Karma Is A Bitch: An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 12)

by Michael Anderle

  “James,” someone called, familiar but distant.

  He let out another roar, now alternating his blades and splashing the liquid remains of the Council member all over the area, the agony in his head growing.

  The dark images kept repeating, speeding up. He saw himself killing his friends and loved ones. He saw them killing him.

  “James,” the voice called again, insistent. “Come back to me. You won. Damn it, you won. I’m here for you, and I love you. Whatever the fuck is going on, fight it! You only get to lose to me, and no one fucking else, you understand me?”

  He spun toward the voice, ready to destroy another foe. Shay stood there, a huge hole burned through her shirt, but her wounds were gone. His dog stood beside her, his head cocked to the side in confusion.

  No, no, NO!

  James growled and turned. The red crystal pulsed now, each pulse bringing new pain.

  He leapt into the air and brought one of his blades down on it. His blade sliced through and the crystal exploded, the fireball engulfing him and blowing a hole in his chest armor. He crashed into the ground, every part of his body hurting, but at least the pain in his head and the dark images were gone.

  Link reestablished, Whispy sent. Severe damage sustained. Time needed for adaptation and regeneration. Recommend external healing. Entering quiescence to preserve function.

  The armor retracted and James groaned, barely able to keep his eyes open.

  Shay rushed over to him, the dog at her side. The dog licked James’ face as his girlfriend knelt beside him and pulled out his last healing potion.

  “Cutting it kind of close,” Shay muttered. She opened his mouth and poured the potion down his throat. “Trying to be dramatic now to impress me?”

  James could only manage a groan in response.

  Shay held his head as the other bounty hunters rushed to surround him. The dog kept licking his face and whimpering.

  The pain ebbed and James sat up, rubbing his head. “Fuck. That shit hurt.”

  Shay blew out a sigh of relief. Maria and the men all grinned.

  James looked at the splattered pools of ichor all over the place. “At least this time I got the fucker.” He blinked at the dog. “And he’s okay?”

  Trey stepped forward. “Wasn’t sure if a healing potion would work on a dog, but it seems like it did.” He shrugged. “Who knew?”

  James grunted. Zoe needed to make special potions for him, but normal potions would work for both humans and dogs? Did that make him better or worse than a dog?

  He chuckled and scratched behind his dog’s ears. “You’re just like me, boy. You run toward trouble no matter how fucking stupid it is.”

  The dog barked and wagged his tail.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  An hour later police swarmed the entire park, along with FBI and even a few PDA agents. Although the cops were keeping the media out, they couldn’t do much about the news drones and helicopters flying overhead, all getting clear pictures of the piles of dead monsters or occasional deceased wizard in the amusement park. The previous battles against the Council had been hidden from the eyes of the public, but now the deadly group’s efforts would be all over the internet with shocking photos.

  Sergeant Weber shook his head as he looked at the remains of the rollercoaster and frowned at James. “The FBI and the PDA are going to have a lot of questions, but I think they want to finish up their initial investigation before they bother you. They’re definitely going to come knocking in the next few days. If this was just about you taking down a few Council monsters, that’s one thing, but…” He sighed and gestured to the ruins of the rollercoaster. “You destroyed a multi-million dollar rollercoaster in the process, and you didn’t immediately contact the police when you knew of the threat. Some people might accuse you of caring more about the bounty than people’s safety.”

  James shrugged. “Don’t give a shit what people think. I did what I had to.”

  Maria stepped forward and glared at Weber, and he winced. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? He told you what happened. His informant put her life on the line.” She gestured to a pile of dead rippers. “And even though Council monsters were flooding this park, there wasn’t a single civilian death. That’s better than even AET can achieve most of the time in situations nowhere near as bad.”

  Sergeant Weber put up his hands. “I’m not saying I believe that, Lieutena—”

  “Maria,” she corrected. “I’m not a cop anymore, and I don’t have any rank. I’m just a bounty hunter with the Brownstone Agency.”

  Sergeant Weber sighed and shrugged. “I’m just telling you what some people think. It’ll be hard to clear James entirely without his informant coming forward. People will have questions.”

  Maria frowned but didn’t say anything else.

  Shay snorted and rolled her eyes. She leaned down to pet the dog. “Yeah, that will do wonders for not getting her killed.”

  James grunted and shook his head. “I don’t care what anyone fucking thinks. We ended the Council for good and no one who didn’t have it coming died. Sounds like a fucking win to me. If the FBI and the PDA want to bust my balls, fine. I don’t give a shit, and I’ll just call Senator Johnston. He owes me, and he can probably get them off my back. As for the damage…” He rubbed his chin and looked at the rollercoaster debris. A group of PDA agents and CSI were inspecting the ichor pools and collecting samples. “Fuck it.”

  Sergeant Weber blinked. “Fuck it?”

  Shay grinned. Maria nodded.

  James shrugged. “This ain’t barbeque or some struggling mom-and-pop restaurant. This is a major amusement park, and I’m sure they have insurance for a class-six bounty hunter taking on a magical mist monster. If I hadn’t shown up a lot of people would have gotten hurt, so I’m not fucking apologizing for doing what I had to do.”

  Sergeant Weber rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Look, Brownstone, I’m on your side. I’m just saying the optics of this are bad, and you have to think of the public relations angles and stuff.”

  Maria sighed and groaned. “I hate to say it, but Weber’s right, even though it pisses me off that we even have to be talking about something like this. Depending on how the brass at the LAPD and the local politicians react, they could really make trouble for you. This isn’t you busting through the walls at a dust house.”

  James grunted. “Fine. I’ll donate half my bounty money to the park as a goodwill gesture, but not the whole thing. We earned that fucking money.”

  Sergeant Weber nodded. “Okay, like I said, I’m on your side. At least the brass will be happy. I’ve got to go check with the CSIs and the FBI liaisons. Seriously, though, good work, Brownstone. No matter what you think, I’m on your side.” He gave James a nod and walked off.

  The dog barked a few times and wagged his tail.

  Trey wandered over from where he’d been chatting with the other bounty hunters. “Lachlan told me those kids are all okay. Their parents have picked them up. A few scratches, but nothing serious.”

  “That’ll be some good PR at least,” Maria muttered. She glanced Weber’s way before leaning toward James. “I knew you had some badass artifacts,” she murmured, “but you really let yourself off the chain that time. Damn, Brownstone.”

  Shay pursed her lips and said nothing.

  Trey nodded his eager agreement. “She’s right. That shit was crazy, James. We were going to town on that motherfucker with anti-magic bullets and they weren’t scratching him, but you were fucking him up like nothing else.” He pointed this thumb over his shoulder. “Overheard some PDA motherfuckers talking about He Who Hunts having sucked out a bunch of people’s life forces to make himself stronger over the last few weeks or some shit like that.”

  James grunted. That at least explained why the military had been able to wound him but his team hadn’t scratched him.

  He glanced toward one of the ichor pools. “Wasn’t strong enough.”

  Trey grinned. “Yea
h, that’s what I’m talking about. Pure James Motherfucking Brownstone.”

  Maria gave Trey a light punch in the shoulder. “Your guys weren’t so bad themselves. I was thinking before I’d have to spend a lot more time with tactical training, but it’s like they’d been in a SWAT or AET team for years, the way they were reacting to the situation.”

  “You ain’t so bad yourself, Maria. I’ll be straight up with you. Some of the guys wondered if you’d be all that without a railgun and shit.” Trey shrugged. “But you don’t need any of that crap to kick ass.” He turned to James. “Do you still need anything from me, big man? I think we’re all gonna head back to Camp Brownstone, clean up, and go relax after that shit. Talk about a long fucking day.”

  James shook his head. “Sounds good. You guys take a break. You deserve it.”

  Maria smiled. “Yeah. Even though I called Tyler, I think he needs to see my face to calm down. Sent me a text earlier about ‘Told you so. This is what happens when you hang around Brownstone. It’s only going to get worse from here.’”

  Shay smirked. “Can’t say he’s wrong. My life used to be…simpler.”

  James grunted at her.

  Trey and Maria waved before walking off in separate directions.

  After the others were gone, Shay shot a soft smile at James. “You okay? I know you didn’t feel like giving the total story to the cops. I’m still not clear what happened at the end. More suit rage?” She held up a hand. “And before you get mopey, keep in mind we needed that shit for you to win today.”

  James shook his head. “It’s something that Council bastard was trying to do. Take my mind over or some shit with that red crystal. I couldn’t hear Whispy, and it was fucking with my head.” He shrugged. “Didn’t matter. Because of you, it didn’t take.”

  Shay winked. “See, James, you need me around to save your ass. Otherwise, you’d grow a beard and become the Evil James Brownstone.”

  “Probably.” He blew out a breath. “At least now we know for certain the Council’s fucking done.” He frowned. “When it was screwing with me, it was making me think about everyone I care about being hurt. Bad shit in my head, even all the way back to Father Thomas.” He shook his head. “But it wasn’t like before in Japan. I know I’m living up to his sacrifice every day now. Maybe that’s why it didn’t try the same kind of shit.” His eyes widened, and his gaze cut to his dog. “What about Thomas for a name?”

  Shay tilted her head and shrugged. “It’s a lot better than any of the other names I’ve heard.”

  James knelt and scratched behind the dog’s ears. “How about you, boy? Would you like to be ‘Thomas?’”

  The dog barked and thumped his tail against the ground.

  “I think he likes it.” James smiled.

  Shay shrugged. “Not too late to call him…what was the one you told me Isaiah wanted? ‘Ass-kicker McGruff Brownstone?’”

  “I think I’ll stick with Thomas.”

  Shay grinned. “It’s shorter anyway.”

  Kathy took several breaths as she polished glasses at the Black Sun. Her head still hurt from lack of sleep, but she was afraid that if she went home, the Eyes might kill her. At least in public, he might be more circumspect. It wasn’t a great plan, but it was a plan.

  Brownstone had called and told her how everything had gone down. The thought that she’d helped save thousands of lives was comforting, but that it might have cost her own wiped out all the satisfaction. She’d grown rather attached to living in her twenty-five years on the planet.

  She’d thought she held up her end up the bargain, but couldn’t be sure now that half the law enforcement in the county was at the amusement park. The spectral information broker might even interpret Maria as a cop. The last thing Kathy wanted to do was try to argue semantics with something so alien.

  Tyler glanced her way. “This is why I don’t get involved in anything unless there is money involved. A clean conscience won’t pay your bills, and if you’re going to die, it makes more sense to die for money than ideals.” He chuckled. “I also could have told you to not make a deal like that with the Eyes.”

  Kathy snorted. “You also told me he was conning me and full of shit. If I hadn’t sent Brownstone to that place, a lot of people would have died. I don’t even know if the AET could have put down He Who Hunts.”

  “And what did you get out of it other than stress?” Tyler grinned. “Nothing you can spend, that’s for sure.”

  Kathy smirked. “Oh, I forgot to tell you.” She pulled out her phone and brought up her messages. She slid the phone across the bar to Tyler.

  His eyes widened. “What the fuck? Am I reading this right? Where did all that money come from?”

  “Brownstone. He said I should have a little reward for helping him, and since these guys were technically bounties, he gave me a piece of the action.” She shrugged. “So, looks like I succeeded even on your terms, assuming I don’t get killed by the Eyes.” She snorted and picked up another glass to polish.

  Her phone buzzed in Tyler’s hands. He looked down at it and chuckled.

  Kathy frowned. “What does it say?”

  “’You pass, little girl. You still owe me one answer to a mystery, and next time the cost will be much higher.’” Tyler snorted. “That guy’s so theatrical he should quit being an information broker and just get an agent already.”

  Kathy let out a sigh of relief. “Not going to die today anyway.”

  “We all die eventually, but don’t worry.” Tyler grinned. “You’re not a real information broker until at least five different species have tried to kill you.” He nodded toward the door. “You look like a necromancer’s failed experiment. Go home and get some sleep. You’ve earned it.” He shook his finger. “Not because you saved a bunch of stupid kids and their parents at that park, but because you did it and made a profit at the same time.”

  Kathy laughed. “Priorities.”

  “Always.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The next evening Shay opened James’ door and stepped into his living room. Her man was crouched next to Thomas, playing tug-of-war with an old stuffed sock. The dog growled and pulled until James released and let him have the sock with a grin.

  “You’ll have to do better,” James rumbled.

  Thomas barked a few times and dragged the sock off to his doggie bed.

  James looked up at Shay. “Everything okay with Lily?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, the raid went off without a hitch, and she delivered the artifact to the client. In a few years, because of all those powers, she’ll make me look like a joke as a tomb raider.” She let out a wistful sigh.

  James stood and moved to the couch to take a seat. “Is that a bad thing?”

  Shay sat beside him and shook her head. “Nope. It’s just making me think about the future and shit. When I faked my death, my big master plan was nothing more than to make a shit-ton of money and retire to some island where no one would know me and try to kill me, where I’d live in seclusion for the rest of my days.”

  “Not a bad plan.”

  She shrugged. “Maybe not, but it wasn’t like I was really thinking about the future either. I just was trying not to die. But shit happened, and everything changed.”

  James frowned. “Shit? Seems like things have gotten safer for you. We took out the cartel.” He shrugged.

  Shay nodded. “Exactly. The main people who wanted me dead are gone. I’ve got friends. I’ve effectively got two daughters, one of whom is growing up to be a tomb raider and the other probably a bounty hunter. It fills me with a sick sense of pride as a former-killer-turned-tomb-raider.” She smirked and shrugged.

  James grunted. “Just because we took Alison on some bounties over the summer doesn’t mean she’s gonna be a bounty hunter. She could do anything.”

  “You say that, but she was loving it toward the end.” Shay shook her head. “I guarantee you that she’ll end up a bounty hunter. Maybe not right away. Probably go
to college to find herself or some shit first, but she’s a half-Drow with a badass bounty-hunter father. It’s almost inevitable.” She shrugged. “It’s the same reason I could never settle down to just be a professor. It’s interesting, but there’s a part of me that wants the rush of the challenge, just like Alison gets a rush out of taking down bad guys. She doesn’t even have to pretend to not care as much as you tried to.”

  James rubbed the back of her neck. “I was just trying to make sure she could defend herself. I hope I haven’t fucked her up.”

  Shay laughed. “James, even with your super-amulet, I think Alison’s eventually going to be stronger than you. In some ways, she already is. I wouldn’t worry about her. I’d worry about all the poor bastards she’s going after. She’s got that Brownstone temper.” She winked. “But that’s the thing. Now I find myself worrying less about living safely on some island and more about things like what Alison’s going to do in the future, or even what my big tough alien boyfriend’s going to be doing a few years from now. It’s less about my island and more about you and me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Shay sighed. “Don’t know. I think I need to have a teleporting wizard on retainer. The one time I convince myself it’s okay to go away, I leave, and then I rush back to find you blowing up an amusement park.”

  James grunted. “Only part of it.” He shrugged. “But it’s not a big deal. We cleared out the last of the Council. Shit, the park wouldn’t even take my donation, so it was a good payday.”

  “They wouldn’t?” Shay arched a brow. “You didn’t tell me that.”

  “They called when you were talking to Lily.” James chuckled. “Turns out they already had ‘extraordinary magic damage’ insurance. They did ask me if I’d do some promotional stuff for them, maybe even be a guest for a Brownstone Day.”

  Shay smirked. “Really, now? And what did you tell them?”

  James shrugged. “That I wasn’t interested. I don’t want to sit around at some amusement park signing fucking autographs all day.” He nodded at Shay. “I also don’t want you thinking you need to babysit me. I’m a big boy. I don’t need diapers or a nanny. Even a hot one.”