Sisters and Secrets

by Jennifer Ryan

  “What? No. What are you saying?”

  “Hallee got sick. Heather panicked. She called and begged David to come. So he made a mad dash to get to her and crashed his car on the highway in the fog.”

  Her mother pressed her fingers to her mouth and her eyes filled with sympathy and understanding. “He wanted to get to his sick child. Surely you must understand that.”

  She fisted her hands. “I’m not some coldhearted bitch. But he might have thought about the children he had at home.”

  Sierra went on. “Of course he wanted to get to Hallee and make sure she was okay. But it should have never happened because Hallee was never supposed to happen in the first place.”

  “It’s not Hallee’s fault.”

  She knew that but it didn’t ease her anger. “Of course not. It’s her parents’ fault. And now Hallee, Danny, Oliver, and I are paying for their selfish, heartless deeds.”

  “Isn’t there any way this can be fixed?”

  She glared at her mom. “Why? How?” She held her arms out and let them drop. “Why would I want anything to do with Heather? So she can stab me in the back again? She was hitting on Mason when I showed up. Hell, she’s probably sleeping with him right now.” The thought turned her stomach and broke her heart even though she’d heard Mason loud and clear turn Heather down flat.

  “I can’t imagine Mason would do something like that to you.” Dede let her head fall back and stared up at the porch ceiling before looking at Sierra again. “Your sister was always audacious.”

  “She’s a home-wrecking whore.”

  Anger etched lines on her mom’s forehead. “Sierra, that’s enough. I know you’re angry and hurt—”

  “I’m furious. And I deserve to be.”

  “Of course you do, but you need to take a breath and give yourself time to sort this out.”

  “Why? So I can go back to paying for a loan that put a roof over her head. Should I give her the okay to go after Mason? Why not? She gets everything she wants and doesn’t care who she steamrolls over to get it.”

  “You’re right. She’s selfish. She expects others to make her life easy. And she gets what she wants. Maybe that’s my fault for spoiling the baby in the family.”

  “We all did. Amy and I took care of Heather. We watched over her. We gave in to her just as much as you did to keep her happy. I helped create the monster, I shouldn’t be surprised she stabbed me in the back.”

  “If you feel that way, then teach her to take responsibility for what she’s done.”

  “How? What can she possibly do to make this right in any kind of way that counts? Can she bring David back so Danny and Oliver have a father again? Can she not sleep with my husband? Can she in any way, shape, or form erase what she did? Can she make me stop second-guessing every interaction I had with David from the time she sank her claws into him? Can she make me feel less like a failure or that I drove him into her arms?”

  “This is not your fault. All marriages have issues. That doesn’t mean someone cheats.”

  “No. It opens the door for someone to want something and someone else.”

  “Sierra, honey, I’ve divorced three men, including your father, and each time I felt like I’d done something wrong. I took on all the blame. It had to be me. The marriages fell apart because there was something wrong with me.”

  Sierra shook her head.

  “I finally realized there’s nothing wrong with me. Those relationships ended because we didn’t fight to keep them together. David gave up on your marriage. Instead of fixing it, he let the issues between you fester. He made a mistake. Of course you sensed something was wrong, so you were hesitant to keep your whole heart in the relationship. You didn’t want to get hurt.”

  “It was already too late. I just didn’t know it.” She sucked in a steadying breath. “I didn’t want to know it.”

  “Trust me, I understand. No one wants to know the person they love lied or cheated or simply doesn’t want to be with them anymore. Whatever the problems, we want that love to survive. We don’t want to feel the pain.”

  “It’s all I feel now. All my memories are tarnished. Can I believe anything he said to me in the end? Was he just placating me, hoping I wouldn’t find out? Were we happy, or did we just settle into our life and accept it?”

  “I saw the two of you together. You were happy. He adored you and the boys.”

  “Are you sure? Because if he could sleep with my sister, not some stranger, but someone that close to me, I wonder if he loved me at all?”

  The silence stretched while Sierra wallowed in her hurt and pain. Her mom tried to come up with something to say to make this better when nothing would change this.

  “This is an impossible situation.”

  “This is a bad episode of shock TV. I’m trapped in my own real-life version of some sordid talk show where they reveal your sister slept with your husband and your niece is really your kids’ half sibling.”

  “I don’t even know how to help you through this.”

  She appreciated her mom’s honesty.

  “I know you want some magic way to make this all right, that somehow Heather and I can work this out. For the children’s sake,” Sierra tossed out, because that’s what couples tried to do when they wanted to keep things together for the kids.

  “Have you thought about what you’ll say to the children?”

  “How are they supposed to understand this, when I can barely wrap my head around it?”

  “They are siblings. I suppose, at some point, they should be told.”

  “I agree. At some point. But how do I tell my sons that their father was a cheater? How does that news impact them? Will they think it’s okay to do that to a woman because, hey, their father did it to their mother? Or will they think it’s the worst thing you can do to your partner and that their father is a bad person? No matter what David did, I don’t want them to think less of their father.”

  “The truth is that David was human. He made mistakes. The boys can learn from them. You can make them understand that what David did was hurtful and wrong, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love his children, that he wasn’t a good father to them.”

  “He didn’t think of what his actions would do to those boys. He didn’t think about anything but what he wanted and his own selfish desires. This wasn’t a onetime lapse in judgment. He carried on the affair for however long, maybe even up until his death.”

  “I’m sure Heather can fill in the details.”

  “I don’t need the details. I don’t want to hear her excuses or apologies. Nothing she says will make this better. Nothing will change my mind about what I think about her now and how I feel.”

  Dede deflated with a heavy sigh and sank into the chair. “What about Mason?”

  “What about him? Am I supposed to trust him when he kept this from me?”

  “You don’t know for sure Mason knew before he investigated the loan. You love him. Not the same way you loved David. It’s deeper. Don’t let this come between you. Give him a chance to explain.”

  She would. But right now, she was mad at herself and the world, and she didn’t think anyone could say anything to change that.

  “All I know is that I don’t want to see her ever again. I don’t want to be confronted with what she and David did every time I see her. I don’t want to feel this way over and over again.”

  “Please, Sierra, take some time to let all this sink in and settle before you make any drastic decisions.”

  “I don’t have a choice. I have to think of the boys. I can’t just do what I want to do like Heather does without thought to how it affects others. No. I have to be responsible and thoughtful and considerate and decent while she does whatever the hell she wants, consequences be damned.”

  Her mother allowed the bitter snarkiness without comment. “All I’m saying is take some time. Think about who’s at fault and who’s not. What’s best for your kids?”

  Yeah, that last part
was the hardest. The boys deserved to know Hallee was their sister. Lies had a way of coming out eventually, and they would have to learn the truth.

  She was expected to be the bigger person. But it was damn hard when she was the one wronged in so many ways.

  “Would you please watch the boys? I need to get out of here for a while.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I don’t know. Away from here.”

  “You can’t outrun this, sweetheart.”

  “I know. But I can at least be alone with it for a while and not have to worry about what everyone else wants me to do and how they want me to feel and what they expect me to do to make this all right for everyone. I want to just be mad.”

  Because being hurt and sad just might break her.

  And she didn’t want the boys to see her curled into a ball, crying her heart out over a man who broke her heart and a sister who crushed it to pieces.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Sierra found herself at the ocean, sitting in the sand, staring at the waves crashing on the beach, seagulls screeching overhead, her thoughts a swirl of emotions as wild as the wind blowing her hair back. Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked. They dripped on her shirt and still she stared out at the wide expanse of water, out to the horizon, and fought the urge to just walk right into the waves and let them carry her away.

  She didn’t really want to die. What she really wanted was to not hurt anymore. She wanted to erase what she knew from her mind and heart.

  She wanted to believe people were good and kind and did the right thing.

  David. Heather. They betrayed her. They lied.

  How could her sister sleep with her husband?

  How could David break every promise and vow and hurt her that way?

  If he was that unhappy, if he wanted someone and something else, he should have said so. Ending their relationship would have hurt, but it wouldn’t have been this devastating.

  Not only had he cheated, he’d done so with her sister.

  The thought cut so deep, she couldn’t bear it. She hugged her knees to her chest, but nothing eased the pain. Her head pounded with every horrible thought that kept rolling in like the waves, the onslaught of second-guessing all their conversations and everything he did all those months he was seeing Heather behind her back.

  Now it all made a horrible kind of sense.

  Looking back, she had had her suspicions, but she’d never come right out and accused him of an affair. Part of her didn’t want to know. The other part didn’t want to mess up the life their boys blissfully enjoyed, not knowing one iota of the troubles facing their parents.

  She hadn’t wanted to burst their happy bubble. She had wanted to protect them. And her heart.

  Ignorance is bliss.

  Until you’re forced to face the truth.

  David did cheat. He lied. He betrayed her and broke their vows.

  He left her with a hell of a mess.

  She hated David for what he’d done. But David wasn’t here. She couldn’t yell at him or force him to hear all the terrible things she wanted to say. He’d taken that from her.

  But Heather was here. She hated Heather.

  She’d have a thousand excuses for her behavior. She’d romanticize their relationship, say it was meant to be, that David’s and her love couldn’t be denied.

  She’d already sworn she never meant to hurt Sierra. But what did she expect would happen when Sierra found out?

  And the kids. Oh god, how would she ever explain to Danny and Oliver that their father slept with Heather and had a child with her? They may not understand the ramifications of that now, but they’d understand when they got older.

  She hated David for leaving it to her to explain to their children.

  Because she couldn’t get away with not telling them. Hallee was proof of what happened, and eventually she’d have to be told the circumstances of her birth and that she had two brothers.

  What would she think when she discovered Sierra hated Heather because of it?

  She sensed her mom wanted to find a way to reconciliation, but Sierra couldn’t see past her rage and hurt to a time when she wouldn’t feel this way when she looked at Heather.

  Just thinking about her brought on a new wave of anger that she had no way of expending. It just built inside her like a volcano, the pressure pushing against everything inside her, wanting to explode.

  The salty mist clung to her hair and chilled her skin. She could use a sweater and something hot to drink.

  She could use a friend, someone who’d let her scream about all the injustices dealt her these last two years.

  She didn’t deserve this. She tried to be a good mom, wife, lover, and friend.

  None of that mattered to David.

  He’d taken what he wanted, their marriage and her be damned.

  Her phone beeped with yet another text or voice mail she wanted to ignore. Her mom wondering where she was and if she was okay. Maybe Amy. Heather probably went to her, hoping to get Amy on her side. Sierra doubted Amy would be sympathetic.

  But Amy would be happy to open a bottle of wine and trash-talk Heather and David all night with her. Deep down, Sierra knew that wouldn’t really help.

  Another beeping notification followed quickly by another. Maybe Mason. He was the hardest to ignore.

  She didn’t take out her phone. She didn’t worry about what they needed or wanted. The last thing she wanted to do right now was make this okay for everyone else while her heart lay in pieces at the bottom of her battered soul.

  She laid her head on her knees and let the grief swallow her as the tears came in a torrent she couldn’t stop or hold back anymore. She let the pain and grief pour out, but the ache of it never seemed to cease, it just kept throbbing. Even when the tears dried and the hiccups disappeared and the sun fell into the ocean, the grief, the pain, they were still there, claws sunk deep in her heart and mind, unrelenting, just like the waves battering the shore and the wind blowing against her, chilling her to the bone.

  Sierra stood on stiff legs, hands numb with cold, and gave one last solemn look at the beautiful ocean and headed back to her car.

  The boys were probably wondering what happened to her and why she wasn’t home to get them ready for bed. She knew her mom would take care of them, but they expected their own mother to care for them.

  She couldn’t dwell on her problems forever, but she’d needed these last several hours alone to think and grieve and be angry and upset without having to explain herself to anyone.

  Now, she’d be the adult and mom and gather herself up and forge ahead because what the hell else was she supposed to do.

  Life sucked. People disappointed and hurt others all the time. And tomorrow was another day to deal with it all and figure out what she did from here.

  The boys deserved the best of her. One day they’d appreciate all she’d sacrificed and given for their happiness.

  Being the adult and the mom sucked, because it meant she had to do all the hard stuff so her kids were happy.

  After everything she’d been through with David and Heather, she wished there was one person wholly and unequivocally on her side.

  Someone who knew all that happened and said, You deserved better. They suck. Fuck them, and stood beside her through all that still needed to be done to get her life back on track.

  Chapter Thirty

  Mason sat on the porch steps waiting for the woman he loved to come home, knowing he had one shot at explaining himself. If he blew it, his whole life’s happiness would disappear.

  He’d spent far too many years wishing for her.

  He’d fix this and make her happy the rest of her life because he didn’t want to live without her.

  He’d show her every day how much he loved her. She’d never have cause to question how he felt about her and that he was completely, irrevocably devoted to her.

  Now if he could only figure out how to make her believe him.


  All his texts thus far had gone unanswered. He didn’t take it as a bad sign. She hadn’t answered any of Dede’s calls or texts, either.

  The front door opened behind him. He turned and stared up at Dede. “Have you heard from her?”

  She gave him a sad frown. “No. Not yet. I thought she’d be home for dinner or at least in time to put the boys to bed.”

  He completely deflated and hung his head. “She’ll be here soon.” The assurance didn’t ease his mind or heart. It probably did nothing for Dede, either.

  “I told you, you didn’t have to wait out here.”

  “I didn’t want to intrude.”

  “Well, they heard your truck pull in earlier and they refuse to go to bed without a bedtime story from you.”

  He glanced at Dede over his shoulder. “I’m not sure Sierra would appreciate that given how she walked away today without giving me a chance to explain.”

  “The boys don’t know that. They’re anxious and worried that their mom isn’t here. They didn’t buy that she had to go to work, especially after they saw how upset she was earlier. I think you might have a better chance of convincing them she’s okay than I did.”

  He sucked in a breath and let it out, but it did nothing to loosen the band of regret and worry wrapped around his chest, making it hard to breathe.

  He couldn’t deny the boys or let this opportunity to see them go.

  He stood and faced Dede, letting loose one of the apologies he thought he owed. “I’m sorry about how this went down. I wanted to talk to her today about what I knew about David, but after the balloon ceremony this morning and her getting called away to work, I let it go, hoping we’d have time alone after the boys’ ride to talk.”