by Amanda Wals
Caitlin was having a tough stretch. She was struggling financially. Her job wasn't satisfying. Now her relationship with Jacob was close to finished.
"It's crazy that Rebecca and Jacob used to date," said Caitlin. "What are the chances of that happening?"
"One hundred percent."
"What?"
"Once something has happened, the chance of it happening is one hundred percent."
"Don't go all nerdtastic on me," she said playfully.
"Improbable things happen every day. People make too big of a deal about them when they do happen." It boggled my mind that people would buy books on "hot" lottery numbers. "Probability was my favorite subject in college. I think they should teach it to everyone in high school as it has such great day-to-day applications. Once you understand probability, you don't do stupid things like buy scratch-off tickets."
We walked along quietly for a while. There wasn't much to see - empty ocean and a few stars.
Caitlin and I hadn't been close growing up. Once she had gotten to seventh grade, she had gotten her curves and had gone boy crazy. She had then spent as much time as possible with her boyfriend du jour. I had been a tall, scrawny, socially-awkward nerd. The only time we had spent time together was on summer vacations and we had gotten along decently on those. After her freshman year at WSU, she had changed. She had gotten a 2.2 GPA for the year and had realized that if she kept up the partying and the boy-chasing then she wasn't going to graduate. We had enrolled in three general requirements classes together at the local community college. I had helped her with her homework and had wound up teaching her lots of basic academic skills. We had done a lot of other things together that summer. We've been close ever since.
I was tired of the quiet. "What are my flaws?" I asked.
"You're too passive and avoid conflicts." Ouch! "Does Rebecca avoid conflicts too?"
"She's worse than me. It has been a big problem for her at work."
"I'd guess when the two of you have a serious issue, neither of you will address it." Double ouch! "Are you two thinking of living together?"
"She's said no whenever I've asked her to. Normally, I'll ask once about something and accept whatever she says, but I've asked her several times about living together. Rent is so expensive in Boston. Our leases are due to be renewed on the first. I don't want us to renew our leases then a few months later have to pay through the nose to get out of one of them."
We had finished our lap around the deck. "Let's get back to the pool," I said. "We'll grab Rebecca and Jacob and go dancing."
"Sounds great."
* * *
I was having a great time dancing with Rebecca. It was the first time we had ever danced together. I love to dance and I wanted to dance for hours. However, I could tell Rebecca wasn't have a good time. After a half dozen songs, she was ready to leave the dance floor. Jacob and Caitlin followed us out.
"I don't like it in there," said Rebecca.
I sighed.
"I don't!" She looked angrily at me. "Let's do something else."
"How about blackjack?" Jacob suggested.
"Anything would be better than this," said Rebecca.
"Let's not and say we did," I said. Rebecca gave me a dirty look. "Gambling is stupid. On average, you lose money with every bet."
"If you're lucky, you can win money," said Jacob. He clearly felt lucky.
I looked at Caitlin.
"We could gamble for a while then come back later."
Three against one, I gave up. We went down to the casino and found a blackjack table with a five dollar minimum bet. Jacob charged $25 worth of chips to his cabin and bet five dollars. The rest of us watched.
Jacob was dealt an eight and a two. The dealer turned over a six.
That's great to see," said Jacob. "I'll probably win this hand. Double down."
Jacob put down another chip. I had no idea what "double down" meant. The dealer gave Jacob a nine. The dealer turned over his card to reveal a ten. He dealt himself a seven and lost. Jacob won two chips.
Jacob lost his second hand and won his third. He narrated each hand to us, saying what he thought his chances of winning were when the cards were dealt and explaining his decision to stand or hit.
"This is boring," I said.
"Then play too, Tom," said Jacob. "There's an open seat."
"It's Thomas."
"Oh, sorry."
I didn't want to play, but I was tired of watching. "Okay. I'll gamble until I lose twenty then I'm out of here."
It took me four hands to lose the twenty. Jacob won three of the four and was enjoying himself immensely. By this time, he was conversing with the other players at the table, congratulating them when they won and commiserating when they lost. I thought they were all idiots.
"I'm done," I said. "I am going to bed."
"Stay, Thomas," said Rebecca. "It's too early to go to bed."
"Let's go dancing then."
"I'd rather stay here. It's exciting watching Jacob play."
"Losing money isn't exciting."
"Speak for yourself," said Jacob. "I'm twenty dollars ahead."
"I said I was out of here when I lost twenty, so I'm out of here."
"I'll join you in a little while," said Rebecca.
As I walked to the room, I felt stupid. Should I go back, apologize and hang out with them? No. If I went back, I would get bored, gamble again and lose more money. Yuck. I found the casino disgusting because of all of the people throwing away their money in the desperate hope that they'll somehow manage to beat the odds.
If I went back, could I find something else to do with Rebecca? What else could we do? I had had my fill of the pool. Rebecca had had her fill of dancing. Shopping? I didn't know if the stores were open and Rebecca hated to shop. Walk on the deck? Nothing to see there.
What I really wanted was Rebecca to come back to the cabin. Then we could talk, kiss, cuddle and hopefully do some other fun stuff. She had said she would join me in a little while. I just had to wait.
It was 10:57 when I got to the room. I got out my tablet and read for a half hour. No Rebecca. I was miffed. Reading alone wasn't how I'd expected to end my first night on the cruise. It had been a long day and I was tired, so I decided to go to sleep. I brushed my teeth, took off my clothes, got into bed.
As I lay there, I wondered if Rebecca had ever made love to Jacob. I guessed that she had. She hadn't been a virgin the first time we had made love and had seemed experienced once we started fucking. I had never asked about her prior lovers as I knew she felt guilty about having premarital sex. Jacob seemed a likely suspect for the guy who popped her cherry. Eventually, I drifted off.
I awoke when Rebecca entered the room. I looked at the clock and saw it was 12:23. Not what I considered "a little while." She went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She came out and started taking off her clothes. The cabin light was off so I could barely make her out.
"Did you have a good time?" I tried to keep my annoyance out of my voice.
"Yes. Jacob won eighty dollars. It was exciting watching him play. He would lose for a while then win for a while. I've never watched anyone gamble before."
Once she was down to her panties, she came over to the bed. I watched to see if she would stop at the bedside and take her panties off. That was her sign that she was in the mood for lovemaking. She didn't stop and got into bed with her panties on. I wasn't surprised, but was still disappointed. Rebecca was never in the mood when the day had been stressful and traveling had been stressful.
Rebecca moved to her usual spot along my right side. Because she was so small and light, she could put an arm, a leg and part of her chest on me and I could still sleep comfortably. I cupped her ass with my hand to help hold her steady. Once she was in her spot, I recounted our today together in detail. I did this whenever we slept together. We called this "The Full Rebecca". As it had been a busy day, it took me around fifteen minutes to recount it all. While I was talking,
Rebecca stretched and relaxed. By the time I was done, she had drifted off to sleep.
Sunday, at sea
The next morning when I awoke, Rebecca rolled off of me.
"I want to sleep some more," she said.
I usually sleep less than her and as I'd had an hour more sleep than her, I wasn't surprised that she would want to keep sleeping. Once I was awake, I couldn't go back to sleep. Normally, I would go out to the kitchen and make breakfast while she slept in but I couldn't now. I decided to work out.
I went to the fitness center and climbed on a cardio machine for an hour workout. When I was done, I was soaked and in a great mood. Today was an at-sea day and then we would have six days at ports before having another at-sea day.
When I got back to the cabin, no Rebecca. Instead, I found a "Gone to breakfast" note. I took a shower and was tempted to beat off, but decided against it as I felt I should get lucky with Rebecca today. I got dressed and went to the restaurant where we had agreed to meet for breakfast.
When I entered the restaurant, I saw Rebecca, Caitlin and Jacob and waved to them. I headed over to the buffet and scooped out a hearty breakfast. By the time I joined the three of them, they were almost done eating.
"Good morning, Tommy," said Jacob.
I ground my teeth. I can understand someone calling me Tom as most Thomases go by that. Tommy? I'm six three, two ten. I don't looking like a freaking three year old.
"It's Thomas", said Caitlin.
"Oh, sorry. You should have stayed last night. Any man lucky enough to date Rebecca has to be lucky enough to win at gambling."
"I think anyone dating my sister is lucky too."
"Oh, true, true." Jacob's heart didn't seem to be in his reply. "Rebecca was wondering where you went."
"I went to the fitness center and worked out."
"How was it?" asked Caitlin.
"Mostly empty. Lots of nifty machines. I'm looking forward to working out there again."
"We had just agreed to go work out," said Jacob. "With all the food on this cruise, it's too easy to gain weight."
My good mood vanished. I'd probably have another hour and half alone. I didn't come on the cruise to be alone. Since I had met Rebecca, this was the first Sunday where she hadn't gone to church and I found it ironic that I was spending hardly any time with her.
"Okay," I said, trying to keep my voice light. "After breakfast, I'll go to the pool and you can meet me there."
When I got to the pool, I recognized a few people from yesterday and struck up a conversation with them. The time went decently until Rebecca, Caitlin and Jacob showed up.
"How about some miniature golf?" Rebecca asked me.
"Sounds like fun."
We made our way to the miniature golf course and played eighteen holes. Caitlin won. I would have had fun if Jacob hadn't spent the whole time giving me a blow-by-blow account of his blackjack playing.
We spent most of the day hanging out by the pool. After lunch, we went to an impressive ice carving demonstration. I then played basketball for an hour. I tried to get Jacob to go with me, as I would have loved to have swatted a ball down his throat, but he declined. Around three, we all went back to our cabins for naps. I hoped Rebecca would take off her panties before getting into bed, but no luck.
After our naps, we dressed up "formally." Jacob and I wore collared shirts and slacks while the girls wore black cocktail dresses. We listened to live jazz in a club until it was time for us to eat dinner in the main dining room.
The waiter handed Rebecca a menu. When he tried to hand me one, I said, "No thanks. We'll need only one." I always enjoyed saying that.
Rebecca, being so small, didn't eat very much at restaurants. What we did was order one entree then alternate bites until she was full, then I'd finish the rest. Our shared meals felt so intimate to me.
We scanned Rebecca's menu and discussed possible choices. I wanted meat. I had learned to eat vegetarian dinners with Rebecca but I wasn't in the mood for one tonight. We settled on baby back ribs. The joint picking of a meal with Rebecca always gave me a warm feeling.
"I remember doing that with Rebecca," said Jacob. "Do you remember the yummy avocado enchiladas we had at Tarahumara's?"
"Oh yes! They were delicious."
Jacob and Rebecca went back and forth about the different restaurants they had gone to together around OU. I looked over at Caitlin and she looked pissed. I looked for an opening to bring up our shore excursion tomorrow but Jacob and Rebecca didn't give me one for a long time.
Once we moved on to topics we could all discuss, we had a pleasant dinner. After dinner, we went down to the cabin and changed into casual clothes. When we met in the hallway, Jacob suggested we play blackjack. I was ready for that.
"Okay. We'll play blackjack for an hour, go dancing for an hour, then we'll decide what to do next then. But no more blackjack after dancing. Agreed?"
Everyone agreed. We went to the casino and gambled. Again, I set myself a $20 limit but this time, I somehow ended up $5 ahead at the end of the hour. The whole time, I felt stupid for tempting Fate. Caitlin and Rebecca watched. Jacob ended up $50 ahead.
"See, you are lucky," said Jacob. "Just not as lucky as me. This is my lucky trip," he said with a huge smile. "Let's go dancing."
I remembered Rebecca hadn't enjoyed dancing last night.
"Is dancing okay with you?" I asked her.
"If everyone else wants to dance, I'll dance. Let's try the other dance club."
Again, I had a great time dancing and Rebecca didn't seem to enjoy herself. I would dance with her three or four songs, then come off the dance floor for a song or two to give her a break. Rebecca drank water during the breaks while I nursed a beer. When Caitlin and Jacob were taking a break the same time as us, Caitlin drank strawberry daiquiris while Jacob nursed a beer like me.
"Do you mind if I dance with Rebecca?" Jacob asked me during one of our mutual breaks. The hour was almost up.
"No, go ahead."
"Do you want to dance?" Caitlin asked me.
"Not with my sister. Let's just talk."
I found a spot where I could keep an eye on Jacob and Rebecca and where the music volume was low enough that I could talk to Caitlin without yelling.
"It's been fun hanging with you and Jacob." I lied about Jacob. "When they get back, I want to spend some time alone with Rebecca." If I was going to make love to Rebecca at bedtime, she had to be in a romantic mood when we got back to our cabin. "Do you mind?"
"No. What are you going to do?"
"I'm thinking of a long walk around the deck."
"Fine. Hopefully Jacob wants to keep dancing."
While Caitlin and I were talking, I could see Jacob and Rebecca talking quite a bit on the dance floor. Whatever they were saying was making each other quite happy. I didn't feel good about this. Rebecca had paid Jacob a lot more attention than me today and I was getting concerned. They were all smiles when they joined Caitlin and me.
"Let's go play craps," said Jacob.
"No," I said. "We agreed no gambling after the hour of blackjack." I could feel myself getting angry. I rarely got angry. Jacob was really getting on my nerves.
"We agreed no more blackjack," said Jacob. "You didn't say anything about craps."
"I want to take Rebecca for a walk on the deck. Alone."
I looked to Rebecca. I expected her to be moving towards me so we could leave. Instead, she hadn't moved from her spot next to Jacob.
"I don't want to break up the group," she said. "Let's do something together. Jacob was telling me about craps and it sounds like a lot of fun."
"Caitlin, do you want to play craps?" Jacob asked.
"I'd rather stay here and dance."
"I've had enough of dancing. Does craps sound okay instead?"
Caitlin looked at me. She looked like she was trying to think of something to support me. "Jacob, why don't you and I play craps while Rebecca and Thomas go for a walk?"
"Let
's not break up the group," said Jacob.
He and Rebecca moved for the door. Caitlin followed. I stood for a moment, full of anger and frustration. Once Rebecca and Jacob were out the door, I finally moved to follow them. I had to run to catch up with them in the hallway.
"I'm not going to the casino."
"Come on," said Rebecca. "Let's not break up the group. You'll have a good time."
"No, I won't. I hate gambling. I'm going to go for a walk on deck instead."
I stalked away from the group. I hoped to hear Rebecca call, "Wait for me!," but she didn't.
I went up on deck and walked around. I was steaming hot. I felt outmaneuvered by Jacob. I walked and walked, hoping Rebecca would find me, take my hand and walk with me. She never showed. Walking always made me feel better. My anger cooled and was eventually replaced by concern.
Rebecca and I had had many what I guessed Caitlin would call "red flag moments" where it became obvious I was more committed to the relationship than she was. But none were as bad as this. Those had been moments where she had basically said, "Whoa, boy! Slow down!" But they had always turned out to be mere speed bumps. Tonight, I felt she wasn't saying "Slow down." I felt she was saying, "I want to switch horses."
After a half hour, I gave up and went to our cabin. I stripped naked and went to bed. The clock said 11:04. My thoughts were no happier as I laid there than they had been on the deck. I must have drifted off, because I jerked awake when Rebecca came in. It was 12:53.
Rebecca went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She came out, came over to the bed and started taking off her clothes.
"Did you have a good time?" I asked as she was unsnapping her bra.
"We did. Craps was a lot of fun. Caitlin and I just watched. Jacob won over hundred dollars."
She left her panties on when she got into bed. She slipped into her usual spot on my chest.
"Let's see," I started, "We had a mix up this morning and I didn't see you until at breakfast..."
"Not tonight," she said wearily. "I'm tired and we have to get up early tomorrow for the excursion."
I've lost her.
Monday, Cozumel
When the alarm woke us, the ship was already docked in Cozumel. We quickly got dressed and joined Jacob and Caitlin in the hallway. The four of us went up to one of the dining areas for a fast breakfast. I held Rebecca's hand the whole way up. I hoped it was a good sign but was doubtful. During the walk and breakfast, Jacob gave me a roll-by-roll recount of his evening at the craps table. I wanted to talk about something else, but couldn't manage the energy to try to change the subject. At breakfast, Rebecca watched Jacob adoringly as he babbled on about come out rolls and pass line bets.
