by Trina M. Lee
“Understand what?” My voice was loud in the vast room. “That you’re going to turn your back on everything you stand for and give Dash exactly what he wants? I will never understand that, Rowen.”
Dash sat back in his chair with hands together, fingers steepled, watching the exchange with obvious delight. So badly I wanted to slice the fucker’s head off again but being in Skylar’s body gave him an advantage. I couldn’t hurt him without hurting her, and no matter how shitty of a person she was, murder was not the answer here.
“I’m sorry, Spike. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. That’s why I’m here.” Misery filled Rowen’s amber gaze. He really believed this was what he had to do.
I bit my tongue to hold back the angry, wounded retort that burned in my throat. Shaking my head, I looked to Arrow to speak some sense into his brother, though that might have been hoping for too much.
“Dude,” Arrow jumped in. “Giving this fucker what he wants is stupid. You’re better than this.”
This was weird. Teaming up with Arrow of all people was strange enough, but us against Rowen felt downright bizarre. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
“Rowen,” Dash broke in. “I believe we were in the middle of something before these two so rudely interrupted. Can we get back to our previous discussion?” Dash didn’t wait for a reply. He pushed on, knowing he had all three of us right where he wanted us. “I do believe we struck a deal.”
“No.” The table shook as Arrow slammed a fist on top of it. “No fucking deals. Rowen, you can’t do this.”
Using Skylar’s body, Dash flung Arrow off his chair with a flick of her wrist. He hit the floor hard, throwing an arm up to block the chair that crashed down on top of him.
“You were not invited here, Arrow. If you can’t behave yourself, you will be forced to leave.” Dash’s gaze swung toward the window. “The sun is setting soon. If you’re smart you’ll leave before then. I’ve reached my breaking point with you, boy.”
My palms tingled, and I thought I might have to sit on my hands to keep from throwing a fireball in Skylar’s face. Still I worried that Arrow would push Dash too far and get us all killed.
“Is that so?” Arrow got up with a sneer and righted his chair with a slam of the legs against the floor. “Well, the feeling is fuckin’ mutual.”
Rowen loudly cleared his throat, drawing all eyes to him. “Can we get on with this? I told you, Dash, I have conditions that must be met.”
I couldn’t breathe. My entire reality tumbled onto its head. Rowen was light, a genuine soul. How could he be sitting here making a deal with a demon? My chest hurt as my heart shattered.
“Yes, I know. As do I. Would you like to go first?” Skylar’s long nails clicked on the tabletop as Dash waited expectantly.
The urge to scream built inside me. Was I supposed to sit here and allow this to happen? Could I even stop it? Rowen’s free will was his own. There was nothing I could do but sit frozen, listening in growing horror.
Rowen looked my way, such pleading and anguish on his face. Had he really thought I’d stay away? Dragging his gaze from me to Dash, he said, “You leave Spike alone. Stay away from her friends, her family, and her. No exceptions. No technicalities. Arrow too. Whatever you did to him to get inside his head, it stops now. Never again. They walk out of here alive, and you never mess with either of them again.”
Dash considered this with a nod while running fingers through Skylar’s ponytail. It was creepy as hell to see her sitting there knowing she wasn’t the one peering out at us.
“I killed someone, against my will,” Arrow interjected, clenching his hands into fists. “There’s no fixing that. You owe me, Dash.”
Dash ignored Arrow, directing his comment to Rowen. “Consider it done. In exchange I want your word that you and Spike will no longer be romantically involved. I know well how women can manipulate men with sex and emotions. If we’re to work together, I need to know there will be no chance of that.”
For a moment I could hear only the sound of my own heart. My mouth turned so dry I couldn’t even swallow. He knew. Rowen friggin’ knew this was coming. Why else would he be so strange last night? And the ring… my gaze dropped to it, and all I felt was a sick sense of betrayal.
“Fine. You have my word that my relationship with Spike is over.”
Rowen’s words wounded me, hitting me hard in the place deep down where I’d harbored my fears and mistrust. Too many times I’d been hurt. After shying away from commitment for so long, he had softened me, and I’d dared to let him in. And this was where that risk had led me.
Dash turned to me, Skylar’s face expressionless. “Don’t look so crushed, my dear. It will be better for you both in the long run. I never would have given up on having him. This way, you get to live. Consider yourself lucky.”
“Fuck. You.” Teeth clenched, palms burning, I gripped the arms of my chair so hard my fingers ached. To Rowen, I said, “How can you do this to me, to us?”
Rowen sat rigid in his seat. He seemed to be having a hard time meeting my eyes. His gaze kept dropping to his lap. “I’m doing this for you, Spike. I love you too much to watch him destroy you because of me. I’m so sorry. Please try to see it from my side.”
I shook. My hands trembled and my lower lip quivered. Never had I felt so exposed. My greatest personal weakness lay exposed, on display for the demon I hated most to gloat over. “We’re supposed to be a team. You and me against the world. And especially him. You’ve betrayed everything I thought I knew about us. I can’t believe this. I trusted you.” Even my voice sounded weak and pathetic, like the life had been sucked out of me.
“Angel girl is right, Rowen,” Arrow said, sliding a suspicious glance his brother’s way. “You’re not this guy. What the hell are you doing?”
The moment went dead quiet as the two brothers stared at one another. Rowen visibly fought to stay calm and still. This wasn’t easy for him, but though I found a semblance of comfort in that, it wasn’t enough.
“I’m saving you both,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, but I have to do this.”
“No, you fucking don’t,” Arrow hissed angrily.
His protest fell on deaf ears. Rowen had made up his mind, and he wouldn’t be swayed.
I wanted to fight for him. To beg and plead and promise. But seeing the determined set to his jaw and the trembling hands he tried to hide, I knew it would only make this hurt so much worse than it already did. In Rowen’s mind, this was him laying down his life for those he loved. I just wished he didn’t have to break my heart to do it.
Because I couldn’t stand to look at Skylar’s smirking face a moment longer, I got up and headed for the door. Silent tears streamed down my face. I hadn’t even felt them coming.
“Arrow, you’re out.” Dash’s voice followed me. “Out of my coven and out of this house. You should probably leave now.”
As I stepped from the room, there was a loud scrape as Arrow shoved his chair back. “You think you’ve won, Dash, but I promise I’ll find a way to fuck you over. Good job, Rowen. You’re the asshole brother now. How does that feel?” Arrow’s long, heavy strides helped him catch up with me before I reached the front door. “We don’t have to leave, you know. We can stay and fight.”
Without pausing I flung open the door and stepped from the warm house into the frozen winter outside. “What’s the point? He’s made his choice.”
I let a curtain of black tresses fall to hide my face so he wouldn’t see my tears. They continued to spill down my face, and I wondered how long it would take them to freeze.
“Come on, Spike. Where’s your fire?” Arrow nudged me, trying to stoke my spirit.
“Rowen just put it out. I went in there armed, ready for a fight. In ten minutes everything changed. I don’t even know how to feel right now.” I kept walking, down the front step and through the open gate. I couldn’t think straight, and I knew if I stayed and listened to Arrow I might very well end up dead.
>
“Hey, Spike.” When I didn’t stop or reply, Arrow grabbed my arm and jerked me to a halt. He took in the sight of my tear-stained face and whatever he’d been about to say died on his lips. “I’m sorry he did that to you, especially in front of Dash. But you know he loves you.”
I shook my head and sucked in a frigid breath. “All I know is that he didn’t give us a chance. Instead of trusting that we could face Dash together, he abandoned me.”
Pulling away, I kept walking. It was going to be a long, cold walk home. I’d have to call a cab.
Arrow matched my hurried pace. Despite the lung-crushing chill, he lit up a cigarette. “I’ll call Sam to come back. I’m not letting you walk the streets alone like this.”
After making a call to Sam, Arrow grew quiet. Smoking cigarette after cigarette he walked beside me in heavy silence. For a guy who could be such a class A jackass, he had his moments when I thought he might be human inside after all.
One foot in front of the other. That was all I could focus on. Every step felt like agony. The wind bit at my cheeks, icing my nose. I didn’t care. I could no longer feel.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Three days later I was sitting in Joe’s office with the girls, and lucky me, Molly’s Chamber. We girls sat on one side of the large conference room table, the guys on the other. Joe sat at the head with his hands clasped, frowning as if he sensed that something was amiss.
I hadn’t spoken to Rowen since he broke my heart in front of Dash. He’d called, texted, emailed. I ignored them all. He even came to my building, but I didn’t let him in. Nothing he could say would make this ok. Not now. I needed space. To think. Or to not think. I just couldn’t deal right now.
I’d hidden out at home and thrown myself into work, staying away from The Spirit Room for as long as I could. We played there next week so my self-imposed seclusion would come to an end.
Avoiding Rowen’s gaze I focused on Joe, waiting for the opportunity I needed. It didn’t take long for him to give it to me.
“So… I’ve had a chance to listen to the demos each of you sent me,” he said, glancing around the table. “They’re both pretty fucking amazing. I can honestly say I can’t decide who does it better.”
“I’ll save you the trouble, Joe,” I jumped in before he got the chance to give the song to either band. I kept my eyes on Joe though I felt the heavy weight of both Rowen and Arrow watching me. “Molly’s Chamber can have the song. I don’t want it. Not anymore. I’ll even give up all of my rights to it.”
A gasp fell from Jett, followed by, “Are you fucking crazy?”
Arrow snickered and sat back in his chair, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Rowen ran a hand through his hawk and stared out the window.
Joe’s brows lifted, and he cleared his throat. “This seems to be news to most of us. May I ask why?”
“Sure.” I crossed my arms and nodded, but it was Arrow I fixed my stare on. “You want the song so bad, Arrow? You can have it. It seems to mean more to you than it does to me anyway.” Turning to Joe, I smiled. “I don’t want to fight over the song, Joe. They can have it. No big deal. I’ll write other songs.”
I shrugged it off, hoping my shattered heart didn’t show on my face. I wasn’t sure I could even play “Love Song For An Angel” again. It would be like cutting open a vein every damn time.
Looking confused, Joe nodded slowly, looking from me to Rowen. “Well, if you’re sure…”
“I am. Really.” I’d said all I had to say on the subject. With my legs crossed, one foot swinging, I did my best to appear as if I just didn’t give a damn. It was a lie and we all knew it, but no way in hell was I letting anyone see the pain in my soul.
“Ok then,” Joe glanced down at the tablet on the table in front of him. “Moving on. You all know about the summer tour. Not a lot of details on that yet—it’s still several months away—but I can tell you that both of you are scheduled to play. Probably earlier time slots since both bands are new to the national scene, but any time slot is fantastic at this point. There’s a chance Sacred Stone will land a spot too. This city is really pumping out the kickass rock music this year. It’s been a while since we’ve had this happen.”
“As long as we don’t have to share a bus with them, it’s all good,” Arrow quipped.
With a snicker, Sam jumped in. “We’ll be happy to share with the ladies though, of course.”
Jett leaned forward, lip curled into a sexy sneer. “Sweetie, we’d rather travel in an old rundown RV than share a swanky bus with you asshats.”
“Sure you would.” Sam shot her a flirty grin, which elicited a middle finger from Jett.
“Anyway, we’ll discuss the tour as it gets closer and I receive more information. In the meantime, each of you need to record some new material. How’s the writing coming along? I’ll get you studio time when you feel you’re ready.”
I tuned out at that point. Content to let Jett field those questions with some help from Tash and Rubi, I picked at my peeling nail polish and avoided making eye contact with anyone. Now that I’d said what I had to say, I was ready to leave.
When Joe dismissed us I bolted out of my chair headed for the door. Keys in hand, I made a beeline for my car. My stomach clenched when Rowen called my name.
“Spike! Will you please stop? If you won’t take my calls, then you can at least let me talk right now. I have a right to that, don’t I?” Frustration made Rowen’s request a demand.
My old Chevy sat just ten feet away. I could have gotten in, slammed the door in his face, and driven away. Could have. Should have. Instead I turned to face him, bracing for the sucker punch of looking into his eyes.
“You made yourself perfectly clear already,” I said through clenched teeth. “What more could you possibly have to say?”
I was cold as ice despite the fire that burned in my palms. Clenching my hands tight, I ignored the telltale tingle. Emotion could be dangerous if it compromised my control. Cinder had taught me that from the start, although it didn’t keep slip ups from happening.
Rowen tried to take my hand, and I jerked, making him drop his arm. His face fell, and my heart fell with it.
“Give me a chance to explain, Spike, please. I didn’t have a choice, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. I love you.” Rowen had eyes only for me.
However, I remained painfully aware of our friends watching as they approached their cars, unsure if they were supposed to leave or not. I flung out a hand in their general direction and a flame flickered over my fingers. “Wasn’t our audience big enough last time? I don’t really need to relive this with all of our friends watching.”
Jett swung her arms, herding everyone away. “Let’s go, guys. Nothing to see here.”
She lingered though, and so did Arrow. What did they think was going to happen? They kept a respectful distance both from us and from each other. Still, I got the feeling they were anticipating a meltdown from one or both of us.
“I’m sorry it happened the way it did,” Rowen said, daring a step closer. “Don’t think this was easy for me. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I’m sick over what I’ve done to you.”
Car doors slammed, and one by one our human friends left. It was an especially chilly day. They were calling for snow. Again. But the heat in Rowen’s eyes scorched me. The fire burned in my palms, fueled by my rising emotion.
“Yeah? Well I’m not feeling so great myself.” Thrumming with adrenaline, I just wanted to get away. “Can we not do this now?” I turned toward my car.
Rowen put himself in my path. “Let me say what I need to say. I know you trusted me and I let you down. I’m so sorry, Spike. Please understand. I did it for you.”
“For me?” I repeated. Even with my hands clenched tightly into fists, the flames squeezed between my fingers.
“Oh boy, here we go,” Jett muttered, pulling her jacket hood up onto her head.
“You didn’t do this for me.” My voice sounded
stronger than I felt. “I asked you not to go to Dash. I begged you to think it through and not do anything rash. This was about your brother and the guilt that eats you up because you can’t save him from himself.”
Arrow’s bitter laugh was followed by a, “Fuck that.”
Rowen shut him down when he said, “It was about Arrow at first. But I hadn’t made my decision until Dash turned his attention to you. Then I knew I had to do it. I did it for you, Spike. To protect you.”
His declaration hung frozen between us on the frigid afternoon air. Rowen was so earnest, so desperate for me to accept his reason for destroying what we had.
To protect me.
I shook my head and swallowed a sigh. “It was supposed to be you and me against the world. We were a team. We were the same. Now you’re the enemy. How the hell do you really expect me to accept that?”
“I love you.” Rowen sounded defeated. “So I had to do whatever it took to keep you safe. I couldn’t let you die because of me. I needed Dash to believe our breakup was real so I had to make you believe it too. But it’s not forever, Spike. It’s just for now. Please, trust me.”
He wore a mask of despair. I found some comfort in knowing that Rowen was hurting too, but it didn’t make me feel much better. He reached for my hand again, and this time I let him take it. The flames went out.
“Rowen, don’t give me hope if you know it’s bullshit. I trusted you—something I don’t do well or often—and you destroyed that trust.” As a commitment-phobe I didn’t handle this sort of thing well. Second chances weren’t my style.
“All I can do is ask you to forgive me. I hope you can.” Using our joined hands to pull me closer, Rowen planted a soul-stirring kiss on me with such fierce yearning. “I’m doing what I have to do right now. It’s not safe for us to be together, but it will be. I don’t expect you to wait, but I know that, if this is as real as I believe it is, then we’ll find our way back to each other.”
