by Donna Alward
* * *
They loaded all her equipment in the car and by ten thirty they were on the way to the Cascade for Drew to change. He was back in the promised fifteen minutes, and then it was off to the bride’s home in Canmore. Harper looked over at Drew, sitting so calmly in her passenger seat yet again. What was she thinking, letting him come along? It was impossible to pretend that her feelings were anything other than love. She loved him. Was in love with him. Would have taken the whole week to be with him—in all ways—and dealt with the heartbreak at the end. Maybe that was what scared her the most. She wasn’t used to such a lack of emotional caution. That Drew was the one being reasonable and thinking long term was a total flip of what she figured was their usual roles.
And it wasn’t like he would never be back to Banff again, was it? His store would be here. Dan was here. Just because she’d fallen in love with him didn’t mean they had to rush everything.
“Penny for your thoughts,” he said, his gaze on her profile.
“We don’t have pennies anymore in Canada,” she replied. “Remember?”
“Right. Okay, I’ll round up. Nickel for your thoughts.”
She chuckled and realized how much she’d laughed since he’d arrived in Banff. “You make me laugh, you know that? It’s nice.”
“Is that what you were thinking?”
“No.”
“Do I want to know?”
“I was thinking how nice you look in that colour blue.” His shirt was the same colour as the open sky. Now that they were traveling east, the peaks were beside and behind them, with the rolling foothills giving way to a pristine blue without a cloud to mar it.
“It’s okay I didn’t wear a tie?”
Drew wasn’t a tie kind of man. He was the kind who dressed up and then undid a few buttons for a more relaxed look. She loved it. “It’s fine.”
“So where’s this wedding?”
“First we go to the bride’s home and take some pictures of her and the bridesmaids and her mom, that kind of thing. Then it’s off to the church. We’ll get some photos of the groom and his groomsmen there, as they wait in a room behind the sanctuary. I’ll set up and take some congregational shots, and then when the bride arrives it’s really game on.”
She looked over. “Once we get to the church, it all happens rather quickly and with precise timing. If you’re there with my bag, it’ll help a lot.” She smiled. “I even tucked a smaller camera in there for you. I thought you might like to have some fun and take some pictures of your own.”
He gaped at her. “Are you serious? I can barely handle my little digital one.”
“Yeah, but sometimes there’s a candid that turns out great, or that I can edit a bit. You don’t have to take any if you don’t want to. I know this is my thing and you’re not required to get excited about it. But it’s there if you want it.”
“I’ll see. It might be fun.”
They arrived at the bride’s house, and Harper quickly rounded up the women of the wedding party and organized some shots while Drew got two of the bags from the car. They spent an hour there, getting pictures of the dress on the hanger, the flowers, the bride’s mother adjusting her veil, the engagement ring and several of the bridesmaids and bride together. When the posed pictures were done, Drew gathered up most of the gear while Harper snapped candids of the family and friends present. There was one of the bride laughing with her father, and another of the flower girl showing an aunt her new white shoes. Those were the kind of memory photos she loved best.
At one fifteen she let the bride know they were heading for the church.
Set right on Main Street, the church was small and quaint with a white picket fence out front. It was the first time Harper had done a wedding here, and despite the simplicity of it, she knew it would be a favorite. There was something solid and reassuring about the old-fashioned wooden pews and the sturdy pulpit at the front. A slightly faded red carpet led the way up the aisle. The pews sported white tulle bows and flowers as pew markers. She stopped at the top of the aisle and took a quick photo of the empty but waiting church, the scent of lilies and roses filling the air. It was a promise of forever, waiting for the people to arrive and make it a reality.
“We’re going to the back?” Drew asked.
She nodded. “Yes. There’s a room there where the groom should be. If not yet, soon.” A few guests had already arrived but were mingling outside until seating began. “Can you take this stuff back? I’m going to get a few sanctuary shots while it’s empty.”
“No problem, boss.” He flashed her a smile and headed toward the back of the church.
Harper took a moment to stop and absorb the character of the church. There was a peace here, and a level of excitement, too, for the joining of two lives together. Weddings were so optimistic and happy. Before long the seats would be full, and the bride would walk up the aisle in her white dress to meet her husband. They’d make promises. She lifted her camera and looked through the viewfinder. The flowers were so fresh and pretty. She took a photo of the table set up for signing the register, a small plumed pen on top of the linen along with a spray of more flowers. Finally, she turned around at the front of the altar and looked back toward the closed door of the sanctuary. Strong and sturdy, the wood was dark with age and she wondered how many brides had crossed its threshold.
And she took a photo of that, too.
Then she made her way to where the groomsmen—and Drew—waited.
CHAPTER TWELVE
COMING WITH HARPER today had been a mistake.
He’d wanted to spend the day with her and he’d wanted to help since Juny wasn’t available. But he’d miscalculated. Being at a wedding with Harper was another thing entirely. All around him were reminders of how the world generally worked. You grew up, fell in love, got married, settled down. Locked in.
The ceremony itself had been intimate and warm, with smiles abounding. He’d watched Harper scoot around the church, taking pictures without ever being in the way, admiring her for that talent alone. He’d stood by her side and endured the after-wedding pictures of the receiving line, and then once again for wedding party and family pictures at the reception venue, a hotel on the outskirts of the town. The relatively small number of guests—under seventy, as close as he could guess—mingled by tents set up outside, sipping glasses of punch and champagne, while Harper took photo after photo of the bride and groom and the special people in their lives.
It made him feel claustrophobic.
“Are you okay?” Harper asked, reaching in her bag for the second camera with a different lens. “It’s hot. Is the sun too much?”
“No, of course not. But would you like something to drink? Water?”
“That would be great. The sun is really baking things today.”
He escaped to find some water and as a member of the waitstaff poured two glasses for him, he overheard two people talking a few feet away as they sipped pink punch.
“Oh, yes, they’ve bought a house, only a few blocks from Pat and Susan. Pris is going to substitute teach for now, and Rob’s got his job at the insurance company.”
Drew dug in his pocket for a tip for the bartender.
“They thought about moving to Calgary, apparently, but she wanted to stay close to her parents.”
“It’s so good they’ve both got work. I know Pris doesn’t want to wait for a family, either.”
Drew’s throat tightened and that knot of panic centered in his chest again. This was literally his worst nightmare. Working in insurance? Living two blocks from his in-laws? Tied down with babies?
He grabbed the glasses from the counter and headed back to where Harper was taking photos of the bride and groom alone now that the family obligations were over. When she finished the current pose, she took a moment to have a drink while the bride stood and fluffed out her dress.
&nb
sp; “Oh, that’s good. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Her smile was sweet as she looked into his eyes. “This is the nicest wedding. They’re so in love. And that little church...it was perfect. I love intimate weddings like that.”
“It’s definitely beautiful,” he agreed, but his jaw was tight.
“Are you okay?”
He pasted on a smile. “You already asked that, and of course I am. What happens after this?”
She took another drink and handed him the glass. “We’ll take a few more of the bride and groom alone, and then the reception is mostly informal. More of a garden party sort of thing, with a few speeches later on.” She sighed. “And no dance. The happy couple are leaving on a honeymoon tonight, so they’re going home to change and get a ride to the airport.”
She put her hand on her belly. “I’m not sorry. It means my day will be over before seven, rather than nine or ten.”
He put aside his own discomfort and put his hand on her arm. “Is there anything I can do?”
She shook her head. “No. Give me fifteen minutes and we can get something to eat. Then I’ll snap some candids, and ones of the speeches.”
“Okay.”
He stood back while she went to the couple and they decided on a few more shots with the mountains in the background. He watched as she took a few of the couple walking away, and then one as the groom scooped the bride up in his arms.
He could imagine scooping Harper up like that, and hearing her laugh as she settled in his arms.
Invisible walls began closing in. What was he doing? He shouldn’t be here. He should have done what Dan had said and stayed away from her from the beginning. But how could he have known that actual feelings would get in the way? That she’d be different? The trouble was, this was the kind of life Harper wanted. Settled. A routine. Babies. The whole white-picket-fence deal. He’d been able to tell when she’d talked about wanting them someday and the look in her eyes when she’d confessed she thought this might be her only chance. She wanted children and she should have them. God, they had really been fooling themselves, acting like this thing between them didn’t matter. That they could come away unscathed.
Finished for the moment, he helped Harper gather the camera bags and they made their way to a small table on the perimeter of the eating area. Harper looked like she’d gotten a bit of sunburn, so he told her to stay at the table and he’d bring back food. He returned with a plate for each of them containing finger sandwiches, scones, little pots of jam, and something called clotted cream.
“I looked for vegetarian options,” he explained, putting her plate down. “I found cucumber and watercress and a couple of cheese kinds. And scones, of course.”
His own plate contained slightly heartier choices: sliced chicken and salmon, along with the same assortment of scones.
“It’s perfect. Just what I need.” She let out a sigh of relief, but Drew realized he hadn’t brought them drinks.
“Do you want tea? Or sparkling water or something?”
A server passed by with a tray of dirty glasses and overheard. “Can I bring you both a beverage?”
What he really wanted was a beer. Instead, he asked for another glass of champagne, the only alcohol that seemed to be available. Harper asked for sparkling water and then picked up a sandwich.
He ate, too, but didn’t really taste the food. He wanted to go, to escape, but also wanted to stay for her. What he really wanted was to be chilling out on her front porch in a pair of jeans, a cold beer and a soft breeze. This wasn’t the place for him, for them. He and Harper focused on the moment, not on forever. They weren’t dresses and dainty things posing as sandwiches. They were lemonade and lazy naps on a swing and...
Maybe this wasn’t really love after all. Maybe he was simply caught up in it, in her. An infatuation. Enjoying playing hooky from work and getting out of the rat race.
Yeah. That had to be it. It was the only thing that made sense.
Harper got up to get dessert, a selection of things she called petit fours and Madeleines...it all sounded French and fancy to him, though they tasted fine.
“You look like you’d rather have a steak than that canapé,” Harper said, and he realized he’d been zoned out for a few minutes.
“Yeah. This isn’t really my style.”
“Weddings come in all shapes and sizes,” she responded. “Last year Adele did one that used dog sleds to transport everyone to the ceremony location. Dan and Adele’s was at the Cascade, I’ve done ones in people’s living rooms, on riverbanks...and in a kayak.” She looked up at him and laughed. “The thing is, everyone has to do what’s right for them and what they want. A garden party on the lawn is not my idea of the perfect reception—for me.”
She looked out over the assembled group. “This is pretty and all, but I’m lower maintenance than that. I loved the little church today, with close friends and family. Then something informal, like spaghetti and salad around a big table with lots of laughter. I want my wedding to reflect how I want to live my life. Fully.”
The noose tightened, because as much as he wanted to run, he also didn’t want any other man giving that life to her.
He was saved from answering by the emcee, the best man, standing up to the mic. Harper slipped out of her seat and got her camera ready, moving to the back of the tent for a good vantage point.
He needed to let her go. And didn’t want to. But it was for the best.
* * *
Harper had no idea what had gotten into Drew today, but he hadn’t been himself since the ceremony. The sun was in her eyes as they headed into town, and she put the visor down as she squinted. “Do you want to come over?” she asked quietly.
“I should probably go back to the hotel. I’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow.”
She glanced over at him. “Tomorrow is Sunday.”
He met her gaze briefly and swallowed.
“I don’t know what happened today, but something did,” she said, her voice a little stronger. “So if you want to go back to the hotel, it’s fine.”
He sighed. “When a woman says it’s fine, I know it’s anything but.”
She looked over again. “I’m fine, really. But I don’t think you are.”
And she wasn’t really either, but she hadn’t withdrawn today as he had. Something was going on in his head. She’d hoped they would end up having a fun day together. After all, weddings were romantic.
Maybe that was the problem. She stared at the road ahead and reminded herself that just because she’d fallen for him didn’t mean he felt the same way. She was certain he liked her a lot. And their chemistry was off the charts. But she wasn’t totally naive. She knew that chemistry wasn’t love.
Instead of turning up the hill to the hotel, she pulled into the parking lot for Bow Falls. There were still a few cars in the parking lot; as long as there was light there’d be a few people looking at the water rushing over the falls, but the crowds of the day had dissipated.
“I don’t want to have this talk at the passenger drop-off,” she said quietly, killing the engine.
“Harper, I... Dammit. I don’t know what to say.”
“Maybe you can start with what happened this afternoon. We went to the church and you were fine. Headed to the reception and suddenly you didn’t seem to know what to do with yourself. You didn’t smile, didn’t say much. And I don’t know why. Did I do something?”
“No!” He was so fast to respond that she knew he meant it, and she gave a little sigh of relief. He sighed heavily. “I was fine until I went to get the water for us, you know? And I heard a couple of ladies talking, and it made a few things clear for me, that’s all.”
“Some random women you don’t know said something at a wedding and you achieved sudden clarity?” She tried to lighten the mood, but her joke fell
flat, instead sounding sarcastic.
He looked over at her. “Harper, we want different things. We know it, and we’ve chosen to ignore it. But we shouldn’t have. You were right at Dan and Adele’s wedding. Flings are a mistake.”
She tilted her head, examining him. “You know, we talked about all this. You’re leaving next week. You have your life and I have mine, and we made any decisions based on that. So what the hell changed?”
He was quiet so long she felt tears prick the back of her eyes. All she’d wanted was to enjoy the week. To spend time with him while she could. To feel cared for and desired. She wasn’t sure what changed but it was hard to believe it happened because of two random strangers.
“So what did they say?”
“What?”
“The women. What did they say?”
“Harper...”
“I know you don’t want to have this conversation, but I care about you, Drew. And you care about me. I know you do.” He had to, because she’d told him things she hadn’t told anyone and she couldn’t believe that he would be callous after that.
“I do. God, Harper, so much. And that’s the problem.” He turned and looked at her, his dark eyes tortured. “I can’t do this. I can’t be with you and be casual about it, and I can’t offer you more. I can’t do this.”
She felt as if she’d been slapped. “I never asked you to ‘do this.’ Whatever ‘this’ is.”
“I know that.” His voice raised a bit, and then he let out a huff of air. “I know that. And yeah, we talked about it. But talking and doing are two different things. I’m leaving to go back to California in a few days.”
“That hasn’t changed.”
“Harper.”
“I know. I’m putting you on the spot. But I’m feeling...” She struggled to find the right words, and then knew what the sinking feeling in her stomach was. “I’m feeling blindsided all over again. It’s not you, it’s me right? That’s what you were going to say? Thanks for the fun but see ya?”
