Hate Thy Neighbor

by S. M. Soto

  With my parents being here for the next few days, sleepovers with Roman will have to be put on hold, until they’re back home, and by the look he shoots me when he kisses me good night, I can tell we’ll both be keeping our windows wide open tonight.

  Everyone has been up since what feels like the ass crack of dawn, prepping the turkey and the ham. My mom and I handle most of the sides, leaving the guys to do their own thing until dinner is ready.

  Roman spends time with my dad, talking shop and watching the game. At some point, all the guys head over to Roman’s, where he shows off his cars and shares a beer. I know my dad and Brandon are probably in heaven over it.

  Brandon and Ryder seem to be getting along well, too. They’ve been out in the front tossing a football, laughing at whatever kids laugh about. I’m a little surprised that my brother is being civil. He’s usually an asshole, and I was sort of expecting that I’d have to smack him upside the head, but, surprisingly, he seems to be getting along with Ryder.

  Though I haven’t had much alone time with Roman today, with how crazy busy we’ve been in the kitchen, we’ve snuck our moments between, with soft touches and deep, lingering kisses, when no one’s looking.

  I’m helping my mom with the candied sweet potatoes, when I hear her clear her throat. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t pay much attention, but the way she does it, the way it demands attention and tells just how serious she’s about to get, makes my stomach drop.

  It was only a matter of time.

  Things between us were civil for far too long. I should’ve known she’d ruin it by inserting herself into my life and asking questions about my health.

  “You two seem happy. He’s good for you.”

  Still waiting for the other shoe to drop, I reply cautiously, shooting her a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Yeah, he makes me happy. I think…I think I might be—”

  “In love with him?” she finishes for me. She stops moving, and a smile spreads across her face. My heart is a hummingbird racing in my chest. The wings flap wildly as I think about Rome. Pink coats my cheeks, as I think about last night, the way he made me come through my window, without even touching me. I look back down to hide the blush and the grin, threatening to steal over my entire face.

  “Yeah. I think I do.”

  “Good. I’m thrilled for you, Liv. I just want to make sure you’re both being careful.”

  I quirk a brow. “Meaning?”

  “I mean, using protection.”

  I roll my eyes. “Mom, please. You’re always preaching about sex, and now you want to make sure I’m using protection?”

  “I just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Are you ready to start a family, Liv?”

  I groan. “It’s only been a few months. Please stop talking about babies. It’s a little premature.”

  “Well, you never know. I would like to have some grandbabies, before I’m on my deathbed. Have you been to the doctor, talked about your options, when it comes to starting a family? Is it safe?”

  All of her questions slam into me at once, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to remain calm. That’s my mother. She is a storm.

  “Mother, this is not Steel Magnolias, okay? I’m sure when I’m ready to have children, I’ll be fine. When I’m ready,” I reiterate, making my point clear.

  She jerks back. “How long do you plan on waiting, Liv? Till you’re thirty? I’ll be half-dead by then.”

  I nudge her. “Stop it. It’ll happen when it’s meant to. Right now, I’m just… I love being with him. I want to see where this goes. If this is even something serious.”

  “The way that man looks at you, Liv? He’s serious. But now I’m worried because I wonder if you’re serious about him.”

  I stop what I’m doing and turn to her with a scowl on my face. “What the hell are you talking about? Of course, I am. I just told you I’m in love with him.”

  My mom sighs, and when she looks at me, with that ever-present fear in her eyes, I know exactly where she’s headed, before the words are even out of her mouth.

  “Have you told him yet?”

  I grit my teeth. “I haven’t found the time. It’s not a big deal.”

  Now it’s her turn to look angry. She yanks off her apron and places her hands on her hips. “Not a big deal, Olivia? Of course, this is a big deal. How can you be so careless? This is your goddamn health—”

  “Stop!” I shout, cutting her off. “It’s one thing, Mother. One thing that I refuse to let define me and my life. It’s not like I have fucking HIV, and I’m sleeping with him, without saying a word.”

  “Somehow, this feels worse than doing that! And at least those victims tell their partners there’s something wrong with them.”

  “I’m just not ready yet. I’m not ready to ruin this…whatever it is that’s between us.”

  “Why are you so sure it’ll be ruined?”

  “Why?” I scoff, fighting back tears. “Because whenever they learn the truth, it changes everything. Nothing lasts. They can never handle it. I turn into a charity case. I turn into…a goddamn child. The ‘did you take your medication today?’ and ‘Are you listening to the doctor?’ I don’t want to hear that from him. He has so much on his plate already; the last thing I want to do is unload my problems on him. He has Ryder to raise. I need to remember that.”

  “That man has quite literally gone through hell and back to get his brother, and you’re telling me you don’t think he’s strong enough to handle this? Him, of all people?”

  I look down at the tray of sweet potatoes and get back to the task of topping it off with marshmallows. “I can’t lose him, Mom.”

  A tear slips free, and I don’t bother wiping it. The thought alone causes my chest to cave with pain. I’ve gotten so accustomed to having Roman in my life that just the idea of not being with him makes me sick. It breaks my heart. If I wasn’t sure before, I am now. I am irrevocably in love with Roman Banks. Even when he’s being a stubborn asshole. I can picture us growing old together—or as old as my heart condition will allow me to live.

  “I know, sweetheart. But what happens if he loses you?” she asks quietly, and just like that, the dam breaks. I fall apart in the kitchen, my mother catching me, before I crumple to the floor.

  Despite my breakdown earlier, Thanksgiving dinner turns out a lot better than any of us imagined it would. We eat together, as one big family, and the looks on Roman’s and Ryder’s faces are ones I’ll remember for a long time.

  Contentment.

  Happiness.

  I startle when I feel Roman’s hand wrap around the back of my neck, tugging me into him. I breathe in his scent, something clean and woodsy mixed with the faintest hint of leather. He stares down at me, those bright eyes vibrating with an intensity I feel all the way down to my soul.

  “Thank you for today.” His voice is low and raspy, caressing my skin like a deep wave. With his free hand, he swipes his thumb across my brow, caressing me with a reverence that makes me want to tell him just how much he means to me.

  “Don’t thank me. This was the best Thanksgiving I’ve had in a long time because of all of you. Did Ryder have fun?”

  A soft smile pulls across his face. “He did. He likes your family. Thinks your mom is hilarious.”

  I roll my eyes. “Oh, God. Don’t tell her that. That’s the last thing we need.”

  “She means well.”

  I raise my brows. “Does she, though?”

  Rome sobers, the intensity in his gaze amping up a few notches. Those three words are on the tip of my tongue. For so long, the only four-letter word I allowed myself to say to this man was hate, but now, the other one is all I can seem to think about.

  Sweeping his lips over mine, Roman kisses me softly, at first. It’s sweet and perfect, until he deepens the kiss, drawing a moan from me that vibrates from deep within my chest. When we break for air, both of us panting for a much-needed breath, the air between us is clogged with de
sire and thick with tension.

  “Get your stuff.”

  I frown. “What?”

  “I’m not sleeping without you again. Deal with it.”

  My heart flutters. “But my parents…”

  “Are asleep.”

  Trapping my bottom lip between my teeth, to stifle the grin that’s itching to spread across my face, I lock up the house and follow Rome home. He’s right. Two nights without him is long enough.

  We have a lot of lost time to make up for.

  “Case of the Ex (Whatcha Gonna Do)”—Mýa

  I’m on my way out of the house, running a little behind for work, more so than usual. This morning, Roman conveniently fucked me into oblivion, before he showered and took Ryder to school. That’s generally what our schedules are like these days. We get up and get ready for work, he leaves to take Ryder to school, while I finish getting dressed, and then he heads to the automotive garage from there.

  Only this morning, I seem to be moving in slow motion. It feels like every time I make it farther out the door, I forget something, whether that being my purse, keys, or cell phone. Whatever the hell it is, it’s slowing me down.

  A quick glance at my phone screen has a groan tearing from my chest. “Fucking great,” I hiss, as I hurry toward my car. I’m throwing my purse and lunch onto the passenger seat, when I hear a voice from behind me that has me freezing in my tracks.

  My shoulders tense, and my back goes ramrod straight. With my heart pounding wildly in my chest, I slowly turn around, facing the source of that voice. I take in the man standing before me, an odd, déjà vu-like sensation passing through me, as I stare at him.

  “Reid?”

  I’m surprised that, as I stand here, staring at my ex-fiancé, I don’t feel an ounce of regret. There isn’t a speck of longing inside me that makes me miss him. I feel nothing at all.

  Reid stuffs his hands into his suit pockets, his gaze raking up and down my body, taking me in. Everything about him is the same as it was, nearly a year and a half ago, back when we were on the road to marriage.

  A shiver travels down my spine at the mere thought of walking down the aisle.

  What if I’d settled and married him? I would’ve never met Roman. Or Ryder. Or Kassandra, and all the friends I’ve made at the clinic.

  His sandy blond hair is still cut short, slight waves at the top that can be attributed to his expensive hair mousse. He’s dressed in his typical black slacks and white button-up shirt combo. He works at a marketing firm, and for the longest time, I loved the professional businessman look on him. Now, I find my tastes have shifted, particularly to a man who prefers ripped jeans, biker boots, and leather.

  “How are you, Liv? It’s been a while.”

  My brows tug low on my face into a frown. “What are you doing here?”

  He sighs, scrubbing at the back of his neck, like he always does when he’s uncomfortable. “I called your mom.” My stomach sours. “She told me where I could find you.”

  I glance around us, taking in the quiet neighborhood. The only person who is out and about right now is Josie; she’s sitting in her sunchair, watching the show. No cigarette today.

  “That still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here, Reid. What did you call my mom for?”

  He sighs. “I wanted to check on you. Just because we aren’t getting married, Olivia, doesn’t mean I don’t still love you. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you and want the best for you.”

  Here we go. My hands curl into fists at my sides, a defense mechanism of sorts. “That isn’t your job anymore.”

  His face shutters. “Caring for you was never a job. You just always thought it was. I came here to check on you and catch up. Your mother is worried about you, Olivia. Do you even care?”

  I splay my hands out at my sides, clearly agitated. “I’m fine. I’m alive, here in one piece. She has nothing to worry about.”

  “Are you taking your medication?”

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake, stop it, Reid. I’m not doing this with you.”

  “Doing what? I care about you, goddammit!”

  “I’m seeing someone. You can’t just show up at my house out of the blue, without calling or texting me!”

  When I hear the roaring sound of a motorcycle, my stomach drops. I stand frozen on my front lawn, beside Reid, with my heart in my throat. When I spot Roman’s motorcycle coming down the street, my stomach twists with unsettled emotions, when he pulls into his driveway, swinging his long body off the powerful bike.

  “What’s wrong?” Reid asks, clearly not realizing what a mess this all just turned into.

  The second Rome takes his helmet off, I feel the ire in his gaze, and when he crosses the distance between our lawns, all brawn and ice blue eyes filled with heat, I force a swallow.

  “There a problem?” He directs the question to Reid, his gaze narrowed threateningly. Reid jerks back at the tone, his mouth thinning.

  “There’s no problem here, man. Just trying to have a conversation.”

  “I wasn’t asking you,” Roman snaps.

  I step between the two men, one a distant figure from my past, and the other is someone of the future, I hope. “Rome, it’s okay. Everything is fine.”

  “You know this guy, Liv?” Reid asks, clearly shocked. He takes in Roman, assessing everything about him.

  “She knows me quite well. You’d do well to remember that.”

  There’s no missing the innuendo, and I groan. “Roman, stop being a jerk. And Reid, stop making those faces. This is my boyfriend.”

  Reid’s brows jump into his hairline. “This is your boyfriend?”

  “That a problem for you, pretty boy?” Roman steps into my side, like a shield of sorts.

  “What the hell is your problem, man?” Reid grits, taking a step toward Roman, which is probably a mistake, seeing as Roman has a good six inches on him. Realizing that things are only going to escalate if I don’t put a lid on them now, I stand in front of Rome. Placing my hand in the center of his chest, I try to calm him.

  “Now isn’t the best time, Reid.”

  “Jesus.” He scoffs. “We spent six years together, Liv. We were going to get married. The least you can give me is peace of mind that you’re okay.”

  I feel Roman tense beneath my hand. My eyes widen, and I shake my head, silently relaying a message to Reid to shut up, but he doesn’t get the memo.

  “I’m okay. You can stop this now.” My voice is trembling.

  “You’re not fine, Olivia. You’re living on borrowed time!” he suddenly shouts, the vein in his forehead pulsing.

  Ice suddenly fills my body, and all the color drains from my face. I’m too scared to turn around and face Roman. Even though my hand is resting on his chest, I can’t physically feel him anymore. It’s like he’s somehow managed to sever our connection and detach himself. My chest squeezes, like it’s in a vise, as pressure builds behind my eyelids.

  And just like that, my neighbor steps back, away from me. Slowly, I turn, taking in the tight expression on his face.

  “What the fuck is he talking about, Liv?” Rome demands. His tone is calm, but his eyes, they’re a riot of emotions. He’s seething, his face turning a scary shade of red, as he tries to contain his anger. My eyes slam shut, and my stomach drops.

  This is what I wanted to avoid. Everything I’ve tried to keep hidden from Rome is coming out, and the look of betrayal on his face guts me. Tears burn the backs of my eyes, swimming before me, distorting his figure. My bottom lip quivers, as I try to suppress my emotions.

  “You didn’t tell him?” Reid scoffs, realizing he just dropped a bomb. “Of course, you didn’t. This is just like you. You’re so irresponsible with your health.”

  “Because I want to live!” I shout, emotion clogging my throat. “I refuse to let this…this diagnosis keep me from living a normal life. I can’t walk on eggshells forever. I just want to be normal.” My voice cracks, the wall I was building around my emotion
s crumbles, and the tears carve hot trails down my cheeks.

  “I’m outta here,” Reid grumbles, leaving Rome and me.

  I can’t bring myself to look at him, at first. I shouldn’t have to feel this way, but a part of me still feels guilty for not telling him the truth. After everything he’s shared with me about his life and his little brother, I kept my biggest secret from him.

  Two of my biggest secrets.

  Clasping my trembling hands together for strength, I swallow back the tears that are clogging my throat. “You have to believe me, Rome. I was going to tell you, I swear. I just needed a little more time, that’s all.”

  Roman’s nostrils flare. Hurt flashes behind those blue eyes. “You’re lying. You were never going to tell me, were you?”

  A sob bursts past my lips, and I shake my head. “No, I promise you, I was. I just didn’t want to ruin this.” I close the distance between us and reach out for him, ignoring the torrent of tears streaking down my face. “I love you, Rome.”

  For the first time, Rome looks like he’s in actual pain. He winces at my words, and the muscle in his jaw clenches. I rush on, needing him to hear me. Needing him to understand just what this relationship has turned into for me.

  “For the longest time, I thought hate was the only four-letter word I’d ever feel when it came to you. I hated the way you talked to me when we first met. And the way you smirked, God, did I hate that. I hate the way you drive that god-forsaken motorcycle like it’s not a death trap. I hate it when you stare for too long. I hate your big dumb cars that you love. And the way you read my mind. I hate the way you stay in my head. The way you always know what to say. I hate it when you make me laugh when I’m trying to stay angry with you. But you and I both know none of that is true. I don’t hate you at all, Rome. I never have. I just hate the way you make me love you. I hate the way you make me feel anything at all.”

  “You love me?” He laughs without humor. “You kept something as monumental as your health away from me. Do you really expect me to believe you love me? You didn’t trust me with that information, is that it? Didn’t think I’d be able to handle it?”