by S M Mala
‘I loved her, I still love her,’ he said and she noticed the hesitation in his voice. ‘She is my one true love. I’ve never denied that.’
‘But me,’ she said gently, knowing shouting at him would get her nowhere. ‘Why don’t you feel the same way about me? Why are you forcing those two together? Is it to remind you of what you lost?’
‘Don’t start this shit again!’ he snapped, taking her by surprise. ‘And don’t even intimate I am attracted to Hatty or so help me god Delores you will never see me again!’
‘You look at her the same way you used to look at Eloise, with wonderment and love. You never look at me like that, you never treat me the same way you treat her!’
‘Eloise or Hatty?’
‘Both.’
Murray stared at her for a good time before turning away. Delores felt her heart starting to beat faster, a painful throb in her chest.
‘I tried to give you everything to show you how much I appreciated you looking after Hatty,’ he quietly replied. ‘I know you probably read something more into the arrangement but-.’
‘Read something more!’ she said loudly, grabbing his arm and turning him around. ‘I thought we were going to be together, out in the open. I never thought in a million years you’d pretend I was your housekeeper. Are you ashamed of me? Are you still so caught up in your family’s prejudices, you don’t have the guts to face them with the facts?’
‘The fact being what?’
She felt so angry at his words and that he wanted her to explain.
‘We are lovers and have been on and off for over twenty five years. The fact when you were pining over Eloise and married to Jane you were still slipping into bed with me. The fact you begged me on bended knee to look after Hatty. The fact you promised me commitment and love, when in fact you gave me a house to live on your estate like a servant. Are those facts enough?’ Delores tried to stop herself shake with anger when she saw the pained expression on his face. ‘The fact I want to marry you and you never answer me. The fact Hatty might end up being with your son and then where do I come into it? You won’t need me will you, as you’ll have it all.’
‘Is that’s what’s worrying you? You think you’ll be an outsider?’
‘When haven’t I been?’
Twenty seven
Hatty smiled at Philip as he looked at her for a good fifteen seconds while sat on her porch outside the house. He then raised the bottle to his lips and took a sip.
‘Say something,’ she quietly said. He rolled his eyes and shook his head from side to side. ‘Is that it?’
‘What ya want me to say?’ Philip replied. ‘And how long has it been?’
‘Five weeks,’ she sighed. ‘Actually five weeks and two days. We got back together on Valentine’s Day, in the morning.’
‘Me turn me back to go away an’ dis ‘appens. The whole island talkin’ about it.’
‘Don’t care,’ she shrugged when it was the exact opposite.
‘Kissin’ up wherever ya go!’ laughed Philip, shaking his head. ‘Not worry who see.’
‘Drop your accent and stop being a bitch,’ she snapped, folding her arms across her chest. ‘I love him and he loves me.’
‘And he’s gonna cause a whole lot of problems!’
‘How?’
‘You asked him to look into your father, didn’t you?’
‘Maybe,’ she said and hesitated for a moment. ‘I know you told me not to but I want to know about the filthy bastard. Anyway, how do you know?’
‘I know everything.’
‘If you know everything, then you know about my biological father,’ she said, feeling smug at her comment. ‘But you’re not going to say, are you?’
‘How’s Delores?’
‘I don’t know,’ Hatty said, trying to sound flippant, when she was masking her hurt about her aunt. ‘I think she’s gone off on some travels. Didn’t even ask me to go with her.’
‘And you leave Jake? Me not tink so,’ laughed Philip.
‘And how’s Gabriel?’ smiled Hatty, wanting to turn the tables on Philip. ‘Don’t you dare tell me you didn’t go and see the little Spanish lover boy?’
‘He’s got a new boyfriend,’ said Philip as Hatty did a double take.
‘Don’t you mean a lady boy?’
‘Hatty, ya not bein’ nice,’ smiled Philip, taking another slurp of his beer.
‘And you’re okay with this?’ Hatty stood up and sat next to Philip. ‘I never took you for being so modern about sharing.’ She looked out towards the sea. ‘If Jake shared, I’d chop his bollocks off! And you’re not jealous?’
‘Why?’ smiled Philip. ‘I like Gabriel, he’s a good man with a good heart but at the end of the day, he’s secure about himself unlike me.’
‘I’m lost,’ she said, scowling for a moment. ‘You’re saying you’re never going to come out? Is that what you mean?’
‘I’m saying, I’ll do what I want when I want without people sticking their nose in,’ he said, too eloquently for Hatty’s liking.
‘Do you think I’m making a mistake?’
‘Again?’ Philip added. ‘You’re both young and that could be why you’re not sure how to act and behave when you’re in love, hence the misunderstandings and-.’
‘He told me he still fancied that slut and then told me about what my father did. That wasn’t a-.’
‘You look happy. I hear he’s happy but you know he’s leaving in a few months so don’t pin your hopes on him not going, because he will. Den what ya gonna do?’
‘Cry.’
After Philip left, she decided to go for a swim in the sea, hoping the more she practised the less she’d be afraid. Jake was due home in half an hour so she was determined to show him she’d progressed. Staring hard at the calm water as the late afternoon sunshine hit her back, Hatty grimaced for a moment.
‘I can do this, I can swim in the sea, I’m not afraid.’ Suddenly she remembered a story about a man being bitten by a shark in the Seychelles and dying. She stepped back then shrugged. ‘No sharks here.’ She stepped forward and waited for the waves to calm down then thought of Jake and smiled. ‘I love Jake.’
Hatty stood with the water lapping her feet and waited and waited. Then she threw herself in and got a shock of the cold water, before doing a lady like breast stroke knowing she could touch the bottom of the sea with her hand. Her breathing was still rapid and she knew she couldn’t shake off the fear. She sat in the sea and let the waves float her along. Then she saw him running towards her and stopping at the edge.
‘And that’s your idea of swimming is it?’ Jake said, smiling brightly wearing his boxers. ‘I told you not to go in without me.’
‘I have to practise,’ she said and stood up as he took off his shorts. ‘Jake you can’t swim naked!’
‘Can’t I?’ He dove in and swam past her, further out as she looked at the fish man who stopped to smile at her. ‘Swim to me.’
‘I can’t,’ she spluttered trying to hide her fear. ‘It’s too far.’
‘Go on,’ he said. ‘I can touch the bottom with my feet.
‘Which means I can’t,’ she said and let out a nervous sigh. ‘I’ll drown.’
‘I’ll save you,’ he said and she noticed his bright white smile, which was far too wide for her liking. ‘Or I might not.’
‘I can do it,’ she said defiantly. Hatty took a minute to jump up and down before she went in and swam slowly towards him feeling the waves lap her body. ‘Are you moving back?’
‘No,’ he lied as she narrowed her eyes at him. ‘It’s the current. You know there have been freak weather conditions throughout the north states of America. Hurricanes hitting inland and torpedo’s destroying-.’
‘Don’t talk to me about this now, weather boy!’ she snapped, knowing he was winding her up. ‘Next you’ll tell me there was a tsunami.’
‘There was some talk,’ Jake smiled before laughing. ‘But it looks like these conditions are moving
south towards Mexico.’
‘Do you want me to swim or don’t you?’ she said, spitting the water out of her mouth, feeling scared the current might take her away.
He moved closer and grabbed her so she could wrap her arms and legs around him.
Hatty put her head in the crook of his neck and smiled. Even in the sea, she could smell his scent, whereas she knew her current repellent was very over powering. She looked at him and he grinned before they kissed. There was a sound of a boat going past in the distance as she opened her eyes to see if anyone was looking.
‘Let’s make love,’ he whispered into her ear.
‘What?’ Hatty pushed him slightly away. ‘So passing boats can get an eye full?’
‘We make love and I guarantee you won’t be afraid of the sea again.’
‘Me afraid ya get arrested for indecent exposure!’ she laughed, kissing him again.
‘Come on,’ he said and she felt his hand squeeze her bottom. ‘I want to make love to you.’
‘When don’t you?’ she said and noticed his smirk. ‘You’re like Barney on heat in my herb garden.’
‘I want you,’ he said, kissing her neck as another boat went by.
‘Do you think there are more boats coming this way? Philip said the whole island knows about us, so do you think they’re making sport by sneaking round?’
‘Now you’re being paranoid!’ he laughed, picking her up by her waist and held her further up.
‘Don’t throw me!’ she said, seeing his mischievous smile. ‘Don’t Jake!’
‘I wanted to look at you,’ he smiled. ‘My beautiful little mermaid.’
Next thing, he was swimming as Hatty held on to his back towards the cave. He stood up and walked into it as she watched his white bottom. Hatty stood up to see who could see his outrageous display and followed. Jake was picking up some stones.
‘And where are you going to put those?’ she asked, seeing him stand quickly.
‘Let’s make love in here.’
‘What is wrong with you?’ she laughed, shaking her head. ‘You want to do it in the open now?’
‘The second time I made love to you we did.’ Then she noticed something flicker in his face and swore he looked upset then put on a bright smile. ‘And I don’t want to stop making love to you.’
‘What’s wrong?’ she said, moving closer as he smiled gently. ‘And don’t tell me nuttin, cos me know when ya lie.’
‘I was talking to Sam today, you know the editor at ‘The New York Times’,’ he said and Hatty’s heart sank. ‘He was asking if I could start earlier and-.’
‘No!’ she said a little too loudly as her voice echoed in the cave. ‘You can’t!’
‘Hatty,’ he said gently and she knew this was going to be bad. ‘He’s got a few people off in the middle of May and he wanted to-.’
‘We have seventy days left from tomorrow,’ she said, knowing tears were stabbing at her eyes. ‘I don’t want to give one day up with you.’
‘But-.’
‘I won’t get them back because I know when you’ve gone you won’t come back for a long time,’ she said, biting her lip seeing he was looking away. ‘I’ve got this time with you and every second is very important to me.’
She then noticed his pained expression and waited for a moment. Hatty knew how important the job was to him and how he’d prolonged his start to be with her. Closing her eyes for a moment and letting the tears quickly drip down, she knew what she had to say.
‘But if you want to go then I understand as you’ve put it off long enough. It’s your life, your future, you should go back early.’ As she said it, she knew she was going to burst into tears which would only make him angry so she wiped her eyes and smiled. ‘We could talk over the web, if you like, that’s if you want to say in touch? Do you?’ Jake stood there, staring at her for a while. She didn’t know what was going on in his head, worried he’d shake his head from side to side or even say ‘no’. ‘You’ve been good to stay here for so long. I’m being pathetic aren’t I?’
‘You’re being thoughtful,’ he eventually said and half smiled. ‘I’m going to be doing some work for him before I go back. The hurricanes might be on their way down here or up back into the States and-.’
‘Are you going back early?’ She heard her voice tremble. ‘I need to know so I can make you a present, finish the bowls and-.’
‘I’ve not decided,’ he replied and she thought she felt her heart crumble for a moment, knowing he had and didn’t want to say.
‘Okay,’ she nodded, unable to stop the sob coming into her throat. ‘Whatever you decide I’ll be fine, I really will. I won’t make you sad, I promise. And we won’t fight and break up because nothing can do that to us.’
Hatty wiped her eyes, once again, and turned around to walk out of the cave so she could cry alone. Before she could take another step, she felt his arms wrap around her and his chin on the top of her head.
‘I don’t want to leave you, you know that don’t you?’ he gently said.
‘You’re going to,’ she said and burst into tears. ‘You’re going to leave me and I can cope and I will cope.’
Even Hatty knew that was a blatant lie.
‘Don’t cry,’ he whispered into her wet hair. ‘Your nose starts to run and it’s like slime.’
Hatty laughed but she was scared of what was inevitably going to happen and knew she wasn’t ready. She turned and buried her face in his chest, crying very loudly, she heard herself echo in the cave.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, trying to stop. ‘I don’t want to blub.’ He squeezed her tightly and she hugged him fiercely back. ‘Don’t tell me when you’re going to go, just go then I’ll be surprised without counting down to you leaving.’
‘Then you’ll be hurt.’
‘So what? It’s going to happen.’
He knew she was trying her hardest to hold it together. Four days past and she pretended everything was okay. Jake knew Hatty hadn’t been sleeping since he told her about potentially leaving earlier. That morning, she’d left very early for the Sunday market and he pretended to sleep as she packed up her things. When he touched her pillow, it was soaked in tears and that tore his heart knowing she was putting on a brave face.
Jake walked into his room and rummaged in his suitcase. He found the package in the side and looked at it before putting it on the bed.
‘Shit,’ he said, opening it up and smiling, then picked up his cell phone to send a message.
He got showered and changed, getting a cab to the market. It was exceptionally busy as he sat at the bar so he could examine Hatty without her noticing. Jake was blown away at how beautiful she looked that morning, her hair tied back in a scarf and her big white floppy hat protecting her from the sunshine.
‘Oh great,’ he mumbled, noticing she was getting quite a lot of attention from men.
Jake smiled at Hatty’s total oblivion to being chatted up as she grinned and laughed. He let out a sigh. Then he noticed Gina walk towards Hatty and how the mood changed.
Hatty immediately looked upset as Gina spoke to her. He could see from the way the tall vixen was standing, she was giving Hatty a hard time. Jake observed the meeting and then saw Hatty laugh out loudly, which seemed to have stunned Gina, who immediately ran off.
‘You know I know! So you better hold your tongue before I start giving my opinion about you, aye?’ shouted Hatty smugly.
Jake caught her mouthing ‘slut’ as he laughed.
Ten minutes later, he slowly strolled to her stall as she stuffed money into her satchel and did a double take, smiling brightly.
‘Hello Ha Ha. I see you’ve been upsetting customers.’
‘Like who?’ she said, standing with her hands on hips. ‘I’ve been nice to everyone.’
‘Like Gina?’
‘She only comes to market to annoy me.’ Hatty started tidying up her items and flashed him a sheepish look. ‘And she was spouting nonsense.’
‘Like what?’ Jake stepped closer and could see she was mulling something over.
‘How would you know about Gina Glory Glory being here?’ she asked accusingly.
‘I saw you and decided to stay back but not before you shouted at her. What did she say to upset you today?’
‘She said I was a fool, as you were obviously suffering from sunstroke to even want to be with me and something else.’ She shrugged and took off her hat, undoing her scarf and retying it. ‘Which I know you’ll ask about.’ Hatty sighed and looked up at him. Jake felt his heart skip a beat at her sullen expression. ‘She said you’re using me and you’re with me out of pity, plus I should make the most of it as you’ll be the only man who’ll ever want me. As soon as you go back to America, I’ll be on my own again which I deserve.’
‘Do you think that’s true?’ he asked, knowing full well she did, as she smiled brightly for a moment. ‘You’re listening to gossip.’
‘I don’t care.’ They stared at each other for a moment and he wanted her badly as she grinned then shrugged. ‘At least I’ve had you.’
‘What are you going to sell me today?’ he said, leaning up against the side of the stall.
‘My body,’ she said, letting out a sigh. ‘But you get dat for free so me ‘ave to pay you for ya services.’
‘You left very early this morning.’
‘I had more stock and I knew there’d be loads of people today.’ He could see she looked tired and wanted to wrap his arms around her. ‘How comes you’re here? Spying on me?’
‘I wanted to see you,’ he quietly replied. ‘And I thought I’d take you out to lunch.’ Suddenly he noticed her startled expression. ‘What?’
‘You’re not going soon are you?’ she said and fear was etched all over her face.
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said, quickly going to the other side of the stall and hugging her. ‘I’m not going for weeks and weeks. Do you think I’d take you out to lunch and fly out?’
