Release

by Lucia Franco

  "She has two autoimmune diseases? Do you happen to know the name of the other autoimmune?" Dr. Kozol asked, leaning forward in his chair.

  The hair on my arms rose. I didn't like the peculiar tone in his voice. "Mixed Tissue she said."

  Dr. Kozol pulled a small notepad from his coat pocket and scribbled something down, while Dr. DeLang flipped open the file folder on her desk. A lump formed in my throat. I didn't like either one of their reactions. I was ready to stand up and demand answers when Dr. Kozol cut off my train of thought.

  "How old is she?" he asked, brows at a deep angle.

  "She died…" He made a note in his little pad. "She was twenty. They said it was due to the diabetes."

  "Hmmm. That helps." Helped what? What the hell was going on? He didn’t give me any other information, just went straight into his next question. "And your mother?"

  "She's healthy, nothing wrong with her." I looked at Dr. DeLang. "She said she's checked often."

  "How are you doing overall?" my doctor asked softly.

  I dug my teeth into my bottom lip and shot a nervous look at Dr. Kozol before looking back at her. "Well…the last couple of days I started to notice blood in my urine." My ears turned warm, embarrassment sloping down the bridge of my nose. It was the first time I’d voiced that out loud and it made my pulse thrum with actual fear.

  Her face didn't move, didn't express a thing. "Every time?"

  "The last two days it's been almost every time. I think there was a time before that it may have happened once, but I can't remember."

  "Any other issues?" She flipped through a few pages in the folder and circled something.

  I started to shake my head no, then paused. "My back is killing me."

  "Where on your back?" I pointed to the place below my ribs and Dr. Kozol made another note, then sat back in his chair and studied me.

  Dread formed in my stomach. I was sure I was pointing to an organ or three back there. Combined with the blood, it didn't take a genius to know that wasn't good. I stared at my doctor, seeking answers.

  She looked up from the file and adjusted the glasses on her nose. "Let’s go over your lab results." She glanced down. "We ran an antinuclear antibody test to check for the possibility of an autoimmune disorder. I also requested the other labs since the ANA can be used to diagnose multiple autoimmune diseases if an autoimmune disorder is present." She paused, and I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to hear the rest of what she had to say, but I had to. "Adrianna, the ANA was positive. You have an autoimmune disorder."

  I shook my head, feeling like the diagnosis was shoved down my throat. What did all this mean? That I had what Francesca had? I didn’t understand. Or maybe the truth was that I didn't want to understand.

  "So I have a disorder? Like what my aunt had?"

  Dr. DeLang inhaled a deep breath before she continued. "You tested eighty-seven percent positive for lupus. That is way above the minimum. Your red blood cell count has been consistently low, too low." She went over a few other tests, but I was so clueless. All I understood was positive and below normal, and that I had lupus.

  Fuck. My head was a mess.

  "Remember when I mentioned lupus can affect other organs?" Dr. DeLang looked at me, and I nodded. "Based on your other symptoms and high marker levels, I had your kidney function tested. And now you're telling me you're urinating blood and that your maternal aunt passed away from an autoimmune disease."

  "They said it was from the diabetes."

  "Do you know what type diabetes she had?" Dr. Kozol asked. "Type 1 is an autoimmune, although, with the MTCD… That is one of the rarer AI's, and the survival rate is low, even if it's caught early. I'm willing to take an educated guess that it was a combination of everything. You probably don't know if it affected her organs, do you?" I shook my head. Why would I think to ask something like that?

  "I think it was type 1?" I blinked rapidly and asked, "Are you saying I have what my aunt had?"

  "I'm going to let Dr. Kozol take over." Dr. DeLang removed her glasses, her eyes shifting to the man next to me.

  Dread consumed my veins. I could feel the weight of his words hanging in the air before he said them. I looked at the doctor but he was already watching me. Goose bumps coated my arms, and I hugged myself, hiding my fists. I wanted to scream out and say no, because if he was going to take over, I knew it wouldn’t be good.

  "The blood is coming from your kidneys, and quite frankly, that's extremely concerning. I’d like to have you admitted to the hospital immediately to start treatment and run additional tests."

  "I don't understand. What tests, and what is the blood caused from? Treatment for what?"

  "Adrianna," he sighed. "There is no other way to put it. Your kidneys are failing."

  I paled. "Kidneys? As in both?"

  He nodded.

  "Both are failing?" My voice was low, cracking. I had to repeat it because I couldn’t believe my ears.

  And he nodded again.

  A tremor racked my body. Chills tormented my arms and I stared, unblinking at the doctor, trying to process what he’d just said. My kidneys were failing? That wasn't possible and I was sure they were wrong. They felt fine. I felt fine. Hysteria flowed through my veins and I fought to keep calm. My brows furrowed tightly together, and I asked in a quiet voice, "What do… What does this all mean?"

  "It means your kidneys are failing at a rapid rate and we need to be proactive now."

  A chill washed over me, anchoring me to the chair. I was so cold, my bones aching with brittleness that the magnitude of the situation wasn't hitting me the way it should have. Dr. Kozol went into detail, telling me how much kidney function I had left, but it wasn't registering. I was stone-faced, unblinking, and emotionless. I could hear his voice, but I couldn't process his words into clear sentences. A heavy weight sat in the pit of my stomach, spreading throughout my body. While I wasn't well-versed on the human anatomy, I knew enough to know that if my kidneys were failing and he needed to act now, I was much sicker than I could have ever imagined possible.

  My heart pounded against my chest and I started to panic. Now it made sense why he was here. He was a specialist, one who I would be handed over to.

  "Adrianna?" Dr. DeLang sat forward. "Did you hear Dr. Kozol?"

  I shook my head, and Dr. Kozol was kind enough to repeat what he’d said without making me feel bad that I hadn't listened the first time.

  The numbers were alarming. Staggering. The house of cards I'd worked so hard to build were starting to fold, and all I could do was watch them drop to the floor. This was a twist I didn't see coming. It wasn't planned, it shouldn’t have happened, and now I didn't know what to do because the reality was, it was happening no matter what.

  "And you're sure?" I asked, my voice shaky.

  He nodded gravely. "Without a doubt. Honestly, I'm not sure how you made it this far without visiting an emergency room."

  I blinked. My mouth suddenly dry.

  I'd been oblivious to the gravity of the symptoms and suddenly felt so naïve and stupid. Had they been so obvious? And, if they had been, would I have acknowledged them?

  No.

  I wanted my dad. I wanted Avery. I wanted Kova. I wanted to hold someone's hand and for them to tell me everything was going to be okay.

  But it never be okay now.

  Instead, I had no one and nothing except an anxiety attack hurling me into a deep, dark spiral I couldn’t stop.

  I wish I had never found out.

  "Well, what are my options? What kind of treatment can we start on? Some kind of medication?"

  "You have a few options," Dr. Kozol said.

  As he went through treatment after treatment, my stomach constricted with fear and the world around me faded away. Information circled my head, all revolving around my dreams. Side effects. The risk of growing sicker. Sitting out the rest of the season—possibly for good.

  "What's next?" I interrupted him. Tears were threatening to c
limb but I wouldn't let them. I refused to have come this far, and be this close to my dream, just to have it yanked away. I wouldn’t go down without a fight. "These won't work with my schedule. I can't afford to be out like that."

  "Quite frankly, there is no next option."

  My lungs struggled for air as anger infused my blood. That wasn't acceptable to me. "There can't only be two options."

  "Unfortunately since this was detected so late, your options are limited. Until you find a match, you really only have one choice."

  Unacceptable. I'd have to get a second opinion. Both treatments required too much from me, or they would make me extremely ill and I refused to deal with that. Medicine had come a long way. There was no way I would make time for either option if it put my gymnastics career in jeopardy. Surely a few more months wouldn't make that big of a difference. And, if I was forced to have the life sucked out of me, it would be from something that I loved, not sitting in a chilly hospital bed watching my dreams pass me by.

  "You only get one life, Adrianna. Chose it wisely."

  I rolled my lips between my teeth and considered what he said. "What if we hold off on treatment for a couple of months?" I asked, holding my ground. "That would be okay, right? Just a few months?"

  Dr. Kozol and Dr. DeLang looked at each other for a long moment, their faces grim. I knew the answer before he even said it. Still, I wasn't ready for it. My chest tightened, fearing pushing its way in at the unknown. My lungs struggled for air, and I swallowed hard, waiting for a response.

  "I don't recommend that. In fact, I'm highly against it." Dr. Kozol stared at me without judgment. "There is not one medical professional who would agree with that."

  Breathing heavily, I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "I'm going to wait. I'll be fine."

  I pulled my shoulders back. Dr. Kozol leaned forward and his voice dropped. "This is very serious. You're extremely ill and need to seek treatment. This isn't playing guinea pig to see which medication will help you. You don't have that luxury." He paused, his voice firm. "Your kidneys are failing." He stated it slowly, like I hadn't heard him the first time. He became a blurry vision as silent tears rolled down my cheeks. "It's not a matter of if you will die, but a matter of when you will die. This needs to be your first priority."

  I shook my head, my lips a thin, flat line. Dr. Kozol sat back while Dr. DeLang wrote in my file. She reached for the phone next and started dialing, probably calling my dad. But so what, there wasn't a soul on earth who could change my mind. Not my dad. Not Kova. No one was going to take this away from me.

  My love for gymnastics is what drove me, what gave me the out I needed to express who I was. I wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet, not when I’d only just gotten started.

  Like the roaring thunder in the distance I could hear headed toward me, I felt the water level building, curling, the impending wave that would no doubt drown me. The pressure was already too great and it was growing by the second. Just thinking about what lay ahead for me sent an all-consuming wave of sadness over me. I'd come too far.

  And the thing was, I wasn't going to try to stop it. Not yet at least, because the timing wasn't right, and timing was everything.

  I would risk it all to achieve my dream.

  Even if it killed me.

  * * *

  To be continued...

  Turn for a preview of

  Hold On to Me

  by Lucia Franco

  Prologue

  Hospitals are always such frigidly, sad places. The happy pictures mounted on the walls with lake side images representing happy days full of sunshine and fun were nothing but a lie. Cold, leather blue chairs connected at the legs took up most of the space in the waiting room. A muted television hung in the corner, subtitles running across the lower screen. Fake smiles dazzled the nurses’ faces when they made eye contact, but he could see right through them. It was such a deceiving environment that it made his skin itch.

  Next to him sat Alyssa. She squeezed his hand giving him support, but John didn’t have the strength to squeeze it back. He was utterly empty inside.

  Alone.

  Vacant.

  Not a feeling left to give.

  No one in the hospital could possibly be thinking of days with endless sun. Not a chance. And if they were, they were flat out liars. In reality, their moments were full of gray clouded skies with unknown answers swirling in the air. Misery. Open ended questions. No one knew what lay beyond those walls. Seconds ticked by, turning to minutes, turning to hours.

  A quick glance down at the phone and that’s all it took for his world to change.

  If he blinked his eyes, it would have been over. And thinking back on it, he wished he had because the images replaying in his head would forever be seared into his brain. He’d do anything to erase them.

  Chapter One

  As Alyssa threw open the front door to her new home, a blast of heat smacked her cheeks. It was hot as Hades, the humidity causing her platinum blonde hair to frizz. Stepping outside, she stared at the ground as she walked down the ugly red dirt road. Who knew there was red dirt? She’d only ever seen the normal, blackish brown kind. South Fork was a small town of only a few thousand people, by far the smallest town she had ever lived in, and she’d lived in many.

  Cursing under her breath, little pebbles dug into her feet with every few steps she took. The humidity was high, even the dirt was hot. Alyssa was not used to this kind of living. Back home in California, all the roads she’d lived on had been paved. In fact, she couldn’t remember ever seeing a dirt road, especially not a deep red one.

  “Son of a bitch,” she muttered when a tiny, sharp rock dug into the ball of her foot. Balancing on one leg, dirt wedged between her toes, she swiped away the imbedded stone and continued to the mailbox at the end of the driveway.

  So this was her new life—a remote bumpkin town in the Deep South, forced to leave the beautiful Pacific Coast because her mother had found love, then lost it. Again. For the hundredth time now.

  Okay. Maybe she was exaggerating a bit, but it sure did feel like it.

  Alyssa had been shuffled around often as a child. Thankfully, her mother had stayed in the same country for most of her life, but in the last three years they had moved up and down the California coast. It was the most she had ever moved, and it made eight moves that she could remember. She attended two different high schools and now, she was about to start her second semester at a new college. Alyssa was tired of moving and craved stability. She wanted friends to talk to and hang out with, but that was a difficult feat when they were always on the go. So she kept her friends at arm’s length and didn’t get attached. It was easier that way.

  Flipping down the mail door, Alyssa grabbed the stack of envelopes lying inside. As she read the front of the credit card bills her mother would probably never pay, the roaring sound of engines caught her attention. Glancing over her shoulder, a heat mirage glistened in the middle of the road when she spotted two guys riding four wheelers at the end of the street. A large cloud of dust flew up behind them until they slowed to a stop right in front of her.

  Alyssa stood, quietly assessing them. Typical looking country boys, she assumed—barefoot, no shirts, and basketball shorts. Blackened fingers gripped the handlebars. Both guys looked similar except one had toffee colored eyes, and the other had the deepest green eyes she had ever seen. They reminded her of the rich green color of ivy leaves in the spring. The backwards hat he sported allowed the sun to display the specks of yellow in his eyes. They were vibrant, alluring, and she found herself staring at them longer than she should have.

  “Hey there, sugar.” A crooked grin tugged at his mouth, his lazy southern drawl moving something deep inside of her.

  Well, shit. She wasn’t expecting her stomach to tighten from it.

  “You new to the area?” the brown-eyed one asked.

  She nodded. “I just moved in about a couple of weeks ago.”

  “Where did you
come from?”

  “California.”

  “All the way from the golden coast . . . That’s a pretty big move. What brought you to our neck of the woods?”

  “You could say my mom wanted a change of pace.”

  Both guys nodded.

  “So you’re here with your mom, then?” brown eyes asked.

  “Yes. I probably should’ve stayed since I was in the middle of the semester, so I’ll be starting in the spring here.”

  “Where at?” he asked.

  “What are you putting her under the spotlight for?” his friend asked.

  “I’m not! I’m just curious.”

  Alyssa smiled. “At the community college nearby.”

  “I’m Jace, and this idiot,” he pointed to his friend, “is John.”

  Alyssa’s eyes widened as John threw a leg over his seat and stood. When he reached out an open palm, all sensible thoughts left her brain.

  Sweet Jesus . . .

  His dirt covered shorts sat low on his waist, exposing the black lip of his boxers. His lean stomach didn’t have an ounce of fat on it, and the slight V indents on his hips caught her eyes when he let out a breath of air. It was almost as if they were hidden, and the only way to notice them was to stare, like she was doing now. The sudden urge to trace her fingers along his skin took her by surprise, and Alyssa began to wonder if this was how all the guys dressed down here, because despite his scruffy appearance, this was something she could get used to.

  John took a step toward her, and she couldn’t help but notice his silky, smooth skin or the ripples in his stomach as the sun shined down on him. He was surprisingly good-looking, but it was his green eyes and flirtatious smile that struck a nerve deep inside her belly.

  Alyssa glanced down at his opened palm. She stepped forward and slid her hand along his rough skin. She inhaled, and unlike the expensive cologne guys wore back in California, John smelled earthy and rich. Like fresh cut grass on a sunny day. It was an interesting combination that she couldn’t believe she found appealing. Jace followed suit and reached out an open palm to her.