by Lucia Franco
"I hate that I am the one who broke you more than you will ever know." He dropped his head until his lips were just above mine. I gasped and drew his words into me as they rolled off his heart and onto mine. "You need me, and it is killing me because I want to fix what I did, but I am trying to respect your boundaries too. I have never struggled so much in my life to remain on the sidelines to give you your space. Every day I wake up hoping today will be the day. The day you will allow me to do what I need to get us there. Back to where we once were. I am so sorry. So, so sorry, Adrianna. I see you. I see everything about you, what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and I die a little more inside every day not being able to give us what we both need."
"And what is it we both need, Kova?" I whispered against his lips, yearning to press mine to his. He swallowed thickly, then grazed mine ever so softly.
"Each other, Adrianna. We need each other."
Each day Kova slowly cooled the fiery embers that fell from my heart. He was extinguishing my rage toward him and reigniting my passion for life. I felt his composure dissolve.
"Do you really just happen to have everything at your house?" I asked, my chest tight. He'd done so much for me yet he’d hurt me just the same.
He nodded, breathing hard. I clenched his shirt, my hands forming fists at his silent response.
"Yes. I got it shortly after I got my certification training for you. I just have not had time to bring it here. I got it for you. Everything, so many things I do, I do for you. You just do not see it yet," he said, pleading with his eyes for me to understand him.
Dear God. Too many emotions, too many truths. Swallowing hard, I blinked hard, pushing back the tears climbing at his selflessness and moved with what felt right in my heart.
I kissed him.
Kova froze. With my lips pressed to his and his body taut with surprise, I melted a little more when he didn't move. His body trembled against mine, his strength suspended between us. I leaned into him and he growled, finally kissing me back.
His arms were tight around my back as he devoured my mouth, pushing into me, forcing me to step back. The back of my knees hit his desk, and Kova hoisted me up to sit on it, stepping between my spread legs. His palms cupped my jaw as my hands slipped under his shirt, needing to feel his skin. A little moan escaped me, and he kissed me harder, bruising my mouth. I loved when he ravaged me like this, like a consuming need had taken over his body. My palms moved over the hard planes of his chest, grazing over his nipples, then to the sexy muscles that dipped around his hips. My hands slid around to his back and I grabbed him hard, needing to feel more. I couldn’t stop touching him. I wanted to touch him everywhere. Kova reached behind his back and grabbed my wrists, shaking his head as he brought my hands to the front of his chest and over his shirt.
"I am trying to control myself here," he stressed, but kissed me again. His tongue swirled around mine, tugging on it obsessively. His hand cupped the back of my neck, holding me captive, not that I minded. A shiver ran down my spine and I moaned into his mouth. I loved when he did that, like he was possessed with power and could make me surrender to him.
"I love when you lose control," I confessed, breathless and in between kisses.
"I know you do."
Kova growled, and the sound caused a score of heat to trail down my spine. He tugged my bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth scraping over the sensitive skin enough to cause a shrill of pleasure to stream through me. Wetness seeped onto my leotard. My eyes rolled shut and a long groan escaped me when he let go.
"And I love when your eyes get that glassy look in them. Your body becomes pliant and soft and willing. It means you will allow me to do anything I want."
A purr vibrated in my throat. Opening my eyes, I looked up at him, letting him know he was right. My nipples were hard, my body flushed with desire, and my skin tingled. All from this man's kiss.
I wanted more.
Leaning forward with his hand still gripping my neck, Kova stared me down, his eyes blazing with need. He stood still as I ever so slowly traced his lips with my tongue before slipping it into his mouth. I kissed him slow, how I knew he liked. His fingers tightened around my neck, pressing into my skin the more I lapped at his mouth. His body trembled against mine. Feeding both our cravings, I undulated against him, triggering him to act.
In a blur of speed, Kova pushed me down on his desk and leaned over me. I grabbed ahold of his biceps, a gush of air expelling from my lungs. My legs automatically circled his waist, locking around his back.
"It has been months since I have fucked you, malysh." His voice was a cracked whisper against my lips.
I released a soft moan as Kova pressed a kiss to my mouth, then moved down my neck. His hands were in my hair, guiding me to turn my head to the side. His tongue trailed along my collarbone and the slope of my neck, his teeth scraping my skin at the same time. Fingers trembling in my hair, he nipped at my heated flesh, then tugged on my ear as he started rocking his hips forward. My back arched and I moaned at the pressure of his erection pushing against my sex. I could feel the outline of his cock through his shorts and I could clearly tell that he didn’t have boxers on underneath. The thought made me wetter and I prayed he couldn't feel it through my leotard and little shorts.
"Fucked me, yes," I responded, rolling my hips against his, "but it hasn’t months since we had sex."
At that, Kova's teeth locked down on my jaw. He applied pressure, not enough to hurt me, but enough to make my pussy throb and beg for more. I let out a breathy sigh. Pulling back, he looked down at me, our noses touching. His cologne invaded my senses and I breathed it deep into my lungs, still loving the smell of him. Kova continued to stare at me, passive but sympathetic. We didn’t need words in that moment. He knew I was talking about the night he kept apologizing in Russian while he made love to me. I didn't allow myself to think about that night often—it hurt too much—but he needed to see that I knew there was a difference in the way he was with me.
Kova swallowed, his eyes fixated on mine, looking back and forth. The back of his knuckles moved to my cheek and he gently grazed my skin. He nodded. It was the slightest of nods, and if I had blinked, I would've missed it.
Then, to my complete and utter surprise, he said something in a tone packed with sorrow and guilt that crushed the air in my lungs. I'd never forget it for as long as I lived.
"It was not just sex that night for me, Ria."
"I know," was all I could say.
He kissed me again, devouring my mouth and proving just how much he truly cared by the way he consumed me. And he knew I would know the different shades of sex with him. Kova's fucking was fantastic. He was animalistic and savage, usually angry about something. His sex was needy and controlling and demanding. But his lovemaking? It was intense and passionate and his way of conveying how he felt. It was like I got a glimpse inside his soul as it latched onto mine and became whole for a little while. It made me forget everything and put us on another dimension without the restraints of the world.
"What are you thinking about?"
I shook my head, not trusting my words not to spill the truth. It seemed every version of sex with Kova came with mind-blowing orgasms and a heavy dose of heartbreak. I wasn't sure why I thought kissing him was a good idea, or that I could handle it. Even just a kiss from this devastating man fucked with my head.
Pulling us up into a seated position, Kova reached into his pocket and took out his keys. My gaze followed his movement and I caught sight of the bulge at the center of his hips. I stared, tracing the outline of his cock with my eyes, imagining the vein I loved pulsating with desire. I thought about how he would feel inside of me and I realized how much I missed it.
He jingled his keys in front of my face and my eyes snapped up as he took two keys off the keyring. I held my palm out and he dropped them into my hand. I was slightly surprised at myself for not fighting him on this. I guess today was just one of those days that I had to pick and choo
se my battles.
"You can rest in my room or the guest—"
"I'll take the guest room. I can't lie in the bed you share with your wife."
"Adrianna." He paused, looking so deep into my eyes that I was afraid of what would come out of his mouth next. "She has not slept in my bed in over a month." My lips parted in absolute shock. Yeah, I definitely hadn’t been expecting that admission. "She uses the guest room with the yellow blanket."
Christ on a fucking stick. That was the last thing I had expected, and honestly, I'd rather not know. But now I was curious. I wanted so badly to ask what happened, and the look in his eyes told me he wanted me to because it would be an opening for him to explain his actions. But I couldn't. Not yet at least. Not when I felt so fragile. His words were draining and they sucked so much energy from me half the time. I wasn't sure I had the power to stay strong and not break down right now. His truth and confessions needed to wait until I was ready.
Instead, all I could do was nod and take the keys.
"Make yourself comfortable. Eat whatever you want, but make sure you call your doctor first before you do anything."
"When will Katja be back?"
"Not until the end of the week. You have nothing to worry about. Just get some rest."
"Okay. Thank you for doing this. I really didn't want to be alone anymore."
Kova stepped back and I slid off his desk. I adjusted my shorts, then looked for my duffle bag. I smiled inside. I couldn't believe I was actually looking forward to getting rest.
"I should be home soon," he said. "I will bring you dinner."
I didn't plan to stay for dinner, just long enough to fill the loneliness in my chest. He was my lifeline, and it was frightening how much I needed him.
"Is there an alarm on your home?"
"No. Adrianna, promise me you will call your doctor as soon as you get to my house."
Nodding, I picked up my duffle bag. "I will."
He called my name when I got to the door of his office, and I glanced over my shoulder. "You know how I know you are not well?" I frowned. "There is no fight in you. Your fire is missing. Go home. I will see you soon."
It didn't escape me that he had said the word home, as if his home was one we shared.
* * *
Maybe Kova was right. Maybe there was something wrong with me, I thought as I unlocked his front door and stepped over the threshold.
I was alone. In Kova's home. The one he shared with his wife.
I set the keys on the table in his foyer so I wouldn't lose them and walked down one of the halls, looking for the room with the yellow blanket. I wanted to see if he had been lying to me.
My heartbeat increased with each step I took that brought me farther into his personal space. The first door on the right was closed, so I opened it, and saw that it was a bathroom with a massive claw foot bathtub and lots of blurry and pixelated windows. The walls were pure white, as was the furniture. So sterile looking and not an ounce of color. Like a mental hospital.
I closed the door and walked to the next room. It was a spare bedroom, but not the one I was looking for. The last door in the hallway was on the left. Walking to it, I realized it was already cracked open.
My heart dropped at the sight of yellow. This was the room. I pushed it open slowly. Even though I knew Katja wasn't there, I was still nervous I'd get caught snooping.
I stepped inside and was immediately hit with a familiar scent that I recalled Kova saying was Katja’s special body wash that she ordered from Russia. I needed to find the bottle. Not because I wanted to smell like her—that would be creepy—but I just really liked it and was curious what the hell was in it.
I glanced around. Everything was tidy and neat, but with no ounce of life. The curtains were drawn and there was a chill in the room. I'd been in other parts of Kova's home before, but they didn't feel like this. Like a bland and frigid museum. The bed was made with a hideous, buttercup yellow, overstuffed comforter, and too many pillows. The nightstands were empty except for a single white lamp on each one. There were even fresh vacuum marks on the white rug. God. What was with all the white? It didn't look like anyone lived in this room. My stomach knotted, and I was quick to call Kova a liar until I looked at the dresser and saw two picture frames that were turned face down. I frowned and walked over and picked them up. With everything so meticulous, I knew that wasn't an accident.
Turning one over, I saw that inside the frame was a photo of Kova and Katja. They were smiling and appeared to be so in love. Kova stood behind Katja with his arms wrapped around her shoulders while he kissed the side of her head through a grin. I felt bad as I stared at the image of the seemingly happy—and now married—couple and wondered what had happened between them.
Swallowing, I placed the frame back how I found it, face down, and picked up the other one. It was another image of Kova and Katja. They were walking hand in hand on a beach where the sand was a pale pink and the water a crystal-clear blue. There weren’t many places in the world with pink sand, so this told me they had been on vacation somewhere, probably the Bahamas. Both of them trim and in shape, looking like the ideal couple everyone wanted to be. I glowered at Katja's flawless body and the bikini she wore that only a Victoria’s Secret model could pull off. I wasn't a jealous person, but it annoyed me how perfect she was from head to toe. Perfectly sized boobs I didn't have, wide hips I didn't have that gave way to a sexy thigh gap, and long, lean legs. Of course Kova was looking at her, smirking with black sunglasses, a black backwards hat, and black board shorts that sat extremely low on his trim waist. Kova was too attractive for his own good, and he looked like he wanted to devour every inch of her body.
Scowling, I flipped the frame back down a little too hard and heard the glass splinter. I froze, sucked in a breath, and panicked. I carefully lifted the frame and looked at the glass, and saw I had cracked it in a few places. Fuck! I placed it back down and prayed no one found it, or that Katja would blame Kova for it.
Before I left, I pulled open the drawers and snooped. If Katja was staying in here, then there had to be something of hers…and there was.
Relief coursed through me and the pressure in my chest eased. I let out a long sigh. Each of the six drawers had woman's clothes in them. Lastly, I checked the closet and found tons of designer garments and shoes and purses. Making sure I left everything how I had found it, I left Katja's room and left the door cracked, just as it had been before I entered.
My phone pinged and I jumped at the sound. God, I felt so guilty for sneaking around. Glancing down, I saw a text from Kova.
Coach: Do not forget to call the doctor.
Pulling up my contacts, I found my doctor's office number and called. The receptionist picked up on the second ring.
"Hi, this is Adrianna Rossi. I'm calling to make an appointment to go over the results of my blood work? Is there any way I can come in today?"
"Okay… Let me see what I have available," she responded. I could hear her fingers flying over the keyboard.
"Are you able to tell me anything about my results?" I asked while I waited.
"Unfortunately, I can't. I'm not a doctor."
"What about if a nurse called me?"
"You’d have to come in regardless, and as of right now, it looks like the doctor is booked out until the end of the week."
"The end of the week," I repeated, freaking out.
I shook my head. This couldn't happen. I refused to miss that much practice. I walked over to Kova's couch and sat down. Bending over, I placed my forehead in my palm and stared at the marble floor.
"I need an emergency appointment, please. The doctor was adamant I come back as soon as possible based on the results of the first round of blood that was drawn. I was out of town and received multiple calls to the point my emergency contact was notified. Obviously, something is wrong. I need to come in sooner and if you don't believe me, you can ask the doctor herself."
I didn’t want to be rude, but
I had no other option.
"Please hold." Heart pounding, I waited for what felt like an eternity for the receptionist to come back. "The doctor can see you first thing in the morning. That's the best she can do."
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"I'll take it."
"Perfect. We'll see you at nine." She confirmed, then hung up before I could say another word.
Expelling a loud, unladylike sigh, I sat back and stared at the ceiling, wondering what I was going to do with my time until then.
Me: My appointment is tomorrow morning.
Coach: Good. Thank you for letting me know. I should be out of here in two hours.
I stood up and walked toward the other end of the house, looking for the master bedroom. I wanted to change out of my leotard, but I didn't have extra clothes with me; Kova wouldn't mind if I borrowed one of his shirts.
I was walking past his office and the room where he kept all of his gymnastics memorabilia when the memories assaulted me. Chills broke out down my arms. It was where he’d told me about his time in the Olympics for the first time, about his mother, and where he’d told me I was beautiful, if not more so than Katja. Where he softly touched my face and looked at me in a way a coach should never look at his gymnast. It was in that moment that everything changed for us.
When I reached the end of the dark hallway, I took a deep breath and placed my hand on the cold knob. Turning it, I pushed the door open and anticipated another crisp, stiff bedroom. Instead, I walked into a room that didn't match the rest of the house. While there was a cold and sterile feel to Katja's side of the house, Kova's side was masculine, warm, and elegant. His side was so much more inviting.
I stepped inside and was immediately submerged in Kova. This room was undeniably his and where he let himself be free to express himself. I was immediately cloaked in Kova's scent and my skin tingled with awareness. The heavy curtains blocked out all light. In the center of the room, against a slate gray accent wall, was an inviting king-size bed made up with a thick, deep blood red and dark gray comforter. There were no decorative throw pillows that suggested a woman's touch, just four large black ones. In front of his bed was a black leather sitting bench. No matching carpet like the other bland guest rooms, but charcoal gray wood floors with a giant animal hide rug in the center. On one side of the wall was an enormous armoire that made my jaw drop. I walked over to it, in awe of the detailed craftsmanship and brought my hand up to touch it.
