The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha ... Begins

by S M Mala

  She watched Jake walk towards them as Frederick patted her head and walked away.

  ‘Behave when you’re out,’ he said, passing Jake. ‘And don’t let Hatty or Louisa get drunk or chatted up by unsuitable men. I’ll find out.’

  ‘I’ll try,’ she said and smiled as Jake stopped in front of her.

  ‘What’ve you said to my father?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Don’t go telling him I’m sniffing around on your behalf,’ he warned, his eyes looking similar to his father’s she noticed. ‘I want a peaceful fortnight before I head back to sanity.’

  Murray watched Hatty and Jake walk towards the waiting taxi by the gates. He put his head in his hands, knowing he reacted the wrong way before looking up at Frederick’s ashen face.

  ‘Why is she doing this now?’ Murray said. ‘I don’t get it. She’s said nothing for years and I thought it’d all blow over.’

  ‘Elena told me Hatty mentioned what Caroline said. That woman shouldn’t have come here if all she wanted to do was cause problems.’

  ‘I thought with Jake here, it might all be forgotten about. It seems he’s digging around on her behalf.’

  ‘They remind me of you and Eloise, you know that?’ Frederick turned to look at the young couple squabbling at a distance.

  ‘What if Hatty is determined to find out everything?’

  ‘You better make sure she doesn’t.’

  ‘Bastards! All bastards!’ Louisa muttered, shaking her head furiously as Jake was at the bar.

  ‘You knew he was married, you knew the score. And he was much older. You’ve got to go for someone younger and with less baggage.’ Hatty kept looking across at Jake and realised he was having too much fun with a couple of females and felt her jealousy rise. ‘They are selfish little pigs. That’s a fact.’

  ‘Not all men are selfish and me not want a boy, me want a man!’

  ‘All men are boys,’ she said and looked at her pretty friend flashing cleavage in her low cut dress. ‘Except Philip as he doesn’t count. Where’s your brother? He hasn’t been returning my calls.’

  ‘Away on business so he says.’ They both looked at each other as Hatty arched her eyebrow. ‘He’ll be back next week.’

  ‘Next week? I need his help this Sunday.’

  ‘Not go askin’ me to ‘elp ya wid ya stall,’ huffed Louisa. ‘Me not able.’

  ‘I’ll have to ask Delores for the car-.’ She heard the raucous laugh of Louisa who had her hand to her chest. ‘What?’

  ‘You’re going to ask Delores for the car keys?’ laughed out Louisa as Hatty knew what she was getting at.

  ‘Ladies, your drinks,’ said Jake, smiling at the pair of them.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Louisa, slightly choking.

  Hatty took the opportunity to hit her hard on the back which only made her laugh again.

  ‘What has Miss Harris done now?’ asked Jake, sitting opposite Hatty before giving her a secretive smile.

  She noticed he had a cocktail shot.

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Hatty, sipping her wine cooler.

  ‘A slippery nipple,’ he replied, grinning and knocking the drink back in one. Hatty knew her face was burning hot at the comment but could see Louisa was still laughing. ‘What’s funny?’

  ‘Hatty wants to ask Delores to borrow her car,’ sniggered Louisa. ‘Me like to be a fly on dat wall when ya break da news to ‘er.’

  ‘She can say ‘no’ but I’ll get some wheels somehow,’ Hatty replied.

  ‘Can’t Hatty drive?’ asked Jake. ‘Everyone drives but then again it is Hatty we’re talking about.’

  ‘I can drive and-.’

  ‘She has a habit of writing off cars and crashing!’ laughed Louisa as Hatty shook her head getting annoyed with her friend.

  ‘Let’s change the subject,’ she added, picking up Louisa’s drink and literally shoving it in her mouth to stop her from talking.

  ‘Writing off cars?’ Jake looked puzzled.

  ‘And crashing,’ corrected Louisa. ‘For example you have A here and B there.’ She demonstrated with the coasters. ‘Hatty can go from A to B without any cars and crash into something.’

  ‘That’s not fair and it’s not true!’ snapped Hatty, seeing Louisa start to laugh again.

  ‘Delores has sworn she is never to get into a car and drive as long as she breathes. Murray agreed because Hatty managed to find herself in a ditch with one of his trucks.’

  ‘It wasn’t a truck,’ mumbled Hatty, sucking hard on her drink. ‘It was a little van.’

  ‘Man, me daddy had to pull some strings to get her off with a warning,’ laughed Louisa. ‘And then the following day she did the same thing again. She is effectively banned from driving on the island. Not even da drunks get banned!’

  ‘I haven’t got a prison sentence and they took away my licence, making me promise to stay off the road until Chief Harvey thinks the time is right,’ Hatty said, knowing her nose was shiny from nerves and embarrassment. ‘Which will probably be never!’

  ‘But they took her photo and fingerprints,’ added Louisa. ‘You’re sitting with the island’s top criminal.’

  ‘Go on, big me up,’ said Hatty and noticed two attractive guys walking by.

  She discreetly eyed them up and was met with a grin from one of them. As she turned, Hatty realised Jake spotted what she was doing but had a faint smile on his lips.

  ‘You’re all woman,’ Jake said quietly. Louisa pulled a little mischievous smile at Hatty. ‘The worst traits like not listening and now driving.’

  ‘Sexist pig,’ Hatty replied as Jake grinned.

  ‘I love this song,’ said Louisa, suddenly jumping up to a calypso record about ten years old and running off to dance.

  ‘The thing about you Hatty,’ Jake began staring hard. ‘It seems even though you try to hide away, you have this awful habit of bringing unwanted attention to yourself.’

  ‘Slippery nipple.’

  ‘You’ve got two of them,’ he said, leaning forward. ‘You know I want to sleep with you.’

  ‘That’s a little up front, isn’t it?’

  She instantly felt hot and her cheeks went red. Hatty looked around to see if anyone was listening.

  ‘If I find out enough information on my last night I want us to have sex. I know it’s going to be amazing.’ He sat back and smiled. Hatty trembled for a moment unable to answer. ‘Unless you’re teasing me?’

  ‘We can’t sleep with each other, that’s the law laid down by Delores and your father.’

  ‘They told us not to mess around with each other and what I want to do to you is not messy… actually it might be.’

  ‘Is this your idea of a seduction because if it is, I think you’re talking to the wrong person,’ she said, leaning forward, knowing he would be the only one to see down her dress. ‘You’re going to have to make me beg for it.’

  ‘I can do that,’ he said, confidently.

  ‘I doubt that very much.’

  Looking after a drunk was harder than she thought. It was Hatty who was usually worse for wear but Jake got completely slaughtered. She was trying to steer him into the house quietly.

  ‘You can’t even hold your drink,’ she said. He swayed and laughed while she gently closed the front door. ‘Which room are you in?’ He was so drunk he couldn’t speak and just pointed to the ceiling. ‘I see.’

  Hatty yanked his arm and pulled him up the stairs. He tripped twice and she knew Murray would wake. It was after one in the morning and everything was silent, except for Jake’s giggling.

  ‘Stop it,’ she said. He seemed to be having a hard time focussing. ‘People are sleeping and you need to get to bed.’

  Jake squinted at her as she squinted back while taking him to his room, which she knew was his. She could see it from her bedroom window. As she opened the door, there were magazines and books all over the place plus one laptop and a computer pad on his table.

  ‘One for work and one f
or porn,’ she sighed, shaking her head as he stumbled to his bed and passed out drunk, face forward.

  Hatty pulled his shoes off then positioned him so if he was going to vomit, it could be onto the floor and he’d have less chance of asphyxiating himself. She looked for the dustbin and placed it strategically by his head then she gently stroked his hair and kissed it. Just as she got up and turned, he pounced on her, pinning her to the bed.

  ‘Jake!’ she hissed feeling his groin push hard against her own. ‘Get off me, you’re drunk.’

  ‘Stay the night with me, in my bed. Please,’ he slurred, trying to aim his lips at her neck as she pushed him away.

  ‘I need to get home. Delores will be worried.’

  ‘She’s probably humping daddy next door. Come on.’

  ‘You’re drunk and you’ll probably be sick in my hair,’ she said, trying to shove him off.

  ‘Just wanna have someone to hold and love,’ he said.

  Hatty looked at his screwed up drunk face before gently pushing him off.

  ‘Fully clothed Jake Logan or I’ll chop your bollocks off, do you hear me?’

  ‘Good,’ he said, wrapping his arms around her and she nestled into his neck before falling asleep.

  Ten

  When Delores opened the door to Jake’s room the following morning, she instantly put her hand to her mouth at seeing the pair of them on the bed. Jake was laying forward, half hanging out of the bed as Hatty lay on her back, peacefully sleeping.

  ‘At least they’re fully clothed,’ smiled Murray, standing behind her then laughed. ‘How drunk did they get last night?’

  ‘This is not funny!’ snapped Delores. Something in her gut turned on seeing them both on the bed and old jealousy reared its head. It reminded her of another time and place. ‘I want you to stop this.’ She turned to look at Murray, who seemed to be gazing at the young pair passed out. ‘Are you listening?’

  ‘They like each other. They’re having fun.’

  ‘You want this to happen, don’t you? You want them to be together as if reliving your life again!’ She couldn’t help it. She wanted to scream at Murray as he angrily looked away and marched to his bedroom, Delores following. ‘It’s not enough you can’t be with her, you want her daughter too!’

  ‘This is ridiculous!’ he hissed back. ‘Hatty is lonely and she needs more friends. Jake is good for her. Have you seen them together? How much fun they have?’

  ‘He wants to just fuck her and leave!’ snapped Delores. ‘Like all the men in his family. Have bit of fun then cast them aside.’

  ‘You know that’s not true,’ Murray said and Delores knew he was getting angry so she tried to calm herself down.

  ‘I think Hatty needs to go away, get away from here, from you.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘It’s time she grew up and took control.’

  ‘She’s got no one else,’ he said angrily. ‘And I wonder if she really has you at all.’

  ‘Don’t you dare turn this on me!’ Delores spat back. ‘I did this all for you, what you wanted. But even I know she has to go.’

  ‘You want her to go so you won’t be threatened by her.’

  ‘Murray you’re being ridiculous!’

  ‘Am I? It’s the same way you were with Eloise. It’s the same thing you’re doing to her child except this time I’m not in love with Hatty. I love her like a daughter.’

  ‘You love her because it’s the closest thing you’re ever going to get to Eloise!’

  Delores flung open the door and saw someone standing in the corridor, very dishevelled and still extremely drunk, looking directly at her as she flinched.

  ‘What were you quarrelling about?’ asked Hatty and Jake knew she’d heard the argument from his bedroom but couldn’t make out the words.

  He jumped up, his head spinning, and ran out to see Hatty looking creased but gorgeous first thing in the morning. Her hair was all over the place and strands were sticking to her face as her dress was half off. He noticed she’d taken off her bra by her erect nipples showing through the material.

  ‘They always bicker,’ he said, realising his thumping brain was making it hard for him to focus, let alone turn his head.

  But when he did, he noticed the angry expression Delores was betraying before his father opened the bedroom door and looked stunned.

  ‘You both look extremely hung over,’ Murray said gently to the pair of them.

  ‘He was very drunk,’ yawned Hatty. ‘Then he managed to stop me from leaving so I fell asleep here. I was going to-.’

  She took a deep breath and all three could see what was going to happen next as she ran down the corridor, into the bathroom and puked up.

  ‘Was it a good night?’ asked Murray, passing Delores.

  Jake could see his father was furious with the woman.

  ‘I know about Hatty’s mother and father,’ Jake said quickly. ‘Hatty has no idea so if you want to be fair you should tell her.’

  ‘Who are you to tell me what to do?’ snapped Delores. ‘You don’t know anything.’

  ‘Well I’ll find out,’ he hissed, realising he wasn’t too fond of Hatty’s guardian as his father looked down to the ground.

  ‘I’m taking her home,’ Delores sharply replied but Jake stood in her way.

  ‘I don’t want you to.’

  ‘Jake,’ Murray gently said. ‘Hatty should-.’

  ‘I’ll look after her. Just get her some clean clothes and I’ll sort it. I’ll see what she heard and then I’ll smooth it over.’ Jake glared at Delores as he’d heard what his father said about her not really caring about Hatty and this troubled him. His stare clashed with Delores, who marched off down the stairs as Jake looked at his father. ‘If you know she doesn’t really care about Hatty then why did you let her into her life?’

  ‘Not now,’ his father replied, rushing down stairs behind Delores. Jake took a deep breath and realised he wasn’t as ill as he thought before knocking on the bathroom door. ‘How are you?’

  ‘I’m dying,’ she said, throwing up again. ‘I think I’ve been poisoned.’

  ‘You shouldn’t mix your drinks.’

  ‘You’re the one that bought them for me.’

  ‘Yes,’ he mumbled quietly. ‘Hoping you’d get drunk and we’d fuck.’

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘I said it feels like my head has been run over by a truck.’

  ‘Where’s she gone?’ asked Hatty, sitting on the balcony of the house an hour later as Jake eyed her up and down, mulling over what he’d heard that morning between his father and Delores.

  ‘Don’t know. She dropped off your clothes and said she was going out for the day and you were to…’ Jake rubbed his face then focussed on her, remembering that not too long ago she was like a dead weight on his arm.

  He rubbed his shoulder.

  ‘I’ve got so much stuff to do,’ she said, looking around the garden.

  ‘If you’re not actually doing anything how comes you’re so busy?’

  ‘I have hobbies,’ she shrugged. Monica walked towards them with a tray. ‘Hangover food!’

  ‘Aunt Ethel said ya to eat dis and it make ya feel much better,’ smiled Monica brightly. ‘She know it work for Hatty an’ it should work for ya, Master Jacob.’

  ‘How many times does she make hangover food?’ he said, wafting something spicy coming his way.

  ‘Probably every week for Hatty.’

  ‘I don’t have a hangover every week,’ she said, smiling at the tray.

  ‘Ya get drunk every week,’ Monica scowled. ‘And Ethel tell ya to stop drinkin’ because when ya a teacher ya not able to behave like dis!’

  ‘I haven’t passed my exams.’

  ‘You will,’ Jake said. Monica put a plate of fried rice in front of him and smiled. ‘For breakfast?’

  ‘What’s wrong with it?’ said Hatty tucking in and smiling. ‘Yummy!’

  ‘I just want some eggs.’

  The smell
was making him feel a bit sick.

  ‘You don’t want to eat what I eat?’

  ‘Not this morning,’ he replied.

  Hatty grabbed his plate and emptied the contents onto hers.

  ‘Get the prince an omelette. Stuff it with cheese or something and tell Aunt Ethel I’m going to take heed of her words,’ smiled Hatty.

  ‘Certainly,’ laughed Monica walking off. ‘Ya gonna listen’ but not do anytin’.’

  ‘Exactly,’ she said, eating and smiling at Jake.

  He saw the cars coming into the office and noticed the orange sports car as Gina got out and her long legs hitting the ground. She stood up then smoothed out her slim skirt, flashing him one of her dazzling smiles.

  Jake knew exactly how he liked to get over the night before and Gina was especially accommodating. He smiled as she walked up the stairs slowly, wiggling her behind knowing she was being looked at. Jake glanced at Hatty who was looking down at her plate of food, chewing slowly. She seemed lost in thought. They sat there in silence for about five minutes then flashed him one of her threatening stares.

  ‘What’ve I done now?’ he innocently said, knowing she was wound up as soon as she even knew Gina was in the vicinity.

  ‘Don’t play with me, Jake,’ she quietly said. ‘And before you say ‘what do you mean?’ you know exactly what I mean.’

  ‘I don’t,’ he said, letting out a sigh as he watched Gina walk through the office.

  ‘I have to go,’ Hatty said, standing up abruptly, taking her plate of food and walking away. ‘See you later.’

  ‘Have we got a lesson today?’

  ‘I think you’re trying to teach me a lesson with the pathetic way you know I can see you leering after Gina Glory Glory and playing me for a fool!’ she snapped and stormed off, passing Ethel who was hobbling towards Jake with a plate in her hand.

  He was unsure if she’d make it to the table so he jumped up and took the plate.

  ‘Me gat to sit,’ Ethel said, taking a seat next to Jake and fanning herself down with a place mat. ‘Too hot today.’ He saw her looking at Hatty going off into her house and slamming the door shut. ‘What ya do now?’