If Heaven Had Cheese Fries

by Stephanie Staudinger

  “Fine,” I mumbled. I grabbed a pair of sunglasses out of my bag and joined him as we approached what appeared to be an old wooden shop.

  Once inside, my nostrils filled with the smell of apple. Mr. Nash was grinning at me. “It’s incredible, isn’t it. Wait till you try their donuts.”

  “Ethan, honey, is that you?” a voice called from behind the counter. Someone, bent over in a white frilly skirt, was shuffling items around in a display case. I noticed the donuts Mr. Nash had referenced.

  “It’s me.” Mr. Nash let himself be wrapped in a hug by a woman I assumed was Mrs. Copper herself. She was a bigger woman, her arms almost completely engulfing Mr. Nash. I saw his head pop up onto her shoulder as he winked at me and squirmed a little.

  “Oops, sorry,” Mrs. Copper had a hearty laugh. She let go of Mr. Nash and turned to wrap me in a hug next. “You must be one of the student volunteers.”

  “This is Abigail. She’s a senior in my creative writing class.” He was laughing, and I understood why. Mrs. Copper’s hugs were unlike anything I had ever experienced before. She had me wrapped so tightly in her arms, and just when I thought I’d lose my breath, she let go. It was oddly intimate for a stranger, but for whatever reason, I knew it fit her personality already.

  “Pleasure,” she said. “We’ll need to get you some donuts when you’re done. You are skin and bones, m’dear.”

  I raised my eyebrows at Mr. Nash as we followed Mrs. Copper out the side door and through a makeshift row lined with corn stalks. Towards the end, the fields opened up as the clouds ahead slowly rolled by.

  I looked up. “It’s beautiful out here,” I said. “Look, Mr. Nash.” I pointed up at a cloud above which oddly resembled an emperor tamarin.

  “Ah, hey,” he laughed. “That looks like the school mascot. And Abigail? You can call me Ethan today.”

  Despite being eighteen and legally considered an adult myself, it was still strange having my teacher give me permission to use his first name. I nodded. “All right, Ethan.” I smiled at him, and he returned the smile. I quickly turned away, not liking the feeling that had just rushed through my body

  “Hey, Ethan!” A small group was approaching us in the distance. The shortest man in front was tossing an apple back and forth between his hands, eventually tossing it at Ethan, who grabbed it and offered it to me. I shook my head and he took a bite. “Hey, everyone,” he said.

  Now that they were closer, I was able to get a good look at all of them. The man who had tossed Ethan the apple was a few inches taller than me. He had a row of yellow teeth which seemed permanently set in a sneer. His eyes were so dark that it was hard to tell where his pupils ended and his irises began. His black hair was also greased back with something-- whether that was natural or some type of product, I couldn’t tell. “Is this your girlfriend?” He gave me a once-over and I felt uncomfortable. I immediately felt Ethan’s hand grip my elbow. “This is Abigail, a student who will be helping us today.”

  “Neat,” Yellow Smile said, once again running his eyes up and down my body. I felt uncomfortable but trusted Ethan’s judgment.

  “Abigail, this is Vorcit. He’s new to the program.” I caught Vorcit’s gaze, which seemed permanently fixed on me. I let out an involuntary shudder. Something about him didn’t just seem off, it felt familiar too and not in a good way.

  “I’m Archie.” The taller man standing behind him reached out his hand to me. I was instantly more comfortable around him. He had the appearance of someone who had been a businessman but had let himself go. His long hair hung in limp strands around his face. His glasses were bent at the rims.

  Finally, the last man just gave me a head nod without saying a word.

  “Hey, Reggie.” I was surprised to find that Ethan was actually reaching out and hugging him. Reggie was wearing an oversized green sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants which seemed a few sizes too big for him.

  Interesting group of fellows. I was curious as to what had brought them to this point, and even more interested in how Ethan had gotten involved with all of this.

  “So what’s up, Nashy?” Vorcit asked, his voice coming out in a hiss. He had an accent I couldn’t place. “You in charge today?”

  “He always is.” Archie gave Vorcit a playful shove, which he returned with a dirty look. I was the only one who seemed to notice the exchange between them.

  “Well, as long as we’re not cleaning up horse shit today, I’m down for whatever,” Vorcit said to Ethan.

  “Good.” Ethan was looking down at his phone. I peered over and he appeared to be reading a text message from someone, Mrs. Copper most likely. “All right, it looks like it’s just the basics today. Tidying up, helping to get ready before the busy season opens up next weekend.”

  “Like I said,” Vorcit grumbled. “Horse shit.” I watched him as he shuffled towards a shed next to the side door of the shop we just came out of. He returned a few moments later with garbage bags and gloves, tossing a pair at me which I caught in just the nick of time.

  “Vorcit, over here.” Ethan nodded to the spot next to him. Vorcit was standing dangerously close to me, I could feel his warm breath near my neck, thick with the stench of cigarette smoke and chips. He lingered a moment longer before shuffling over to Ethan, never even picking up his feet.

  “All right,” Ethan continued. “Vorcit and I will do some of the cleaning up out here, picking up the rotten apples from the storm that blew through a few days ago. Abigail, you’ll be with Reggie. Mrs. Copper will teach you some crafts.” He winked at me. “I promise it’ll be fun and easy. Reggie’s really good at making decorations, too.”

  Reggie chuckled. I was comforted to find that he had a deep laugh that carried throughout the open spaces of land around us. I was a little nervous about not being with Ethan.

  “Finally,” Ethan said, looking at Archie. “There’s a few things your muscles are needed for back in the barn.”

  I followed Reggie back towards the main entrance we had just come through, my feet crunching over bent corn stalks. I looked over at my shoulder towards Ethan, who had his arm around Vorcit, gently steering him towards the apple orchard.

  I stared a moment longer and Ethan turned around, our eyes meeting briefly before he continued forward.

  “This way, dear.” Mrs. Copper ushered us into a wide room that opened up off the main entrance. It appeared to be some sort of ballroom where wedding receptions were held. Wooden tables were set up in rows, and tiny string lights twinkled above. It was gorgeous and rustic at once.

  “We’ve got a wedding this upcoming weekend,” Mrs. Copper cleared some vases and floral arrangements off a table, gesturing for us to sit down. “A local girl is getting married, and we’ve been doing what we can to help. Free of charge. Her father unfortunately passed away this past summer. Oh, dear me,” Mrs. Copper made a tutting noise and shook her head. Her eyes were misting over. “I don’t even know the man, but it was just so sad. He was trying to save a young girl who fell off her family’s boat in the water, and he had a heart attack and passed away shortly after.” She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief she pulled from her front blouse pocket. It was covered in tiny apples.

  “Out here, when one person grieves, we all grieve.”

  I was quiet for a moment, studying the intricate designs that ran throughout the tablecloths. I looked up at Mrs. Copper. “Did he save her?”

  “Yes, dear.” She nodded. “Yes he did. Pulled her out of water while more bystanders rushed in to do CPR. Saved her little life, bless her.”

  Was he fulfilling a purpose? It had certainly sounded like it, and he died trying.

  For the next hour, we did tedious work, not saying much. I was in charge of wrapping the twine around mason jars to help create the rustic theme that the bride, who I learned was named Margo was hoping for.

  I had only made it through five jars when I looked over at Reggie, who had dozens sloppily completed in front of him. He raised his eyebrows at me and I lean
ed back to admire my work. “This girl deserves to have everything perfect.”

  Reggie laughed. “Unfortunately, nothing is perfect all the time.”

  I nodded, thinking over what he’d said. “You’re right, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make the most out of individual moments and make them special.”

  Reggie laughed again, harder this time.

  “Why’s that so funny?” I asked honestly.

  “Because. You’re young, naive. It’s a viewpoint that we’re not used to having at the home.”

  I nodded. Being eighteen and an old soul in a young person’s body did have its disadvantages. I was learning that one of them was not being taken seriously. If only I could jab my finger right at his chest and say, “Listen here, buddy. I’ve been through more shit than all of you combined.” I’d also probably tell him to lose the oversized sweater.

  Instead, I nodded. “That may be the case, but at least I can show you that there’s still opportunities for hope, wonder, and perfect moments.”

  Mrs. Copper excused herself to go fetch us some drinks, telling me that my twine-wrapping skills were deserving of fresh apple cider.

  For the next few moments, Reggie and I talked openly and honestly. He told the truth of how he had gotten to where he was. He had gambled his life savings away at the casino and then gambled his family away by stealing money from them. At the core of everything, I could see that he was a good person trying to change it around. I told him that.

  “Maybe your naivety isn’t so bad.” He winked.

  “Where you are now isn’t a death sentence. This doesn’t have to be where you end up,” I said. After all, I was an expert.

  “Ethan, you need to bring her around every week, my man.”

  “Oh yeah?” I turned around to see Mr. Nash approaching. He looked a little more disheveled. His sleeves were rolled up on both sides, exposing his muscles. His jeans were full of dirt and one knee even looked ripped, as if he had fallen or something.

  “Why’s that?” he asked, taking a seat next to me.

  “Hard to explain.” Reggie was haphazardly wrapping another piece of twine around a jar. “She’s wise beyond her years, yet she has the innocence of a high school student. I mean that in a non-creepy way,” Reggie raised his hands like he was surrendering. “I know she’s yours and all.”

  I felt my cheeks flush a shade deeper as Mr. Nash shifted slightly in his seat next to me.

  “Your student, that is,” Reggie added, unaware of the awkward moment that he had briefly caused.

  Mrs. Copper returned to the table with cups and a pitcher of cider. “Ethan,” she happily exclaimed. “I was just out back, and it is looking wonderful. Not sure where Vorcit went.”

  “Thank you,” Ethan looked down, and I couldn’t help but notice he shifted uncomfortably again. “He’s around here somewhere.”

  Had something happened between them?

  “You’re really making progress with him, and it’s wonderful to see,” Mrs. Copper slid a donut and a cup of cider towards me. I was so hungry that a carb overload breakfast wouldn’t faze me.

  I ate quickly. When I was finished, I pulled my sweater off to shake the crumbs free.

  Mrs. Copper continued speaking. “And having the students here is a great help too.” She smiled warmly at me and I returned the smile. I didn’t bother correcting her and explaining that it was just me. “You’ll come back again, soon?”

  It was a mix between a question and a statement. I nodded my head as I silently sipped my cider.

  “We’ll do our best to have more next time.” Mr. Nash spoke for me. “The other kids will come around. Sometimes all it takes is one person to take the first step.”

  I didn’t feel like pointing out the fact that I was no one special, especially not in the eyes of my classmates, given the rift I seemed to be creating.

  “You okay?” I asked him when we got into the car fifteen minutes later.

  “I’m fine.” The words tumbled out of his mouth quickly. “Vorcit is just a lot to deal with.”

  I nodded, unable to draw my attention away from the rip in his jeans.

  “What about you?” Ethan asked.

  “I’m fine too.” I focused my attention on the dangling air freshener.

  “You sure?” He was staring at me, the keys still dangling from the emission. “You know you can talk to me about anything. I may just be a teacher, but I genuinely do care about my students.” I couldn’t help but notice his eyes had lingered on the cut on my wrist. What would I say? I had a nightmare that literally came to life. I cursed myself for forgetting to put my sweatshirt back on.

  I quickly crossed my arms in front of me, but I knew he had already seen.

  When Ethan became aware that I wasn’t going to say anything, he turned on the engine and we continued forward in silence. After several minutes, I spoke up. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot,” he said, not taking his eyes off the road.

  “Is there anyone...” I trailed off. I wasn’t quite sure how to ask what I was about to ask. “Have you ever been nervous about any of your other students doing something stupid?”

  “Nervous in what way?” Mr. Nash paused for a moment. “And define ‘something stupid’.”

  I didn’t want to say too much, and I wasn’t entirely sure where I was going. I knew I was being vague, but I half hoped that he’d have an answer for me.

  “Not sure. Have any of your students ever given off the vibe that they’d hurt someone if they were pushed far enough?”

  Mr. Nash was again quiet for a moment. When he spoke again, he had softened his voice. “Are you sure there isn’t anything you want to tell me?” I wasn’t a psychiatrist, but I knew visions of my arm were again running through his head and he was wondering if I was projecting my problems onto someone else.

  “No, nothing.” I sighed and leaned back in my seat. “It was just a question.”

  We again drove in silence. I was surprised when Ethan spoke.

  “If you’re talking about things outside of the occasional scope of bullying then no, there hasn’t been any obvious signs. I just see the things on the surface. Kids quite frequently will lash out at me, at each other, their parents. All we can hope to do is calm them down when that happens and assure everyone that it’s going to be okay. In my two years of teaching, it’s almost always worked out that way, too. Students always know, too, that they can count on me for anything.”

  We were pulling into the school parking lot, right next to my car. He reached out and gently touched my arm, causing me to jump a foot in the air.

  “Sorry.” He gave a small laugh. “I just wanted to say how much your presence today was appreciated. Those guys, they’re tough, and they might not show it, but they always enjoy when new faces and volunteers come around the farm. It shows them that someone out there cares for them, and it gives them something to look forward to.”

  I took my hand off the door handle where it had been lingering. I turned in my seat to face Ethan.

  “I liked it. Vorcit made me a little uncomfortable.”

  “I don’t want to say ‘that’s Vorcit for you.’ because that’s making excuses for his behavior, which frankly 99% of the time is inexcusable. He’s got his own demons he is trying to work through.” Ethan had a hard edge in his voice. Demons. I put my sweatshirt back on but it did nothing to fix the chill I felt from hearing that word.

  I had several more questions that I wanted to ask, but my mind was drawing a blank. Ethan might not be on an official assignment from above, but the way he treated others, it surely seemed like it. I probably would have weirded him out if I asked if he was one of us. Us? That day had solidified something for me: I knew I wasn’t the only one out there with a purpose.

  “Thank you,” I said to him as I pushed open the door.

  “No, thank you,” He flashed a row of perfectly straight teeth at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow.” I s
hut his door behind me and paused for a moment when I got to mine. I watched Ethan turn out of the school parking lot, my heart racing.

  “Get a grip, Abigail,” I said out loud to myself. “The last thing you need is to fall for a teacher in the midst of this mess

  CHAPTER 17

  “I’m giving you one last chance.” Alyssa wagged her finger at Matt, who was dangerously close to her. “Get the damn camera out of my face, okay?”

  Matt spun quickly, suddenly pointing the camera at me as I approached. “What do we have here?” he asked.

  Matt took me off guard. My water bottle, which was already wobbling precariously, tipped over and rolled under the table, landing under Noah’s feet. He made no effort to retrieve it for me.

  “What are you doing, Matthew?” I squinted right into the camera lens as Matt backed up a step.

  “Working on my final project for Nash’s class. He said we can do anything, so we’re doing a group documentary.” He gestured towards the CC’s, who were standing behind him. Great, the project was in full force.

  “Don’t engage him.” Alyssa turned to me. “It’ll just make him stick around us longer.”

  “Speaking of sticking...” Matt slid onto the bench next to Noah, putting his camera dangerously close to Alyssa’s face again. “You’ve got some cheese stuck right there.” He rubbed his left hand on his chin, holding the camera in his right.

  Before anyone had a moment to react, Alyssa shoved the camera hard. “I said, get that damn camera out of my face.”

  “Woah!” Matt was able to grab the camera with both hands before she could knock it to the ground. “What the hell is your problem?”

  “You’re my problem,” Alyssa hissed. “Go away.”

  “Fine.” To my surprise, Matt stood up. He made a shooing gesture towards the CC’s, who sauntered off, their expressions unreadable. Before Matt left, he turned to me. “Coming?”

  I felt something bump against my ankle. Noah had kicked the water bottle out from under the table. He raised his eyebrows, the tiniest bit of a smile creeping up on the corners of his mouth. He was testing me.