by S. J. West
“I never said that.”
You didn’t have to. I’m inside your head, remember? You may have some of my memories but now I have all of yours.
“You need to stop talking. Having your thoughts mingle with mine is irritating.”
I’ll stop talking after you take Lora home and agree to help us defeat Levi.
“I don’t have a problem with rescuing the girl, but helping you with Levi is asking a bit much of me, don’t you think? I haven’t decided which side of this fight I’m on or if I plan to help either of you. You seem to believe I care what happens. If you really can read my mind, you should know that I don’t.”
Caleb stops projecting his thoughts. His silence starts to worry me more than his incessant chatter.
“Why did you suddenly go quiet?” I ask him.
I was sifting through your memories.
“Stop doing that. You have no right!”
Caleb laughs. I have every right. I gave up my life so you could help protect Lora and Rose’s baby. I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make you keep your end of the bargain.
The boy is stubborn. I’ll give him that much. When he goes silent again, I can practically feel every emotion he’s having. For the most part, he’s angry, but he’s also sad because he feels like he gave up everything for nothing.
Why do you hate humans so much?
The question seems almost random, but then again, he did just say he was looking through my memories.
“They’re filthy and greedy.” I don’t even try to hide my loathing. Since he asked the question, Caleb obviously already knows I view humans as the scourge of the universe. “They destroy whatever they build and never think of anyone but themselves. Why do you think I had no reservations about killing them? If you ask me, they don’t deserve what my Father gave them because they don’t take care of it. They’re like children with toys. They play with things for a while, but get easily bored and toss them aside. You know what I’m saying is true if you really have looked through my memories.”
It’s been thousands of years since you’ve spent any time around humans, and before you say it, the Wardens don’t count. They’re a very small fraction of all humanity and not the best representatives of the species. If you give humans another chance to prove themselves, I think you would realize they’re worth saving.
“I doubt it.” I cross my arms over my chest. “They always find a way to disappoint me.”
Lora can prove to you that they’re worth saving. Give her a chance to show you. What do you have to lose?
“For arguments sake, let’s say I do what you want. What do I get in return?”
Silence. Again. I wait a few seconds for the boy to answer me, but when it’s obvious he doesn’t plan to, I phase out of the dungeon to find another soul ripe for the taking.
One of my skills as the angel of death is locating souls on the verge of death. Not every person who is about to die requires my services. It’s only those who try to hang onto life when they should simply let go who need my help the most. If I still had my true form, I could appear to them without anyone else seeing me, but since I’m in the boy’s body, I can’t sneak around unseen.
I phase to a nearby hospital where an elderly woman is tenaciously holding onto life. The reason is a mystery to me until I take hold of her hand and see her thoughts. The woman feels as though her daughter will crumble after her death. Their bond to one another is so strong that the woman is basically feeding off of her daughter’s energy to stay alive. She doesn’t seem to realize she’s harming her child more by refusing to die. At least after her mother dies, the daughter can heal from the loss instead of constantly waiting for the inevitable to take place.
“Do I know you?” the woman asks as she opens her eyes, her voice is as frail as the aged hand that I’m holding.
“No. You don’t, Neicy, but I’m here to help you.”
Neicy pulls her hand out of mine, but I’ve already learned all I need to know from her.
“Your daughter doesn’t need you to fight so hard to stay alive,” I tell her as kindly as I can. “She needs you to move on before you ruin her life for good.”
Neicy’s dull blue eyes stare at me in disbelief.
“Who are you to tell me what she needs?” she asks, her voice gravelly. “I’m her mother. I love her more than anyone else in this world.”
“Then love her enough to let go. You know as well as I do she’s spending so much time here taking care of you that she doesn’t have time to make a life of her own. How can you be so selfish? Don’t you want her to know the joys of being a mother, too?” I reach out and take hold of Neicy’s hand again. This time, she doesn’t pull away from me. “Let me help your soul pass on and find peace in Heaven. After all of the good deeds you’ve done in your life, don’t you think you deserve a life free of pain and be reunited with your family again?”
Tears well in Neicy’s eyes as she squeezes my hand. “Are you Death?”
“Yes,” I say simply. “And I’m here to help you move on.”
“Can you tell me if my daughter will truly be all right once I’m gone?” She squeezes my hand even tighter as if the action will force me to tell her the truth. “I’ve cared for her since she was born. She’s been my everything, and I can’t leave her without knowing she’ll find happiness again.”
“Her life will finally begin after your death.” I have no way of knowing if it will or not. I’m not a fortune teller. All I know is that the sooner this woman accepts her fate, the sooner I can feel the sweet release of her soul. “Are you ready to start your next life, Neicy?”
Neicy smiles and closes her eyes. “I want to see my husband again. I’m ready.”
Before she can change her mind, I help Neicy’s soul untether itself from her decrepit body.
Again, I feel the sweet residual energy of a soul vacating the living world. It surrounds me like a warm blanket, relaxing my muscles to the point where I almost feel drowsy. The euphoria is practically orgasmic until I feel the pain inside my chest reappear.
“Damn it, boy! Stop doing that.” I clutch at my chest and phase myself back to the top of the mountain where Lora is still trapped.
If you want me to stop, then take Lora back home and give her a chance to prove which side of this war you should be fighting on.
“You seem to have a lot of faith in someone who was literally made in Hell, boy. Why is that?”
Lora is the most genuine person I know. It’s not just because she can’t lie either. There’s something about her that pulls you in, making you want to be her friend.
“I don’t need friends,” I protest, rubbing my chest to ease the ache that’s slowly subsiding.
Everyone needs at least one friend in their life.
“Not me.” I hold my head high to emphasize my point. “I’ve never needed anyone.”
That’s not true. You needed your Father at one time. In fact, there’s a part of you that still needs Him.
I refuse to answer. Lying would do me no good. The boy can read my thoughts anyway.
“If I do what you ask of me, I want you to stop hurting me every time I reap a soul. It’s getting annoying and takes all the fun out of the experience. What do you say? Do we have a deal?”
Caleb remains silent, but only for a few seconds this time.
I’ll agree to your terms as long as you truly give Lora a chance to prove why you need to help her and the others defeat Levi.
“Fine.” I turn my head in disgust hating the fact that the boy is using one of my weaknesses against me. “I’ll follow your rules but if you break your word, the deal is off. I’ll side with Levi if you attempt to ruin my fun again. Is that understood?”
Yes.
“Good.” The boy may think he’s outwitted me, but I wonder if he’s considered something very important. “Don’t you think we should ask Lora if she wants to be the champion for humanity? It is, after all, up to her to help me change my views about their w
orth. What if she doesn’t want to? What will we do then?”
She’ll do whatever needs to be done to help her friends. That’s just the kind of person she is. It’s one of the things I love most about her.
“Why? Because she was the polar opposite of you? If you ask me, she was smart to choose the other guy instead of falling for your lies.”
I never lied about my feelings for her.
Caleb’s defensive retort makes me chuckle. I’ve found his weak spot. The girl is the key to his undoing and possibly my freedom. If I can force him to bury himself into the deepest recesses of my mind out of shame, I may be able to quiet him once and for all. It’s worth a shot. What do I have to lose?
You do realize I can read your thoughts, right?
“I do now,” I growl in annoyance. “I suppose we should go rescue Lora and start this little experiment of yours. Let’s just hope she’s up for the challenges I have in store for her.”
Phasing into the cave that’s been my prison for so long almost makes me melancholy. Living here wasn’t always bad. There were times when I quite enjoyed the solitude it afforded me. Even though I can wax nostalgic about its import on my life, I know I’m ready to resume the job my Father bestowed upon me all those years ago.
I find Lora sitting in front of my cage. Her wings sweep across her shoulders, shrouding her like a cloak of gold as she casts a sad gaze toward the floor. The black sleeveless dress she’s wearing drapes her loveliness to the point of distraction, and I find myself strangely attracted to her sorrowful repose. Her long white ponytail hangs over her right shoulder, loosely gripped in both her hands. As she glides her fingers through the silky strands, one over the other, she seems to be using the motion as a coping mechanism for losing Caleb.
I dare not make a sound. She doesn’t realize I’m here yet, and there’s a freshness surrounding her that I can almost taste on the tip of my tongue but can’t quite place. What is it? And why is it drawing me to her like a moth to a flame who would gladly sacrifice its life to discover the mystery of it all?
If you lay a hand on her, I swear you’ll regret it.
I snicker at Caleb’s threat. The sound immediately draws Lora’s attention to my presence. Her forlorn look quickly turns to one of hatred as she stands to face me.
“Did you come back to gloat?” she asks, hands on hips and wings flared out to punctuate her anger.
“No.” I walk closer to her so I can watch her reaction to the deal Caleb and I have made. “In fact, I’m here to take you back home as long as you agree to certain stipulations in a deal I made with Caleb.”
Lora’s expression softens at the mention of her friend’s name. “You can talk to him?”
“Annoyingly, the answer to that question is yes. He can also do some other things I wasn’t quite prepared for, which is why we’ve come to an arrangement.”
Her eyes narrow suspiciously. “What kind of arrangement?”
“The boy wants you to show me why I should help you instead of Levi. Apparently, he believes you can change my mind where humans are concerned. I don’t believe they’re worth saving from whatever it is Levi has planned, but Caleb believes otherwise. He’s appointed you to be their champion. Are you up for the task?”
Lora raises her eyebrows in surprise but doesn’t answer my question right away. If she decides not to play along with Caleb’s plan, I consider that a forfeiture that automatically makes me the winner.
A tapping noise resounds inside the cave. I look around for the source and realize it’s Lora tapping the toe of one of her low-heeled shoes against the floor as she considers my offer.
“How exactly am I supposed to change your mind about humans?” she asks, looking confused by the whole arrangement.
“That’s your problem, not mine.”
Her eyes narrow on me like scalpels trying to dissect the inner workings of my mind.
“What is Caleb giving you for your cooperation in all of this?”
I force a smile. “That, dear girl, is none of your business. Do you agree to the terms or not?”
“If I don’t, you automatically win,” she says, mirroring my exact thoughts on the matter. “I have no choice but to accept. I’m not sure how, but I’ll prove to you that we’re the side you should be fighting with, not Levi.”
I hold up an index finger. “There is one other thing that I require in all of this.”
“And that one thing is?” she asks, guarding herself for my next demand.
“You can’t tell anyone what happened here,” I say, using my hands to indicate the cave. “No one can know that I’m Azrael.”
“I can’t do that,” she says, looking alarmed at what I consider something so small it should be readily given.
She can’t lie, you fool! Don’t you remember?
“It’s only a little white lie. Surely she can do that.”
“Are you talking to Caleb?” Lora takes a step forward with a sparkle of hope for her friend twinkling in her eyes. “Can I speak to him?”
“Absolutely not.” I cross my arms over my chest and strike a stubborn pose. “He isn’t in control here. I am.”
“But he’s inside you . . . alive?”
“Uh,” I say with a small shrug, “alive is a bit of a stretch. It’s more like our minds and souls have been fused together like a pair of conjoined twins. I can annoyingly hear what he says to me.”
“Then, in a way, the two of you are the same person. It wouldn’t necessarily be a lie to call you Caleb.”
Ahh, I see where she’s going with this.
“If it helps you,” I say, “you can think of us as one. We are a part of each other now, and that will never change.”
“I think I can work with that.” Lora lets her hands drop from her hips to her sides and her wings tuck back in behind her shoulders. “I would like to go home now.” She looks at the flame licked walls. “This place gives me the creeps.”
I hold out my hand to her. “Come closer and take my hand then. I promised the boy I would take you home.”
Lora peers at me with a great deal of undisguised hesitancy. Finally, she walks forward and places her hand in mine. I phase her back to the academy right outside the Spire Caleb seems to be so fond of.
“I assume you can get home from here,” I say.
“Yes. I can. Thank you.” The last two words were hard for her to say. She really had to force them out, which I find disagreeable.
“You don’t have to force yourself to be nice to me, especially when we are alone,” I tell her. “I would rather see the real you and not this version attempting to be polite. Show me who you really are Lora or nothing you say henceforth will be credible.”
Her lips tighten in response to my rebuke. “Fine,” she says, showing her temper. “If that’s what you want, I can do that. By the way, if you want people to believe you’re Caleb, you’re going to have to learn how to talk like him. He would never use a word like ‘henceforth.’ Who says that nowadays? We’re not in the middle ages anymore, Az. You’re going to have to learn how to act like him or people will start to suspect something is wrong.”
I smile with satisfaction. “That’s more like it. See, I like you a lot better this way, and I’ll try to speak more casually when we’re around others.”
Lora’s shoulders relax a bit. “Do you know where Caleb’s room is here or do I need to show it to you?”
“I can find it on my own. Don’t worry about me,” I say with a dismissive flick of my wrist. “I’ll be just fine.”
Lora begins to turn to leave, but seems to think of something else she wants to say to me before she goes.
“You’re not going to kill anyone here are you?” she asks. “I was told about your addiction to killing.”
“That’s such a crude way to put it,” I tell her. “I simply free souls and benefit from the energy that’s released from the act.”
“You are not allowed to free any souls here at the academy. Is that understood?”
>
“No worries. I have no intentions of drawing unnecessary attention to myself for the short time I’ll be here.”
“By the way,” she says, fully turning to face me again. “I thought angels could sense each other no matter what body they’re in. How are you going to hide yourself from the others?”
“I have the dubious distinction of being one of the angelic souls my brethren can’t sense. I am the angel of death, remember? When your time is up, you’re not supposed to be able to sense me coming.”
“I suppose that makes sense, but if I were you, I would stay out of Malcolm’s way. He tends to have a stronger bullshit detector than the others.”
Amused, I nod in understanding. “I’ll keep that bit of counsel in mind.”
Lora huffs but seems satisfied with my response. She turns away from me again, and this time she doesn’t turn back.
As I watch her walk away, Caleb’s sense of loss begins to overwhelm me. Even though he knew Lora was never meant for him, there’s still a part of his heart that she will always own. It’s a heart we both share now, and I can’t say his feelings for her are disagreeable to me.
4
(Lora’s Point of View)
As I walk away from Azrael, warm tears begin to stream down my face. I wish Caleb was dead. I wish he had never agreed to become Azrael’s vessel because if he had just died at least his soul would be at peace. Now, he’s trapped for eternity with a monster and it’s all my fault. I never should have agreed to help him find the cave. Why didn’t I try harder to talk him out of it? A better friend would have been able to save him. A better person would have found another way to help him.
When I walk into the main building, I lean my back against the wall of the hallway, close my eyes and give myself a moment to recompose myself. If Jered sees me crying, he’ll ask questions that might lead to me blurting out the truth about Azrael. I can’t betray Caleb’s sacrifice. He’s given up everything just so we can have a chance to convince the angel of death to fight on our side. I will do whatever it takes to make sure his faith in me wasn’t misplaced.
