by S S Bazinet
Carol bit her lip. “And you’re going to be happy and contented again, if I have anything to do with it.”
Peggy stared at him with the same sorry look that you gave a dog that was still alive after being run over by a car. “I’m sure that Arel doesn’t mean to hurt people, William. You have to believe that.”
“He doesn’t mean to hurt people?” A flash of hell in all its fury reminded William of why just hearing Arel’s name made him cringe. He needed to explain a few things to his two Florence Nightingale companions. “I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that Arel is wonderful or well meaning, not after what I’ve gone through.” He paused and looked at each of them. “Carol, Peggy, let’s get something straight. If you want to help me, you’ll keep Arel as far away from me as possible. Otherwise, you can both leave too.”
Forty-Six
MICHAEL SAT WAITING in Arel’s upper level bedroom. Within a few minutes, Arel came in, but barely acknowledged his presence. “I think we should talk about what happened,” Michael said quietly.
Arel slumped down on the bed, staring at clenched hands. “It’s no use, Michael. This time there’s nothing you can say or do that will convince me that I’m not a monster. No wonder William hates me. I just tapped into his thoughts. After what I saw, after what I learned about myself, I truly qualify as one of life’s cruelest bastards.”
“He’s caught up in the past, in a life that he lived a very long time ago.”
“Yes, I know! It’s that damnable life when I was burned at the stake. I’ve barely made peace with what happened to me and Peggy. Now I realize I’m responsible for getting William burned alive too.” He glanced up for a brief instant. “He was just a child, a mere boy, and the thugs in the crowd tossed him on the flames like a piece of kindling!”
“Yes, that’s right. Others were responsible for what was done to him.”
“But he wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me. I was his hero, the person in the village that he followed around. He tried to stop them from burning me, and they killed him too! It was so brutal! I can see every detail. I can hear him screaming as he burned!”
“How could you stop what happened to him when you were being burned too?” Michael stood up, went over to the bed and clapped a steadying hand on Arel’s shoulder. “Why are you taking this on yourself?”
“There’s more to it! I left him behind. When my soul finally escaped my body, it flew upwards into the void. I never even looked back at him. I was so consumed by my own rage that I left that little boy to burn alone. He was screaming for me, and I ignored his pleas and kept going. I had no concern for anyone but myself.”
Michael pulled over a chair and sat down in front of Arel. “Look at me, dear friend.”
Arel averted his eyes. “No.”
“Please, it’s very important. Do it for William.”
Arel lifted his gaze and stared back. His golden eyes were hooded over with shame and disgrace. “Why do you want to look at a selfish coward? How is that going to help William?”
“Do you trust me?”
“I guess I do.”
“Then listen carefully. You just told me that you were consumed with rage, correct?”
“Yes.”
“It’s the only thing you had left, wasn’t it?”
“What else is there when your sister is burning beside you and you’re both screaming for mercy and no one answers your pleas? I know you tried to help, Michael. I know you couldn’t get through my despair, but—”
“You tried your best, Arel. You tried to save your sister when they arrested her. You put her welfare above your own safety, remember?”
“But I couldn’t save her!”
“I know. In your mind, all the things in life that you cherished were destroyed by people who hated you. You gave up on life.”
“It’s true. I didn’t want to exist anymore.”
“Before you abandoned that boy, you abandoned yourself. But it’s different now. You took another chance on life.”
“But that boy looked to me for help!”
“Help the man that he is now.”
“I’ve tried, and I only make things worse.”
“Yes, I know, but what if you shift your attention to another memory?” He shook Arel’s shoulder again, gently, playfully. “You and William have been having flashbacks to that life when you were twins.”
A weak smile spread across Arel’s face. “Yes, at least we had one life when we were happy. Even as grown men, our families were close. We celebrated everything together. The bond that we shared felt like having one, great heart between us.”
“And in the life when you were both burned?”
Arel hesitated, but his gaze brightened at he grabbed on to Michael. “That heart was torn in two! When I lost faith in myself, I lost faith in both of us.”
“You weren’t the only one who lost his way. You cursed at god and William cursed at you. You both wanted to blame someone outside yourselves.”
Arel scowled as he let out a little, contemptuous laugh. “We were won over to the dark side by the trauma and ignorance we experienced at the stake.”
“And now?”
“When I look at your eyes, I see the light again. That’s how you’ve helped me, but William doesn’t want that light. And if I have any of it in me, Carol doesn’t seem to see it either.”
“Remember, you’ve known her in other lives too. She saw both you and William burned at the stake. She was a child too. She felt helpless.”
“So much has been happening. I keep forgetting about that.”
“Yes, but now it’s time to remember.”
“Carol said something about fighting the darkness. How can I help her?”
“This is something she needs to do for herself. In the meantime, you can believe in her and in William, and most of all, you can believe in yourself.”
Forty-Seven
CAROL SWAPPED OUT babysitting time with Peggy. That way, they could each spend time each day watching over William. Peggy took the mornings, and Carol took the afternoons. They compared notes on how William was doing. They both agreed that he was already much better by their second day of vigil. His fever still came and went, but overall, he was completely lucid and in much less pain. Now, he sat across from her in an upholstered bedroom chair. He seemed to enjoy her reading to him. She put the book in her lap and arched her brows in his direction. “Tell me, why did you want a book on the history of antique glassware?”
William barely moved, but his eyes flickered in her direction for a brief moment. “Why not?”
“It’s rather boring, isn’t it?”
William smiled. “You’re learning about how beautiful objects came to be. How could that be boring?”
“I never thought of it that way.”
“What kind of books do you read?”
“Since having little Ariel, I mostly read parenting stuff. But I used to enjoy a good mystery.”
“A ‘Who done it?’ Wouldn’t it be better to solve a bigger mystery, like what makes life go round?”
“Life? That’s a pretty big issue to tackle.”
“When you don’t tackle the big issues, you end up like Arel. You said he was pretty messed up when you met him.”
Carol blushed. “I shouldn’t talk about him behind his back, but the first time we met, he nearly jumped out of his skin. He was very frightened.”
“Unlike me, Arel chose to solve his problems by closing himself off from everything. His love affair with his negative emotions was the only thing that he entertained. When you do that, you’re bound to end up batty.”
“I might not be doing much better. I have all these crazy moods.”
“Why do you assume your moods are crazy? Perhaps if you understood that most people are products of their parents and society, you’d think you’re doing quite well.”
“But I don’t want to be a product of anything or anybody.”
“Then stop acting like one, Caro
l. Don’t let your feelings run your life like Arel does.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re much stronger than you think. Stand up for yourself like you stood up for me.”
“I try. I get so angry because I don’t know how to—”
“How to what?”
Carol studied the book in her lap. Its beautiful glossy cover featured an exquisite, turquoise vase. She ran her hand over the smooth paper. “You enjoy learning about how people make beautiful things, like the glassware in this book. And I’ve enjoyed being creative with graphics and art. But I don’t know how to make my life beautiful. I try, but I seem to always fall short of the mark.”
“You’re making excuses. If you can confront Arel, you can do anything you want.”
“He’s easy.”
William’s jaw tightened. “No, he’s not. He’s a pushy bastard, but you stood up to him, and he listened.”
Carol placed the book aside and steadied her gaze in his direction. “Just sitting here with you makes me feel better. Thank you for believing in me.”
William’s pale blue eyes flashed bright for an instant, a tiny fireworks of summer blue. “You’ll be fine.”
“Do you really think so?”
“You’ll waver, but you’ll make it. It just takes time to learn how to create something beautiful. Be patient.”
Carol studied him for a long moment. He was a very attractive man, but what drew her to him was his strength. Even though he was still recovering, he exuded a tangible aura of control, a control that came from confidence and self-assurance. “You’re very kind, William.”
“No, I’m not. I don’t believe in kindness. I believe in facts. So don’t trust me or Arel for that matter. Neither of us warrants it. But if you had to choose, you might pick me. At least I’ll always be honest with you.”
“You sound bitter when you talk about Arel.”
“When you put your faith in someone, and they keep letting you down, you often fall prey to resentment. But I have to blame myself for that shortcoming, that deficit in my character that went outside itself and allowed Arel’s ignorance to take me down.”
“So why did you come to Chicago with him?”
William lifted his chin, letting his eyes wander to the ceiling and back to her. “I had the feeling that I’d be needed. In other words, I broke my own rule about staying out of other people’s problems.” He laughed. “Now look at me. I’m sitting here like a delicate house plant needing your TLC.”
“I’m glad you came. I’m glad I got to meet you.”
“Yes, now take my advice. Put your faith in yourself and forget the rest of humanity.”
“I can’t be like that. I love my friends. I know they want my best, even if they don’t always know how to go about showing it.”
“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
* * * * *
After she said goodbye to William, Carol went next door to Peggy’s house to pick up the baby. Tim answered the door and invited her into the living room. With both of the children still napping, he suggested that she sit down for a few minutes. She took a seat on the sofa, happy to get a chance to talk to him. Tim often reminded her of a rock, that balanced human being who always seemed at ease. “What are you doing home this early?”
“I thought I’d take a couple of hours off this afternoon. I think Peggy needs some help now that she’s playing a nursemaid to Arel’s friend.”
“That’s sweet of you. Kevin took quite a bit of time off before and after I lost the . . . before I had the miscarriage. He wants to take more vacation time, but I told him to spread it out. I’m getting back to a kind of normalcy. At least I’m not crying all the time.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“It’s easy to just sit there at William’s bedside. It gets my mind off of everything. He makes me feel like I can help, that I’m not a complete failure.”
“Of course you’re not. Please, believe me when I tell you—”
“I know what you’re going to say, that I shouldn’t blame myself about what happened. I want to believe that, and maybe I’m beginning to let myself see other possibilities. Everybody, including Michael, has been so caring and supportive. He and I talked a couple of days ago. He believes that a child is never ‘lost’ in the truest sense. I’m doing my best to understand what he means.”
“It takes time, Carol. Give yourself that time to heal.”
She let her eyes drop. “I guess, but sometimes it’s too painful to think about any of it. Maybe that’s why William is a good thing right now. He helps me stay focused in the present.”
Tim gave her the kindest of smiles and changed the subject. “How’s William doing? From what I heard, he was pretty bad off after he arrived.”
“He’s better, much better.”
“I never quite got the full story on what happened with him and Arel when Arel went to London the first time.”
“I don’t know much myself, except that William doesn’t want Arel around. That first day when I went over to visit, William was extremely ill and very agitated. He really wanted someone to stay with him. It was strange, especially now that I’ve gotten to know him. He doesn’t seem like the type that gets afraid.”
“Afraid? Of Arel?”
“Yes, it’s a mystery.”
“Maybe not. When I first saw William in New York, he looked like he was on top of his game. After a visit to Arel’s room on the second night, he was a changed man, tripping over his own feet.”
“Really? But you and I both know that Arel is kind and caring.”
“Right, but something’s going on. Of course, ever since we all met Arel, life has been a little weird.”
“He’s had his moments, but he’s also been there when any of us needed help.”
“He’s been in the trenches. That’s for sure.” Tim leaned back in the recliner and laughed. “When Peggy was first pregnant with Sara, she was over at his house every morning, baring her soul. Arel gave her tea and tried to bolster her confidence. It wasn’t an easy job. Peggy can be very insistent about things when she doubts herself, but Arel helped.”
Carol gave him a playful glance. “Thank goodness that I don’t normally have that issue.”
“I’m just glad that you’re looking better too.”
“William has that effect on me. He says that I’ll come through what’s happened with flying colors, and for some reason I’ve started believing it.”
“Good. Hold on to that feeling.”
Forty-Eight
WILLIAM COULD COUNT on Carey when it came to having a nighttime nursemaid. After Peggy or Carol went off duty each evening, the young man volunteered to step in. It wasn’t a difficult task. Carey slept on a cot and was available if William needed something. William tried to explain that he was fine on his own, but Carol insisted that someone stay with him at night. Carey wasn’t William’s only companion. Every night, as he began to drift off, a glow at the foot of the bed appeared. It was just like the soft glow he’d seen when he was recovering in his London home.
Now it’s time to confront my mysterious visitor.
William turned off the light in anticipation. “Alright, whoever you are,” he whispered. “I know you’re around. I can feel you.” It was true. He noted a slight shift in his body, a ripple of excitement, just before he saw the glow. “Don’t be shy, show yourself.”
An area next to the bed shimmered as a pale green light came into view. A form began to take shape. William almost changed his mind about meeting his visitor as he watched the shape solidify. He wasn’t used to ghosts, much less ghosts who took on a physical form, but his curiosity won out. “I’m waiting.”
“You wanted to see me?” The question was voiced by a tall, slender man who appeared a few feet away. His face was both youthful and mature, handsome and beautiful at the same time. “Let me introduce myself. I’m Raphael.”
“Oh hell,” William sighed. “You’re lik
e Michael, aren’t you?”
The man smiled. “We’re friends.”
William was instantly sorry that he had such an inquisitive nature. The last thing he needed was another so called angel. According to Arel, Michael was the one who started all the misery. If it was true, angelic blood was serum that had to come from the bowels of hell. “I’d still be my happy, normal vampire self if it weren’t for your kind.”
When William voiced his sentiment in a loud and bitter tone, Raphael glanced over at Carey.
William laughed. “Don’t worry, we won’t wake him. Carey could sleep through a Kansas tornado. He’s supposed to be my little assistant, but God help me if I needed something.”
Raphael laughed too. “That’s why I’m here. On a number of occasions, you called out when you were in pain.”
“A slip of the tongue in a desperate moment.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“Why would I? My life is already totally screwed. You might as well stick around and answer some questions. Supposedly angels can’t lie.”
“Why would we?”
“Just give me a straight answer. Can you lie, yes or no?”
Raphael walked over to an upholstered chair and sat down. He clasped his hands in his lap and smiled. “I’ll answer your questions truthfully.”
“Do you all have that attitude?”
“What do you mean?”
“You remind me of an old schoolmaster. He wasn’t cruel like some, but he had a superior way of looking at people.”
“Sorry, but we’re very fluid in nature. When people look at us, they try to categorize who or what they’re seeing. They often project images they feel appropriate.” He chuckled. “One lady thought I was her dead cat.”
William squinted back. “A cat that glows, right? Can you tone back the sunshine? I have a headache.”
In spite of being in a physical body, there was still a bright light around Raphael, and his eyes were as dazzling as dark blue sapphires.
“Sometimes it’s hard to gauge exactly what people are comfortable with,” he said as his glow dimmed.
