The Shapeshifters: The Kiesha'ra of the Den of Shadows

by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

“My lord, can I help you?” the other guard said, a little too loudly, as if to alert the others that I was present.

  Lillian, now the youngest yet most powerful of Araceli’s Mercy, Darien shuddered as Lily turned around, seeming startled by my presence. She, Kel and I did always compete.

  I wondered just how old Lily was. She looked my age, but in a realm where most never aged after their twentieth year, that meant nothing.

  Lily was nine when Kel fled the island and I fell to Ecl. Only twenty-nine now, Darien informed me. Too young to know what she does.

  I did not mean to speak aloud, but could not stop myself from asking, “Did you know?”

  Lily’s eyes flashed from gray to violet. “Did I know what?” Her voice was fragile, her expression almost wounded. “Why are you looking at me as if I’ve drawn a knife on you, Nicias?” She stepped toward me.

  She might as well have, Darien snarled. Tell the two-faced little fowl that she deserved the knife I once managed to give her.

  Darien’s fury toward this woman I cared for made me wince.

  Lily put a hand on my arm. “Nicias, what’s wrong?”

  My stomach clenched with guilt. Darien’s words were persuasive, but I had known Lily for—

  Nicias, get control of yourself, Darien commanded. She’s put persuasion Drawings on your skin. Of course you hesitate to—

  She’s used more than magic on me, I responded.

  “Nicias … did something happen while I was gone?” Lily asked, fearfully. “Dear sky above, Nicias, what is it?”

  Darien’s shouting in my mind strengthened. So what if she does like you? You’re an excellent catch. You are the only male child of the royal house; you are powerful and influential and beautiful. None of that matters, because Araceli ordered her to seduce you, to make you want to stay on Ahnmik, and to keep you away from me.

  I tried to push Lily away, not sure whether to believe Darien, but shocked by the implications.

  Lily held my arm. “Nicias—”

  “I’ve been speaking with Darien,” I said, allowing her to take the words as she wished.

  Her eyes widened in fear. “Oh, gods, no.” She stepped closer. “Tasa’Ahnleh,” she whispered. Ahnleh could mean many things, but in the form that Lily spoke, it meant all things evil. “Nicias, she could kill you.”

  “Were you ordered to keep me away from her?”

  “Of course,” she answered vehemently. “Nicias, Darien is dangerous. She hates the royal house, of which you are a part. Araceli wanted to protect you—”

  I recalled the words Lily had spoken two days before: I know I will never be first to you. You have sworn your loyalty to Oliza much as I have sworn my loyalty to the white Lady …

  “Did she also give you other orders?” I demanded.

  Lily crumbled, stepping back from me. “Do you think it was all an act?” she whispered.

  Of course, Darien responded, though I tried to close my mind to her barbs.

  “Why were you sent to Wyvern’s Court?”

  Had the tale she told about her brother been true at all? Or had she lied about that, too?

  Lily drew a deep breath. “I told you the truth about why I visited your lands. If Araceli had other intentions, I never knew them.”

  That lying little fowl, Darien snapped. I may not be privy to Araceli’s commands, but I know how her mind works. You were coming of age, Nicias. Of course Araceli would have sent someone who could be a suitable mate, if you proved worthy—or could put you down, if you tried to tie yourself to a serpent or avian.

  I recoiled mentally from Darien, and physically from Lily. I didn’t know who to trust anymore. Darien hated Araceli, and I did not think she would hesitate to warp the truth to get me on her side. Lily was working for Araceli, and I had no idea how far that loyalty went.

  Araceli wanted me to stay on Ahnmik.

  But why had she called Lily back before I had mentioned my fall in the woods to her?

  Araceli knew that your power had awakened. She felt it that day in the woods, just as I did. What better way to make it easy for Lily to guide you here, without anyone asking questions, than to command she return? Araceli would not even have needed to tell Lily her intent.

  Even now, the suggestion seemed contrived. I wanted to believe Lily; I wanted to erase the hurt from her violet gaze. She put a hand on my arm, and I opened my mouth to apologize.

  Trust yourself, Darien snarled, fiercely enough to make me flinch. Trust what you know to be true. And never trust a falcon whose eyes flash violet, for it means she is using the strongest of her magic. Is it so hard to imagine what for?

  How many times had I lost my train of thought when Lily looked at me with such jewel-colored eyes?

  Ask one of the Pure Diamond if he can see Drawings on your skin, Darien suggested. They cannot lie to you.

  I glanced at the two guards, who had been standing in silent ready positions throughout our brief conversation.

  If they could see magic on me, did I really want to know?

  Your hesitation itself is due to magic.

  I turned to one of the Pure Diamond. “Could you see, if someone had used magic on me?”

  The pain on Lily’s face cut me inside. “You don’t trust me at all, do you?”

  “Of course I—”

  “You think I’ve been using magic on you,” she said. “You think … what? That Araceli ordered me to befriend you? Sleep with you? Fall in love with you?”

  “No!” I protested, at the same time that Darien answered viciously, Yes, of course, save the love part. The Mercy isn’t encouraged to love. It would be awkward, if she was later ordered to skin you or some such. If Lily is foolish enough to actually care for you, she will regret it when Araceli calls her.

  “What am I supposed to think,” Lily said, “when you start asking Pure Diamond to read for magic on your skin?”

  Try this one—Darien pushed at me, and I found myself saying words she was inventing. “I told you I spoke to Darien. I think she might have used magic on me. You might not be able to see it since she was a higher rank than you.”

  “How much did Darien tell you?” Lily asked, quietly. Her face held an odd lack of emotion; those gray eyes were shuttered.

  “About?”

  “Everything.”

  I had to tread carefully. “I think you know what she told me.”

  Lily nodded. “Darien, Kel, Mer and I found out together.”

  “And yet you still work for Araceli.”

  Lily’s eyes had returned to pale blue, and the expression in them was cold as hail clouds. “Did Darien tell you what her fighting won? How many innocents were destroyed by her treason before the Empress had the heart to sentence her favorite to death? Did she tell you that Kel had to leave behind a sister and a lover when she fled the city and put herself into exile?

  “Did Darien tell you that a few years ago Lady Cjarsa took pity on her and drew her from the shm’Ecl and offered pardon—and that Darien repaid the favor by trying to kill her? Did she tell you how many of the Mercy died or fell to Ecl that day, my brother included?” She insisted, “That is what Darien’s struggle got her, Nicias. So don’t look at me with disgust for refusing to wage that war.”

  Look what it got you, Lillian, Darien sighed.

  Is it true? I asked her silently.

  In part, the gyrfalcon acknowledged. What she does not mention is that the Empress’s pardon came with conditions. But that is history and this is now; that is my life and this is yours.

  “What other orders did Araceli give you, regarding me?” I asked, as gently as I could. I needed to know. Had any of it been real?

  “It doesn’t matter now, does it? It’s over, sir.” She spat out the title, then turned on her heel and walked away from me. “Guards, Araceli and Cjarsa are both occupied. If you let him pass, it will be your hides.”

  Lily’s wings were trembling slightly, betraying the tension in her body.

  That morning, in igno
rance, I had been happy. Part of me wanted to reach for her and push away the knowledge I had gained.

  It did matter now, more than it ever had.

  I called out as she ascended the stairs, “Araceli ordered you to keep me from Darien.” Lily hesitated for a moment. “What will she do to you, knowing you failed?”

  Her magic lashed back at me, making me stumble and strike the wall, every hair on my body standing on end. “I am no longer your concern, my lord. You have made that much clear.” She pushed open the silver double doors at the top of the stairs and shut them behind her so hard that I heard them ring.

  The Pure Diamond guards were watching me warily. Death to them if I forced myself past. Painful death, probably.

  I had hurt enough people that day. I did not need to give myself more nightmares by fighting these two.

  Then come back to me, Darien whispered in my mind. Let me teach you our magic, teach you what Araceli should be … could be, if she didn’t fear Ecl.

  I WANTED to go home.

  I could not undo the evils of the past, or forget the horrors I had learned. I could not undo the hours spent in Lily’s arms, or forget the ice-cold expression on her face. I could not forget, though I wished to.

  I did not want to be a royal falcon, a prince of this bitter island. I did not want their power. I wanted only to return to Wyvern’s Court.

  Araceli won’t help you. Darien’s voice in my mind was now gentler, almost apologetic. She was pained by the loss of one heir. If she was less obsessed with purity, she never would have given up Sebastian. But she refuses to see a man with a crow’s face as her son. She will not part with another child. She never intended to.

  Everything felt like it was crashing down around me. How could I learn to control my magic under these circumstances? I had been raised to be loyal and honest, and I did not have the wiles necessary to manage the game Araceli had begun.

  I can teach you your magic, Darien promised. If you have the courage to ride the Ecl, I can teach you.

  Darien was using me even as she offered to help me. Lillian had been manipulating me even as she’d shared my bed. Araceli had been engineering my thoughts and actions from the moment I had stepped onto this island. And Syfka … anyone who had seen my mother’s belongings would have known that they would lead me to seek out Darien. Either Syfka or the Empress who commanded her had planned for me to visit the halls.

  Syfka has her own agenda, though I do not know what it is, Darien agreed. But if her plans force her to help you, and help me, then we can use her as she uses us.

  Did anyone here ever work under pure motives, or was it all a façade, layers upon layers of deception?

  We are Ahnmik’s chosen, and Ahnmik is god of control and power and the mind. These games are the way of our realm. Now come.

  You, I replied tiredly, want no less to use me than Araceli does.

  Certainly, Darien answered lightly. But that being so, can we not use each other, too? You take what I teach you. I have faith that, with knowledge, you will do what I hope. If you do not … then perhaps it was not meant to be. I, however, will only manipulate you with the truth. Araceli has no such qualms. I will manipulate you with what is and what could be. Whether you choose to follow where I lead, or lead where I suggest, or fly another sky altogether will ultimately be your own decision.

  Come to me. Now.

  Servos was not present as I entered the halls and immediately walked up the winding ramp to Darien.

  Without either of us speaking, I untied the bonds on her wrists and ankles. The knots that had held her for so long separated almost instantly at my touch, and Darien sighed.

  Once free, she stood, stretched and unfurled strong white and black gyrfalcon wings. She let out a cry, half pain and half triumph. She stretched and flexed her magic as she had her body, and the sheer power made my breath catch before she finally turned her attention back to me.

  Nicias.

  Darien.

  I thought for a while that I would never be free of my bonds. Many times, over many years, I almost gave myself to Ecl in order to escape this imprisoned flesh. Then I felt you, when your magic woke, and … remembered why I’d chosen this path. She stretched once more, arching her spine and reaching her hands above her head. You are Kel’s child, she said, approvingly. But I think you may be stronger than she is. You can handle what I have to teach you.

  “And what is that?” I asked aloud, for seeing her standing perfectly still while I heard her voice so clearly was unnerving.

  “Magic,” she answered. “Science. Religion. Whatever you call it. The void. The Ecl. I can teach you to ride it.”

  “And then?”

  “Ride the Ecl, and it can never rule you,” Darien explained. “If you go willingly, if you dance with its darkness, then you will keep your own mind. Your anchor. That will be enough to keep your magic from devouring you.

  “If you are brave enough to begin.”

  She put her hands up as Araceli had the first day, then paused, allowing me to either mirror her or not. No more words were spoken.

  I hesitated, but not for long.

  I pressed the backs of my hands to hers.

  Now dive, she commanded.

  Once again I was on the black ice with Darien, with the harsh wind ripping at our clothes and hair. The full moon was circled by rings of plum and cranberry, the only colors on the landscape.

  “Ecl’gah,” Darien said, naming the land.

  Illusion.

  “Those the Empress calls shm’Ecl are the ones who have fled from a world that holds too much, into a world where they can rest. Sometimes they do so intentionally—it only takes an instant, a single thought that perhaps nothingness would be easier—and sometimes they do so unintentionally, overwhelmed by their own magic until they forget where the real world is. They get caught by illusions, which are created by their minds to protect them from oblivion.

  “Finally, even the illusions fade, and there is only Ecl. It is nothing, but it is beyond that. It is the absence even of emptiness. It is what is before existence, what is after annihilation. There is no desire to return, and even if one does find a mote of self-awareness, struggling is futile. The more you fight, the more painful the illusion becomes, until you sink back into oblivion because you cannot face what you have created.”

  Darien smiled softly.

  Then, at a flick of her hand, the ice shattered. I tumbled into the cold water beneath, choking on it as I had in my nightmares, and struggled to remain afloat. The ice cut into my hands as I tried to grasp it.

  “Fight and you will fall here,” Darien snapped. Now dive.

  I can’t. My heart pounded as if it was trying to escape my chest, but as much as I shared its desire to flee, there was nowhere I could go.

  “Nicias of Ahnmik, son of Kel of the Indigo Choir and Sebastian of the heir to the white Lady, mindwalker—Nicias Silvermead, sworn Wyvern of Honor. You can drown here, or you can dive. Make your choice. Now.”

  If I did not follow Darien, I would be trapped here, one of the unmoving shm’Ecl, forever.

  I let go of the ice, and then there was no ice, just the water, sucking me down. Neither cold nor hot, it engulfed me instantly. I forced myself not to struggle to the top and found myself sinking ever deeper.

  My need for air disappeared, until I realized it had gone and I panicked, afraid to draw the blackness into myself as breath, but afraid not to just the same.

  Again I was thrashing against nothing.

  Calm yourself, child of Mehay. Fearing her darkness only drives you closer to her. I wasn’t certain I could even call it a voice, let alone Darien’s. Let yourself fall. See where the darkness takes you.

  I imagined for a moment that I was back at Wyvern’s Court, at the end of a long day of drills, and then I brought my mind further back, to my days in the dancer’s nest. I remembered the exercises the serpiente taught, designed to relax one’s body and mind.

  A sigh seemed to bru
sh against me, like silk in the darkness.

  Why do you walk here, stranger? a familiar, resigned voice inquired.

  Suddenly, in the distance, again I saw the black castle. I was back on the ice, surrounded by dunes that began to ripple, smoothing and shifting so that no matter where I stepped I could not move closer to the distant castle. You aren’t wanted … not by me, anyway. Stay here long enough and Ecl will keep you. So why do you walk my kingdom?

  Abruptly I stood before a scene held in ice like a frozen tableau. In it were the triple arches where the dancers performed. Above the arches, a black-winged dancer lifted her face to the moonlight and stretched her body as if weightless. Her hair was black, but held scarlet highlights. Her eyes were closed.

  I recognized Hai, Darien’s half-serpiente daughter. My thoughts of the serpiente must have brought me to her—or her to me. There was no distance, no “here” anyway.

  “Is this your kingdom?” I called. “Or is it your prison? Can you leave?”

  Why would I want to leave? Hai replied.

  I jumped back as the image before me shattered, shards of ice slicing my face and arms before they fell to the ground, where they turned into black and crimson feathers. I knelt to pick one up and found that it was broken and twisted, its edges seared.

  What are you waiting for? Me to invite you in for tea? Go away. You shine too brightly here.

  Ignoring the dismissal, I asked, “What do you mean, I shine too brightly?”

  You—are, you’ve …

  As if my question had distracted Hai from maintaining her defenses, the path to the castle appeared before me. I could see her, again, standing at the top of one of the turrets, her body a gray silhouette against the white moon.

  My mother comes here, sometimes, but I can hardly see her. She is never … really here. She is surrounded by nothing and she is nothing. But you make all this seem fake. Illusion.

  “It is.”

  “Don’t patronize me!” Her voice reached me this time, not in my mind, but carried on the air. “I know this is illusion … sometimes, anyway. When nothing reminds me, when you and my mother don’t barge in here and try to pull me out, I forget. But when you walk in, you shine, and then—” The ice around me glittered with a million colors, before it once again faded to black. “All my world fades.”