Catalyst

by Elisabeth

“I shouldn’t. She doesn’t remember.”

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  “It doesn’t matter now, does it?” I asked Patro and looked away from him to Elani who was staring at the ceiling in silence.

  I looked back at Patro who didn’t seem like he was going to talk. Elani needed to know at this point. There was no more pussyfooting. Before, I wanted to take my time. But now that she was with child, it was no longer an option.

  “Tell her, Patrocleus!” I yelled, shocking them both. I gritted my teeth as I stared hard at him and waited for him to begin talking.

  He cleared his throat and looked at Elani.

  “You and Achilles have a history favored by the gods. Because of your love for each other, they gave you another chance to live, to love each other. You sacrificed yourself, because you loved the great warrior so much you couldn’t bear to live without him. Achilles died in the Trojan war, but you didn’t die at all. You were not reborn but merely put somewhere where Achilles could prove his love for you. The gods wanted to see if he really loved you as much as you loved him. They put you far away from him, centuries away, and I was his entrusted ally to help guide him to you.”

  He paused then looked at me. I nodded for him to continue.

  “When we found you, we knew you wouldn’t remember… But, the moment you remembered and called Achilles by his name…then everything continued. In simple terms, you were on pause, then you pressed play. You were pregnant when you sacrificed yourself.”

  I stood up from my chair and the impact toppled the chair over.

  “She was what? Did she know?” I narrowed my eyes at Patro.

  “Achilles…” I heard the warning tone in his voice, but I couldn’t care less. I was furious.

  “DID.SHE.KNOW?” I asked in such a hushed tone that Patro took a step back.

  He avoided my eyes as he answered, “Yes, she knew.”

  I couldn’t handle the answer. I walked out of the room passing the doctor’s questioning face and Patro calling after me. I needed some air before I killed someone with my bare hands.

  Elani

  I shouldn’t have cared when Ales walked out of the room, but as soon as the door slammed, my resolve broke. I began to tear up.

  I was left alone in the room with Patro, who looked more uncomfortable than I was. He avoided eye contact as my tears fell. I wasn’t sure what I was crying about. Was I crying about the fact that I was pregnant? Or was it because of the story Patro just told me? Did I even believe him? I didn’t want to cry, but this was the only thing I could do. I was pretending to not listen and avoided eye contact with Ales, but when I heard the hurt in his voice from the question he asked Patro, my heart shattered. I didn’t want to believe what Patro was telling me. Yet, everything he said, all the words that escaped his mouth, traveled to my mind displaying the images for me.

  I could see it all as clear as day, but I was here. How did it all come to happen and who were these gods that took a chance on us? I cried for myself. My subconscious battled with now and then. I didn’t want to believe anything, even though I could replay each moment with Achilles as if it was yesterday. The images and the pain of his dead body laid upon the altar caused me to cry out in the hospital room. I startled Patro, and he froze. If this were a movie, I would’ve chuckled at the big dude who was terrified of a small thing like me crying, yet this was my reality. The reality was crushing me as if my life now was a lie. I saw Patro was getting ready to leave. I yelled out at him. I needed to know something.

  “Wait! Please…tell me. I have memories of me growing up. What does that mean? How is…” I didn’t finish my sentence.

  Patro reluctantly answered, “False memories, Elani. Those memories of you growing up and doing whatever it is you were doing. It isn’t real. None of it happened,” he said with regret filled in his voice.

  I sniffled and nodded, wiping a tear. I asked the question I really wanted to ask.

  “Will he come back? Did he finally leave me?” I asked with much more sorrow than I realized.

  Patro smiled for the first time since he came in the room.

  “Achilles would never leave you,” he said before he left the room.

  ***

  I laid in my hospital room not able to rest. I felt like I needed to see Ales to make sure he didn’t leave me. None of this made sense to me. Ever since Patro said what he said, my heart had been aching. Aching like when you miss the one you’re meant to be with so much so that it causes physical pain. This was all a lot to take in, yet I was worried about Ales. Worried he wouldn’t forgive me for my actions. It’s like I knew why I did what I did, but I didn’t get it all. I could hear my thoughts on the matter as if it was happening right now. I sighed, turned to my side and cried myself to sleep. Crying over how different everything was after all the information I just received.

  I knew the moment I was dreaming because I was back in the forest running toward Achilles. This time, I looked in front of me. I saw I was chasing after myself. This was some sort of crazy dream, but I couldn’t control it. My legs burned and ached as I, Elani, followed myself, Alana. I didn’t mirror her actions as she finally got to where Achilles resided begging to see him. Her pain was my pain as I watched her face contort in both physical, emotional and mental pain. When her fingers dug into the dirt, I felt them dig into my heart. When I heard Ales call out to her, I turned. I saw him, realizing he was running behind her, but I didn’t focus on him. He was there the whole time watching her, but it was as if she couldn’t see him. She felt alone, without her love, yet there he was. He was always there, even in death, as he had said he would be. He begged and pleaded to his mother, yet she couldn’t hear him. Her grief too great for her to look at Alana and speak to her.

  His mother didn’t want to mourn together with Alana; she wanted to mourn alone. When Alana was dragged to the dungeon, he was there. Her Achilles, my Ales, was there. He called out to her, wanting her to see him or hear him. For her to know he was there with her no matter what. The moment Alana was allowed to see her Achilles’ body, we both dropped to our knees. I was in just as much physical pain as she was. Seeing his lifeless body there caused me to run toward him. My mind was playing tricks on me too. All I saw was Ales’ body there. He wasn’t breathing, his skin was pale, and he looked defeated.

  Alana’s words got to me as she whispered words only I heard.

  “I said I would protect you. I have failed you, my liege,” she said. The pain in her words caused me to cry out some more.

  I wanted to comfort her, to hug her and tell her it’ll be okay, but the commotion outside caused her to hurry her actions. Alana reached out for the small knife tucked into her thigh. I looked at Achilles as he smirked, looking proud she had the knife there, but then, his pride in her was short lived as she plunged it into her gut.

  I clutched my abdomen as the pain radiated through me. Alana kept a neutral face as she cried out for her lover, friend and one true love. She cried out for the child neither of them would raise. She cried for their child who would never grow old. She cried out because she was too weak. Too weak to live without him. Her Achilles yelled for her to get up. I saw the pain on his face as he tried to touch her, to comfort her in some way, yet he couldn’t. Achilles let out such a heartfelt cry even I stumbled. The sorrow flowed throughout my entire body. In that moment, I felt what he felt. The pain, the regret, the sorrow of losing and failing the one person who made him complete.

  I watched as his cry shook the place, causing the guards, his mother and even Cyril to come in. They went out to take both Achilles and Alana’s bodies, but they disappeared.

  I didn’t disappear though. I was still there in the same room as everyone else. Achilles’ mother ran to the spot where her son’s body had been, and she wept over it. She wasn’t paying attention as Cyril advanced on her and, without much warning, stabbed her in her side. She was in shock as she clutched her side sliding down to the ground. She turned to the side and looked at Cyril. He
r face was filled with regret and betrayal plastered everywhere.

  “Why?” she croaked. “I gave you everything.” She coughed up blood.

  Cyril stood over her body and smirked. “Because your son took everything from me. Even in his death, he cheated me.” He eyed her for a moment and then threw his head back in laughter. “Did you think I loved you? An old hag like you? You think I agreed to keep it from your son because I wanted to be with you? No!” he screamed. “I did it to learn Achilles’ weakness. I heard you telling Patro to watch Achilles’ back, and he did, until I poisoned him. Of course, he’d trust me, his brother. No one knows where Patro is even buried, but I do. I know everything. I sold your son’s weakness to Paris and he did what I’ve been wanting to do for a long time now. He killed the great warrior for me. Now, because he cheated me, even in death, you shall die for him. I will leave your carcass out in the open for those who feel they need to test me. You will be an example of how the mighty Cyril conquered the household of the great warrior Achilles.”

  I didn’t know how I knew, but I did. Achilles’ mother died the moment he said he used her to kill her son. She loved her son more than anything else in the world, and the guilt of her being the reason her son died caused her death. Before I could do or say anything, I was jolted out of it.

  I opened my eyes, not knowing when I turned around the first person I’d see was Ales. I didn’t know how I became one with memories, but I felt how Alana felt with so much ferocity. I sat up, while he had his head laying back on the small chair. I smiled, and an overwhelming feeling to hug him came over me. I realized he came back, he didn’t leave me. The mixture of both my life and love as Alana plus Elani gave me courage as I slid off my bed and straight unto Ales’ lap. With that small action, his head shot up, looking straight at me. He circled my waist with his hands and pulled me in before he registered what he was doing. When he did, I could tell he wanted to shut me out.

  I acted on impulse wrapping my arms around his neck. His body froze against me, but I hugged him so tight. I thought he would complain, but he didn’t utter a word. I did what I had always done, even when I was Alana. I moved my fingers through his hair. When I reached the nape of his neck, I tugged. A groaned escaped his mouth, which I knew was a surprise even for him. I took that opportunity and kissed his neck. He refused to relax or lean into my touch, so I kissed him on the cheek this time, then moved to his jaw, laying kisses on any spot I could.

  “Please forgive me, my liege…forgive me,” I pleaded.

  With Alana’s memories, I knew how long he could be angry and how good he was at the silent treatment. I never learned how to snap him out of it unless he wanted to. As I was about to speak again, I felt his body melt into mine and his arms tightened around me. Everything felt right with the world for that moment I was in his arms. I was glad all of Alana’s memories were finally seeping through. Even though Elani wasn’t who I really was, she was also part of me too. Both were me, and I smiled because I got to experience the old Achilles and the new Ales. I kissed him once more, this time on the shoulder and he grunted.

  “Stop kissing me, Elani,” he said, his tone rough.

  I wanted to shield myself from the hurt, yet it felt like rejection. I slipped my arms away from his neck and tried to shimmy off his lap, but he pulled me back into his body. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck again resting my head on his shoulder facing away from him. Tears welled up in my eyes as I began to explain myself or rather Alana’s actions.

  “I didn’t mean to. I never meant to sacrifice our child, but I knew if I stayed alive without you, life wouldn’t be as tolerable. Cyril didn’t scare me and neither did your mother. I knew your mother wouldn’t have hurt me in any way, but I knew she would’ve taken the baby from me. I would have never seen my son or daughter. Even with that, if I had to look the baby in the eye, and see you, I would have died inside. When I got the news about you, I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t live without you. I will forever apologize for ending both mine and our child’s life. I knew I would’ve never been forgiven by the gods. But, you have to believe me when I say there’s no one else I could ever love as much as I love you.” I couldn’t speak anymore as the tears disobeyed me and leaked out as if someone opened a faucet.

  I felt Ales pulling me away from his body, and this time, I didn’t fight. I let my arms slip and removed my head from the comfort of his shoulders. I didn’t bother looking up at him as his hands still rested on my waist while I sat back on his lap.

  “Look at me, love,” he commanded.

  I looked at him and the love I saw in his eyes made my heart skip a beat. His right hand moved from my waist to my right cheek; he wiped my tears. His left hand mirrored his right one, and this gesture caused more tears to fall and me to start sobbing. I heard him speaking, but I couldn’t hear what he said over my sobbing. He pulled my face in, and all my sobbing seized, as I felt the gentleness of his lips on mine.

  This was new for Alana. She knew Achilles as a rough kisser, a rough man, but me, as Elani, I felt the softness and gentleness of Ales’ kiss. He kissed me so soft my toes curled. There was a shifting in both of us that couldn’t be described in mere words. His kiss didn’t venture farther than our lips. His kiss made me feel loved. His kiss made me hungry as if I depended on it like air to breathe. He took my breath away with the way he kissed me now. How could anyone kiss like this? When he finally released my lips, I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth to savor the tingling feeling he left there.

  “You remember me?” he asked.

  I opened my eyes and looked into his green ones. I was finally seeing him for who he was: my man, my lover, my protector and my liege. He was all mine with his golden hair, green eyes that could rip through my soul, and lips that were sinful.

  “Yes, my liege.” I nodded, but before I could say anything else, his right hand moved from my cheek to my jaw. He gripped, not too hard, but hard enough to remember how I liked it. He kissed me with such ferocity and heat I felt like he sucked my soul out my body.

  Ales

  Knowing Elani remembered everything made my heart soar. As I kissed her, I thanked her for remembering me, for letting me kiss her, and for her kissing me back with such passion. I never thought there would be a day where I missed something as much as I missed the way she kissed me. I didn’t care whether her name was Alana or Elani, just as long as it was her. When she woke up, I knew she was up, but I hadn’t expected her to slide off the bed unto my lap. I can admit I was shocked for a moment wondering why she was doing that, especially with everything that happened in less than twenty four hours.

  When I looked at her, my hands betrayed me as they went to rest right on her waist. This had become too much for me. I kept thinking about Elani not remembering who she was, but her actions were so natural. As she looked at me, I was ready to shut her out, but she quickly wrapped her arms around my neck. I stayed frozen, wishing for her to get off me, yet at the same time, I knew she was right where she belonged, in my arms. I squeezed her tighter when her soft lips touched my skin. The only other time Elani initiated kissing me was when she thought she could one up me, but I reminded her she couldn’t do that.

  I shut my eyes, trying not to think about how she knew right where to kiss me, especially when I was like this. She reminded me so much of Alana at this moment. This was too familiar. As I was about to say something, she ran her fingers through my hair. When she got to the nape of my neck, she tugged. A groan escaped my lips. She was doing way too many things like Alana, even if it was only her body telling her to. The way she kissed my neck as if she was begging me to forgive her. Her little body was so close to me it wouldn’t take me more than a second to lay her back on the bed and slide inside of her with one go. When she rained kisses on my jaw, I needed her to stop. I didn’t want to take advantage of the state she was in. I wanted to speak up, but she beat me to it.

  “Forgive me, my liege,” she said to me, and my body melted into hers.
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br />   She would always be my weakness. This could’ve been a joke or anything, but I didn’t care. I missed her sweet voice for centuries. I missed everything about her, even the way she would hug me to the point it felt like I was suffocating, but I always endured it, because she was my girl. The final straw was when she kissed my shoulder; I couldn’t handle it. I was seconds away from tearing off her hospital gown. I tried the first time to tell her, yet the only sound that came out was a grunt. I took a moment, and I tried again.

  “Stop kissing me, Elani.” My voice came out too rough, and I knew I hurt her feelings.

  She attempted to move out of my arms, but I pulled her back in. I heard her sigh as she laid her head on my shoulder. I shouldn’t have done that; I wasn’t ready for her confession of what happened. I didn’t know how she felt about the baby, the pregnancy or what happened to Alana. I was man enough to admit what she confessed hurt my feelings. The ways she apologized to me about our baby she had put in danger… At first, I wanted to tell her I wasn’t mad she’d made that decision. I was more upset I’d died and left her all the responsibilities. I left her with child and heartbroken; what else did I expect her to do?

  I could never handle it when she cried. Her crying always tugged at my soul. When she started to tear up, I needed her to look me in my eyes for her to know I would never let her cry again like this. I had left her crying, and it haunted me each time I shut my eyes. No one knew of the moments my eyes shut, replaying me as a ghost, seeing everything happen repeatedly. I could handle it all, but what I couldn’t handle was seeing Alana stab herself. It killed me inside every night and, when I woke up, I would search for her as if I was insane to the point Patro would have to fight with me so I could calm down enough to go back to sleep.

  I had to stop myself from kissing her. The way she responded wasn’t the same as Alana had done in the past, and I wasn’t complaining. I knew she was both women now, and it made it even more exciting for me. I would get to know her all over again.