

  “For how long, Shep?” My palms slap my thighs as I try to get his attention, but he continues to give me his back and all I can figure is he doesn’t want to lie to my face.

  “No one is ever permanent in your life. I’ve heard it all these years from you…and Maverick. Why would I be any different? Your track record speaks for itself. So, sure, you’re in it now, but for how long? Because, you know what? I don’t want to be around when you decide you’ve got your hundred mil and you don’t want to be married anymore. It’ll be too late for me then, because I’m already falling…and I know if I were to let myself fall completely, when you walk away, it’ll kill me. I’ll be just like my mother, but I won’t have a ten-year-old daughter to pick up the pieces for me and keep my life going. So, no…I don’t want this. Find somebody else. There are plenty of people who would be more than willing to marry you for far less than a million dollars.”

  When he doesn’t turn around or reply, I take that as my answer and walk into the shop and straight up the stairs.

  I’m done.

  Chapter 27

  Shep

  Fuck.

  I stand with my back to the shop, to CeCe, trying to get a grip on the anger I feel churning in my gut. When I hear her footsteps depart, there’s a pull to go after her, but I fight the urge because I have no fucking clue what just happened or how to fix it.

  When I finally turn back around, my eyes go to the window, looking for a glimpse of her, but she’s nowhere to be seen and instead I find Paige, staring out the window with a confused look on her face.

  What the fuck just happened?

  Rubbing at my chest, I realize my heart is pounding like I just ran a few miles, and my mind is spinning. The thought crossed my mind that she’d be a little pissed, but I never dreamed she’d lose her shit like that. Kicking the bench, I growl out my frustration and then brace my hands on my knees, trying to get a fucking grip.

  Leave it to me, the man with zero relationship experience, to fuck all of this up so spectacularly.

  What I had intended on being a grand gesture ended up being an epic failure.

  As I rake my hand through my hair, I turn to look out over Jackson Square and then back to the shop, considering going in there and demanding she talk to me. She can’t just walk away from me like that…we’re married. That’s not how this works.

  I want to fight it out with her.

  I want to somehow make her understand I did this for her and I have no intentions of staking a claim on Neutral Grounds or her building. I don’t want anything out of this, except for her and her happiness. But I have no idea how to do that.

  Her words come back to haunt me—I don’t want this. Find somebody else.

  She can’t really mean that, right?

  Surely she doesn’t really mean that. There was that part about her falling for me…but if she was really falling, why would she walk away? Why would she push me away?

  As I begin to aimlessly walk around the square, I try to imagine how I’d feel if she were to follow through and move on without me. The pain in my chest is immediate. The mere thought of CeCe with someone else—loving someone else, spending her life with someone else—has me wincing.

  No way.

  Now that I’ve had her and know what it’s like to be with her, there’s no way I can even entertain the thought of being with someone else…or her being with someone else. Just the idea makes my stomach roll and my blood pump even faster.

  At some point, I eventually stop walking and take my eyes off the pavement in front of me to see I’m standing in front of Come Again. Thankfully, the universe got something right today by leading me here. I could use some liquid courage to deal with this onslaught of emotions and feelings, because I have no fucking clue how to handle them on my own.

  Pushing my way into the bar, I immediately feel a small sense of comfort. In my short stint as a resident of New Orleans, this place has become a familiar fixture, always being the central location for happy occasions. I don’t want to taint it today with my fucked-up mood, but I don’t know where else to go.

  Sure, I could go to the hotel and unload on Maverick. He’s never turned me away before, but for some reason, it doesn’t feel right. Carys is CeCe’s best friend and Maverick cares for her like a sister. And right now, I just need an unobjective ear—someone who’s not going to berate me for messing everything up.

  And I need booze.

  “Hey, Shep,” Paulie greets as I slide into a seat at the end of the bar. “You look like shit,” he declares as he goes about his job of making drinks.

  My only response is a sigh as I run a hand down my face and back up into my hair.

  That’s all I’ve got.

  I don’t have it in me to speak or make a request, but a few minutes later, three fingers of bourbon show up in front of me. “Drink that and then we’ll talk.”

  Doing as he instructed, I take healthy sips of the amber liquid, letting its warmth soothe the fragments of my psyche, hoping for clarity. But by the time I get to the bottom of the glass, my mind is still a muddled mess.

  Once a few of the patrons clear the bar, Paulie walks over, tossing a towel down and bracing his hands on the weathered wood in front of me. “So, how bad did you screw up?”

  Smirking sardonically, I shake my head and push my glass toward him. While he gives me another pour, I begin with, “Pretty fucking bad, apparently.”

  “Apparently?” he asks, giving me a chuckle. “You don’t know?”

  “Fuck me.” I groan, giving my face another rough scrub down. “No, I don’t know. I thought I was helping, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what she wanted. And now…”

  “You’re fucked?”

  Accepting the full glass, I take another drink before answering, “Thoroughly.”

  “Tell me about it,” he says, making himself comfortable as he leans against the bar behind him, another bartender taking over his duties. So, I do. I fill in the bits and pieces of the backstory with Theo that Paulie didn’t already know. Then I tell him about meeting up with him and paying him off, forcing him into signing an agreement stating he won’t have any further contact with CeCe and will drop the will contest.

  At that, Paulie’s brows go up and I know right then I’m the only person on the face of the planet that thought it was a good idea. When he whistles, I inwardly cringe.

  “That bad, huh?” I ask, finishing off my second glass.

  He pushes off the bar and shakes his head. “I don’t know CeCe as well as everyone else, but I’m a little…observant, I guess you could say. Occupational hazard. I watch people and read people.” He pauses, glancing across the bar and then back to me. “One thing I’ve always noticed about her is she takes care of other people, but no one ever takes care of her. She’s self-reliant to a fault. So, my guess is that you coming in like a fucking knight in shining armor and treating her like a damsel in distress was too much for her to handle. Not to mention, you fucked with her business and like everyone else around here, that’s personal. These people—Shaw, Carys, CeCe—see their business like a member of the family. And you don’t mess with family.”

  “I know she’s not the kind of woman who can be bought and I swear that’s not what I was doing. I honestly thought I was taking out the trash…removing the shit from her life so she wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore…I thought I was helping,” I grit out, my frustration growing with each passing second. I feel like I’m speaking a foreign language and no one understands me. “How is me paying off Theo to get him off her back wrong? Help me understand, because right now, I
feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind!”

  “CeCe is a different breed,” Paulie says in a calm, even tone, not even responding to my outburst. “You’re going to have to go after her in a different way. Buying her affection won’t work. Interfering with her business will definitely not work. She sees it as a threat…like she’s now in debt to you with a million dollars standing between her and her livelihood. You’re going to have to find a different way to help her see that you’re in this for good.” He pauses for a second, giving me time to process what he’s saying, before he asks, “You are in this for good, right?”

  The way he stares at me with his hard, no-nonsense expression makes me sit back, putting a little distance between us as I think before I speak. “I want to be,” I tell him honestly. “I want to be married to her more than I want… anything.”

  “Then find a way to show her…and not with your fucking trust fund.”

  How the fuck do I do that?

  Later, on my walk home, I go back to Neutral Grounds, maybe to torture myself that I can’t go up and crawl into bed with her or maybe I was hoping her light would be on and I’d text her…and she’d tell me to come up and we’d talk it out and have that makeup sex I’ve been meaning to have.

  But none of that happens.

  The entire building is dark, just like the street. It’s late and the only people who are still out at this time of night are drunk, like me.

  Actually, I’m not quite there, even though I wanted to be, Paulie cut me off after a few glasses, telling me it was for my own good. And fuck if I don’t have a little more respect for the man after tonight. He helped me think through some of the shit going on in my head and he shed a little light on a part of CeCe I hadn’t really taken the time to notice.

  She’s so good at helping others but she fucking sucks at accepting it in return.

  I don’t hate anything about CeCe, but if I did, it’d be that, because I want to be able to help her…I want to be there for her and fucking show up. We all need someone in our corner. Isn’t that what being in a relationship is all about?