by Seven Steps
My lower lip trembled. “And that’s not you?”
He shook his head, his eyes looking mournful. “Sorry, Jelly Roll.”
It felt like my world was coming apart at the seams. I dropped to my knees and put my hands over my head. Maybe if I wished hard enough, I could disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.
“Let’s get you home,” he whispered, putting a hand on my back.
I nodded, feeling more alone than I ever had before.
Everything seemed so messed up.
Why was everything so messed up?
We climbed into his truck and I leaned my head against the window.
My vision blurred, and my head was spinning. My heart felt so heavy it hurt.
The windows steamed, and I traced my finger against the glass.
He pulled into a gas station, and I clearly saw the word my subconscious had been tracing over and over.
Broken.
Joe climbed out of the truck and started to fill the tank.
I closed my eyes, waiting for him to climb back in.
The light was so bright here. I just wanted to go to sleep.
A little while later, I heard Joe get back in the car and pull off.
I popped one eye open. My word was still there in the window.
But it was no longer alone.
There, beneath the word broken, in messy thick letters, was a single word.
Glue.
40
“Wait. You can’t go in there!”
I cracked open my eyes just in time to see Bella burst into my room, followed very closely by my mom.
“What are you doing?” Mom huffed. “It’s six o’clock in the morning.”
“The early bird gets the worm, Ms. Johnson.”
I groaned and slid low under my sheets. My head was throbbing. How much had I drunk last night? How did I get home?
“What do you think you’re doing out here this early?” Mom demanded.
Bella snatched the sheets off me, tossing them to the floor with an innocent smile.
“Don’t you remember, Ms. Johnson? The last time I was here, I asked if Sophia could go on a camping trip with me and my family and you said yes.”
“I didn’t know that was today.”
Bella tilted her head to the side. “No? I sent you an email.”
My mom crossed her arms. “I didn’t get any email.”
“Did you check your Spam folder?”
I groaned. “Go away, Bella. I’m not going.”
Bella grabbed my ankles, pulling them to the edge of the bed.
“Sure, you are,” she said. “We’re all packed up and ready to go downstairs.”
I threw my hand over my face. “I’m exhausted.”
“You know what’s good for that? Fresh air.”
She pulled hard, and I toppled off the mattress, landing hard on the carpeted floor with an oomph.
“Hey!”
“See. Awake already.”
“Sophia, you know the rules. You’re supposed to clear all plans with me the night before.”
The night before. I couldn’t even remember last night.
“We’ve already made arrangements for her,” Bella said. “She can still come, right?”
I curled into a ball on the floor.
Please say no. Please.
“Well,” Mom said with an exaggerated sigh. “If you’ve already made arrangements, then I guess you can’t break them.”
Ugh! Why did Mom have to be reasonable now?
“But when you get back, we’re going to talk about this,” she added.
Bella rolled me to the side and slid my body toward the bathroom.
Jeez, she was strong.
And much too persistent.
“Thank you, Ms. Johnson. I’ll go ahead and pack her up and get her dressed, and we’ll head out the door.”
“When will you be back?” Mom asked.
“Tomorrow night,” she said. “Plenty of time for her to get ready for school on Monday.”
Mom hmphed again. I could just imagine her raising her eyebrow.
“Well, okay. Call me when you get there and when you’re on your way home.”
I groaned in return.
Bella had successfully pushed me to the bathroom doorway, but I still didn’t get up.
“In five seconds, I’m going to spray you with the shower hose,” she hissed.
I groaned again.
“One.”
“Okay, okay. Chill.”
Why was this happening? Why couldn’t I just sleep in on a Saturday morning like a normal person?
I uncurled myself and, somehow, made my way into the shower.
When I got back out, Bella had already packed my bags and laid out my traveling clothes.
I took in her jeans and plaid shirt. Her hair was up in a neat bun and she wore boots. She sure looked like a camper.
“Why are you so awake?” I asked, still groggy.
She handed me a bottle of water and four aspirins.
“I’m a morning person,” she said. “We’ll get oatmeal on the way. And for God’s sake, brush your teeth. I’m surprised your mom couldn’t smell the liquor on you.”
I scowled at her and downed the pills in a single gulp. I hoped they kicked in soon. My head was killing me.
I brushed my teeth, finished getting dressed, bid my mom and Quincey goodbye, and stumbled, still half asleep, down the stairs and into the awaiting cherry red truck.
Cole rolled down the front passenger window and smiled at me.
"Hey, sleepyhead!"
I groaned. "Cole, your girlfriend is a psychopath."
Cole shrugged. "Oh, you get used to that.”
I pulled open the right-side passenger door and climbed in, ready to let the pills work their magic and resume my sleep, when I suddenly stopped cold.
Joe’s extra-large frame was squeezed against the door. He gave me a tentative smile.
“You remember Joe, right?" Cole asked.
Joe waved. "Hey, Jelly Roll."
No. Not today. Definitely not today.
I started to back out of the car, fighting my brain to come up with some excuse as to why I couldn’t go, when Bella pushed me right back in and shut the door behind me.
Crap.
"What are you doing here?" I demanded.
"Cole invited me," he said, guilt tinting his voice.
"It’s not a problem, is it?" Cole asked. "We've been hanging out at Eric's since the comic book convention thing. You know, the one where he had to wear the blue underwear."
"I told you. I was Lion-O from Thundercats."
Cole laughed. "Still underwear, bro."
Bella climbed in the front seat and strapped in. Then, she pulled out her phone.
"All right. Any musical request before we pull out?"
"Nope," I said, crossing my arms. "But you better hide your phone. Joe has sticky fingers."
Cole wrinkled his nose. "What?"
"Nothing," Joe said. "She didn't say anything."
Cole shrugged, and we pulled away from the curb.
I didn't know where we were going, or even what was in my backpack. All I knew was I now had to spend the next twenty-four hours of my life next to a boy I couldn't stand.
How was I going to get through this?
We arrived at the Rhode Island campsite almost four hours later.
Four hours with Joe and me pretending not to know each other existed while Cole and Bella sang at the top of their lungs to a playlist that seemed to go on forever. I was pretty miserable, but I had to admit that watching them sing made me miss singing. If only I could get my stage fright under control somehow. The play had helped, but I still wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable on stage. Not like I was before. If only I could forget my classmates’ laughing faces.
But some things we can never forget.
We pulled up to a private cabin next to a lake. It was a warm day, but not warm enough for a lake swim. Maybe
in a few months when summer rolled around.
"Whoa," Joe said. "When you said camping, I thought you meant, like, real camping with a tent on the ground, eating canned beans. This is like, next level camping."
"Wait until you see inside,” Cole said proudly. “It’s awesome.”
We grabbed our bags from the trunk and walked into the log cabin. Inside was a beautiful living room with fur lined everything and a TV. There were two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a fully stocked kitchen.
"This is gorgeous!" I gasped.
"Isn't it," Bella said. "I love coming up here. It reminds me of growing up in North Carolina. All wood and exposed beams."
"And Wi-Fi," Joe said. "Don't forget about the Wi-Fi."
"People," Cole announced. "Our mini vacay has officially begun. Drop your gear and meet me out back in ten minutes."
"What are we doing in ten minutes?" I asked.
"What else? Mountain biking."
I looked at Bella. "You told me we'd just be sitting around the campfire roasting marshmallows."
She smiled slyly. "Yes. After we mountain bike."
"But I've never mountain biked before.”
"Oh, don't worry. There are bikes in the back."
"Bella!"
"Sophia. Don't worry. It’s not like you’re going to fall off the mountain or anything.”
"How do you know I won’t?"
She shrugged. "Because you're not an idiot. Now let’s go find you a bike and get this show on the road."
She grabbed my hand and led me out the back door and toward a shed.
"So, what’s up with you and Mr. Hat back there?" she asked when we got outside.
"Mr. Hat?"
"Don't act like you don't know who I’m talking about. There are only four of us here."
It was cool out but not cold and the sky was a clear blue. My mom would’ve said it was jacket weather. I stood in the sunshine, trying to absorb a little of its warmth. "Nothing's up. We're just friends."
"Fighting friends."
"We're not fighting."
"Really? You look like you’re fighting to me."
She stopped in front of a red shed and put in the code. The door popped open and we stepped inside.
"So, what'd he do?" she asked.
She walked up to a bike, unchained it with another code, then pushed it in my direction.
I sighed. "I told him something in confidence and he told someone."
"What'd you tell him?"
"It’s kind of personal."
"So, you can tell some rando guy, but you can't tell me? Your best friend?"
"No, it’s not like that."
She shrugged. "Fine. Don't tell me. Stew all weekend about it. I don’t care."
"Bella, come on.”
"No, I get it. It’s not like we see you anymore anyway."
I sighed. "Bella, it’s really not like that."
"So, what is it like, Sophia?"
I kicked at the dirt below my feet.
"You know those pictures of my dad around the house?"
"Yeah."
"Well, they're not my dad. They're just some pictures of some guy my mom used to know. My dad is a criminal who lives in New Orleans who doesn't want anything to do with me. I know this because Joe texted my aunt behind my back and found it out. Then my mom caught on and… it’s just a huge mess."
Bella froze in her spot.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. Seriously."
She let the bike she had in her hand clatter to the floor, then rushed over to hug me. "Oh, Sophia, I'm sorry. You must be devastated."
I clung to her. I was devastated. I thought my life was one way and it turned out to be the complete opposite.
"I don't know who I am anymore,” I whispered.
"Oh, honey." She pulled away from me. "You're still you. No matter who your dad is, you’re still you."
"But what if I turn out like him? I already lie and I’m boy crazy, like my mom was. What if I end up in jail or pregnant?”
"You can't think that way, honey. You lie because your mom doesn't give you any space to breathe." She blinked at me. "Sorry."
"It’s okay."
"And you chase boys because they're hot and they make you feel good. But look at what you've done in the last few months. You're wearing different clothes, you’re not making out with every guy you meet, and your grades have skyrocketed."
"So?"
"So. Sophia, that proves my point. You are not doomed to live the lives your parents lived. You’re your own person. No matter who they are. Don’t forget that."
I gave her a watery smile. "I miss your advice."
"I'm here, honey. I'm always right here." She sighed. "I'm sorry about your dad."
"Thanks."
"And Joe."
I rolled my eyes and grunted. "Don't even get me started on him."
"Why? He's already started on you."
I scoffed. "He's not a very good friend. That’s all."
She shrugged. "Such a bad friend that he doesn't deserve a second chance?"
I shook my head. "I don't know."
"Well, it’s time to start figuring that out, honey. If you don't, it’s going to be a long weekend."
She picked up the bike and rolled it to me, then she grabbed her own and, side by side, we walked out of the shed.
Cole and Joe were standing at the back door.
"Babe, you got mine too?" Cole laughed.
"In your dreams, Winstead."
"Oh, fiery. I like it."
We all got on our bikes and followed Cole as he pedaled up what was more of a hill than a mountain.
The road was rockier than I'd hoped it would be, with paths that could send you flying off into the woods if you weren’t careful. I considered myself a mildly able bike rider, but I had to admit I was a little terrified by these trails.
I placed myself between Bella and Joe, hoping that being in the middle of them would keep me from careening off into the unknown.
"How's everybody doing?" Cole called to us.
"Great," Bella said. She didn't even sound out of breath. Meanwhile, I was struggling to pedal and talk at the same time. When I was on the swim team, I was in excellent shape. But, since I quit, my lung power has been a little bit lacking.
"Good," I gasped. It was a lie. I was not good. The mix of the strenuous bike ride and the fresh outside air was making me want to puke.
"Good," Joe called.
The road turned, and we followed the bend. It wasn't super steep, but it was steep enough to make me wish I had stayed back in the cabin. It felt like I was balancing on the edge of a narrow trapezoid. On my right were the hard walls of the hill. On my left, the ground seemed to fall away.
“Isn’t there a beginner trail?” I cried out.
“Yeah,” Cole said. “But the beginner trail is for chumps. This is the advanced trail, baby.” He let out a whoop, like he was having the time of his life.
“Did you say advanced trail or death trail? Because I feel like I’m going to die.”
“Cheer up, Soph. You’re doing great.”
I looked to my right, staring at the slippery slope below.
“Don’t look down,” Joe said. “Keep your eyes up.”
I craned my head to glare at him. “Don’t tell me what to do, Joe.”
“I’m not telling you what to do.”
“Yes, you are. You think you know everything and that you’re so smart but—”
There’s an old saying my grandmother used to tell me.
Girl, you’re going to talk yourself into an early grave.
And Grandma was right.
Because, in my rush to defend my pride, I had turned the bike’s wheel just enough to shoot past Bella.
And over the lip of the slope.
Flat earth shot past me as my bike zoomed faster and faster down the hill and toward a giant rock.
A blood-curling scream erupted from my throat as the front wheels of the bike
struck the rock, sending me flying head first through the air.
Someone called my name.
By some miracle, my feet flipped over my head right before my back struck the ground. Rocks cut into my flesh, and I screamed as my body skidded over the rocky terrain for several yards before finally coming to a stop at the base of a large oak tree.
Searing pain shot through my entire body and my head felt light. My eyes throbbed. My head throbbed.
I looked up at the sky. White clouds sailed across the blue.
Was this the same sky my father saw before he died?
No. That wasn’t my father.
That was a lie.
The world spun, faster and faster until all I could do was close my eyes and fall into the black.
I awoke to the worst pain of my life. It shot down my back and into my feet. My head throbbed. Every part of me throbbed. I opened my mouth to scream, but only a whimper came out.
“You’re okay,” a voice said. “You’re going to be okay.”
It was so familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
What happened?
Where was I?
My body was jiggled again, making the pain worse.
Voices spoke around me. I wanted to open my eyes, but they felt so heavy.
“Lay her here.”
“What happened back there?”
“Her bike went off the road. She fell down the hill.”
“How long has she been out?”
“Not long. Fifteen minutes, maybe.”
“Did she stop breathing in that time?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
The pain was so intense that I whimpered again.
“It’s so much blood. Is there supposed to be so much blood?”
Something sharp pricked my arm, and the pain started to subside, bringing back the darkness.
The black gave way to the light. Soft light this time.
I was so tired. Why was I so tired?
I peeled my eyes open and looked up at the ceiling.
It was painted white, and there was a silver sprinkler.
Where was I? What happened to the cloud and the sky?
I turned my head to my right. An IV bag hung on a tall stand. Next to that was a monitor that beeped softly. I flexed my fingers and felt pain shoot through my hand.
Where was I?
I looked to my left.
Joe was sitting in a chair, his face colorless, his eyes red.
