The (Half) Truth

by Harper, Leddy

  “I think I’m still asleep,” he mumbled into my hair. “This feels very much like a wet dream.”

  I trailed the tip of my tongue to his neck while dipping my hand past the waistband to wrap my fingers around his silky shaft. “I’ll be quiet, promise.”

  His laughter flooded my ear as he rolled on top of me, settling between my legs. He propped himself up on his elbows and peered down at me, the undeniable hunger in his vibrant eyes holding me hostage. “What if I don’t want you to be quiet?”

  That was all it took to spur me into action. I straightened my legs enough to shimmy my pajama bottoms to my thighs, and then curled them back against either side of his body. It wasn’t how I would’ve preferred to do it, but by this point, as long as he had access, I didn’t care. Using my heels, I shoved his gym shorts past the roundness of his ass. Then I stretched my arm between us to take hold of him and line him up where I needed him the most.

  Jay dropped his face into the crook of my neck at the same time he rolled his hips inward, sliding into me like he belonged there. But that was all I got from him—one thrust, followed by the sight of his panicked eyes when he lifted his head.

  “Wait, babe. I don’t have a condom.”

  “I don’t care, Jay. I need you. Right now. I need you to move and take care of this ache because you’re the only one who can.” I had no idea where that had come from, though it was pointless to question it. He had a way of bringing out a brazen side of me I never knew existed.

  “And I will; just let me grab a—”

  I dug my heels into the backs of his thighs and grabbed two handfuls of his ass cheeks, more than likely marking the flesh with my nails. It was enough to shut him up and force him to drive into me without making me beg again.

  My orgasm came on quick, peaking and tapering off just as fast. And once I came down from the high, blowing out the breath I’d held in my lungs, he tried again to press pause in favor of a rubber. In a move completely unlike anything I would’ve ever done before, I wrapped my arms and legs around him, preventing him from breaking free.

  “Screw the condom, Jay, and just fuck me already,” I panted breathlessly, begging him to keep going. Had I taken a second to realize that I probably sounded like one of those girls who tried to get knocked up to trap a man, then I might’ve relented and allowed him to get the protection he clearly wanted. But I didn’t take a second. Nor did I think twice about what I had asked of him. All I could focus on was the building of the next orgasm that taunted my lower abdomen.

  It seemed he’d lost interest in it as well. Rather than argue or pull away, he picked up the pace and slammed into me with even, rhythmic thrusts, hitting the spot that I swore had been made for him and him alone.

  I pressed my head into the pillow, elongating my neck and chasing him with my hips. Ecstasy was right there, within reach. I squeezed my eyes shut, teetering on the edge yet unable to let go and give in to the explosion of warmth. Jay must’ve sensed my struggle, because he softly captured my earlobe between his teeth and slipped one hand beneath my shirt until he palmed my breast. I no longer fought him on that—not only because I wouldn’t win, but also because he’d taught me just how amazing it was.

  He simultaneously pinched my beaded nipple and bit down a little harder on my earlobe. In an instant, I was flooded with endorphins and drowning in warm tingles that spread throughout my body like a wildfire. I knew he loved it when I used his name in the throes of an orgasm, but I couldn’t manage anything other than strangled gasps of air seeping past my constricted vocal cords.

  In fact, I was so consumed by what he’d given me that I completely missed his erratic thrusts, the way he buried himself in me as deep as he could go, and the shudders that overtook his body during his own dive off the cliff. It wasn’t until we were both panting, our chests heaving as we fought for air, that I realized he’d gotten off, too.

  Although, had I missed that, I wouldn’t have made it past the “Shit” he hissed into my neck. Or the “Fuck” he growled as he lifted himself onto his elbows. And the way he stared at the sliver of skin beneath the hem of my shirt while gritting out “Son of a bitch” certainly wouldn’t have gone unnoticed.

  I was almost afraid to say anything, except a small voice in the back of my head warned me that this had something to do with the condom I’d refused to let him use. “It’s okay, Jay.” When his head snapped back, I held his face in my hands and did my best to console him with my eyes. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what I was thinking. If it helps any, I’m on birth control—and not the kind I have to remember to take.”

  “As much as I appreciate that—and yes, it does help—it still leaves us both open to other dangers. I’ve never not worn a condom, so this is . . . well, while it was fucking amazing, it’d be a lie if I said it doesn’t freak me out.”

  I nodded, unable to do anything else. “I know. I’m clean, though. After my failed engagement, Kelsey convinced me to go get tested, just in case he hadn’t been faithful during our relationship. I’m hoping the fact that you say you’ve never done this without one means you’re good, too?”

  Even if I hadn’t heard my own voice, the softness in his eyes would’ve made me pick up on the fear that laced my words. His lids fell halfway just as he lowered his forehead to mine, the tips of our noses touching. “Yeah, I’m clean, too.”

  It would be stupid and reckless to assume we were both in the clear, regardless of how slim our chances were of contracting something and passing it to the other, but I had to admit, hearing him tell me that calmed my nerves.

  “I promise I won’t make you do that again.” I tried to smile, though it was likely weak and unconvincing. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and dragged it out. “I don’t know, baby . . . I didn’t think being with you could get better. Now that I’ve experienced just how amazing you feel without anything between us, I’m not sure I can bring myself to use them again with you.”

  “That deserves a serious conversation, one that doesn’t take place while you’re still inside me.” I turned my head to the side to read the clock next to his side of the bed. “And considering we have to be at your aunt’s house in a little over an hour, I think it’ll have to wait until later.”

  He winked and pressed a chaste kiss to my temple. “I’m going to need a miracle to get me through lunch without fucking you in a closet.”

  Oh, if only he knew how easily I’d give in if he tried.

  17

  Jason

  Tatum had left my house twenty minutes before I did, and it had taken everything in me to wait as long as I had. If I cared, I would’ve worried that I had become obsessed with her. Still, I’d gone an entire week with only a few calls and texts rather than having her in my bed. After this morning, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to last that long again.

  Something needed to give with our schedules—either that, or she needed to stop worrying so much about Kelsey and what she would do if she found out. Granted, it wasn’t like I had any desire to deal with my cousin and her phobia when it came to men, but I wouldn’t let her stand in my way when it came to Tatum.

  I’d just crossed the bridge into Samson when my phone rang, yet my cell had slipped between the seat and the center console, and I was once again reminded that I hadn’t programmed any numbers into Bluetooth. The display on the car’s navigation screen simply read “Incoming Call.”

  I pressed the green button on the steering wheel and answered, only to groan when Jen’s voice floated through the speakers. “Hey, stranger!” That had to be the fakest greeting I’d ever heard from her. “Did you decide on a good time for a visit out of those dates I gave you? The first one is less than two weeks away, so I’m assuming that might not work out so well. But I was able to find a couple more in the last part of September.”

  I regretted very little in life—it was my motto: Do everything; regret nothing. However, not shutting this down from the b
eginning had become the exception to my rule. When I’d ignored the first two texts, she simply sent more. Then I’d tried to say it wasn’t a good time with my new job and that asking for time off so early was frowned upon. She still hadn’t gotten the hint, because after that, she came back saying the dates were all weekends and none of the flights arrived in Langston before seven on Fridays. That’s when I’d gone back to ignoring her, which had spurred the phone calls. Until this one, I’d managed to avoid them all.

  “Honestly, Jen . . . I don’t understand the point in you coming here.”

  She giggled, as if what I said was funny, which was impossible, considering the tone I’d used. Nevertheless, she ignored the obvious and carried on with her delusions. “Well, there are a few things you left at the house that I wanted to bring you, and . . .” Pauses were never a good sign. “I was hoping that if we were face to face, we might be able to work things out a bit better.”

  “Yeah, maybe . . . if I had any interest in working anything out. But I don’t. I thought I made that clear when I left. And again when I didn’t reach out to you after your call with Marlena. Oh, and every day since you brought up the idea of visiting, by not responding or confirming a weekend for you to come.”

  She was silent, which had the potential to be worse than a pause. Our years together had taught me that either she was angry and needed a moment to string together the perfect insult that would hurt worse than a knee to the groin, or she was sad and didn’t want me to hear her cry. When she sniffled, I knew it was the latter. It was also my Achilles’ heel.

  “Jen, please don’t. I’m sorry for being so abrupt with you, but I’m at the end of my rope here. I’m at a loss for what else to do or say to make you realize I’m done. You made your choice. You stayed behind in Vegas, chose the show over me. That’s the end of it. I don’t know what more there is to say.”

  “I get it, Jason.” Emotion distorted her voice and tightened my chest. “I guess I just thought we had something bigger than your rule against second chances. I assumed you’d eventually cool off and . . . I don’t know, miss me or something.”

  “I think it’s bigger than that,” I explained, driving on autopilot while my mind drifted away from the road in front of me. “Face it . . . be honest with yourself for one minute, and you’ll see that this isn’t about what we had together or how much either of us miss the other. My family is here, and this is where I want to be. This is where I want to raise my kids, surrounded by loved ones. You’ll never be happy in Samson or Langston. Or any other city around here. And I’ll never be content living so far away from what little family I have.”

  “You’ve never taken me there, so how do you know I won’t fall in love with the area and feel the same way you do? How can you say with such certainty that I won’t get along with your aunt and uncle and become just as much part of the family as you are? You’ve never given me the chance, Jason.”

  Over the last month, I’d given this a lot of thought. And the one thing I continued to go back to was the fact that she wasn’t close to her own family—not because anything had happened; simply because she’d allowed distance and time zones to stand between them. And if she couldn’t maintain a relationship with the people she shared DNA with, I couldn’t realistically expect her to have one with my family, who were essentially strangers to her. But that wasn’t something I could tell her without it coming across as a slap in the face.

  “Do you really think you can come for a weekend and know without a shadow of a doubt that you’d be happy spending the rest of your life here?” I already knew the answer, as well as the one she’d try to sell me, yet I asked anyway.

  “I mean, it’s possible. But even if I do, it’s not like I can just rip up my returning plane ticket and stay there. I’d have to come back to pack up the house and give the show enough notice to replace me.” She made it sound like that would be difficult—there were dozens of girls who danced in rotation or waited in the wings in case someone couldn’t perform. “If it takes a few trips to know beyond the shadow of a doubt, then I’m willing to do that.”

  I cleared my throat, knowing this would be as hard for me to say as it would be for her to hear. “Jen . . . I think you’re so eager to make this work that you’d convince yourself of just about anything. You’d say you love it here, that you want to move and start a family with me here, just to keep from losing what we had for the last five years. But where would that leave us in the future when you wake up one day and realize you miss the lights, the climate, the people and shows and fast-paced lifestyle?”

  “You can’t assume that’ll happen.”

  “It already did—when you refused to leave it behind and come with me.”

  “That’s not fair,” she whispered.

  “Maybe not, but you can’t blame me for questioning it. And if we have kids when that day comes, how would that work? Would you take off with them and leave me to either follow or only see them during summer breaks? Or would you leave them here with me while you chased after your golden years in Vegas?”

  “You’re thinking too far ahead, Jason.”

  “But I’m not. I’ve lived it. My dad left when I was little because he went stir crazy in this town. I saw him for one summer after that, and most of that time was spent with his girlfriend while he did his thing. Until Bill came into the picture, I basically didn’t have a father. That’s not what I want for my kids—if I ever have any. And you can’t blame me for doing everything I can to prevent that from happening.”

  She sighed, and when she spoke again, her tone had dropped an octave, full of the heartache we both felt. “The bottom line is, neither of us can predict the future. You do what you can to protect yourself and your future children, but at the end of the day, you could very well be turning your back on your soul mate out of fear. Which basically leaves you with two options, Jason: one, stick with your decision and we both move on, never knowing if we could’ve worked it out; or two, let me visit and trust that I’ll be honest with you about whether or not I’d be happy there for the rest of my life. The decision is yours.”

  I’d pulled into my aunt and uncle’s driveway before she even gave me the options, and now, I sat with my car in park, staring at the closed front door, feeling torn in half. Tatum was inside. She was someone I enjoyed spending time with, someone who, over the last couple of weeks, had taught me to breathe again. Yet at the same time, she wasn’t my forever. She was exactly what she was—fun, amazing in bed, and a breath of fresh air. And Jen was on the phone, states away, begging me for the forever we had talked about for so long.

  “Listen, Jen . . . I just pulled up to my aunt’s house. I’m going to have to let you go before someone comes out and wonders why I’m sitting in the driveway on the phone.” I was a coward for not giving her an answer, but the truth was, I didn’t have one to offer.

  “That’s fine. Will you at least think about everything and let me know where your head’s at? I’ll wait for you until the earth stops spinning, just as long as I’m not doing it in vain. And if you decide that working things out isn’t what you want, I’ll respect that and let you move on. I just need to know what direction I’m going in. I don’t want to give you up, but if you don’t want me, there’s nothing I can do.”

  I hated the pain in her voice, almost as much as hearing her tell me she’d wait forever if she had to. I didn’t want that, yet I also didn’t want to look in the mirror years from now and realize I’d made the biggest mistake of my life by turning her down. “I will. I promise.”

  She said goodbye, and I echoed the sentiment, though it was barely a whisper. She likely didn’t hear it before I disconnected the call. And then I took another minute to shed the suffocating emotion she’d left me with. By the time I made my way inside the house, the knot in my stomach had loosened, though the ache in my chest remained.

  That is . . . until I reached the end of the front hallway and found Tatum next to my mom, both standing in front of the stove
with aprons tied around their waists. Apparently, that was all it took to bring me back to life—not an extra minute in the car, not a few deep breaths, and certainly not an ultimatum that either way could affect the rest of my life.

  “Something smells good.” I moved between the two women and peeked over their shoulders at what they were doing on the stove. While Tatum remained focused on the pan in front of her, Mom shifted to the side to plant a kiss on my cheek.

  “Tatum’s teaching me how to make her mother’s green bean recipe.” Mom wiped off the lipstick she’d left on my face and went back to snapping the ends off the fresh beans.

  “I keep telling her she needs to write a cookbook or something.” I knew that would get a rise out of Tatum. Except this time, rather than make a comment about how it would be a wasted endeavor because the only people who’d buy it already had most of her recipes, she glared at me through her lashes.

  Then I realized what I’d said and who I’d said it around—I had basically admitted that we talked. Often.

  “Oh, that would be a wonderful idea.” Mom’s bright-pink cheeks grew rounder with her smile. Someone seriously needed to give her some makeup tips before Marlena’s kids thought she was a clown. “Why don’t you do that, Tatum?”

  “Because I don’t know the first thing about writing one.”

  “It’s a cookbook.” I’d explained this to her a dozen times. “How hard can it be?”

  “Don’t talk to her like that, young man.” My mom was an amazing mother, but discipline had never been her forte. I was in my thirties, and she still hadn’t realized you weren’t supposed to coo while correcting someone.

  I leaned closer to Tatum’s ear and whispered, “Sorry, babe.”

  She elbowed me. I told myself that meant she forgave me.