Laura's Big Win

by Michelle Tschantre'

Chapter Three - Laura, In The Beginning

  Laura Scott rather liked numbers and the way they seemed to explain things and made them work, even in grade school. She was less interested in pure math than in story problems, which pretty well explained her later interest in business accounting and in information systems. Although she dated some in high school, she did not have the outgoing personality type of two-years-younger sister, Nancy; Laura tended to look a little farther down the road than Saturday night at the movies or a house party. College was a must for her long range plans. Although she did not rule out husband and family, it was more of a mirage in the distance with little substance and given little thought.

  After two years at the local junior college, Laura transferred to State as a Junior, and looked forward to graduation in two years. Her summers were spent in a variety of odd jobs, everything from a stint as a cook in a sandwich shop to a job weighing trucks at a concrete batch plant. She had fond memories of the batch plant job, and even fonder memories of the revenue it produced. The plant was involved in a continuous pour for nighttime highway construction work, and she frequently worked the twelve hour overnight shift; the shift differential plus overtime pay made for a really nice paycheck every week and she was pretty well set financially for the fall session to start. Then too there was the driver banter on the radios, although they were very careful about their language in an effort to impress this beautiful young woman at the scale house window. Laura wasn't interested in them but was always friendly and polite; most were married with children anyway, but she was a bright spot in their world otherwise filled with screaming engines, diesel exhaust, and cement dust. She would look back in a few years and marvel at the simplicity of it all.

  Her Senior year was just as demanding time wise as the other years, but she was getting better at budgeting her time, and now and then found time for recreation. On a late September night after a varsity football game, she found herself in a large group of partiers, including some MBA candidates from the grad school. She remembered that sometime during the night she was introduced to Richard Nessing, a tall, handsome MBA candidate several years her senior. She remembered being impressed with his directness, and how he seemed to know everyone and always be on top of every situation. And she remembered him walking her home afterwards, collecting one small kiss for the evening, and a promise he would call. Call he did and called again, until she promised to go out with him the next weekend. After that first real date, it just somehow seemed automatic that they would be together and she didn't think much more about it. Richard was not pressing her for anything she was unwilling to do, but she found her willingness horizons stretching further by the day. Even at that, she often found he seemed a little reluctant to engage in any heavy romantic activity with her, probably, she thought, because he respects me and knows my boundaries. She didn't look down at or condemn her sisters who were sleeping with someone; that was their business, accidents and all, but neither did she want to become one of them. That didn't seem likely with Richard, for which she was grateful. Still, as things between them developed, she sensed that her interest in him ran deeper than his in her; perhaps, she thought, it was because his time was so limited. He had left a promising career in underwriting commercial/industrial insurance to come back to school, and he still kept a hand in with the business when he could. He maintained a high profile on campus, and a grade point average nearly as high as hers. One brighter spot was that he actively encouraged her to excel in her studies, even encouraging her to take more difficult classes although it would limit their time together; he said there was togetherness time later, that her education had to come first. What Laura would learn later was why he really wanted her very well educated. Then there was that other little issue that nagged at her a tiny bit; Richard liked to gamble, on almost anything. That was the down side. The up side was that he was good at it and he won a lot more than he lost. He even said it was just an extension of the insurance business, "You know," he said, "Win some, lose some; I just don't plan to lose in the insurance business."

  And so, while it was not really visible on her radar screen, it was no big surprise when he asked her to marry him after graduation. They agreed she could initiate her own career in accounting and information systems wherever they were located, and that she could work out of their home on a limited basis after the children were born. It was a pleasant if not particularly memorable wedding day, and Laura looked forward to discovering that night what some of the other girls had been talking about. That too was not particularly memorable. If anything, Richard seemed almost reluctant to initiate any activity and once active seemed anxious to get it over with, not at all what she had expected. Or maybe, she thought, this just took practice and things would get better with time. Maybe men really weren't preoccupied with sex, or that driven, or maybe she needed to learn some things or do some things differently. Maybe that really was all there was to it. Maybe. But the thought nagged her that something was missing, and she felt neither fulfilled, nor satisfied, with the way things had gone. Still, she was now a married woman, and any thought of seeking answers elsewhere was out of the question. Richard was it, and she would have to deal with the reality, like it or not. She had accepted his proposal without giving it the thought she would have applied to an accounting problem; she had to live with the consequences.

  Within a week they were relocated to where his previous position had been, and Richard was back at work full time, leaving Laura pretty much to her own devices. She did find a job after a little looking around, although it was a temp job that moved her around as different companies called for assistance. A few months of that, and one company liked her production well enough to bring her on full time. Between that, and her return to night school to just sort of keep up with the evolving technology, her days were filled with activity. The nights remained pretty much unchanged, except that Richard was now back out on the road some overnights, and even when he could, he didn't make any effort to drive the extra hour to come home. By the end of the first year, he decided to split from his company and while he would rep for them, he would be on his own and could drive his business as he saw fit. About the same time, he encouraged Laura to stop any birth control she may have been using, although he seemed not to know or care if she had been doing so, and said they should have a child in their home now, that it was time. And, he said they needed to find a three bedroom house in a nice suburb, one that he could bring clients to for dinner now and then. She realized this was all part of a plan to grow his business, and since it was also related to her well being and security, supported it fully.

  The next few months found her newly pregnant, working full time, and house hunting. Richard didn't seem to have any interest in houses at all until she had narrowed the field to three or four she thought would do nicely and were within their means. He did devote an entire Saturday, but only because all of his potential clients were closed for the weekend. They were soon comfortably settled like thousands of other couples and Laura was developing some new friends. They seemed to be happy enough, and she often longed to just talk about all the little things that seemed to be missing in her life, but she couldn't quite bring herself to initiate the conversation. On the other hand, she sensed that maybe things were mostly her fault, and she admitted to herself that maybe she didn't want to know that either. Things weren't all that bad, really, and Richard was working hard at building his practice. And he did make it home in time when Jackson "Jack" Nessing made his appearance in the world, right on schedule. The tiniest thought occurred to Laura as she and her new son were getting better acquainted: 'I wonder what would have happened if the doctor had been off time on this delivery. Would Richard have been here?' Not that it mattered a great deal. Her sister had flown in for the delivery since she was one child ahead already and therefore "experienced" and all that. Nancy went into the birthing room with Laura since Richard had declined the offer to attend. Two days later Laura and Jack went home and started a new c
hapter in her life.

  For three months Richard didn't come near her in the bedroom, although they shared a bed. He worked late and rose early, and the baby was hers to tend to at night. Then almost as if some specific goal had been reached, he announced that they should have a second child soon because things would be easier for her with children closer in age. His logic seemed sound to her, although he had more announced it to her than discussed it with her. Anyway, it had its effect. And with a three month old on her hip, she began expanding with Amanda. The only real difference with this pregnancy was that Richard seemed to be very anxious about the sex of the baby, even to the point of asking her to get an ultrasound as soon as it was feasible. Not that he went with her, of course; he was far too busy for that. She even toyed with the idea of not telling him for a while that she had gone, but he'd see the bill anyway so she told him they would be welcoming a girl this time. That seemed to relieve whatever was on his mind, even to the point of his insisting they go out to dinner that night, something not usually permitted in his budget process. That was the other thing that seemed strange to her, Richard claiming they would have to be on a strict budget, but at the same time wanting the expense of another child; it didn't make sense, but he was being successful and she realized maybe she didn't understand everything that he had to deal with. It was also a little strange that she maintained all of his company books, handled the invoicing, recorded all the insured property and things like that, but never saw any of the money. He insisted on direct deposit, which most companies were happy to do, and he held the check book at all times. There was no real issue since any time she had a bill that needed paid, she simply gave it to him and it was paid, and he did provide some cash to her for the smaller expenses. Most of what she needed was handled on a debit card, and it simply didn't occur to her to go to the card issuing bank and ask for a deposit record. It all seemed to be working. And there was the trickle of income from her part time activities she continued to find a little time to conduct for a few clients; Richard never asked about that at all, and when she mentioned it, he seemed to dismiss it as unimportant to their life.

  Amanda was born nine months to the day, if Laura had been accurate at all, but Richard had to be out of town and Laura's sister again stood in for him. The birth went well, and in the typical two days later, Laura and Amanda went home to continue their new relationship, and for Jack to meet his new sister. Richard managed to arrive home three days later, apologetic to the maximum as usual but with no real meaning in his voice. He could voice all the usual platitudes and make things sound good, just as when they were still dating, but Laura slowly came to realize it was his salesman's facade she was seeingeHe. He was delivering a pitch to his wife and kids; it just seemed to her that there was no need for him to do that, unless there was something she was not able to see.

  Be that as it may, their life continued without significant events for the next few years. Richard traveled more than before, and continued to make no effort to be home when he could have done so. Nor did he make any effort at all in the bedroom, usually claiming fatigue from his long work hours. Laura learned to tolerate the absence of physical love, partly because it had never been a high point in their relationship to begin with, and immersed herself in other things. At least she had a good provider who seemed to at least care that they were well taken care of and all their needs met, and that fact she used to excuse the other voids in their relationship. On the other hand, he brooked no excuse from her if he called to say he was bringing a client home to dinner that evening. It didn't matter what else had been arranged in his absence, it didn't matter if one or the other of the kids was ill, it didn't matter how Laura felt about anything, and it was adequately clear that the only thing that mattered was that his client be shown a good time, fed a good dinner. The kids were to be spotless, polite, and quickly invisible at the same time. Laura was equally to be the epitome of the ideal housewife, charming with just a hint of sexiness, clearly a perfect mother, and ever so happy to see her returning spouse.

  It was more an existence than a life, but Laura had two great kids to keep her busy; she maintained a few clients for her accounting services and used that income to go back to school now and then to stay a little more current in a rapidly automating field. She had a social life of sorts with some of the neighborhood ladies, and there was the occasional dinner party they would attend as part of entertaining his clients. She did still believe things could be better, or at least different, but wondered if they really were for other families or if it was all just window dressing. One thing that did bother her a bit more was when she saw fathers playing with their children, or at least with them at a ball game or something like that; she realized that Richard had no idea what went on in his home when he was gone, nor did he seem to care. Laura had even briefly entertained the thought of perhaps doing more socially than she would have previously considered, an affair by another name, but two things stopped her. She didn't have any idea how to go about it, and she realized she could not live with herself if she wrecked her marriage and ended up losing her children because of her own selfish expectations. 'Maybe,' she thought, 'I could become a little more active in the job market next year; Jack is five now and headed for first grade in a few months when he turns six, and Amanda could go to daycare at least part of the day.' She needed to do something to break what had become a routine she could do asleep. Richard or not, she simply was unwilling to let her brain die.

  What Laura didn't know, nor could she have known, was that life was about to be irrevocably changed for her, for Richard, and for Jack and Amanda, and in at least one case not for the better.