The Line That Binds

by Carolyn LaRoche

  Tires squealed. She sat up, gripping the phone. That didn't sound good.

  "Son of a bitch!" Gary's voice came through the phone.

  Eleanor sucked in a breath. That really didn't sound good.

  "You okay?" she heard someone ask.

  "Please be okay," she whispered when Gary didn't answer right away. The excitement of hearing him work quickly became replaced with fear and anxiety.

  "Yeah!" Gary responded, almost a full minute later, his car's engine racing again. "Near miss in the intersection but I'm good!"

  She exhaled, her lungs burning from holding the air in while she waited to hear her husband's voice. Instead, the dispatcher's panicked one came over the line. "10-13! 10-13! Officer needs assistance!"

  Gary said something she couldn't quite understand. The roar of the car engine got louder. She heard the sound of the bull horn.

  "10-13! Atlantic and 24th!"

  "3152 responding!" The adrenaline in his voice pounded through her own veins.

  "No…" she whispered. "Please, God, let everyone be okay." Eleanor hugged herself, held her breath, sending up more prayers. 10-13's were every officer's—and officer's wife's—worst fear.

  "Shots fired!" The dispatcher practically screamed. "Approach with caution! Suspect is armed and shooting."

  "Oh God." Eleanor pressed her hand to her mouth so Gary wouldn't hear her. "Please be careful."

  The scream of the brakes dueled the squeal of his tires and then, for the briefest of seconds, an eerie silence. She should have hung up earlier. Now she couldn't, even if she wanted to.

  Eleanor jumped off the bed and paced the room. Her heart pounded in her chest, fear squeezing the oxygen from her lungs.

  "Drop your weapon!" Gary must have left the door of his car open because she could still hear him as clear as day but not quite as loudly.

  "The hell with that!" someone yelled back at him.

  Loud pops, over and over, sounded through her phone.

  "Gary!" she screamed.

  "Officer down! Officer down!" Voice after voice sounded on the radio and echoed through her phone. None of them belonging to Gary.

  "Please, God, no! Gary! Are you there? Please, be there!"

  "Get EMS here now!" she recognized the voice of Antonio. "Come on, man! Stay with me! You gotta hang in there, buddy!"

  "Gary!" Tears ran down her face as she dropped back onto the bed. She clutched the phone to her ear desperate to hear her husband's voice in the chaos. More sirens filled the air. Ambulance sirens this time. Eleanor jumped up and paced her bedroom again as she listened to the chaos on the other end of the call. "Someone say something!"

  The sirens stopped. More voices yelled but she couldn’t make sense of any of the words. A car door slammed.

  And then nothing but silence.

  A moment later she heard the crackle of a radio and then the line went dead. Maybe Gary was the one who'd slammed the door and turned off his phone. He'd woken her before. Maybe he assumed she'd gone back to bed. Her mind to tried to be rational but her heart knew the truth. Gary had been shot. Images of him lying in the street in a pool of blood assaulted her but she shoved them away.

  No! She refused to accept that this would be how it all ended. Their lifetime of love, halted by a single bullet.

  She sat there in the dark, her phone clutched to her chest. She couldn't bring herself to dial his number. Instead, she willed it to ring while she cried herself to sleep.

  The doorbell rang.

  "Gary!" Eleanor jumped off her bed, tripping on the slippers she'd left in the middle of the floor and sending her cell phone skidding across the floor.

  The bell rang once more. And then a third time.

  Eleanor grabbed her robe from the back of the door and attempted to wrap it around herself as she ran down the hall.

  The outside lights were already on. She used to joke Gary that their house could land planes at night with all the security lights. The lights made her feel safe though. Except for tonight. Even through the frosted glass she could make out the darkness of the uniforms. The unique shape of the duty belts resting on their hips.

  She didn't want to open the door. She didn't want to hear what they had come to say. In her heart of hearts, she already knew.

  Taking a deep breath and whispering a prayer for courage, she unlocked the bolt and slowly turned the knob.

  "Connor. Ricky," she said as she pulled open the door and stepped aside to motion for them to come in.

  "Hi, Eleanor." Ricky looked so sad.

  "Where's Gary?" Why she asked that question she had no idea. She read the expressions on their faces and she already knew. She took a step back as she slowly shook her head. "No."

  "Eleanor." Connor stepped forward first. "There's been an incident."

  "Way to be obvious, rookie," Ricky muttered as he elbowed Connor in the ribs.

  Tears flooded her eyes, poured down her cheeks and ran onto the old tee shirt she'd been sleeping in. "I know. I heard everything." The room spun a little bit and she reached for something to hold onto. Ricky caught her as she wobbled. "He's dead, isn't he?"

  "Damn it," Connor said to Ricky. "I told you his phone was on when I got in the car."

  Ricky gave him a look that said shut the hell up. Connor nodded once and Ricky turned back to her.

  He looked her in the eye. "Listen to me, Eleanor. He's alive—"

  "He's alive? Gary's okay? Oh, thank God."

  Ricky put his hands on her shoulders. "Ellie. Listen to me. He's alive. But you really need to come with us. Right now."

  Eleanor looked up at him. There was no mistaking the seriousness in his expression, the worry and fear in his dark eyes. She nodded. "I need to change. And grab my purse."

  Gary's alive. The words played over in her head, on repeat, as she sprinted to her bedroom. Her foot landed on her cell phone she'd dropped and she stumbled in to the dresser, banging her shin. She ignored the searing pain as she clumsily yanked on the jeans she'd worn the day before. She threw on an old faded Virginia Beach sweatshirt right over the shirt she'd been sleeping in. Slipping her feet in to her tennis shoes without bothering with socks, she grabbed her purse off her dresser, her phone off the floor, and ran back to where the officers waited.

  "I'm ready. I just need to find my keys."

  Ricky placed a hand on her arm. "I'll drive."

  She shook her head. "But, how will I get home later?"

  Ricky pulled the door open. "One of us will make sure you have everything you need. Or, I'll call Mari and she can drive you home. Now, we really should go."

  "Her car is here." Eleanor pointed toward the road. "In front of my house."

  "It's okay, she can use my Jeep," Ricky replied.

  "Okay." She let them lead her out of the house. The chill of November at the ocean front passed through her, the wind burning her cheeks, but she barely noticed. The faint scent of burning wood from someone's fireplace lingered with the cold.

  Another icy gust of wind hit them. Eleanor wrapped her arms around herself as she walked. Her wool coat did nothing to break the flow of the cold air. People thought it was always warm at the beach when in reality, the ocean could produce frigid air and bone chilling cold under the right conditions. Why that was even important to her at the moment, she had no idea.

  Ricky held open the passenger door of his car and she slid inside, hugging her purse to her abdomen. The door slammed. She jumped in the seat. Ricky jogged around the car and slid in behind the wheel, turning the key and spinning the tires as he slammed his foot to the gas pedal.

  Without waiting for Connor to even get to his car, Ricky turned on his blue lights and hit the sirens. His urgency made her stomach roll. As he raced down their street, she fought the urge to vomit.

  "How bad is it?" She reached over and touched Ricky's arm. "Please tell me. The truth."

  He glanced over at her. His expression gave away everything and nothing at the same time. "It's not good."


  "But he's still alive, right? Miracles happen every day. That's what Father Thompson said at Mass on Sunday."

  Ricky didn't respond. Eleanor watched out the window as they drove. House after house, some with lights on, others without. They all blurred together as they sped along neighborhood streets.

  He's still alive played on repeat in her mind.

  Less than five minutes later, they pulled up in front of the emergency department of the hospital. Ricky slammed his foot down so hard on the brake, the back of the car skidded as they came to a stop. He pointed to the automatic door. "The lieutenant is in there. He'll get you to Gary. Go!"

  The desperation in his voice sent a chill down her spine. She pushed the car door open and ran through the sliding doors, straight to the desk.

  "I need to see my husband! Officer Gary Hart!" Her words came out in short bursts. Her chest felt tight and her head spun as the sharp scent of disinfectant mixed with vomit hit her.

  "Eleanor." She looked over to see Gary's boss, Lieutenant Jerry coming toward her. He took her by the elbow. "Come with me."

  A sea of blue filled the waiting area. As she and Lieutenant Jerry rushed through the room, the men and women Gary worked with parted, creating a path. Some whispered words of encouragement and others patted her arm as she walked by. They passed through a door and down a short hallway. At the last room on the left, he stopped.

  "Gary!" Eleanor ran to the bed in the center of the room. Tubes and wires tangled around her as she reached for him. His normally ruddy cheeks were pale and his lips held a bluish tint. The slow, steady beeping of the heart monitor reassured her that she wasn't too late.

  A nurse stood by the bed, checking his vitals as another read the print out of his heart rythms.

  "He was just asking for you, Mrs. Hart." The nurse moved from taking his heart rate to checking his oxygen saturation and temperature."

  "Gary?" She leaned in and pressed a kiss to the unusually cool skin of his forehead. Not at all like the human furnace that had shared her bed for almost twenty-five years. Ragged feathers of breath caressed her cheek. Gary was the strongest man she knew. He'd survive this. He had to.

  "The doctor said he's stable for now. We've been waiting for you to get here so we can take him to the operating room. He refused to go until he saw you. I'll let the doctor know you've arrived." The second nurse left the room.

  "He's stubborn like that."

  "Hey, baby. Who you calling stubborn?" His eyes were still closed but he moved his hand slightly, reaching for hers. Ellie grabbed it and squeezed.

  "I guess it was a busy night after all." It sounded stupid, even to her own ears but Gary sort of smiled.

  "I'm so sorry, baby. I tried."

  The tears started again but she ignored them. "It's okay. You're going to be okay."

  "I promised you I'd be safe. I really did try."

  She choked back a sob. "I know you did."

  "I love you." His words were barely a whisper. "I always will. You know that, right?"

  "I know you do. I love you too, so much." The tears were becoming sobs. She rubbed his thick brown hair back from his forehead with her other hand. "Maybe now you'll actually think about retiring?"

  He half smiled again. "I think the chances are pretty good, baby. Tell the boys I love them. Tell them I'm sorry. I wanted to be there for everything."

  "You will be. You're strong, Gary. Stronger than I ever was. You can fight. You have to fight."

  He coughed. A tiny trickle of pink tinged mucous trailed from the corner of his mouth. "I love you, Eleanor. I have loved you since the second grade. I'm sorry about the frog in your book bag."

  Full blown sobs took over then. "I always knew it was you. I forgive you, silly man! Don't leave me. I need you. Please. I can't live this life without you." She rested her head on his shoulder, tears mixing with the blood on his chest. The coppery scent made her stomach lurch but she ignored it.

  He hummed a couple of bars to his favorite song, Carry On, My Wayward Son. "Carry on, baby. It's up to you now."

  "I don't want to carry on without you."

  He reached up, his hand shaking with the effort, and touched her cheek. "You are strong too, Eleanor. My beautiful girl."

  His hand dropped to his side. She felt his chest shudder as he let out one long breath. The machine by his bed sounded an alarm as the digital readout took the form of a straight line.

  "Code Blue!" the nurse yelled as she slapped her palm against a red button by the gurney. Bells rung, shoes pounded the linoleum, people yelled things she couldn't make sense of.

  Eleanor sat up. "No! Please, help! He needs help!" She shook him by the shoulders. "Gary! Wake up, baby! I'm here! I'm here!"

  "He's coding!" The nurse pried her away as another pushed the crash cart in to the room.

  "Gary! Don't leave me! Gary!" Strong arms wrapped around her from behind, pulling her away. "Let me go!"

  "Let them work, Ellie." Antonio held her to him. She struggled against his massive arms.

  "Please! Let me get to him. He needs me!" Eleanor clawed at Antonio's arms but he held her tight.

  "Right now, he needs them," Antonio said, his voice full of heartache next to her ear. "You can't help him now."

  Eleanor turned and shoved Antonio in the chest. "Don't say that! You're his best friend! How can you say that? We have to do something." She stumbled forward, sobbing. Antonio caught her again and held her close.

  "Clear!" One of the nurses called as they placed the defibrillator paddles against his chest. Over and over again they shocked him but that flat line never budged.

  "Gary! Fight, Gary! Please!" she yelled every time the paddles made his body jump but that line still stayed flat. "Please, fight! I need you!"

  A doctor stepped in and shut off the machine. "We've got to call it. He's lost too much blood and there is just too much damage. He never would have survived surgery."

  "No!" Ellie pulled out of Antonio's arms but he caught her up again. She pounded his chest with her fists. "You were supposed to have his back! He trusted you! Why didn't you protect him?"

  "I'm so sorry, Ellie. I'm so sorry." Antonio slumped against the wall, holding her tight. "It all just happened so damn fast."

  "No." The fight had gone out of her though and she sagged against him. When her legs would hold her again, she stepped away from Antonio, going to Gary's side. She picked up his hand and held it to her heart. Tears rolled down her face, dripping from her chin and mixing with Gary's blood. "Please, come back."

  A nurse stepped up and gently closed Gary's eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. They'd never look at her again. How could she live a lifetime without him looking at her? Without his strong arms to hold her close? Eleanor climbed onto the bed beside him, her arms wrapped across his chest, oblivious to the blood and bandages that were now everywhere.

  "I'm so sorry," the nurse said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Officer Hart was well liked around here. He will be sorely missed." The nurse left the room.

  Eleanor clung to Gary, oblivious to the people coming in and out of the room. She laced her fingers through his and felt the cool, smooth surface of his wedding ring. Leaning up slightly, she slipped the ring from his finger. Gary's hands were so much larger than hers it would only fit on her thumb.

  Quiet footsteps entered the room.

  "Mrs. Hart? I know this is a very difficult time for you but, was your husband an organ donor?"

  "What?" she asked, looking up at the doctor that had failed to save her husband. "You can't be serious. You actually want to ask this right now?"

  "I'm sorry but I have to ask sooner rather than later if any of his organs are to be viable for transplantation. Do you know if he intended to donate his organs upon his death?"

  "We never talked about it. There was never a reason to."

  "How do you feel about it?" The doctor spoke softly, carefully.

  "I don't feel anything about it."

  "Eleanor." She felt An
tonio's hand on her shoulder.

  She turned on him. "What? You want me to tell them they can cut him up and reduce the man that I have loved more than half my life to bits and pieces?"

  "It's what he'd want. I think you know that."

  Eleanor jumped off emergency room bed and paced the small room. "What about what I want? I want my husband alive. I want to turn the clock back twelve hours and fix the mistakes we made. I should have helped him get dressed. He never should have called me from work. I don't want to be asked if he can be stripped of his organs like a stolen car being stripped of its parts."

  "It's okay, you can say no," the doctor said, his voice gentle. "I have a kidney patient in ICU with your husband's blood type and I thought maybe there'd be a chance of a match—"

  Eleanor stopped walking. She threw her hands in the air. "It's not like he needs them now anyway." A fresh flood of sobs tore through her.

  Antonio wrapped his arms around her again as she cried. He rubbed her back. "It's the right thing, Eleanor."

  She shook her head. "None of this is right."

  "No, it's not," one of the orderlies said. "I am very sorry for your loss. Officer Hart was a great cop. The best. He's the reason I have this job."

  Eleanor studied the young man. "Gary got you a job here?"

  He shrugged. "He caught me trying to break into a house and gave me a choice. Get my life together or end up locked up. There was a hiring fair that same day. Dropped me at the front door and told me to do the right thing. Gave me his card to use him as a reference. "

  "I never knew that."

  "I didn't either," Antonio said.

  "So, what do you want to do, Mrs. Hart?" the doctor asked.

  Eleanor looked at her husband's body and then at the young man in scrubs carefully cleaning him up and nodded slowly. "Okay. Take what you can. It's what Gary would have wanted."

  She waited as someone hooked him up to a life support machine to keep his organs alive until they could remove them. The unnatural rise and fall of his chest stirred a tiny flame of hope in her chest that her brain quickly snuffed out. Gary's dead.