What the Hell

by Hunter Blain

  “To steal from the most powerful warlock that has ever lived?”

  “Yeah,” I confirmed her rhetorical question.

  “Oh, scared shitless, man. Terrified. I’ve never been in a position where I couldn’t kill my target.”

  I flinched at the S word, and I wasn’t talking about shit.

  “What about me?”

  “What about you?” she asked, pushing herself up onto her elbows.

  “I was your target a couple nights ago, right? You weren’t supposed to kill me, I assume.”

  “I get what you are saying, but I knew you weren’t going to kill me. Ulric won’t grant me the same courtesy, I think.”

  “Guess that makes sense,” I admitted. “You could always try that water trick on him. It incapacitated me pretty easily.”

  “Heh, but it almost killed you, right? That’s a risk I shouldn’t take, even if it means dying.” She laid her head back down on my pillow. “Oh, sorry about that, by the by.”

  “Eh, don’t worry about it. You and I are in the same boat when it comes to not being able to fully control our epic powers. I seriously don’t know how all the superhero movies make it look so easy.”

  “Right? The movies usually start with, like, a teenager or something who discovers their powers on accident. Next scene and they are freaking experts, every single one of them! Just once . . . just once I’d like to see someone, like, fuck up or something.”

  “HA! Imagine Wolverine sneezing while eating a sandwich and shooting his own claws into his face.”

  Hayley burst out laughing, a really throaty sound that surprised me. I swear there were some “Hehe-hes” in there.

  * * *

  Note to self: don’t take her to the theaters anytime soon; we’d get kicked out from a noise complaint for sure.

  * * *

  There was a knock on my door and I turned to open it. Ludvig stood with a serious look on his face.

  “Ah, the jealous boyfriend. Look, man, you guys aren’t even Facebook official or anything. Isn’t it a little soon to be protective over your woman?”

  “We are almost ready,” the Swede said coldly. I understood, then, that his serious face was one of combat preparedness and not jealousy.

  “Coming,” Hayley groaned as she forced herself off my bed and into the living room, pushing past both Ludvig and myself.

  My throat became dry as I saw everyone strapping into their gear.

  Each person had special iron-infused vests that protected their chest and back. On the front were several MOLLE pouches that held various items like a radio, spare magazines filled with silver rounds, and a cylindrical grenade or two.

  “What’s with the ’nades?” I asked, pointing with my chin to Ludvig’s plate carrier.

  “They are filled with iron dust and silver flakes,” Depweg answered as he slapped a mag into his Glock and chambered a round before securing it into his thigh holster.

  “How come your pistol isn’t silenced?”

  “Our automatic rifles have suppressors. So, if it comes down to using the pistol, it is too late for stealth. That, and it creates a much longer draw to unholster the weapon that is meant to be used as a backup.”

  “Gotcha,” I conceded, nodding my head slowly. “What about kni—”

  “John,” Depweg interrupted with a palm up to me. “We got this, man. I get that you are nervous, but keep that shit to yourself. Ya hear?”

  I scowled at him for a two count before I realized he was right. My features softened, and I moved to sit in my chair where Tiny Tim was asleep, even with all the commotion. I was envious of his ability to rest in these trying times.

  I scooped up his limp body and placed him in my lap. He yawned and stretched adorably while sticking his tongue out, then licked a few times and fell back to sleep. I let my hand slowly glide over his fur from head to butt. Doing so felt cathartic somehow, melting my stress just enough that my chest — which had been tighter than a piano wire — relaxed.

  Hayley had gone into Ludvig’s room and came back out dressed in her Council robes.

  “Put this on underneath,” Depweg commanded while holding out a vest to the warden.

  “No need,” Hayley answered, rapping her knuckles on the robes that covered most of her body. There was an impact as if her knuckles had struck something dense. “Fully enchanted to protect against both mundane and magical attacks.”

  “Strong enough for a man. Made for a woman,” I said, repeating the slogan for some feminine deodorant commercial before the world had gone all PC and a saying like that was considered offensive.

  Depweg set the vest down and pinched a piece of the cloth, bringing it closer to his eyes to inspect.

  “Oh, sure. Go ahead. Wanna know what kind of underwear I have on while you’re at it?”

  Ludvig shifted uncomfortably on his feet at that while Depweg completely ignored the question.

  “How can we get some of this?” he asked, dropping the material and looking Hayley dead in the eyes. He was also in his military mindset, ready for battle.

  “Become a Warden of the Council?” she answered, cocking her head to the side and making a face that said, “Duh.”

  “So, you have no idea, got it,” Depweg said almost to himself as he turned to inspect Joey’s gear.

  “Uh,” Hayley breathed out in disbelief.

  “You’re at the bottom of the totem pole, Freckles,” I enlightened her. “Plus, you have to forgive Depweg. He’s already shifted to game time.”

  “Please do exactly what I say as I say it without any hesitation. Does anyone here have any qualms about that?” Depweg asked the room. Joey and Locke immediately shook their heads in the resounding negative, fully trusting the established mission leader.

  “Copy,” Ludvig answered.

  “Copy,” Magni answered, following his master’s lead.

  Hayley threw up both hands while exhaling, “I guess.”

  Depweg whirled on her and stuck a finger in her face, barking, “There is no guess, do you understand? You will listen or you will park your ass right here on that couch. I’ll break it down, Barney-style; failure to comply results in death on the field. A Warden of the Council should already know this and not have to have it explained like a damn Boot fresh off the bus.”

  Hayley was visibly rocked back, not expecting the normally cool demeanor of Depweg to drastically change into a drill sergeant.

  “Hayley. Hey, Hayley,” I said, waving my arm to pull her attention. She reluctantly looked at me with a hurt and angry face. “Dude, when we are on a mission, even I shut the hell up and do whatever Depweg says. He’s right; it keeps us alive. You have to do whatever he says, whenever he says it out there. If you aren’t cool with that, well . . .” I let the ultimatum hang in the air.

  Ludvig placed a large hand on Hayley’s shoulder, and her expression went from emotional to professional in an instant.

  “Understood,” she replied calmly.

  “You’re used to working alone, huh?” I asked as I continued stroking Tiny Tim’s supersoft fur.

  “The wardens have been stretched thin for some time.”

  “Why do you fink dat is?” Ludvig asked, letting his hand slide off Hayley’s shoulder.

  “Hecate thinks it has something to do with the Devil recruiting those with the gift before they even pop up on our radar for potential candidates.”

  “The ley lines,” Locke exhaled as he sat on the couch and dropped his face into his palms.

  “Huh?” I asked.

  “Lucifer had his warlock army set up on the ley lines, remember?”

  “Right. We thought it was to use the power to open and sustain large doorways to Faerie for the supes to go through,” I said.

  “But we also thought it could be to have access to this plane’s natural well of energy,” Depweg added.

  Locke continued his thought, “He could have used those individual ley lines to detect any potentials far in advance of the Council.”
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br />   “Why would so many want to work wif de Devil?” Ludvig asked.

  “They might not have known it was him,” Locke admitted as his hands dropped from his face. He sat, staring at the table. “He could have appeared to them in any number of forms and tricked them into selling their souls to attain the powers of a warlock.”

  “Or told dem de truf,” Ludvig confessed with a heavy heart.

  Everyone in the room looked at him, except Magni, who lowered his gaze.

  “What am I missing?” I asked, my eyes flicking between the two hunters.

  “De Devil approached me, and told me where to find Depweg and his pack,” the Swede admitted slowly, as if it pained him to say it aloud. “I knew somefing was wrong, but we saw de news where mangled bodies were being left behind a trail of carnage.” He looked at Depweg. “Dat’s why we didn’t outright kill you. But we also couldn’t let you roam free. I didn’t know de Devil’s plan, and didn’t want to make a move I couldn’t take back. So I let him fink you were dead.”

  Depweg didn’t say anything or show any signs of emotion while he looked at the Hunter. Joey, on the other hand, stared with fire behind his eyes as he opened and closed his fists. He was breathing heavily.

  Depweg looked at Joey, who returned the gaze, and then returned to face Ludvig.

  “Thanks for not killing us,” he said with a smile. The forgiveness demonstrated was more for Joey’s benefit than anyone else’s. He extended a hand, and Ludvig took it with an almost surprised expression. They shook while Depweg turned to look at Joey. “We all know how deceptive and convincing the Father of Lies is. Which is one reason we must stop him, by any means necessary.”

  Ludvig caught onto the ploy and looked at Joey. “I am sorry for what happened. I do feel responsible. I hope you can forgive me and understand dat it is unprecedented to have werewolves be good, much less to work wif a priest. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “So, you just did nothing,” Joey countered coldly.

  Depweg and Ludvig dropped hands as the alpha turned to his packmate.

  “We’ve talked about this, and now is not the time,” Depweg warned.

  “When is the time? Huh? When is the time to talk about how Dawson died because of him?” Joey cried out, pointing at Ludvig.

  Lilith, I hadn’t even known he held that much animosity toward the Swede. Looking back at the Rolodex in my head of moments lived, I couldn’t really pinpoint a time where they had even conversed directly with one another, at least when not revolving around some critical mission.

  “Alright, everyone,” I said to the entire room. “Tensions are high right now, for all of us. But we all need to focus on the objective.” Joey didn’t relax at either Depweg or myself.

  “Joey,” I started softly, “Dawson is with your mom and dad in Heaven. Be happy for him.”

  Joey’s expression melted into a frown as the space between his eyebrows quivered.

  From the corner of my vision, I saw Hayley glance at me in a way that was so subtle, I doubt anyone could have caught it unless they were looking right at her. Though I focused on her body language, I kept my eyes locked on Joey, who had started nodding his head.

  “Yo-you’re right,” he sniffled, running the back of his hand across his nose. “You’re right,” he said again with more confidence and acceptance in his tone.

  “Good. Now we all know what we have to do, right?” Depweg asked the room.

  Everyone nodded slowly, which apparently was not an acceptable answer for the man who was used to military precision.

  “Ludvig, Magni, what’s your objective?” Depweg inquired tersely. Ludvig turned to Magni and motioned for him to speak up.

  “Um,” he started, trying to find the words.

  Depweg began snapping his fingers repeatedly, intentionally putting pressure on the apprentice.

  To his credit, Magni straightened and spouted with complete clarity, “Watch Ludvig’s six while he covers the front and back entrances.

  “Joey.” Depweg pointed at his packmate.

  “Sweep and clear the bottom floor with Locke.”

  “Good. Hayley’s with me. Remember, casters, magic is a last-ditch effort.”

  “I’ll be listening in,” I indicated, holding up my own walkie.

  “Earpieces in,” Depweg instructed the group. “Bring the Bluetooth headset up to the Black Gear, and hold the power button until it turns green. Then you are connected.” Depweg showed everyone by bringing the cordless earpiece up to his radio until the light turned green.

  Everyone followed suit, putting the connected headsets in their ears.

  “Everyone whisper your name, one at a time.”

  Depweg began pointing to each person, who whispered their name. When he got to Magni, nothing came through my radio. He began repeating his name a little more loudly until it sang through.

  “Joey, help him set it to whisper.”

  “Copy,” Joey responded as he helped Magni set up his radio.

  After a click and turn of a radio knob, Joey gestured to Magni, who whispered his name again. It sang through loud and clear.

  “Neat!” I exclaimed as I lifted my own radio and said, “John.” But it might have been in a conversational tone, making everyone wince as their hands reflexively shot up to their ears.

  “Damn it, John,” Depweg growled as he walked over to me, snatched the mic from my hands, and pushed some buttons. He handed it back to me and I, of course, pressed the talk button again. Nothing happened. “Had to silence you. We don’t need to hear you talk while in the field. Got it?”

  “But . . . but . . .”

  “John, you could get us killed if you distract us. Understand?”

  “Copy,” I pouted as I leaned back in my chair and looked away.

  Not buying my pity party, Depweg grabbed the walkie from my hands and set it on the table.

  “Alright, everyone, we are Oscar Mike,” Depweg said to the team.

  The group started filing to the door, all except Hayley, who stood with a confused expression. To her credit, she quickly followed what everyone else was doing, despite not knowing the marine language.

  “Don’t worry. You catch on to the lingo,” I told Hayley, who nodded.

  “If you’re smart,” Depweg added. “John here didn’t know what shh meant. Almost gave away our position while in Faerie.”

  The line of people chuckled and all eyes looked over to me. My mouth started to say something like, “Glad I could help relieve the tension in this critical moment,” but I decided to keep my mouth shut, as pointing it out would have done the opposite. I could sacrifice for the greater good when needed. Honest!

  “May the Light be with you, guys,” I said, a tad more somberly than anticipated, so I quickly added, “But you won’t need it. Bunch of freaking badasses, right here.” I beamed a smile that was born from the hope that I was right and they would kick some major ass if needed.

  Yeah, Ulric was weaker than a newborn kitten during the day. Even if he was awake, there was no way he stood a chance against this group of epic soldiers.

  I got up from my chair and extended my hand to each one, shaking their hands while keeping my genuine smile plastered on my face.

  They nodded at me, one by one, as they made their way out the front door. All except Hayley, who pretended to reach for my hand before yanking it back and flipping me off, but with a wry smile. In response, I held up my own middle finger, but had it positioned to face me. Her face scrunched up for a moment at the reversal before she let out a quick chuckle and disappeared up the stairs.

  As the door shut behind my friends, I was left completely alone in the lair. It made the skin on my forearms tingle for some reason I couldn’t explain. My mouth salivated as I looked around the empty subterranean home. I didn’t like it. Maybe it was because of the possibility that my home might remain empty ‒ permanently ‒ if my friends were slain.

  I rubbed at my bare arm, missing the warmth of my trench coat. I didn�
��t mean that it was warm, but rather, it gave me a feeling of being loved that kept me going. A fuel to my purpose. A reminder of what there was to lose.

  My chest tightened as I looked up to the ceiling, imaging I could see my friends — my family — as they rode off to their destinies.

  My hand dropped down my arm to bump into the new phone around my wrist. Without telling my fingers to do so, they opened, and I selected Father Thomes’ name from my favorites list.

  “Shit!” I exclaimed as I quickly hit the end button, then selected Collin’s name.

  It rang twice before he picked up.

  “Hello there, John.”

  “Hey, I forgot to call you,” I got out in a hurry.

  “I noticed. Luckily, I might have anticipated that and had a team waiting near where I thought Ulric to be.”

  “Hang on,” I said as I lowered the phone, opened the map app, and sent the pin to Collin.

  “Got it,” he said, his voice growing distant as he spoke, signaling he was looking at the location. “Yup, that’s the one.”

  “My guys are on their way now. It’ll take about forty-five minutes to get there if there’s no traffic.”

  “Dawn is in sixty-two minutes, so that will give our teams time to work together on updating their strategies.” As he spoke, his voice grew louder again, but I could hear an echo. I followed suit and put my phone on speaker as well so I could keep an eye on the map.

  “Can I suggest that Depweg be in charge? Or at least decide who should be?”

  “How’s that?”

  “He’s been doing this longer than any of your men have been alive. Heck, probably longer than any two of them put together. But he also understands the importance of leadership. So, if one of your guys is a standout commander, Depweg will step aside and follow.”

  “Got ya. Hang on a sec . . . there, sent a message to the team leader.”

  “Good idea,” I said, opening my messages and sending a quick one to Depweg.

  “Copy,” was sent back.

  “Okay, they are set. Ffffooo, I feel better,” I let out a long breath while rubbing at my eyes.

  Reaching under the counter, I opened the mini fridge and snagged another blood bag before making my way back to my recliner.