by S. J. West
Lilith looks aghast by such a suggestion. “No. I definitely don’t want that. He’s a monster.”
“Using Azrael to take out our enemies isn’t something I want to do,” Malcolm says, his eyes beseeching the others to understand his motives, “but it’s something I think we’ll have to do in order to protect our families.”
Jered places a comforting arm around Lilith’s waist as the reality of the situation finally seems to sink in. Lilith places her right hand over her stomach, realizing the fate of her unborn child could very well be decided with the war to come.
“All of this could be a moot point anyway.” Malcolm sighs as if we’ve lost the war before it’s even begun. “If the djinn Levi sent has already made a deal with Azrael, persuading him to help us might be impossible.”
Everyone appears distressed by Malcolm’s stark picture of the situation. I want to yell at the top of my lungs that all isn’t lost yet, but such a chipper outlook would totally be out of character for me. I suppose I could blame it all on my new soul, but that would be a lie.
“Why do all of you look like we’ve already lost?” I ask, pulling on my anger over everything that’s happened to knock some sense into them. “If you think that way, we will lose. You people need to snap out of it before Levi gets here, or we’ll defeat ourselves before he even gets a chance to.”
Gideon guffaws as he looks at me with appreciation. “Lora’s right. We’re acting like there’s no hope. It’s not like we haven’t been in similar situations before. We’ll just have to take things as they come and hopefully outwit the fool when he finally shows his ugly face.”
Malcolm, however, looks at me suspiciously. It was exactly what I was hoping to avoid.
“Why do I get the feeling you know something we don’t?” he asks me point-blank.
I have to bite my tongue before the truth spills out of my mouth, ruining our chances of gaining Azrael’s allegiance.
“Oh, give her a break, Malcolm,” Lilith says, taking up for me when I’m unable to do it for myself without giving everything away. “Don’t you remember what it felt like when you first fell in love? You feel like you can conquer the world no matter what the stakes might be.”
Silas instantly smiles from ear to ear, tilting his head down slightly as he peers at me to catch my reaction to Lilith’s words. I’m not sure what he was expecting to see, but I’m definitely not embarrassed.
“That’s part of it,” I admit with zero shame, “but I also know hope isn’t lost. We can win if we just keep believing that.”
“I agree.” Jered lifts his chin a little higher. “We’ll find a way to win. We always do.”
Malcolm still doesn’t look convinced or as hopeful as Jered.
“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it right now,” Malcolm says. “Besides, Gideon and I need to go help with the wedding preparations. All of you will be there tomorrow, right?”
“We’ll be there,” Jered promises.
“See you later then,” Malcolm says before he and Gideon phase.
“Are the two of you hungry?” Lilith asks me and Silas. “Sariah and Kodi are preparing a surprise supper for us all.”
“Can either of them cook?” I ask skeptically.
Lilith laughs and looks just as dubious as I feel about our friend’s culinary skills.
“I guess we’re about to find out,” she says with a hopeful, if uneasy, smile.
“Silas,” Jered pulls his arm away from Lilith’s back as he directs all of his attention toward his son, “could we have a talk in private?”
Silas stares at his father with neither anger nor joy. His expression is completely blank but his silence says more than any spoken word.
“I’m really kind of hungry,” he finally answers. His gaze lingers on his father for a moment before he looks over at me. “Let’s go see if Kodi and Sariah made anything edible or if we’ll end up going out for supper tonight.”
Still holding my hand, Silas walks past Jered and Lilith without giving them a second glance, but I do. I see the pained expression on Jered’s face. Silas might as well have punched him in the gut. The result would have been the same. Lilith places a comforting hand on her husband’s arm, but all Jered can do is watch his son walk away from him, rejecting his offer to work things out between them, yet again.
Silas needs to talk with his father. It’s just that simple. When a good moment presents itself, I plan to sit Silas down and convince him to finally talk to Jered. Even though Silas was forced to remember the worst day of his life over and over again during his time in the Black Castle, he needs to remember that the Jered he saw in that memory isn’t the same man who is doing everything within his power to be a good father to him now.
Having witnessed the memory firsthand, I can confirm that Jered was a real bastard to Silas while he was growing up. He’s better off not knowing anything more about that period of his first life. Having his mind wiped by the Void and forgetting everything from his past was a blessing in disguise for not only him but for Jered too. I can only imagine the joy Jered felt when he learned he would be given a second chance with his son. Olivia’s torture of Silas seems to have cut the cord that was binding him to his father. All I can do is hope that I can help tie it back together, allowing the two of them to finally heal from the past and move on toward a brighter future.
5
(Azrael’s Point of View)
Weddings. What a waste of time. Why would anyone want to stand up in front of a group of people just so they can publicly declare their love to someone else. It’s so sappy I feel sticky with disgust as I watch Malcolm’s daughter pledge herself to a rebellion angel. Well, at least he was at one time. Not only does this particular angel call himself Will now but he also seems to have switched sides while I was imprisoned.
As the two of them vow to love each other until the end of time (gag), my attention is diverted away from their public display of affection when the person officiating their nuptials looks directly at me. My Father, or God to everyone else, seems determined to stare directly into my soul. Besides Lora, He’s the only one who knows who I am. The question is: will He reveal my true identity to everyone else? He hasn’t so far, but this is also the first time He’s looked directly at me since He got here. Does He know what game I’m playing? Does He care? I’ve always known Him to be rather apathetic, at best, where I’m concerned. At worst, He’s been a real bastard, locking me up just because I loved my job. What kind of Father does that to their child?
One who takes responsibility for their child’s wrongdoings.
“Oh, shut up,” I grumble to the voice inside my head. “Keep your opinions to yourself.”
“Uh, you okay, man?”
I look to my right at an annoying War Angel child I apparently have to share a room with named Keelan.
“I’m fine,” I say, returning my attention to the proceedings. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see the boy shake his head at me in dismay. He seems to think I’ve lost my mind. This isn’t the first time he’s noticed me talk to Caleb, but what do I care? Little does he know that I could snuff out his irrelevant life with one touch. If he starts to annoy me too much, that might be exactly what I do.
When I look back at my Father, I see that He’s returned His attention to the couple in front of Him. Just as well. I don’t need His attention. I never have. That was always the difference between me and Lucifer. My brother was an attention whore. That’s the real reason he started the war in Heaven. Our Father was lavishing humanity with all of His care, and Lucifer was like a spoiled child who couldn’t handle being pushed aside for a newer toy.
After absorbing Caleb’s memories, I quickly learned that Lucifer now resides in the hallowed halls of Heaven itself once again. That was quite a revelation. I never expected him to bend the knee to our Father and ask for true forgiveness. My esteem for him certainly vanished after learning that tidbit of unfortunate information. What a disappointment. For that fact alone, I shoul
d join Levi’s side in the upcoming war, but I promised Caleb I would give Lora a fighting chance to change my mind, and I, for one, keep my promises.
Thank God.
I roll my eyes for Caleb’s benefit but keep my mouth shut. The last thing I need is to make Keelan even more suspicious of me. He already seems to believe I’m on the edge of insanity. If he only knew how close to the truth he actually is . . .
To keep my mind off being so close to my Father, I direct my attention to Lora. Her gold wings make her easy to find in the crowded sanctuary. Practically every student who attends this academy is present, all dressed up in their red and black uniforms. I saw her enter the chapel but she either didn’t notice me or chose not to look in my general direction. From my seat in one of the back pews, I can’t see her face. She’s sitting between Silas and Lilith. Aggravation overcomes me. For reasons I can’t quite fathom, I want to see her reaction to the proceedings.
Does she view weddings as clichéd as I do? Or is she a romantic at heart after becoming Silas’s soulmate? Perhaps I should test her to see if she really is in love with the dashing Watcher child.
Leave her alone!
Oh dear. It seems as though I’ve angered the boy. As if I care. The more I think about it the more I like the idea of testing the strength of her relationship with Silas. Lora definitely isn’t a coquettish ingénue. She seems like someone who would only give her heart to a person worthy of such a unique prize. Is Silas truly that person? The notion of soulmates is foreign to me but from Caleb’s point of view, it’s supposed to be an unbreakable bond. I guess we’ll see.
“I now pronounce you man and wife,” I hear my Father say, breaking my quiet musings and redirecting my eyes to the happy couple. “You may now kiss the bride.”
After Will gently takes his wife into his arms and plants a big sloppy one on her, the children present stand and clap happily like trained seals for the newlyweds. A few of them are so uncouth that they even begin to whoop and holler. Animals.
Before Keelan tries to draw me into some inane conversation again, I slip out of the pew and exit through the nearest door out into the reception area. Considering Liana will be inheriting the crown from her mother one day, the decorations and overall feel of her wedding reception seems rather pedestrian. Where is the string quartet? Where are the sharply dressed waiters and waitresses who should be serving bubbly champagne in fluted glasses and urging partygoers to try their delicious hors d’oeuvres?
Instead, we have what amounts to a country hoedown with stringed lighting in the trees, a buffet style table filled with food, and white linen covered tables with fold out chairs scattered around the lawn. This is how the future Empress of Cirrus celebrates her eldest daughter’s wedding? Tragic.
“Hello, Azrael.”
I spin around and see my Father standing only three feet behind me. He’s taken a human form I’ve never seen before. His skin is dark and His head is bald. I find that last part rather amusing considering I recently had a bald head. Now, my hair reaches down to my chin and is so full of wavy curls it bounces when I walk. My Father’s piercing brown eyes hold the same harsh judgment that they always have when He looks at me.
Since no one else has exited the chapel yet, He must have phased out here so we could have a private chitchat.
If you ask me, it looks like He came out here because He still cares about you. His eyes aren’t filled with judgment. They’re filled with concern and love.
“I didn’t ask you, Caleb,” I hiss, looking away from my Father to deal with the half-wit inside my skull. “Kindly keep your thoughts to yourself for once.”
“Having trouble with your stolen body?”
When I look up at my Father’s face, I see His holier than thou judgment so clearly in His eyes I can’t imagine Caleb seeing anything else. His expression is one I’ve seen more than a few times during my life.
“The boy is just upset that I ended up getting the better end of our deal,” I say testily. “Besides, I didn’t steal it. He gave it to me of his own free will.”
“Did he now?” With a fold of His arms over His chest, I can already tell what’s coming next. “From my perspective, you tricked him. You told him and Lora that you would help their side in the coming war but then you double-crossed both of them. If it wasn’t for Caleb’s ability to cause you pain, can you honestly say you would be here right now?”
“No,” I shuffle my feet uncomfortably, “I can’t honestly say I would be.”
“At last, the truth,” He says, nodding His head in satisfaction. My Father sighs as if He’s disappointed in something. It’s a sure sign that the next words issued forth from His mouth will be ones I don’t want to hear. I consider phasing somewhere else, but such an act is cowardly, even by my standards.
“What exactly are your plans?” He asks. “Do you truly intend to give Lora a chance to prove humanity is worth saving?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I say offhandedly. “I really haven’t given it much thought. I suppose I should keep my word to the boy so he will keep his to me.”
“I thought a few thousand years in your cage would curb your appetite for death,” He says disappointedly. “Lucifer was sure it would work.”
“Ha!” I can’t help but toss my head back in laughter. “I heard the prodigal son finally begged for your forgiveness.”
“Asked.”
I tilt my head and place a hand behind my ear. “Sorry. Could you say that again? I could have sworn you said asked.”
“You know perfectly well that’s what I said, Azrael. Stop playing the fool.”
I hold my hands palm up by my sides. “I am what you made me to be, Father. A fool who enjoyed reaping souls and sending them on their merry little way. Quite honestly, I never understood what was so wrong with what I did. Humans die all the time.”
“How can you stand there and try to justify what you started doing?” His disbelief is rather amusing. “You’re not an idiot, Azrael. You know taking a life before its time is murder.”
“Then why didn’t you just kill me! It would have been the kinder thing to do than locking me up in that mountain for all eternity.”
You’re going to hyperventilate if you don’t get your breathing under control.
“Shut up, Caleb!” I know the boy is right, but I feel justified in my anger. His irritating little verbal jabs aren’t helping matters one bit.
“The only good thing about you merging with Caleb,” my Father says, “is that he might be able to keep you from completely destroying what’s left of your soul. I hope that’s the case.”
“Don’t you already know?” I ask snidely. “Aren’t you the great omnipotent know-it-all? Are you really holding out hope for me?”
“Just like all my children, you have free will.” His words are spoken kindly, making me wonder if I’ve had Him pegged wrong all this time. Maybe He really does care. Maybe I’ve been an idiot for not seeing it. Maybe . . . oh, who am I fooling? He’s as self-righteous as ever with His “I am God and you must listen” attitude.
In fact, it’s so boring I find it hard to prevent a yawn. So, I don’t.
My Father sighs heavily again with great disappointment. It’s a reaction I’m growing quite fond of.
“I suppose I’ll leave you now, Azrael. If you need me, you know where I am.”
“Oh? Am I allowed back into Heaven?” I’m genuinely surprised.
“Caleb was born with the ability to phase there since he’s a descendant of Lilith. It’s because of him that I will allow you to come back home.”
“I see.” I can’t help but feel a bit miffed that it’s Caleb He’s welcoming with open arms and not me. “I doubt I’ll ever need to go there, but it’s good to know that I can if I need to.”
“Can I ask you for a favor?”
Color me surprised. “You would like a favor from little old me? This I’ve got to hear. What kind of favor could I possibly bestow upon the great Almighty.”
“Loo
k around you and appreciate the beauty of the worlds I’ve created,” He says. “Listen to those who try to give you advice, and appreciate the second chance you’ve been given to find your true self.”
“Have you become a motivational speaker while I’ve been away?” I can’t help but chuckle at my own joke. “You sound like some sort of commune guru. The next thing I know, you’ll be wearing a T-shirt with ‘Namaste’ printed on the front. Whatever happened to the fire and brimstone God who destroyed the sinners of Sodom and Gomorrah? Where is the person who turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt just because she dared to look back at her home as she was fleeing it? That’s the God I want to meet again. Do you happen to know where I can find Him?”
My Father doesn’t take the bait. Instead of getting angry with my taunts, He simply looks at me with pity. When did He become such a wuss?
“I will never let go of my hope that you will come back to me.”
The sincerity of His words touches me more than I will ever openly admit, but I can see from His half grin that He already knows what I just thought to myself. Omnipotence has its perks, I suppose.
My Father phases. He leaves behind a phase trail that reveals pink clouds being push through an azure sky. I swear I can hear the sound of the Heavenly Host singing and smell the sweet, fresh scent of Heaven’s air. Nowhere else in existence can you find such peace and tranquility. A part of me yearns to return there, and a part of me fights against the constraints of what such a trip would mean. If I traveled there of my own free will, I would become lost in the pleasure of being home once again.
I can’t do that.
I haven’t even decided if I’ll help save Heaven from Levi’s wrath. As my Father said, I have free will, and that gives me carte blanche to do whatever the hell I want.
Students begin to stream out of the chapel like ants descending upon a picnic. Most of them head straight for the buffet table and all of the freshly prepared treats spread out there. Instead of joining in the gorging by my peers, I decide to venture over to a large tree in the yard and stand behind it to watch the proceedings unfold.
