Awake in Cheshire Bay

by H. M. Shander

  Antonio had acted so kind and caring, and I ingested all his smooth-talk, handsomeness, and even had sex with him. I’d let him into me, and into my heart, and it was all for sport.

  I was so messed up, somewhere along the way, I’d hoped it wasn’t a fantasy, but my mind played tricks on me. All along I’d spent the day with a billionaire jerk, who only confirmed that rich or poor, all men were the same – assholes not to be trusted.

  And I hated myself for feeling what I felt. For caving to the ideal which wasn’t real. I’d been a way for him to pass time.

  Reliving those magnificent hours shattered my heart. I closed my computer and grabbed a throw pillow to wrap my arms around as I cried myself to sleep.

  I woke up in the mid-afternoon and begrudgingly readied for my evening shift. My phone had been silent – no word from Cedar, which likely meant she hadn’t found anything worth reporting.

  I headed down to the pub and glanced around, hoping against hope to see him. Of course, he wasn’t there. He wasn’t coming back. Ever. He was likely already onto his next conquest.

  “Wow, you look beat, Amber. Why don’t you take the evening off?” One of my shift managers stopped pouring a whiskey sour to study me.

  “I’m fine. Honestly. I just have a lot on my mind, and I feel it would be better for me to be here.” Plus, I had inventory in the back room to count and scheduling to arrange around the upcoming Thanksgiving weekend and throughout the rest of the month. “I’ll be in the office if you need me.”

  I plunked down in my chair and pulled out the staffing requests, going by who wanted what day off for the long weekend. It didn’t take long though, and the schedule was done. It probably helped I was closing the store for the actual holiday. I wished everything in life was as simple as that.

  With a quick print out, I hung the new shift schedule on the staffing board and went into the back room with my iPad. Inventory wasn’t a whole lot of fun, but it was menial and required I concentrate on the task at hand. Something I desperately needed right now.

  However, when I touched a bottle of wine, I was instantly transported to dinner last night and the smooth way Antonio ordered the wine and tasted it first. He knew then I could be played, and he prepped me with wine to weaken my defenses. Damn him. But the wine was surprisingly tasty – one I needed to add to my order list.

  I counted out the rest of the wine bottles, imagining them as women in Antonio’s life. How many others had there been before me? Did he have some kind of disease? Is that why Sorcha said I should be tested? If I didn’t want word to spread through this town like fire, I’d need to see a doctor in another town. I flipped over to my calendar and set a reminder to look up clinics, preferably in Port Alberni.

  Back to the counting.

  When I got to the Jack Daniels, my first impression of Antonio flew to the forefront of my mind. He came across as arrogant and super serious, a total jerk. I should’ve kept my distance and listened to what my brain was saying. I shouldn’t have offered to drive him to his motel. That had been my undoing, and that’s when he probably figured out the way to weasel into my heart. Had I just let the rich billionaire find his own way, I wouldn’t be stuck in the back room holding a bottle, with tears falling out in rapid fashion. Nope, had I just left him alone, I wouldn’t haven’t fallen for the handsome stranger.

  A knuckle rapped on the door.

  “Miss Amber? A guest up front is asking for you.”

  My heart skipped a beat. Was it him? Did he come back?

  “Thank you, Dale.” My back was to him so thankfully he didn’t see the tears I was wiping away. “I’ll be right there.”

  Confident he was gone, I dashed to the staff backroom and checked myself out in the mirror. Yeah, I looked rough, but whatever. I pinched some colour into my cheeks and with a spring in my steps, headed into the pub, scanning for him.

  A hand near the back shot up and waved. It wasn’t Antonio, because this was real life, and my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.

  I walked over and sat down with my best friend. “Hey.”

  “Geez, did you manage any sleep?” Cedar rubbed my back.

  “A little, but I tossed and turned.” I fiddled with one of the disposable coasters. “Did you find out anything?”

  She sighed, a tell that the incoming news wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “I talked to the guys up in the tower and they had nothing. So… I did a little digging.”

  My eyes lit up and a shiver of hope wiggled through my body.

  “Nothing illegal,” she warned, “but I called over to ATC to simply inquire if there was a flight that had left our region around the time you came over.”

  “Yeah?”

  “There was an outbound helicopter flight from Port Alberni to Victoria, but other than that, he wouldn’t give me anything. I’m sorry.”

  “Would he leave via helicopter?”

  “I honestly don’t know. Their airport is smaller than ours, they only use helicopters and float planes. No runway, just a helipad. I don’t think that was your guy.”

  My head fell onto my arms, and I stared at the floor. More lies. Probably wasn’t on a plane at all. Had the fancy limousine to drive him all the way back to Victoria, to some gargantuan board room where he’d make the big real estate deal and then move on with his rich, fancy, Amber-free life.

  “I’m sorry, Am.”

  I sat up, shaking away the utter disbelief. “I’m such a bloody idiot. I can’t believe how stupid I was and how easily he played me. He’d only been the first guy to make me feel comfortable and desired, so of course, he’s a jerk. Sorcha was right. I found pictures of him on the internet – different girl every time.” I hated myself so much, it was turning my stomach. “You know, last night we tried to do the deed.”

  Not surprising, Cedar’s eyes doubled in size.

  “But I couldn’t do it. Too much hesitation. And you know what, he was okay with that. Can you imagine?”

  “That’s huge.” Because she knew about my track record with the male species, not the finer details mind you, but just enough to understand I didn’t give it away to just anyone.

  “It was all an act. Proved he was a good guy by not forcing himself on me. Bam. One point for the jerk – show her sex wasn’t important, because he liked who I was in here.” I stabbed my chest. “Make her want it more, right? It’s like the universe keeps giving me a giant finger, only now I finally see it.”

  A sad smile teased her lips. “You got played, Am, and I’m so deeply sorry I sent him to you. That wasn’t my intention.” She bowed her head so we were forehead to forehead.

  I sighed and straightened out, rolling my shoulders back now that my little rant was over. “Maybe it’s time for me to rethink my deal here. Maybe I need to stretch out my wings and explore.”

  “I think you need to rethink that idea. Get a solid night of sleep first before committing to changing your whole life. You’re seriously sleep-deprived and you’re hurting. Don’t do something you’ll end up regretting.”

  “Too late,” I said sarcastically as I grabbed her empty Coke. “But I see your point. I’ll get you a refill.”

  “Don’t do anything foolish.” She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled it in my direction.

  “Says the girl who sent a VIP over to ask for me by name.”

  My anger was misplaced. It shouldn’t have been directed at Cedar, but Antonio wasn’t around for me to take it out of him.

  Chapter Eleven

  I backed the truck up to the side entrance of the pub, the door nearest the storeroom.

  Dale met me outside. “I’ve everything ready for ya.”

  “Thanks.” I popped the end gate. “We’ll load it up in there.”

  The big Thanksgiving bonfire was tonight, the last major one of the season. The weather was promising a great night, minimal clouds, and hardly any breeze. It couldn’t have been more perfect weather wise if we’d begged and danced to the weather Gods, something
Cedar joked she was more than ready to do.

  At last count, late last night, there were over fifty people in attendance.

  I lifted flat after flat of beer into the box. “You think this will be enough?”

  Over the past three days, Dale had helped me decide what alcohol to bring. It was a potluck of sorts; everyone chipped in money which went to booze and food. Naturally, I was in charge of the beers and bevvies.

  “Ya, and if not, give me a holler. I can bring some over.”

  “You’re welcome to attend without being my delivery guy, you know.”

  “That’s awfully kinda ya, and I’ll consider it.”

  Dale had been a friendly shoulder to lean on especially after he caught me having an outburst in the back room over Antonio. Busted, I’d then spilled how the charming SOB played me and asked him why all guys were jerks. Understandably, he said they weren’t all like that. Knowing I’d offended him, it dug the knife in a little deeper, because he was right – it wasn’t all guys, just the ones I seemed to associate with. Dale probably thought I was a tad crazy for having more emotions over the little bit of time I’d spent with Antonio than there was right to have, but still, he tolerated it, and me, just the same.

  “Did ya call him?”

  No, I hadn’t. I’d tracked down one of the businesses he ran and had a nastygram ready to fire out to their general email department, but I never hit send. I had to learn it was one night and to let it go. It had been four days already. Besides, if it was real, he would’ve tried to get in contact, since he knew where I worked and lived. It wouldn’t be hard at all to get in touch with me.

  Dale grabbed another flat and handed it to me, where I added it on to the small stack I had going. “His mistake.”

  I shrugged. That was what Cedar and Mitch had said, and Eric too, who, incidentally, tried his best to get more information as well, and it was all for naught. Their empty plane had sat beside the building for less than twenty-fours when a new crew came in, repaired it priority one, and filed a flight plan to Victoria. There was no passenger manifest for the belly crashed flight.

  “That’s kind of you to say.” I positioned the last of the flats. “That should do it.” I hopped out of the bed and slammed the end gate.

  Dale picked up a scrap of paper from the ground. “Can I ask ya somethun?”

  “Of course.”

  “Being that this guy is history, would ya ever think about seeing someone else?” He looked at the ground and brushed his hands down his jeans. “Like say, me?”

  Well, that was not quite the question I expected, and I didn’t know how to let the guy down without hurting his feelings. Dale was nice, but I wasn’t attracted to him, and even if I was, I wasn’t ready to move on.

  “I know I’m not super educated or anything, but I got me a good paying job at a great local establishment, and I’ve no warrants out for ma arrest or anything.” A small wink came my way, but I wasn’t sure if it was intentional since he rubbed his eye after talking.

  “You’re a great guy, Dale, and a fantastic employee.” And that was my in. “But…” I leaned in and whispered. “I can’t date staff. It looks bad, like I’m playing favourites.” I leaked out a half smile.

  “Ah, ya, that makes sense.” He tapped his temple. “Don’t tell no one I asked ya out.”

  I patted him on the arm. “I promise your secret is safe with me.”

  “We good?”

  “We’re all good. I think I have enough alcohol to keep everyone well hydrated.” I looked inside the box and did another quick count on the flats in the box. “Yeah, should be enough. Thanks for your help.” I opened the door of my truck and stood on the running board. “Offer still stands if you want to come for the bonfire tonight.”

  “Next time.”

  # # #

  The bonfire was in full swing and people were celebrating all they had to be thankful for. I had to admit, despite all that life had thrown at me, I was pretty lucky, and had plenty to be grateful for.

  I owned my own successful business and had a roof over my head.

  I had great friends, the best in the world, who loved me with all their hearts and were willing to slap some sense into me when I needed it most.

  And aside from having someone I trusted with my heart, I had everything else I needed in life.

  I stood on the edge of the beach, arm in arm with Cedar, my tummy full from the platefuls of food I’d consumed. Turkey, salads, mashed potatoes, homemade dessert, the works. If I ate before Christmas, it would be too soon.

  “Great party, isn’t it?” Her belly seemed a little bigger than normal. Guess the baby enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner too.

  I rested my head against hers. “It really is. No one is severely intoxicated even though we somehow went through all the beer. Guess I misjudged that.”

  Which was odd because I’d triple checked the numbers.

  “No one’s touching the hard stuff, so that’s probably why. Also, Riley said there were additional people. Something like ten others.”

  “That’s why I didn’t recognize them.”

  I tended to hang out with those I knew, as I was more comfortable with Eric, Cedar and Mitch – my relatively tight group. I was learning to like Lily the more I got to truly know her – she and I didn’t hang out as teens when she was one of the summer brats visiting for the summer as I was at odds with her personality, but she’d come a long way since then and seemed to be a good fit for Eric. And that made me like her more.

  “Willow and Arlo’s kids came, which I guess was a last-minute decision.”

  Well, that would add to the numbers since they had three grown children who were each married.

  “Oh, yeah, and Trent and Delilah came. Trent works in the tower and was alone for Thanksgiving.” She faced me with seriousness on her face and a finger in the air. “Don’t even think to ask him anything about the flight.” She paused and softened her features. “Eric already has.”

  There went that idea.

  “I appreciate the effort but I’m trying not to think about him.” Even though he popped up in my dreams nightly.

  “Why aren’t you joining in more of the festivities? Come on over. Arlo’s got the guitar and he’s playing a haunting rendition of a Chris Isaak song.”

  “Oh yeah, which song?”

  “Wicked something or other.”

  “Wicked Game?”

  She perked up. “Yeah, that one.”

  That song. It was one of the songs playing in the distance the night Antonio and I danced under the stars; the speakers of the Cowboy Den sent it straight out to us.

  “Thanks, but I’m waiting for an order from Dale. I requested a couple more flats. As the barkeep of this party, I need to fulfill my end.” I winked.

  “Always the bartender, never the drinker.”

  “Says you who has no drink in hand.” I let my gaze drop to her tummy. “Of which I’m happy to see.”

  “Once Dale gets here, you’ll come join us?” There was so much pleading in her features it was hard to turn her down.

  “Maybe. Not sure if I’m in a sing-along mood.”

  “There’s a group going skinny-dipping at the cliffs.”

  I gave her my best not-going-to-happen look. It wasn’t my thing, Cedar’s for sure, and I expected her to part take in that.

  “Chicken.” She skipped off over to the bonfire bathing the beach in an ocean of oranges and yellows, with dark shadows.

  My phone pinged. Dale had arrived. Finally. Needed to give the guy explicit directions. Turn left here, turn right at the rock, sheesh. He was a great short order cook, but lousy with directions.

  I walked between Eric and Lily’s houses, onto the grass and out to where the vehicles filled the driveways and road. Thankfully, they were at the end of the road, so there was ample room to park.

  Dale jumped out of his jeep and popped the hatch. With a quick flick, he opened the end gate.

  “Thanks for bringing all this. I ap
preciate it.” I reached into the back as the front passenger side door closed.

  “Can I be of assistance?”

  No-freaking-way.

  Chapter Twelve

  That accented voice had haunted my dreams over the past few nights.

  “Antonio?” But I already knew as I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was too sexy in his tailored suit, with the top button of his dress shirt undone – a GQ model for the well-dressed man issue.

  “Ember.”

  Damn, my name still sounded so sweet rolling off his lips. Before his true intentions were revealed, I’d entertained a thought or two of changing it to that, but I rather liked how he was the only one to swap the Ah for the Eh so I decided against it. But that was then, this was now. He’d broken my heart with his abrupt departure, but more so from his lack of communication since. Even though we both knew he was leaving, and he’d only be here for one night, it was the way the whole situation unfolded like an explosion that left me reeling.

  All the anger I had managed to tamper down, came roaring back to life.

  I flipped my narrowed gaze quickly over to Dale.

  He shrugged. “He came inta the pub asking for ya, just after ya called. When he said who he was, well, I just knew he hadda come.”

  I glared and all the hurt and rage inside me built to epic levels of madness and shot out at Antonio. “You’re a jerk.”

  Yep, that was the best I could throw at him. I dropped my flat down and yanked another, adding it on top and debated adding a third. Anger-fueled adrenaline made me super strong. A tad crazy, but freakishly strong.

  Dale lifted them all from my hands. “I deliver. Ya talk.”

  “I have nothing to say. I waited for some form of contact, and it was radio silence. Yeah, I’m so done.”

  I grabbed another two cases and stacked one on top of the other and wrenched my back by twisting so violently away.