Shattered Memories

by V. C. Andrews

  “Ditto,” I said, and Haylee laughed.

  “Everything could have been so much easier to do if we had thought of ‘ditto,’ ” she said.

  Even Irene, who really had no idea what she meant, laughed.

  “I hope you enjoy your new bedroom tonight,” Mother told Haylee.

  “It’s fantastic. I feel like I’m on a cloud, a pink cloud. Thank you, Mother.”

  Haylee rose and looked at me, expecting me to mimic her every move. As usual, she led. I stood, and then we both approached Mother the way we had all our lives, me kissing her on the right cheek and Haylee kissing her on the left. Mother held our hands, the tears streaming down her face. I couldn’t keep my own eyes from tearing up, too. Haylee just smiled. She turned to give Irene a hug.

  “Have a good night,” Irene said.

  “Thank you. You, too,” Haylee told her.

  I hugged her as well.

  “It’s going to be fine,” Irene whispered. I wanted to believe her, but the darkness in my heart grew thicker. I said nothing and followed Haylee up the stairway.

  “I’ll be sleeping with the sheet over my head,” she said. “Pink cloud.”

  “You’ll survive.”

  “Thanks. At least come into the cloud and spend a few more minutes with me,” she said when I looked like I was just going to head for my own room.

  She slipped off her booties and lay back on her pillows.

  “Well, sister mine, how did I do?”

  “I think you know.”

  She smiled. “Are you jealous or happy?”

  “For Mother’s sake, I’m happy,” I said. “It wasn’t as bad as I feared.”

  “I thought it went rather well. Make sure you tell Daddy. He absolutely hates the air I breathe. It’s all right. I know. Don’t try to deny it.”

  “Daddy will make his own decisions about you, no matter what I tell him. If it’s important to you, you’ll work on winning back his love,” I said.

  “Oh, you’re so wise, Kaylee, but then again, you always were.”

  “I think I’m really tired. I’ll see you in the morning,” I said, and started to turn away.

  “You didn’t tell me much about Troy. It’s not fair,” she whined.

  “There’s nothing much to tell you yet. We’re just getting to know each other.”

  “So you’re still a virgin?”

  I stared at her. She wanted her vision of me to be true; it still made her feel superior.

  “No,” I said. “But that’s all I’m going to say.”

  She laughed. “I knew it!” she cried as I started out. “Help! I’m sinking in a pink cloud.”

  I left her laughter behind me and hurried to my room. When I closed the door, I realized how exhausted I was. The emotional tension for hours had drained me. However, before I went to sleep, I called Troy.

  “I hope it’s not too late,” I said.

  “No. I was waiting and hoping for your call. You first. How was it?”

  “Actually, it went better than I thought. My mother is doing much better. From the way everyone behaved, you’d think nothing had happened. I don’t trust Haylee, of course, but I’m tired of it. She’ll be who she is, no matter what.”

  “She didn’t seem sorry at all?”

  “She did, but she’s mastered how to live with it now, how to rationalize and diminish it. I think she’s learned how to work us all, even her own psychiatrist, but Haylee was always a quick study when it came to manipulating people to do what she wanted, when she wanted.”

  “You were hoping to see her in more pain?”

  “I guess so, but I hate that I was.”

  “What are you going to tell her doctor when you see her?”

  “I’m not sure. I’m happy I have a little time to think about it.”

  “You’ll make the right decision,” he said.

  “What about your Thanksgiving?”

  “What Thanksgiving? It was the same as any other dinner out. My father brought a guest, a young man he’s mentoring in the business. Most of the time, he talked with him. My mother was busy with some of her girlfriends who sat at tables near ours, so Jo and I were almost forgotten.”

  He paused, and I waited.

  “Before we went to bed, I told Jo she and I have to talk tomorrow. She knew why.”

  “And?”

  “She nodded, but she looked terrified. Maybe I’m not the one who should be talking to her. My mother won’t, but maybe Jo should see a therapist. She’s nowhere near as happy as other girls her age.”

  “You’re probably right. What you should do is get her to agree to it first and then demand it.”

  “That’s exactly my plan. Maybe you’re my twin, too.”

  I laughed. “Believe me, Troy, one is enough.” I told him I would call him in the late afternoon tomorrow to let him know if he should come to see me. The answer to that was forming as I slept.

  Once again, Mother was up earlier than any of us. I heard her moving about and listened for Haylee. She was rarely up ahead of me anytime. I tried to sleep longer, but anticipating my father arriving to take Haylee back and Mother’s reaction to it kept me from even closing my eyes. I knew how sad Mother would be, and I worried that it would set her back. I showered and dressed and went down for breakfast.

  Irene was up with Mother, and they were at the kitchenette table having some coffee and toast and jelly.

  “Is your sister up, too?” Mother asked immediately.

  “Her door was closed, so I didn’t bother her,” I said.

  “Yes, well, I’m sure it was exhausting, all the excitement of being home again.” She looked at Irene, who nodded. “Irene’s leaving today, you know,” Mother said.

  “Oh, today? I thought you were leaving Sunday.”

  “No, dear. I have to catch up on some things, and then I’m thinking I’ll take a bit of a vacation.” She smiled at Mother. “My first in quite a while. I’m going to visit my older sister in Tampa, Florida. She’s a widow, and her only child, a daughter, lives in Hong Kong. She married an Asian businessman.”

  I got myself some coffee and sat at the table.

  “Do you want some eggs?” Mother asked.

  “I’m going to have to work up an appetite after all I ate last night,” I said.

  Mother nodded, but I saw her attention was fixed on listening for signs of Haylee getting up. “It doesn’t seem fair or even sensible to let that girl come home for only one night,” she said. “Maybe it will do more damage than good.”

  “They have a protocol they have to follow,” Irene said. “Things will progress faster from this, I’m sure.” She patted Mother’s hand.

  “Well, at least I can make a turkey sandwich for her to take,” Mother said, standing up. “Maybe you should go check on her, Kaylee. If she’s still sleeping, let her be. She might be up but so sad she has to leave that she’s delaying it.”

  I nodded and rose. “Why don’t you and I go to dinner tonight, Mother?” I said. “You’ve done enough in the kitchen. We can go for pizza or something Italian like we used to.”

  “Like we all used to,” she said, her words drifting with the memories. Then she smiled. “Yes, that might be a good idea. Drive away the blues.” She went into the kitchen to put together a take-away package for Haylee.

  Irene smiled at me. “You’re wonderful with her, Kaylee. It will be fine,” she said. “You’ll see. She’s stronger now than you think.”

  “I hope so,” I said.

  I was thinking of what it was going to be like for my mother when I left, too. She would have to be strong to live alone until one of us returned. There were too many memories floating about for me. I couldn’t imagine what her nights would be like for her, actually for all parents when their children left for college and a start to their own independent lives. It couldn’t be all that different from what my mother faced. Loneliness was loneliness, no matter what mask it wore.

  Haylee’s bedroom door was still shut. I wa
ited, listening, and then, hearing nothing, I tapped gently on it.

  “Haylee?”

  I tapped again and called again, and then I opened the door. For a long moment, I stood there gaping like someone too shocked to speak. Her bed looked just the way it had when I left her. Moving quickly, I checked her bathroom and then stood there trying to make sense of it. Had she gone down without any of us realizing it? Was she downstairs now? Just to be sure, I went to look in my room, my bathroom, Mother’s room, and her bathroom. I returned to Haylee’s room and checked for her small suitcase. It was nowhere. A surge of heat like molten lava flowed through my veins. It can’t be, I told myself.

  Then I hurried down the stairs and found Mother and Irene still seated at the kitchenette table. They looked up sharply.

  “Where’s Haylee?” Mother asked. “Is she still asleep?”

  “She’s not there,” I said. The concept didn’t register on either of their faces. “She’s not anywhere upstairs. Did you hear her come down?”

  Irene shook her head.

  I went into all the rooms downstairs, calling for Haylee as I searched, and then returned to the kitchenette. Both were standing now.

  “Her bag is gone, too,” I said. “The small suitcase that she had with her.”

  “I don’t understand,” Mother said. “Did your father come here very, very early?”

  Without answering, I went to the front door and stepped out to look up and down our street. Then I shouted for her. Irene came up behind me, so I turned to her.

  “She didn’t use her bed last night,” I said. “She must have left after we were all asleep.”

  “Oh, dear,” Irene said, bringing her hands to her cheeks. “We have to call your father.”

  I nodded and rushed to the phone.

  “I was waiting to call you to see how it went,” he said immediately after I said, “Daddy.”

  “It went well, Daddy, but she’s gone.”

  “Gone? What’s that mean?”

  “She snuck out last night, and she’s gone.”

  I could almost hear him try to swallow. “Are you sure?”

  “I checked everywhere in the house. She took her bag, too. She’s gone.”

  “You looked outside?”

  “She’s gone, Daddy. She’s gone! Aren’t you listening?”

  “Okay. Keep your mother calm. I’ll call Dr. Alexander immediately,” he said. “She’ll be calling the police, for sure. Expect them. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  After I hung up, I stood there trembling. Irene and my mother stepped into the kitchen and looked at me.

  “Daddy’s calling her doctor, and then the police will be called.”

  “Why did she do this?” Mother asked. “Now they’ll never let her come home for Christmas.”

  Neither Irene nor I could respond to that.

  “She’s just very confused,” Irene finally said. “It’s been overwhelming. Let’s all just stay calm and wait to hear what the doctor and the police do. I imagine your father will be here.”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Come along, Keri,” Irene told Mother. “I’d like you to sit. I’ll get you some water, and we’ll all wait together.”

  “Where could she go?” Mother asked as we all went into the living room. “Kaylee?”

  “I don’t know, Mother. We’re not exactly walking distance from a train station or a bus station.”

  Mother sat, and Irene went to get her a glass of water.

  “She’s just confused. I’m sure,” Mother said. “When do you think she left?”

  “Sometime during the night. After I fell asleep, for sure. I didn’t hear anything.”

  “No. I didn’t, either.”

  The phone rang. I hurried to the one on the kitchen wall. Irene waited with Mother’s glass of water. It was Dr. Alexander. Her first question was Haylee loaded. I had to remind myself that Haylee was her patient, not me.

  “Did something happen, Kaylee? Something to upset her?”

  “No. She was a big hit, Dr. Alexander. She and I played duets on the pianos. She talked a lot. She made my mother very happy. Nothing nasty was said. We had a great dinner. We began by promising not to talk about the past. I tried my best to stay cool and not say or do anything that would ruin the evening. I was worried for my mother more than I was for Haylee. Too bad Haylee wasn’t.”

  “Did she mention a boy named Cedar Thomas?” Dr. Alexander asked.

  “Yes. She likes him a lot.”

  “Cedar Thomas escaped two days ago,” she said. “Did she mention that?”

  I wasn’t simply shocked or surprised; I was angry at myself for being taken in by Haylee again.

  “No. She had me convinced she was returning to be with him. She even moaned about not being able to wear the clothes she wore last night because he would like them so much. I didn’t have the slightest suspicion that she would do this. You know what I do think, Dr. Alexander?”

  “What?”

  “I think she’s better at it than she’s ever been. Maybe she’ll be giving both of us therapy someday,” I said, unable to hide my bitterness.

  “I’ll be in touch,” Dr. Alexander said. “It’s out of my hands for the moment. The police are searching for Cedar Thomas. They’ll add Haylee’s name. My guess is he picked her up at your house late last night. It sounds like something they had planned.”

  “And under your very eyes,” I said.

  I hung up and looked at Irene.

  “What was all that?” she asked.

  “My sister had a boyfriend in the nuthouse, as she called it, and apparently, he escaped the day before yesterday. Dr. Alexander believes he probably picked her up last night.”

  “Oh, my. Don’t mention it to your mother yet,” she warned.

  I nodded, and we returned to be with Mother.

  “Who called? Did they find her?”

  “Not yet, Mother.”

  Irene handed her the water.

  She drank some and looked at me. “Well, who was that? Was it your father?”

  “No, it was her doctor at the institution, Dr. Alexander.”

  “Well, what does she think?”

  I looked at Irene.

  “What do you two know that I don’t? Tell me!” Mother cried. She was losing it quickly.

  Irene nodded at me.

  “It looks like Haylee planned an escape with a boy at the institution, Mother. He escaped two days ago. He must have a car, and he must have picked her up during the night.”

  Mother looked like she was going to faint.

  “I think it’s best that your mother lie down, Kaylee. I’ll remain until this is sorted out.”

  “Yes,” I said. “Go on, Mother. I promise I’ll call you the moment we know anything.”

  Irene helped Mother stand up and start for the stairway, practically carrying her.

  I sat, thinking, reviewing everything Haylee had said to me to see if I could come up with something that might help find her.

  Twenty minutes later, my father arrived. His face was swollen with rage. I told him what Dr. Alexander had told me.

  “How’s your mother?” he asked.

  “Devastated,” I said. “Irene is upstairs with her.”

  “I can’t believe how well she worked me on the way over, how sweet she was, how grateful for this second chance. Something told me not to trust her. I swear, Kaylee. I could feel it twitching inside me, this distrust. She wasn’t much different from the way she had been during the time you were trapped in that man’s basement.” He looked like he wanted to slam his fist into the wall.

  The doorbell rang, and we both went to answer it. Two policemen were there. They started to ask questions, and my father turned to me.

  “She’ll tell you all she knows,” he said.

  “I’m afraid I don’t know much more than anyone else. She talked about the boy, Cedar Thomas, but she led me to believe she was returning to the institution to be with him, was actually loo
king forward to it.”

  “You don’t need a picture of her,” my father told them. “Just look at Kaylee. But the similarity is only on the outside, believe me.”

  “We might have a lead on a stolen vehicle,” the taller of the two policemen said. “We have a good description of this Cedar Thomas.”

  “This might sound stupid,” I said, “but he might go where there are cedar trees.”

  Neither policeman said anything to that. They thanked us and left.

  Irene had come down the stairs and stood waiting behind us. “Keri heard the doorbell. Anything?”

  “Just the police getting information,” my father said. “How is she?”

  “Shocked, but she’ll be okay. Don’t worry, Mr. Fitzgerald. I’ve decided I’ll remain until this is settled.”

  “That’s very kind of you, Irene.” My father looked at me. “I’ll go up and speak to her.”

  “That would be good,” Irene said.

  She and I returned to the living room, and then, at her suggestion, I made myself some breakfast and some for my father, too. I didn’t ask him what he had said to Mother or what she had said to him. I was hoping they were beyond recriminations, that they had both realized that accusing each other of being responsible for where we were at this point was fruitless. It was a time to come together and find ways to support each other.

  Irene brought tea and more toast up to Mother, hoping to persuade her to remain strong, especially now.

  “The girl is a lost cause,” my father said at the table. He was happy I had made some eggs and toast, the eggs just the way he liked them, over easy. “She put the last nail in her coffin, as far as I’m concerned. They can keep her in that place for years. And this was absolutely the last time I will ever ask you to do anything for her, Kaylee.”

  “Okay, Daddy,” I said, and sipped some coffee.

  He looked at me and smiled.

  “What?”

  “I know when I’m being humored. What a mess.”

  “I had suggested to Mother that she and I go for pizza tonight, Daddy. I didn’t know Irene was supposed to leave today. I know you wanted me to go to dinner with you and Dana, but . . .”

  “I don’t think you can leave her. Of course, stay with her, Kaylee.” He looked at his watch. “I have a couple of things to do today, but I won’t be far away. There’s nothing much we can do but wait anyway,” he said.