by LC Lehesaho
"Tiger..." She throws her head back, staring at the ceiling. "Don't do this."
"I need to know," I say, swallowing the lump down and batting my lashes to keep the goddamn tears in.
She dips her chin, staring straight into my eyes, but I can't look at her. If I do, I will break. "This is not healthy. We just keep hurting each other all the fucking time."
I jump up from the bed, rubbing my face to get some fucking sense back in me, but I can't stay still, so I start to pace around like a caged animal, which is not far from the truth of what I am. "I don't want to hurt you! I love you so fucking much that I can't handle all of this. Leo said that you like him, so all I've been doing is asking myself what he has that I don't. Why is he better than me?"
From the corner of my eye, I can see Cobra's eyes following my every move, and now there is anguish clouding her features just like it's storming inside me. "Luke is not better than you. Yesterday, I lied to Dad and told him that I like Luke, so he wouldn't suspect anything. But now? I really like him, I'm not going to lie to you. And you know why? He doesn't know me, so he doesn't treat me differently. I'm not a Hayes to him."
I pause at her words and turn to look at her, squinting my eyes. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"One reason I haven't dated anyone before is because no one would go out with me," Cobra says, dropping her gaze to the sheets she fiddles with in her hands. "No one has ever asked me out, and no one has ever said yes when I've asked them out. I stopped asking about two years ago, 'cause all I ever got was wide eyes and a hell no response. Everyone wants to fuck me when they're drunk enough and feeling like a fucking man, but truthfully, Luke was the first guy who actually had sex with me sober. You all make fun that I only have sex with choir boys 'cause you never even see them, but they're far from it." She takes a breath and wipes her eyes. When she continues, her voice is strangled like she's about to cry. "I lost my fucking virginity to a guy who was ten years older than me, and in the middle of it, he poured coke on my breasts and sniffed it up his nose. So, yeah, Luke makes me feel like I'm not that Cobra fucking Hayes."
My mouth is literally open as I stare at her, shocked. "Holy shit." I run my fingers through my hair. "Holy fucking shit, why didn't you tell me this before? Jesus, baby."
I had no clue. All this time... I don't even know if I am angry, shocked, or what for her. Cobra lets out a laugh, which is the saddest thing I've heard.
"Why would I tell you that? So it would be my fault when you killed them because they made me sad or didn't treat me right? Or because they touched me at all?"
"I wouldn't—"
Cobra cuts me off. "C'mon, cut the bullshit. You would've killed each and every one of them, you and I both know it."
She's right, I would've killed them all. I walk back to the bed and sit down, eyes on her. "They'd deserve it. You're a fucking princess, baby, and you should be treated that way."
"But that doesn't include you, right?" She tilts her head to the side, looking at me with a serious expression.
"No, it doesn't include me, but that’s just because I know you," I say truthfully. "We're different. I know what you want, and you know I can give it to you. I would give you anything you want. If you want me to treat you like a princess, tell me, and I promise I will. If you want me to be gentle every second for the rest of our lives, just tell me, and I will."
Her eyes go around the room before she stops to stare at the painting on the wall—the one I made for her years ago. "It's not that. I've never wanted you to be gentle with me. But what I didn't want is for you to break my heart."
Those words hurt more than any physical pain I've ever experienced, and I've been through a lot. "I am so sorry, Cobra. Tell me what to do to fix this, please."
"I would tell you if I knew." Cobra meets my gaze, sadness leaking from her eyes.
"I can't lose you," I whisper, voice hoarse.
"I don't want to lose you, either, but I don't know how we can go back. We're not the same anymore."
I take her hand in mine, squeezing her fingers. "We don't have to be the same. But baby, I need you now. Please let me sleep next to you. Just for tonight, okay?"
She closes her eyes, letting out a long exhale, before looking at me again. "Just tonight. But don't think I've forgiven you. This won't change a thing."
"Yeah." I take a deep breath now that I'm able to do so. "But I promise, Cobra, that if I have to crawl through Hell to get your forgiveness, I will."
33
Maybe it was a dream.
Maybe I didn't let him sleep in my bed, and perhaps he didn't hold me the whole night. Because fuck me if I fell for that. But my bed is empty, so there is a chance I wasn't that brainless after all.
Scrambling up, I check the clock on my phone and see Luke's text, informing me that he's coming to pick me up in an hour.
Having a headache is a part of me these days, so I'm not even a bit surprised by the pounding in the back of my skull. Wiping my eyes, I walk out of my bedroom, and then I realize that, yes, I have been an idiot.
The scent of fresh coffee floats to my nose like an enchanter.
A peek around the corner confirms my doubts.
Tiger’s eyes snap to me from the cup of coffee he is pouring at the moment. He has the same sweatpants on from last night, and he is still shirtless, which tells me that it wasn't a dream.
"I was bringing you coffee," he says, lifting the mug higher.
I stare at him for a while, not sure what I should say. So, I decide not to say anything, simply spin on my heels and walk to the bathroom. I can't deal with him yet.
Vivid images of him between my thighs flash behind my eyes, no matter how hard I try to blink them away. It's something I really need to get out of my head before seeing his face again. I can't deny it, he was mind-blowingly good at what he did to me. Even the hate fuck was marvelous.
But still. I fucking hate him.
Okay, I don't.
But I certainly should. He fucked me over, hurt me more than anyone else ever has. I'm not going to let him out of this. I didn't plan to fuck with him yesterday. It was a pure accident. My mind was all over the place, and like that, my decisions have never been very smart. But it worked to my benefit, somewhat. I wanted to hurt him, and I know I succeeded. Not only by telling him I had sex with Luke, that was a mind game to make him do the things I asked him to do, but he refused. Grow a backbone? Bitch, please.
I know he loved every second of fucking me. And the way he held me like I'm the most precious thing in the world afterward in the shower. Tiger loves me, just like he said.
My words cut deep, and even though I don't hate him right now, it still makes me feel better that he fucking knows how he hurt me.
It might be petty, but I don't care.
I take my time brushing my teeth and detangling my hair. Delaying on purpose, hoping that Tiger will get bored and find his way out of my apartment. After I've put on casual makeup and braided my hair on both sides of my head, I press my ear to the bathroom door.
No sounds.
I sneak out and tiptoe to the kitchen. Just to see him sitting on the counter, coffee mug beside him, and instantly his dark eyes land on me. Oh, fucking hell. Tiger takes another cup from the shelf and pours steaming coffee in it. "The last one got cold already."
"Hmph." I fold my arms across my chest, trying to ignore the fact that I'm not wearing any pants—just my yellow lace panties with an oversized T-shirt which, thank fuck, reaches below my ass.
He jumps off the counter, and walks to me with the coffee cup in his hand. My heart begins to palpitate at his closeness, and my skin tingles.
I want to hit my head against a wall for reacting to him this way.
My mind wants to be mad, but my body certainly doesn’t.
Tiger tilts his head to the side, biting the corner of his lip. "Can I make you breakfast?"
Holy shit. He never makes breakfast. Never.
I take the cup he offer
s, shaking my head. "I'm not hungry."
I watch him swipe his dark hair back, but a wild strand flows back to tickle his temple, and he decides to ignore it, stuffing his hands in his pockets. We end up staring at each other in silence.
His eyes are glued to mine, but I let mine drop to his bare chest. Sipping the coffee, I watch the faint lines going back and forth on his upper body. They're not visible enough to see from a distance, especially when the ink covers a lot of his skin and catches the attention, but they're easy to see from this close.
The scar around his neck is more visible, wider than the others.
I think I'm finally ready for this.
"Can I ask you something?"
Tiger's muscles tighten in front of my eyes like he senses what I'm about to ask. Of course, he knows. He can read me better than anyone.
"Go ahead," he answers, but his strained voice tells me that there's a big possibility that I'm not getting an answer.
"Who did that to you?" I trail my eyes to meet his gaze. The expression on his face is closed up, not letting me read him even the slightest.
He runs his tongue over his teeth, taking a deep breath, and exhales through his nose like an angry bull. Finally, he speaks. "Our father and his brothers, when he found out that he wasn't actually our father at all."
Jesus Christ. My eyes widen, and a low gasp escapes from my mouth, and I slap my hand over it. His family did it? How could they? Oh, my God. Oh, my—
"Stop that," he snaps at me, brows pulled into a tight line. "I told you 'cause you asked, but I don't want to see that look on your face."
"What—" I start, but Tiger cuts me off.
"Pity. I don't want it."
I drop my hand from my mouth and focus on looking normal while clearing my throat. Then I catch what he said. "Did you say ours?"
Tiger closes up again. His face doesn't give out anything. "Amelia's and mine."
"Amelia?" I ask, stunned. I've never heard the name before.
"My sister."
My eyes bulge again, even though I tried to be cool. "You have a sister?"
"Had. I really don't want to talk about this," he says and looks over to me, his throat bobbing as he swallows.
I gulp the coffee down in one take, suppressing my need to ask more questions. Even though I'm pissed at him, this is the topic I don't want to push him with. My heart is shattering because I can't even imagine what he’s gone through.
And lost a sister? Oh, my God.
I lift the empty cup in the air. "Thanks for the coffee." Then I walk around him, and after placing the cup in the dishwasher, I walk out of the kitchen. Tiger is now leaning against the wall, hands still in his pockets, wearing that unreadable face. I grab my red duffel bag on my way to the bedroom, and that makes him move. He follows me like a shadow, and that is the exact reason I need to do this. When I pick a couple of hoodies from my closet, he can't keep quiet.
"What are you doing?"
"Packing," I retort, taking a pair of jeans from the shelf next. "I'm taking a time-out."
"A what?"
After throwing a couple of undies into the bag with other clothes, I give him a look. "I need space." I jerk the zipper closed, and motion a hand between us. "We're too close. We need to let the dust settle, okay?"
Tiger's entire being looks like he's going to explode. His hands have rolled into fists, and his shoulders look like they're carved from stone. "What the fu—"
I shoot my index finger in the air, stopping him. "No. Now I want you to treat me like I'm a motherfucking princess and don't throw any shit at me. I have every right to be hurt, and you're not going to bark at me about my decisions. Get it?"
With a low growl, he rubs his face with both hands and then runs his fingers through his hair, crossing his fingers behind his head. My core tightens at the sight of him. Tiger is so fucking handsome that it should be illegal, and he knows exactly how gorgeous his body is. More so, he knows how it affects me.
Now his brown eyes are locked on mine, as I try my best not to look at the masterpiece on display.
"Okay," he sighs. "At least tell me where you’re going."
"Really wanna know?" I ask, knowing that he can figure it out, and wiggle my skinny jeans on. I can almost hear him gritting his teeth as he places his hands at his waist and drops his head down. Tiger is so fucking pissed that it's a miracle he hasn't exploded yet.
"How long?" he says, voice only slightly vibrating from his emotions.
I'm incredibly impressed by his self-restraint.
"I dunno. A couple of days tops." I take a hoodie from the shelf. "Hey, turn around. I wanna change in peace."
Now he lifts his head up, a slight smile on his face. "I've seen you naked, and I—"
"Don't test me, Tiger," I warn him, and to my surprise, he turns around without any further comments. I change my shirt and throw the bag on my shoulder, walking to the nightstand to grab my phone. I give Tiger a glance now that his eyes are following me. "I need to go. See you."
He doesn't say a word, but I didn't expect him to. I'm sure he'd have a lot of things to say if I hadn't told him to treat me like a princess.
At the door, I turn to look at him. "And hey, Tiger." He cocks an eyebrow, questioning. "I'm really sorry about your sister."
34
"Come in."
Dad's voice comes from behind the closed door. I prepare myself for being cool and not letting out any sign of what I've been up to since I left the gym last night. When I step inside, the familiar scent of wood and leather with a hint of whiskey floats to my nose. He is sitting behind his desk, adjusting the tie around his neck, and gives me a slightly worried look.
"Are you okay?" he asks, and pulls the tie off, shaking it in the air like there's something wrong with it. "I mean, about yesterday. I know it was... slightly over the line, and I'm sorry."
Slightly over the line? Duh, you can say it like that, sure.
I walk around the desk, and sit on the edge, taking the tie from him. "First, is Pietro okay?"
"Yes, he's fine. I gave him the day off today, but I can call him to come here if you want to see him yourself," he assures me and picks up his phone.
"Jeez, no, don't bother him. I'll pay him a visit before going to my first class." I lower the tie over his head to his neck and start to adjust it. Dad sucks balls at this. "But, yeah. I'm fine. Lesson learned."
His blue eyes soften with relief. "Good. Is there something else you want to talk about? Do you want to go to breakfast with me before class?"
Just like that, he is Dad again. Not the psychopath from the gym yesterday. My Dad, who takes me to get pancakes in the morning. Every one of us has our own routines with Dad, and that's mine. With Tiger, he jogs. I know they run to the beach and back, a fucking long way, and I could never run that long. I suck at cardio, so when I need to punish myself, I use the treadmill.
Okay, I only use a treadmill when I don't have Tiger near.
...I hope Luke lives near the gym.
Or I might just fucking kill myself in the next few days.
I shake my head at Dad's question. "I have to pass on breakfast, Luke is coming to get me. And about that..." I finish with the tie and smooth it against his chest before continuing. "I came to tell you that I'm going to spend a couple of days at his place."
Dad leans back in his chair, cocking an eyebrow. "You must really like him then."
I'm such fucking trash. "Yeah, Luke is awesome." He really is, and I'm a horrible person who doesn't deserve a friend like him. But... "So, is it okay if I take a couple of days off?"
"Sure." He gives me a warm smile, which he doesn't show very often. "I think this will be good for you. You've seemed a bit burned out recently."
A bit? I'm a better actress than I thought I was. High-fucking-five for me.
"Everything will be okay." I repeat the mantra I've been telling myself for years.
"That's good to hear." Dad doesn't sound entirely convinced. "Did you w
ork things out with Tiger?"
In my head, I jump over the desk and run out the door, screaming as I go. But what I do is sit still and nod like a fucking politician. "Sort of. I have something I need to ask about him."
"Sneaking behind your best friend’s back? Well, Cobra, I have to say, you keep surprising me today."
Yeah, my new black. "What do you know about his sister?"
Dad's eyes narrow, and I can see his muscles tightening even though he tries to act like it’s nothing. "He told you about Amelia?"
"Not exactly. Just that he had a sister."
"Nothing else?"
I give him a wary look. "No. What is it? Is she dead?"
Dad folds his arms across his chest. "Ask him. I'm not going to tell you anything behind his back." He drops his voice an octave lower. "And Cobra if he says no, it's a no. Don't push him about it."
Now I'm fucking intrigued. I've never been obsessed about knowing what happened, but I didn't know Tiger had a sister? And the fact that Tiger didn't say anything else about it, and Dad's warning not to push him. Of course, I don't want to push him, but... I want to know.
I want to know every little detail about Tiger.
"Of course, I'm subtle. I'm the smoothest person you know." I get up to leave with a massive fake smile, but I know instantly I shouldn't have done it.
Dad stops me, just by his voice. "Cobra. Don't. Push. Him."
I drop the smile and get serious. "I won't, I promise. I love Tiger, and I wouldn't hurt him intentionally."
Did I just say that I love him?
I think I did. Channeling my inner Lady Gaga, I keep a poker face.
"Good. He's a good kid, one of the most loyal and good-hearted boys I've ever met, but don't corner him. I mean it," Dad says, and pulls me to him, placing a kiss to my forehead when I lean closer. "Have fun with Luke, Angel, but take your gun with you."
"Will do, Dad." I tap his shoulder and leave with a million questions in my head.
But most of all, what happened five years ago?
