The Gin Lover's Guide to Dating: A sparkling and hilarious feel good romantic comedy

by Nina Kaye

  ‘I am seeing that I still have work to do with you, Chica.’ Reyes puts a hand on her hip. ‘You can have all this. And you can also have romancing. I will show you.’

  I’m about to challenge Reyes’s thinking, when Amir bursts through the door to the bar from the main hotel, looking jubilant.

  ‘I have insane news!’ he announces.

  ‘What is it?’ I ask.

  ‘The beast has finally been slayed!’

  ‘The beast?’ Reyes’s face is one of confusion. ‘What do you mean, Amir? She is dead? We did not like her, yes, but we did not want this.’

  ‘She’s not dead. She’s gone!’ Amir whoops. ‘I’m not joking. Heard it straight from the beast’s mouth…’

  He looks at us expectantly. Reyes, having missed the pun, just looks confused.

  ‘Very good.’ I groan obligingly, then immediately perk up. ‘So, tell us more. Has she resigned? That would be a shock. She loves throwing her weight around here.’

  ‘The way she tells it, it’s a transfer to another hotel, and a better job. She’s moving down south straight away. Was clearing out her locker when I saw her about half an hour ago.’

  ‘Oh, thank the amazing man in the sky!’ I clamp my hand over my mouth in shock. ‘I’m saved! She can’t sack me now.’

  ‘This is the best day!’ Reyes hoots. ‘We are free.’

  ‘Unless her replacement is worse,’ I say suddenly. ‘I don’t think I could cope with that.’

  ‘There’s no way he’ll be worse.’ Amir gives me a wink.

  ‘How do you know?’ I ask. ‘And how do you know it’s going to be a bloke?’

  ‘Yes, Amir,’ Reyes berates him. ‘You are sexist and a little man.’

  ‘Actually – now I’m the big man.’ Amir stands as tall as he can and puffs out his chest. ‘You’re looking at the new Amethyst Bar Manager.’

  ‘What?’ Reyes and I cry in unison.

  ‘Yes, ladies. Aaron just grabbed me for a chat. With immediate effect, I’m now officially your boss. Was supposed to let him tell you that though, so don’t let on I said.’

  ‘That’s amazing!’ I’m genuinely elated for him. ‘That’s a big jump, managing all the bars.’

  ‘Actually, it’s just this bar,’ Amir clarifies. ‘Aaron’s decided to have a manager in each bar instead of one managing all three, so it’s not as big a job, thankfully. I’ll still be around to annoy you ladies.’

  ‘Amir.’ At first, Reyes sounds like she’s about to tell him off. ‘I must offer you formal Spanish celebration. Felicitaciones! This is excellent news. Though I will say that if you will continue to annoy us, I will continue to call you little man. Even if you are the boss.’

  ‘Fine by me.’ Amir grins at us both.

  ‘Congratulations. Really.’ I give him a hug. ‘Brilliant news. Now I can do my work without the continuous fear of attack and dismissal.’

  ‘You have no worries with that.’ Amir pats my shoulder. ‘I’ll be the opposite to the beast.’

  ‘I know you will.’ I smile at him. ‘Oh, here comes Aaron… sshh.’

  Reyes and I turn back to our tasks, and Amir disappears into the storeroom, as Aaron strides through the door to the bar.

  ‘Afternoon.’ His tone is as clipped as usual. ‘Quick update. Is Amir here?’

  ‘I’m here. Two secs.’ He shouts from the storeroom, then makes a loud show of finishing his imaginary task, before joining us behind the bar.

  I stifle a giggle, hoping he’s a far better Bar Manager than he is an actor.

  ‘I know news travels fast in this hotel,’ says Aaron. ‘And I wanted you to know this first…’

  Reyes and I offer appropriately curious faces.

  ‘As of yesterday, Clara is no longer your manager.’ Aaron sways back and forth on the spot as he talks. ‘She has accepted an immediate transfer to another hotel where they need cover following the sudden resignation of their own Bars Manager.’

  ‘Right.’ I put on a shocked face. ‘Well, that’s a shame we’re losing Clara.’

  Reyes nods along theatrically in agreement.

  Aaron eyes us, leaving me in no doubt that neither Reyes nor myself will be in line for the Oscars.

  ‘So, I saw this as an opportunity to offer some staff promotions,’ he continues. ‘There will now be one manager in each bar, rather than one person overseeing all three. As from today, Amir is your new Amethyst Bar Manager.’

  ‘Oh, yay!’ I clap my hands together in fake surprise and excitement. ‘What brilliant news. Well done, Amir.’

  ‘Yes, this is… fantastic.’ Reyes’s thick Spanish accent thankfully covers some of the blatant fabrication between us. ‘Congratulations, Amir.’

  ‘Thanks, ladies.’ Amir offers us both a wink. ‘Technically, you’re now my beeatches.’

  Aaron clears his throat loudly. ‘Perhaps, Amir, your first learning focus can be to rein in the sexist behaviour.’ He wipes the smile straight off Amir’s face. ‘I’ll put you on the list for diversity training.’

  Reyes and I suddenly lose control, dissolving into uncontrollable laughter.

  Aaron simply looks baffled. ‘Right. Well, that was all. Have a good evening.’

  He turns and strides back out of the bar, leaving the three of us falling about laughing, and sharing lopsided high fives.

  As the evening draws in, the bar fills to capacity – which by Amethyst’s high-end standards means that all the tables are occupied, no one left standing. Reyes, Amir and I have a seamless production line running: serving what new (and proud-Dad-style) Bar Manager, Amir, claims are the finest gin cocktails on offer.

  In addition to things running smoothly, we’re also enjoying our work far more than we had ever dared to with the beast around. Despite his promotion, Amir and Reyes’s constant friendly bickering continues, and as I run the drinks orders back and forth, I find myself relaxed and moving to the beat of the music. It’s a different world to the one I entered with Clara in charge.

  ‘That couple over there.’ I jab my thumb over my shoulder, as I deposit a tray of dirty glasses on the bar. ‘Affair. No question.’

  ‘How can you tell?’ Reyes is captivated.

  ‘She’s wearing a wedding ring. And she keeps playing with it absently. Clear sign of a guilty conscience.’

  ‘Maybe she is just stressed?’

  ‘Don’t think so.’ I shake my head. ‘They’re both on edge. He’s trying to come across as relaxed, but he keeps glancing at the door. He’s worried about being caught.’

  ‘Chica. Wow. You are correct.’ Reyes looks impressed. ‘I love your…’ She searches for the right word.

  ‘Theories?’ I suggest.

  ‘Yes. Exactly. You are always right. Give one more.’

  I scan the room and spot a couple in their twenties making awkward small talk.

  ‘This one’s almost too easy. First date. But, he’s way more into her than she is to him.’

  ‘OK, I can believe that this is a first meeting. They are not… how do you say…?’

  ‘In sync?’ I offer. ‘Like not totally comfortable, as people who know each other well are?’

  ‘Yes, that is it.’ Reyes nods. ‘But, why do you think she is not liking him? She looks nervous too.’

  ‘Correction.’ I smile, enjoying this interaction immensely. ‘She’s not nervous. She’s anticipatory. She’s waiting for her rescue call and wondering why it’s not come through yet. Look at how she’s totally preoccupied: constantly checking her phone.’

  As I say this, the woman grabs her phone and puts it to her ear. A few moments later she’s getting her things together, the man consoling her as she puts on a pretty convincing performance of concern over whatever fake emergency she’s concocted. As she rushes down the steps on her way out the bar, her face expresses pure relief. Sensing us watching, she looks over and immediately clocks that we’ve rumbled her. The relief turns to guilt, and she rushes towards the door, before disappearing into the night.


  ‘OK.’ Reyes turns to me in awe. ‘You are not good. You are incredible. You must do something with this talent.’

  ‘Like what?’ I laugh. ‘It’s hardly useful. It would be – if I could read the situations I end up in myself as well. Unfortunately, whenever my own emotions are involved, my radar goes faulty.’

  ‘It can just entertain us then, yes?’ Reyes squeezes my arm playfully.

  ‘Definitely.’

  I duck into the store cupboard to grab some quick gulps from my water before heading back to clear more glasses. As I do, I enjoy my own little private boogie, my body shifting in time to the music. I’m completely lost in this moment when Josh unexpectedly appears behind me, causing me to spill water down my front.

  ‘Oh, hi.’ I surreptitiously brush the droplets from the front of my tunic, hoping he won’t notice. ‘Didn’t hear you come in there.’

  ‘You weren’t meant to.’ He flashes his stunningly white teeth at me. ‘Thought I’d surprise you.’

  ‘Right. Well, that you did.’

  I drink in his holiday tan and the way his hair has lightened in places from the sun, making him look hotter than ever. He’s also wearing a new aftershave, no doubt picked up at duty free on his way home: a heady, citrusy scent that has me almost giddy with lust the moment it wafts into my nostrils. My stomach does an unwelcome flip, triggering some immediate risk-avoiding self-talk: Liv, this is not the time to start having a crush. Especially on someone at work.

  ‘Good holiday?’ I ask. ‘You certainly look like you enjoyed it. Where were you?’

  ‘Corfu.’ He runs his hand through his hair casually; my eyes involuntarily follow the movement. ‘It was roasting for the time of year. We weren’t expecting that, so we all got a bit burnt in the first few days.’

  ‘Lads’ holiday, was it?’

  ‘Yeah. Six of us. Wasn’t quite the party-hard holiday you’re imagining though. There were nights out, but not Ayia-Napa style. Not really our scene.’

  ‘Sounds fun.’ As I say this, an unexpected thought pops into my mind. Were there women? I bet there were women. Six guys away – how could there not be women?

  I shake my head exaggeratedly to disperse this ridiculous speculation. Like I care.

  ‘You OK?’ Josh cocks his head to one side curiously.

  ‘Err… yeah. Course.’ I straighten up to accentuate my point.

  ‘There weren’t any women, by the way.’

  ‘What?’ Flustered at his ability to read me so easily, I turn away and start to rearrange the bottles on the shelf. ‘Why would that matter?’

  ‘It might. Or it might not.’ I can’t see him, but I can hear the satisfaction in his voice. ‘Thought I’d be upfront, you know, keep the lines of communication open… just in case.’

  ‘OK… thanks. I guess.’ I continue to tidy the shelf.

  ‘You’re welcome. Now, if I’m right, it must be about time for your break. Fancy getting your arse whipped at pool?’

  Relieved at the change of subject, I dive right in.

  ‘Ha! You mean like last time?’ I turn to face him, hands on my hips.

  ‘You duped me; I’m ready for you now.’ Josh looks so sure of himself, I simply can’t resist the opportunity to wipe the smile off his face once more.

  ‘Hey, Amir?’ I call. ‘OK if I go for my break now?’

  ‘Sure,’ Amir replies. ‘We’re well on top of things here.’

  ‘And… that’s one each,’ Josh boasts, as he sinks the black ball in the top right pocket.

  I grit my teeth in frustration. I so badly wanted to win again.

  ‘Good game.’ I shake his hand grudgingly. ‘You were lucky there.’

  ‘Luck had nothing to do with it.’ He oozes cockiness. ‘As I said, didn’t know what I was dealing with before.’

  ‘Well, I guess we’ll find out for sure when we play the decider.’

  ‘We sure will.’ He looks me straight in the eye. ‘Maybe we could do that on a proper date?’

  ‘Nice try, but my situation hasn’t changed.’ I smile sweetly, trying to act cool.

  To my displeasure, my heart starts to pound a little.

  ‘Can’t blame a guy.’ He puts his hands up in defeat, then pauses and looks at me for a moment. ‘You do seem a bit happier than when I first met you. Is that because Clara’s gone?’

  ‘That, among other things,’ I reply.

  ‘I’m glad. At least you don’t need to worry about being late back from your break anymore.’

  ‘Yeah, totally… oh, shit… what time is it?’ I glance at my watch and see that I am late. ‘Woops. I’d better get back.’

  ‘I’ll chum you,’ says Josh. ‘Need to have a word with Amir anyway.’

  We wander back to the bar, which is a bit quieter than when I left. Amir is heavily involved in some flirty banter with a couple of female customers, and hasn’t even noticed my tardiness. Reyes is using the break from orders to fill the glass washer.

  ‘Hola, Josh.’ Reyes stops what she’s doing and greets Josh with two European-style kisses. ‘You enjoyed your vacation?’

  ‘I did indeed… without any women whatsoever. It was strictly lads only.’ He gives her a little wink, this comment clearly being for my benefit.

  ‘I see…’ Reyes’s eyes fill with mischief, as I stand behind Josh, waving my arms in a gesture aimed at discouraging her from engaging any further in this discussion. ‘Not one single chica?’

  ‘Nope.’ Josh offers her an innocent face. ‘Not a single one. There’s only one woman I’m interested in, but she keeps knocking me back.’

  ‘Really.’ Reyes looks delighted by this interaction. ‘And why will this chica not go out with you, Josh?’

  ‘Says she has other things going on in her life. And she’s concerned that we work together.’ Josh puts on a mock sad face. ‘What do you think I should do?’

  Reyes pauses thoughtfully. ‘I think that you should wait longer. This chica, I think she will change her mind.’ She gives Josh an encouraging look and then throws me a devilish smile.

  ‘You think?’ Josh’s eyes light up. ‘All right then, I’ll do that. See you later.’

  He heads out of the bar without even saying goodbye to me. There’s a slight skip in his step, as if he’s already sealed the deal. I watch him go, mildly fuming, though more at myself because he’s got to me. He knows I like him, and Reyes certainly hasn’t helped discourage him. I’ll just have to stay firm, no matter how tempted I become.

  ‘Thanks for that.’ I direct an accusatory look at Reyes.

  ‘Chica, I do not know why you think I will help you.’ Reyes matches my gaze. ‘You need romance in your life. Josh is just the hombre to give you that.’

  ‘Hombre?’

  ‘It means “man” in Spanish. Spanish men are very special – and Josh is just like this. He will make your heart beat faster.’

  ‘That I can’t argue with,’ I admit. ‘He already does. The point is that I’m trying not to let him know that – because I need to focus on getting my career back on track – and you’re not helping.’

  ‘You will thank me, Chica. You will see.’

  Realising I’m fighting a losing battle, I just shake my head in rejection of this statement.

  ‘What will Liv be thanking you for?’ Aaron’s voice suddenly cuts through the silence.

  Focused on our friendly stand-off, neither Reyes or I have noticed his entrance and approach.

  ‘Hola, Mister Gardiner.’ Reyes beams at Aaron, completely unruffled. ‘I am telling Liv that she is needing love in her life.’

  ‘Reyes, please stop.’ I’m horrified that she has brought this up so matter-of-factly in front of Aaron.

  ‘Is that right?’ Aaron looks worryingly amused, causing my cheeks to immediately flame. ‘And do you have anyone in mind for her?’

  ‘Actually, yes.’ Reyes smiles cheekily. ‘But an amiga never tells.’

  ‘Bit late to be saying that, is it not?’ My tone is flat.

/>   Aaron looks from Reyes to me and shakes his head witheringly. ‘I just came to check things are running smoothly. But thank you for the supplementary information. I’ll leave you both to it.’

  Aaron turns and starts to stride out of the bar. I signal to Reyes that she’s in trouble the minute he’s gone. She simply sticks her tongue out in response. As I watch Aaron go, I suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to go after him.

  ‘Aaron, wait.’ I catch him just as he reaches the door to the main hotel.

  ‘Yes, Liv?’ He turns and looks at me expectantly.

  ‘I… err… I just wanted to say thank you. For bailing me out – again. I was dealing with some stuff before, and I didn’t properly appreciate what you’d done for me. I just want you to know that I do now. I really do. You’re kind of like… a guardian angel.’

  Aaron looks at me for a moment, and I wonder if, for the first time ever, he’s going to respond in an equally meaningful way.

  ‘No problem, Liv. Now get back to work.’

  I smile as he gives me an awkward nod and disappears through the door. Not exactly a man for heartfelt interactions, I remind myself, as I retreat.

  Turning back to the bar, my eyes land on Reyes. ‘Right, you. I want a word.’

  ‘Is this word… romance?’ She flutters her eyelashes at me.

  ‘No. Actually it’s four words. Butt. The hell. Out.’

  ‘I am sorry, Chica. I do not understand this phrase.’

  ‘Don’t you pull that trick with me. You know exactly what I’m saying.’ My face is stony, but I’m struggling not to laugh.

  ‘Aww… Chica. I am so excited for your first date with Josh. It will not be long. I know this.’

  Defeated, I resort to swiping her playfully with a glass cloth.

  Chapter 14

  ‘So, where are you on the countdown to eviction now?’

  It’s Monday and I’m having lunch with Dylan in a dingy pub just around the corner from his office near Haymarket Station.

  ‘Ah, great.’ I put my fork down on my plate. ‘Some nice, light-hearted chat over lunch. Just what I was hoping for.’

  ‘You expected that from me?’ Dylan gives me a sarcastic look.

  ‘You’re right. I should have known better.’