by S. J. West
I wipe my tears away and feel a thin layer of grit covering my face. When I look down at my dirty dress, I quickly realize I can’t let Jered see me like this. The state of my appearance would definitely start a series of questions I can’t answer. I slip off my shoes and quietly tiptoe down the hallway past his office. As quickly as I can, I make my way up to the room I share with Emi and take a quick shower to wash off all the sand and stone from my body. After that, I change into a pair of jeans, T-shirt, and slip-on shoes before making my way back downstairs.
When I walk into Jered’s office, I find him sitting at his desk reading a book. He notices me right away. I watch as his eyes look me up and down, taking in my fresh clothes.
“Did something happen to your dress?” he asks, obviously finding it curious that I felt the need to change clothes.
“It’s up in my room. I just needed something more comfortable to wear.” Not a lie, but not the whole truth. I have a feeling I’ll be answering a lot of questions this way until things are resolved with Azrael.
“How is Caleb doing?” Jered stands from his desk, leaving the book he was reading resting on its surface. While he walks over to me, I feel myself struggling to find an answer to his question.
“He’s miserable.” The truth but not a detailed version of it. “He’ll need some time to recover from everything that’s happened.”
“Understandable.” Jered grins sympathetically. “Will he be staying here at the academy or going back to the castle?”
“Staying here.” Finally, an easy question to answer. “He said being around the baby was too hard for him right now because he reminds him of Rose.”
“If he really wants to see Rose, he could always phase to Heaven,” Jered points out.
“I know. I told him that, but he thinks he would be acting selfishly by going to see her. I don’t think he wants his sister to know how miserable he is with her gone.”
“Also understandable,” Jered says with a nod. “Was he able to tell you what Levi’s plans are with Azrael?”
I didn’t exactly learn the answer to that question from Caleb but I do know it.
“Levi wants Azrael to fight on his side when he comes back to the living world.” I watch Jered’s reaction but he doesn’t look surprised by my answer. “Are your plans along the same lines as his? For Azrael to kill Levi’s army for us before they have a chance to wipe us out?”
Nervously, Jered clears his throat and looks away as if he’s ashamed. When he does look back at me, I can tell the answer he’s about to give isn’t one he’s a hundred percent behind.
“That possibility has been discussed,” he says, leaning against the front of his desk. “I don’t necessarily agree with it, but we also can’t rule out the possibility that this war might come down to something that drastic. Malcolm was able to discover from Lucifer where Azrael is being kept. He’s gone there to release him.”
“Release him?” I ask. My heart begins to race at the implications of what he just said. “How?”
“When you were inside Warden 99’s memory, you said you saw Azrael trapped inside a cage, right?”
“Yes.” A lump forms in my throat.
“Apparently, Lucifer made sure there was a way to deactivate it in case he ever needed Azrael’s services. Leave it to Lucifer to make sure he had access to one of the most powerful angels ever created.”
I suddenly feel as though I can’t breathe. My legs lose all their energy and my knees buckle. I drop to the ground as shock and sorrow merge, feeding my disbelief. I can hear Jered’s worried voice as he crouches down in front of me, but none of his words are penetrating my own thoughts.
Caleb didn’t need to surrender his body or his soul to release Azrael. If we had just waited . . . if we hadn’t been so impatient, Malcolm could have released him for us. The solution to the problem was literally at our fingertips, but we chose to rush in blindfolded. Our rash decision has made everything a million times worse.
“Lora!” Jered shakes me by the shoulders, forcing me out of my stupor. “What’s wrong? Are you ill? Do I need to take you to see Desmond?”
I shake my head and attempt to pull myself together. “No. I’ll be all right. I think I just need some rest.”
Jered helps me to my feet and phases me home. When we arrive in the living room, he gently presses down on my shoulders to make me sit on the sectional couch.
“Wait here. I’ll go get Silas,” he says before walking away.
I barely register his departure or what he said. I was slowly working through Caleb’s loss, but learning that what he did wasn’t necessary, all I feel is a tremendous weight of guilt. I should have fought harder and forced him to wait. Why did I let him convince me that releasing Azrael was the only way he could prove his loyalty? How could I have been so stupid? I should have been the voice of reason, but instead, I’m partly responsible for him ruining his life. I was a horrible friend, and even worse, I was an accomplice to something that can never be changed.
“Lora?” Silas rushes down the two steps leading from the entryway to the living room. As soon as he sits down, I curl myself into his arms, needing the comfort only he can provide me. Now that I’m with him, all of my emotions bubble to the surface. I realize that it’s not just the loss of Caleb that’s affecting me. It’s also the absence of Lux from my life.
While we were at Rose’s funeral, I felt uncomfortable. At the time, I couldn’t quite place my finger on why that was, but now I think I know. The funeral was Cal’s way of honoring Rose’s passing, but I haven’t done the same for Lux. She was my best friend. My consoler. My guardian. She loved me enough to give me her soul even though it meant her entire existence would be wiped away from the annals of the universe, and I haven’t even bothered to stop and give her a proper send off. What does that say about me? What kind of person simply writes off their best friend without at least saying a few words in honor of her memory and sacrifice?
I’ve failed Lux and Caleb in different ways, but they each deserved so much more than I was able to give.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Silas asks, holding me tight with both arms.
I shake my head against his shoulder, unable to work up the courage to tell him what a horrible person I am. For one thing, I can’t tell him what happened to Caleb, and how I played a role in his merge with Azrael. Guiltily, I’m glad Az made me promise not to reveal what happened. It gives me a convenient excuse to keep that secret to myself.
“I’m not going to pretend I know everything that has you upset right now,” he says, “but I do think I know part of the reason why you’ve been so sad today.”
I lift my head to look him in the eyes. Once again, I marvel at the love and compassion he so easily conveys with his gaze. Every time I see it, my heart leaps inside my chest with joy because no matter what mistakes I make in life, Silas will always love me.
“I think,” he says, peering straight into my eyes, “that the funeral upset you even more than you let on. I know you cared for Rose, but I think the ceremony made you feel uncomfortable because you never got to say your goodbyes to Lux.”
“How could you know that?” I feel completely baffled by his ability to correctly guess part of what’s bothering me.
“I know you,” he says cockily, but in a good way. “I think Rose’s funeral brought up some emotions that you weren’t ready to face yet. Lux’s loss is so recent, you haven’t had time to deal with it. Is she the first person you’ve ever loved and lost?”
“Yes.” My voice cracks as moments from my shared past with Lux flash through my mind. “I could always count on her being there, and now . . . now . . .”
“She’s gone,” Silas finishes for me. “You’re grieving her loss just like Cal and Caleb are grieving over Rose, and just like them, I think you need to say goodbye to Lux.”
Silas unwraps his arms from around me and I instinctually know he wants me to go somewhere with him. After he stands, he takes hold of o
ne of my hands and leads me to the door that goes directly out to the patio. Hand in hand, we walk over to the wooden railing that overlooks the sea.
“One second,” he says leaving my side. He returns swiftly with something made of white paper and Jered’s lighter.
“What is that?” I ask as he begins to unfold the strange contraption. Once he’s finished, it simply looks like an oblong shaped paper sack with a wire rim. Two wires form an X in the center of the rim with a square piece of something yellow that looks a lot like wax.
“It’s a sky lantern,” he tells me before using the lighter in his hand to set the wax square on fire. Once that’s done, he gingerly flips the lantern right side up and the bag fills with the hot air being produced.
“After you left with my dad, we lit a few of these for Rose and released them into the air. I thought it would be a nice way for you to say goodbye to Lux,” he says. “It’s not exactly a formal funeral, but I didn’t think you would want to go through all of that. Something simple and with just the two of us seemed more like something you would want.”
“It’s perfect.” I reach out and touch his arm, earning a smile. “You’re perfect.”
Silas grins bashfully, but I can tell what I said has made him happy.
“Here,” he moves the lantern closer to me. “Why don’t you hold it? After you say your goodbyes, you can let it go.”
I take the lantern from him, holding it by the wire rim on the bottom.
“Do I say everything out loud?” I ask, feeling uncertain exactly what’s expected of me.
“I want you to do whatever feels comfortable. If you want to say things out loud for me to hear too, that’s fine. If you want to say things to yourself, that’s fine too. I’m just here to support you in whatever capacity you need me.”
I nod to let him know I understand what he means.
“I will always be grateful to Lux for not only being my friend but also my protector. She was my soul when I didn’t have one, and my conscious when I forgot to use mine. She always seemed to know what was best for me, even when I didn’t. I wish I had said ‘I love you’ more to her while she was alive, but I pray she knew just how much she meant to me. I will do everything within my power to be worthy of her gift for the rest of my life, because she not only gave me a soul, she also gave me an eternity with you.” I look over at Silas and see that I’ve earned another one of his smiles with my words. “That’s a gift no one else in the universe could have given me, and I will always treasure it.” I hold the lantern over the railing toward the sea. “Goodbye, my friend. You will remain a part of me forever.”
When I release my hold on the lantern, an ocean gust snatches it, carrying the glowing orb over the ocean and high into the sky. Silas pulls me into his arms and we watch the lantern until it disappears above the clouds.
“Thank you.” I rest my head against his chest as I hug him around the waist even tighter. Through his shirt, I can hear the slow beating of his heart. The sound brings me comfort. I close my eyes reveling in his ability to ease my pain without even trying.
“Do you at least feel a little bit better now?” he asks before kissing the top of my head.
“Yes.” I snuggle against him even closer. “I’ll always miss her though.”
“Then that’s her legacy.” He gently rubs his hand up and down my back. “As long as someone remembers her, she’ll never truly be gone.”
Silas and I stand there in each other’s arms drawing comfort from one another as we mourn the loss of someone who gave up everything she was and ever would be in order to give us a chance at a once in a lifetime love. Peace and acceptance over Lux’s loss finally settle inside my heart and the world almost seems to make sense again. It’s not until we hear voices yelling in anger inside the house that our moment of calm is broken.
“What in the world?” Silas says, sounding confused by the commotion. His arms around me loosen as he peers over his shoulder back toward the house. “Who is that yelling?”
My heart sinks as dread courses through my veins. I can tell by the booming voice who is inside the house, and I know exactly why he sounds so upset.
“We should probably go see what’s happening,” I suggest.
Silas takes my hand and we walk side by side back into the cabin. When we enter, Malcolm’s voice mirrors his agitation.
“I have no idea,” he says to Jered and Lilith as he and Gideon face them in the entryway. “When we got there, his body was lying inside the cage. The only explanation is that he somehow transferred his soul into another body.”
“But if he’s had that power all this time,” Lilith says, with a confused look on her face, “why wait until now to use it?”
“That’s a good point,” Gideon says, obviously troubled by what’s happened. “If Azrael can jump bodies, why didn’t he escape years ago?”
“Maybe he needed a particular body,” Jered suggests. “Maybe he needed one that was strong enough to contain his soul.”
Involuntarily, I gasp at how close Jered has come to the truth, drawing the unwanted attention of the others.
“Hey, you two.” Lilith’s welcoming smile puts me more at ease, but I know I have to tread lightly and not give anything away about Azrael’s true whereabouts. “How did your memorial for Lux go?”
“I think it was just what we needed.” Silas looks to me for confirmation that it helped ease my pain.
I nod. “It was.”
We walk over to join the others. At this point, all I can do is pray that no one thinks to ask me any direct questions about Azrael’s great escape from his prison.
“From what we heard,” Silas says, conspicuously walking away from my left to stand on my right so he doesn’t have to be next to his father, “it sounds like you went looking for Azrael. Why?”
Malcolm casts an uneasy glance in Jered’s direction. A look passes between the two men before Jered nods.
“Lora already knows but I haven’t had a chance to tell Silas,” Jered says. “If what we believe is true, we’ll need to tell everyone so they can prepare to protect themselves.”
“Protect ourselves from what?” Silas squeezes my hand tighter as if the small action will shield me from danger in some way. I appreciate the sentiment, but it also shows me that he doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation.
Malcolm clears his throat before he begins. “We believe Levi sent Alred here to coerce the Wardens into taking him to Azrael. Considering what we found in the tunnels leading to Azrael’s prison, it looks like he may have failed to convince the Wardens to help him and attempted to reach the cave on his own.”
“What do you mean?” Silas asks, looking confused. “What did you find in the tunnels?”
“A mess,” Gideon snickers. “It looked like the Wardens set traps for anyone who tried to reach Azrael without their help. Alred must have set off every trap they had, but he still ended up reaching Azrael’s cave.”
“How do you know that?” Silas asks.
“Since Azrael’s body was still inside the cage,” Malcolm says, “he must have taken control of Alred’s body like the rebellion angels have the capability of doing.”
“Are you saying the angel of death is loose on this planet?” Silas asks, looking alarmed. I wish I could tell him not to worry about Azrael, but even if I could tell him the truth, he would still worry. For his sake, and everyone else’s, I have to keep what I know to myself, but I feel like I’m lying by omission.
“More than likely, yes,” Malcolm confirms, shifting his gaze away from Silas back to Jered. “For now, there isn’t much else we can do. At this point, no news is good news. Now that he’s free, Azrael may decide not to stick around here. He’s been imprisoned for a very long time. For all we know, he may be on a tour of the universe. Just because he’s inside Alred’s body, doesn’t mean he’ll be taking Levi’s side in this fight.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Jered agrees reluctantly, “but it may mean he feels obliged to help
his benefactor. You and I both know Azrael doesn’t exactly have a lot of love for our Father. He may help Levi destroy Heaven as retribution for what Lucifer and God did to him.”
“He did it to himself,” Gideon grouses, appearing disgusted with Azrael’s lack of self-control. “He let himself become addicted to something that he should have had better control over.”
I don’t agree with Gideon’s assessment, but I’m not about to stick my nose into the conversation if I don’t absolutely have to. The less I say the better. As long as no one has reason to ask me direct questions about Azrael, I should be able to keep my secrets to myself. The most important thing right now is protecting Azrael’s current identity until I can prove to him that humanity is worthy of his protection. Will I need a little divine intervention to make that miracle happen? Possibly. Only time will tell.
“Are you saying he’s addicted to death?” Silas asks, unaware of Azrael’s condition.
Gideon nods. “Apparently, all living creatures release one last burst of pure energy when they die and Azrael is able to . . . you know, I’m not sure what it’s like for him. I guess he senses it or absorbs it or something. I never got the chance to ask him what it felt like, but that’s what he gets off on.”
“Why would we want someone like that fighting with us?” Silas asks.
“It’s better to have him fighting with us than against us,” Malcolm says. “Personally, I was hoping we could use him to wipe out Levi’s army as soon as they arrive.”
“You what?” Lilith looks appalled by Malcolm’s plan. “Why would you want to do that?”
“Because if we don’t, Levi will use Azrael to do the same to us.” Malcolm immediately looks contrite for raising his voice. “Look, I realize what I’m suggesting is reprehensible, but you need to keep in mind that we’re not only fighting to protect the living world but also Heaven. Don’t forget, practically everyone in Levi’s army is a descendant from your children, Lilith. They all have the same ability as you. They can phase into Heaven with one thought. Do you really want Levi to rule Heaven and the living world?”
